Author's Note: Hello, here is another chapter. It is incredibly long but necessary. I couldn't seem to write for months and now (praise God) I got all of this out in two days 37 pages I know crazy right? I hope they are good. Lol. Please forgive any mistakes and please review. Thanks Anna.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of its characters. I also do not own the lyrics or music to the songs: "Piano in the Dark" by Brenda Russell; "King of Wishful Thinking" by Go West; "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison; or "Give Me the Night" by George Benson.
I Knew You Were Waiting for Me - Part II Chapter 17
Twelve months ago…
"Mom, thanks for letting me come home to do my laundry." Stevie said. "The one in my building has been on the fritz for days and the super won't respond to any of our phone calls." He continued. "It is the only time I get to see you." Nancy kissed him on the cheek as she continued to place a meticulously, prepared lunch into a thermal bag. Stevie snatched a small carrot stick from off of the counter and popped it into his mouth. "That's for dad!" Nancy spoke up as she smacked the back of Stevie's hand. "He can have it!" Stevie's father Daniel said as he walked in and his demeanor immediately fell when he saw her put the contents into the bag and zip it up. "You need to watch your salt, sugar intake, cholesterol, and your blood pressure." Nancy spoke matter-of-factly. "You need to watch your figure!" Stevie chimed in. "You need to watch your attitude." Daniel quipped back.
"What is the point of having a long life if you don't enjoy a thing in it?" Daniel questioned out loud reluctantly. "You're not supposed to enjoy your life you are just supposed to live it." Nancy challenged. Stevie looked at his dad with a sympathetic "You picked her." look and proceeded to reach into the refrigerator, he pulled out a day-old pizza slice and placed it into the microwave on a paper plate he took from the counter top. "I am going to be working late tonight; I may not even be back to see you off tomorrow morning." She said to Daniel. "I told you this was my last trip before retirement. I don't know-why you just didn't take off of work and come with me?" Daniel said with disbelief and an all too familiar feeling of disappointment in her choices.
"I can't I told you it is time for Joint Commission at the hospital and I have to make sure that there is no infractions that they can site my department for. You knew when I took the job as a nurse manager there would be more responsibilities." She began to use a frustrated tone not liking one bit the idea that he was making her feel guilty at the moment. "Remember Daniel, my career started a lot later than yours due to my being home with the kids for a while." Stevie rolled his eyes "She was rolling out the big guns." He thought to himself. "I know that you stayed home, I know that you've sacrificed." Daniel immediately fell in line with the old diatribe as to help quicken the end of this conversation. "You know I would love to be able to retire too, like you are, but I still have at least 10 more years to go and I am not going to ruin my reputation at my job…" She began to put the lunch things away in their proper receptacles as she continued to be petty.
"I'm out!" Stevie shouted. He picked up the pizza took a bite and walked out of the room but first not raising it in the air towards his father as a vote of solidarity to not succumb to anymore of the years of abuse and guilt about their family situation. Daniel watched his son escape from her and this outburst and he wished with all his heart that he could do the same. "All that I am saying is…"Daniel broke into her rant. "…I would've liked it if we weren't apart. I want to have fun this trip. I want to challenge myself to try new things. I wanted the opportunity to make our dreams come true." He spoke in a calm demeanor as he walked closer to her and extended his arm to touch her shoulder. "I thought that we would go sailing off of the coast of Cartagena." He added. "My dreams are coming true!" She shouted. "I am finally being respected at my job. When I speak people listen." She said.
"I've always listened." Daniel said. "Daniel you listen but you don't hear. I am no longer that little girl that you plucked out of a small town. I stopped holding on to childish dreams a long time ago!" She screamed in frustration which shocked Daniel. "If I get through this Joint Commission I will be on the fast track to being the department's Associate Director of Nursing. You keep looking to be fulfilled but I already am!" Daniel stepped back. "Doesn't it matter to you, at all, that I'm not?" He asked crestfallen. "Well, maybe that's why you need this trip to go and figure it out! I am not going to stunt my growth, in my career, just because you didn't like who you grew up to be!" Nancy had been known to be curt towards Daniel ever since he hit that rough patch which lost them their first home. Only this time her tone was so harsh, and degrading that her words pierced is heart in such a way, that this time, it never recovered.
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Joanna Jones sat at her dining room table her elbows rested on the plastic which covered her tablecloth and her left hand, propped upwards, bend backwards at her wrist, covering her mouth. She listened intently as she heard the Claims adjuster speak about the worth of her now late husband's life. He had died almost fifteen months ago and only now had the insurance company finally come around to finalizing the paperwork and providing her with the lump sum of his financial life's worth. Joanna tried not to be rude but she couldn't find anything left to say but something vile and nasty. She wanted this to end. She wanted this little short, curly-haired man out of her dining room; out of her life. Her husband, the father of her children would always be worth more to her than any digits written on a piece of paper that could be lost in a fire like he was.
He was working late, making sure that everything was secure for the next day. He always cleaned up the mess after other people and now he had done it again, seeing a flame in his rear view mirror, as he was driving down the road he stopped and called the fire department. He jumped out of the car and helped to break down a door on the side of the house; a stranger's house-we didn't even know them. He pulled out a child and saved two dogs before going back in for a mother. A mother who had fallen asleep chatting with her neighbor next door on her couch. She wasn't even there. The smoke overwhelmed him and he died alone attempting to be a hero to nothingness.
