CHAPTER IV - WAITING FOR YOU

"How she wishes that she could take care of Owen the way Teddy can. She should be the one there with him. She should be the one consoling him after a loss or coaxing him gently to talk about a harrowing memory. She should be the one who can kiss all his nightmares away. Such is, as Cristina realizes, the flip side of compassion - tyranny."

It has been ten days since Cristina last heard Owen's voice. He hasn't called once since she left for Zurich, and though she has prepared herself for this eventuality, she cannot help but cry herself to sleep every night, snuggled into a ball on the same side of the bed as the one she occupied when she was with Owen, so that she would not have to face the empty space next to her. As of today, Owen will have spent a whole week in Iraq. She hopes that he is finding his fulfillment there, and that he is enjoying his time with Teddy. Though she knows that Teddy is the person Owen needs right now because she understands his mental struggles in the army, she cannot help but let her own heart fill with jealousy and a gut-wrenching helplessness. How she wishes that she could take care of Owen the way Teddy can. She should be the one there with him. She should be the one consoling him after a loss or coaxing him gently to talk about a harrowing memory. She should be the one who can kiss all his nightmares away.

Such is, as Cristina realizes, the flip side of compassion - tyranny.

Cristina's work also suffers as a result of missing Owen. Each time her phone rings, she would jump and quickly pull out her phone, only to be disappointed that it is not him. Her disappointment sometimes seeps through her answering hellos, and she has been asked multiple times if she has been alright, sometimes by strangers. This is very unprofessional, as Cristina realizes with shame.

Because of the time difference between Iraq and Zurich, Cristina has begun to sleep with her phone on, at full volume, so she would never miss his call. Often, she would be woken up by emails, alerts, texts, and the occasional phone call - none of which from the man she wants to hear from. Her sleep has thus been truncated by the buzz of her phone, punctured by dreams and nightmares of her love's adventure on the other side of the world. In the Blue Room, she takes comfort in bathing herself in reminders of Owen, but she has to admit that it hurts.

It has been ten days, and Owen still hasn't called. She must do something about it, or she would keep waiting forever, and her work will deteriorate. She sighs. Her phone rings. She jerks upright and grabs her phone out of her pocket, the action having become almost involuntary from having been repeated so many times. It isn't Owen, but rather than shake her head with disappointment, this time, her eyes widen in surprise. It is a familiar number. She answers.

"Hello, Cristina," Burke's voice greets her. "I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me this evening."

"Uh… I thought you left a week ago?"

"I did, but I haven't gone very far, Cristina. I'm only an hour from Zurich. I'll pick you up at 6?"

"What about your family?"

"It's just dinner, Cristina. Do you want to go or not?"

"Well… Er…" Cristina is uncertain. She knows that dinner can turn into so much more, because although she has little lingering feelings for Burke, she is vulnerable at the moment and she suspects that Burke still has feelings for her. But it would at least be a distraction from Owen, a distraction that she knows she needs. Owen hasn't called her for a whole week - he would call her when he is ready, and he would not if he isn't. Cristina knows that she needs to give Owen as much time as he needs, and that she has hurt him, again and again, many times when they had been together. She knows that he is tired and weary and confused, and that he is probably just happy to be back in the army, where everything is familiar and less complicated, where he can rediscover the easy friendship he once shared with Teddy. If Cristina wants it to work between her and Owen, she knows that she needs to give him more time.

Little does Cristina know that Burke indeed plans on turning the dinner into more when she hesitantly says, "Okay."

"Cristina," Burke says at the restaurant after they order. "You've changed so much I hardly recognize you."

Cristina shrugs. "I've gotten older." Change is what happens when you meet the love of your life and then lose and find him over and over again, she doesn't say.

"It's deeper than that," Burke replies. "Before, you were so focused on your work, your goals. All you needed was surgery to make you happy. Now, you're upset and your new job isn't doing anything to help your situation. You have different priorities now."

"Yes, my priorities have changed." Of course, Cristina still wants to win a Harper Avery, and she still wants to become a Cardio God. She wants to be a world-renowned surgeon, but now, she realizes that she wants it all with Owen by her side.

They eat their dinner in silence, Burke acutely aware that Cristina's attention is elsewhere. Throughout the meal, she throws furtive glances at the families at the restaurant, at mothers wiping food off their children's mouths, at fathers ruffling their sons' hair. She does not see herself like that now, but she knows that she would want it eventually. She imagines sitting next to a little girl with Owen's eyes, a little girl who would call her Mama. And when the plate in front of her is empty, she glances up and sees a different man in front of her, a man from her past.

"Shall we?" Burke asks quietly, standing up and taking her hand. It is an unexpected gesture on his part, and Cristina is once again afraid that their meal meant more to Burke than it did to her. Gently, she disentangles her hand from Burke's under the pretence of needing both hands to hold her purse and jacket. But Burke knows the significance of her action nevertheless.

When they say goodbye, Burke wraps his arms around Cristina in a warm embrace, and feels her stiffen when he presses his lips against her forehead.

"Keep me posted on your research," Burke finally manages to say. "And do you want to do dinner again some time next week?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Cristina replies without an ounce of hesitation. "You have a family." And I have one too - I have a family in Owen Hunt.

"Alright. Have a good evening."

As Cristina takes the elevator up to her apartment, her thoughts are only for Owen. She wonders if he has read her letter, and if he has treated any patients yet in Iraq. Because she is thus preoccupied, she does not see Burke stare after her, does not see his eyes shift from an expression of pained compassion to one of longing and fierce determination. As Cristina turns her key in the lock of her front door, she does not know that Burke has gathered all the information he needs - that Owen Hunt, despite his warning, has not called Cristina - and is going to try to win her back.

As she slowly drifts off to sleep, she does resolve, however, that though she would not give up on her fight for Owen Hunt, she would not allow her feelings for him to compromise her performance at her new job.

A/N - Thank you so much for all the reviews! Thanks for your views on Cristina ceasing to be the sole tenant of Owen's heart in the last chapter - I know how you feel and his uncertainty/inconsistency in the show frustrates me to no end as well, but I felt that his feelings for Teddy were never really resolved between him and Cristina and that was something that needed to be done for them to move forward. Hang in there though, as I can only imagine this making them stronger.

This is also a shorter chapter, I've realized, but I've got some longer ones planned for the coming week, as the story starts picking up pace.

As always, thank you so much for reading, and please leave reviews! I love hearing your thoughts and suggestions :)