Into the Grey
The doctor stuffed his hands into his white lab coat. "Mrs. Collins, I've ran the test three times now." he told her. "It's been conclusive every time. You are pregnant."
Erin bit back tears. "This cannot be." she relaxed back into the chair. Needed the support of the back.
"I know this must be a bit of a surprise."
She arched a defined eyebrow. "A bit of a surprise?" she repeated. "No, this is huge, Dr. Hansen."
"I assure you you're not alone in this situation. Lot's of women find themselves pregnant in their mid forties. They automatically assume that they're no longer fertile because menopause is right around the corner."
"My grandmother had her last baby at 48." she told him. "I know it's possible. I just didn't expect it to happen to me. Especially whilst on the pill."
Dr. Hansen flipped back through her chart. "You took antibiotics for a bladder infection about nine weeks ago."
The knowledge flooded Erin like a slap in the face. Of course she has just finished a round of antibiotics and she was more than aware they interfered with her birth control . With everything going on it just slipped her mind.
"Let's get you into ultrasound and we'll find out how far along you are." he told her. "We'll take things from there. Would you like to call your husband?"
Erin shook her head. "I want to get all the information about the pregnancy first."
Dr. Hansen nodded. "Of course."
/
Erin glanced at the calender on the wall. It was her thirty sixth day in rehab. And while she struggled at times she was incredibly proud of herself for being able to stick it out. To ask for help when she needed it. Her eyes moved down to the sonogram in her hand. There wasn't much to look at being only slightly more than seven weeks along but there was a definite heartbeat. A strong, loud, thumping that still resounded in her ears.
A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts. She laid the sonogram down on the table and went to open the door. Aaron Hotchner was on the other side, a bouquet of daffodil's in hand.
Her features immediately fell. "Hotch, I wasn't expecting you."
"I know, I left the office early and I thought I would swing by and surprise you. I thought we could have dinner." he made his way into her room. "Is something wrong, Erin?"
"Uh, you could say that." she looked down at the floor. "I got a little bit of unexpected news and I'm not really doing that well with processing it."
He took her hands in his. Just like he had done that night at the hotel. "What is it?" he asked. "Maybe I can help you out."
Her eyes met his. And they were so kind and concerned. She didn't have the guts to tell him, but she didn't have the heart to keep it from him. "You've been so good to me these past several weeks, Aaron."
He smiled. "Hey that's what friends are for, right?"
She tired to smile back at him but it was fleeting at best. "My news affects you too."
"Something with work?"
Erin shook her head. "No." she bit at her bottom lip. "I hope you mean what you said before about being friends because..."
He moved his hands so that they were tenderly cupping her face. "No secrets, okay? That's what this entire thing has been about." he reminded her. "Just tell me what's going on."
Her green eyes searched his dark ones. She knew that what he was saying was true. He was her friend. And he cared about her. And she just needed to bite the bullet and let the words come out of her mouth. Her eyes welled up with tears and her voice came out like a whisper. "I'm pregnant."
He immediately pulled her into his arms. Hot tears spilling down her cheeks as she finally let it all out. He held her close, rubbing soothing circles onto her back. "It's okay." he whispered into her hair. "It's going to be okay."
"How?" she asked through sobs. "How is this ever going to be okay?"
"Hey, look at me." he said, tilting her chin up with his fingers. "So this isn't the most conventional way to have a baby, but we can make this work. If you want." he wiped at the tears on her face. "Do you want to continue this pregnancy, Erin?"
"I don't know." she answered, honestly. "I want to know how you feel about this. And I want you to be completely honest with me."
He took her by the hand and lead her over to the sofa. "I will support whatever decision you make. It's your body and no one, myself included, should influence your decision in any way."
"Thank you for saying that." she smiled, slightly. "But I want to know how you feel. Just be honest."
He nodded. "Okay." he breathed out. "I'm a little surprised. I wasn't expecting to have another child at this point in my life. Just as I'm sure you weren't either. But I do not hate the idea. It may take me a little while to wrap my head around it but I think this could be a really good thing. What really matters here is what you want. And I will stand by whatever decision that is."
"I need some time."
"I understand."
She got up and went over to the table, picking up the sonogram. "Not much to see, but the heartbeat was strong." she crossed the room and handed it to him.
He couldn't help but smile as he looked over the scan. There was something about the promise and the innocence that a new life held. "It could be so easy to fall in love with this baby."
Erin nodded her agreement. "I know." she replied. "I tried to remain neutral but hearing the heartbeat was...reaffirming for me. Life is a gift. It's meant to be well lived and happy. And a little messy I suppose."
"Speaking of messy, have you told Grant?"
"Not yet." she told him. "It was always my intention to tell you first. I just didn't plan on you showing up here today. I've only known for a few hours. Feels like a whirlwind."
"Well then let's slow the pace down a little." he suggested. "Let's get some dinner and just catch up a little. I'll fill you in on some work things if you'd like. A little healthy office gossip and Jack's latest soccer game."
Erin smiled. "Okay but let's start with Jack."
tbc...