RULES I AM OBLIGED TO LIVE BY AS FORCED ON ME BY GERMANY (and most other people...)
By England
61) Shouting 'bus wankers' at people from my colleagues car is neither big nor clever.
62) Not to go up to any of the Bad Friends and say "Awww, losing war friends!"
63) Not allowed to tell anyone they're persona non grata upon walking through the door.
64) I should not imitate anything I saw Jon Pertwee or Tom Baker do in front of anyone.
65) This does include constantly fixating on jelly babies.
66) I shouldn't attempt to convince anyone that anything I own is in fact bigger on the inside.
67) I shouldn't tell America that any statue will kill him if he looks away from it.
68) I shouldn't tell Sealand the same.
69) Tony is not a Silent.
70) I am to stick to one regional accent when I talk.
71) One regional accent when I talk should mean the whole meeting. I should not change accents for every word, every sentence or every speech, even if I think it sounds better in one accent as opposed to another.
72) Unitelligible Scouse, Geordie, Yam-Yam or 'Chav' are only to be used if absolutely necessary.
73) I am to never ask my brothers if they want to come down for a riot with me.
74) I am not to ask anyone if they're going to come down to riot with me.
75) I should not give 'insanity' as an excuse for missing meetings.
76) I should refrain from giving 'My boss is mental,' as an excuse for missing a world meeting.
77) I am to never again send anyone in place of me to a world meeting who has not been deemed suitably appropriate.
78) I am not to consider sending Boris Johnson, Frankie Boyle, Russell Howard or any other comedian, any footballer, Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh in place of me to world meetings.
79) Next time the Eurovision contest comes around, I actually have to make an effort. It doesn't matter if I don't watch it or don't give a fart about it.
80) I am not to act incredibly surprised next time someone says they actually do watch Eurovision.