Joanna's eyes rolled up into the back of her head as she recanted the story over again in her mind. He was a hero and yet she hated that he just didn't mind his own business. She hated that he just didn't call the fire department and continue on his way home. She hated that two dogs are alive but he was dead.
This drowning out of the claim adjuster's words were her only solace. Her children were gone, her husband was gone. She wanted this man to be gone too. "Mrs. Jones…Uhmm…Mrs. Jones." Elliot Steinberg spoke up again. "Please take this check along with our profoundest and deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband and the life that you shared." Joanna never moved. She never reached for the check. Mr. Steinberg eventually slowly lowered the check onto the table and excused himself and showed himself out.
Joanna stared at that check for four hours. The house that she knew and loved, which held her heart and happiness closing in on her. She had to escape. She had one dream in her life and this time she was going to take hold of it for herself and do it. She walked over to the phone and called a travel agency.
XXXXX
Daniel had just finished his final meeting. He had been in charming, gracious, he had introduced his successor, and built up their new relationship with his old client. He had instilled confidence and creativity into the meeting and felt that he had ended his tenure on a good note. Daniel went back to his hotel and changed into more casual wear. He took his camera and spend the rest of the afternoon walking the streets of Cartagena, Spain. Daniel took pictures of the architecture; a city of pale, peach bricks is all he could think, especially in the older part of town. The sandy stones, and giant sculptures pulled his mind away from home and her. He enjoyed his first couple of days just staring up at the ultra-tall palm trees, and the ancient ruins. The warm breeze from the Mediterranean Sea, the paellas, and the night sounds he was taken in and his soul was refreshed.
It was only as he laid in bed at night in the hotel did he realize that this was the happiest that he had been for a while and it was because he was alone. He was away from her, her taunting, her abrasiveness, her unforgiving nature; he was free. He pondered before he went to sleep that this was it. He had made up his mind. He needed for it to be over, he wanted out. The next morning Daniel called his lawyer back in the states and asked him to begin to draw up divorce proceedings. He expressed that "Although he was still out of the country, at the moment, to please get them ready so that I may sign them and forward them to her upon my return." Daniel hung up the phone and realized that he did find himself again on this trip and that life was too short to lose himself again.
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Joanna had walked the streets of Madrid on her literary tour and she found it was just as wonderful as she had hoped it would be since she had been a teenager. She had the opportunity to go on this same tour ages ago, as a senior trip for the AP English class in high school, but she had met Richard Jones the charming man who had changed her life in a big way, by the time she was graduating high school she was already seven months pregnant with their first child. So much for taking the trip but he had always promised her that one day she would get to go; he would make sure of it-and now, inadvertently, he had.
After days of visiting the bar that Ernest Hemingway frequented and reading the quotes which had been carved into the stone walkways of Calle Huertas. She knew that she could appreciate this trip so much more now than she probably ever would've then, even if she had to use Google translate to understand it all. "Thank goodness for progress." She thought. After a long two days she had one day to herself that was not pre-planned by her itinerary. As she walked back into her hotel after dinner she saw a sign by the front desk for daily excursions and one was to the seaside in Cartagena. She signed up for the four hour drive down to the seaside for a day of sight-seeing and shopping.
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Once Daniel woke from his sleep, the day after calling his lawyer, he knew that he had made the right decision. He ate a hearty breakfast and went out to enjoy the day, only this time he promised himself to stretch, to grow, to do something that challenged him, to do something that scared him, to do something as the-"New" him.
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Joanna had boarded the small bus at 5:00am in the morning and had arrived in Cartagena at 9:00am. She had slept some on the bus but now all she needed was some caffeine and she would take this place by storm. It was now close to noon and Joanna had her hands filled with shopping bags to the point of tipping over. She was going to try to reach the bus and put her packages on board but as she walked through the long tunneled street she noticed her daughter's picture in the front of a music shop. She warmed that her daughter's dream of becoming an international singer had come true. She always chuckled that Mercedes told her in some countries she had to sing in different languages and all the tutorials that she had to take before her concerts to make sure her pronunciations were right.
Struggling with her bags she forced her way through the small door and stood looking at the album jacket. She knew that she already owned every one. Mercedes sent them to her before their release date, but she had a desire to purchase it today. It was then that she heard a male voice speaking in her direction. "She brought me in here as well." Joanna turned around and saw a familiar face smiling at her. "Daniel Evans? What are you doing here?" She questioned almost as if she had been bothered to see him. "Well, thanks for the warm welcome." He chuckled. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I'm just surprised that's all. Is Nancy here?" Joanna asked as her eyes scanned the small music shop. "No, she isn't." Daniel stated flatly. Daniel stared at Joanna for a few seconds without saying anything as if he were waiting for something then he spoke again. "Would you like some help?" "Oh…" She chuckled. "Yeah, I guess I over did it?" She answered. Daniel reached out his hand and took four of her bags leaving her with two very small ones. "But you have?" She looked down to the guitar case that he was holding. "I know…" He said excitedly. "I had one, years ago, I taught Sam on it and gave it to him, but it's been a long time since I've played and this place offers lessons with purchase so I did it! We are even going to play, in the street, on the final day of the lessons." He said enjoying the idea of doing something completely out of character. Joanna laughed. "You're brave." She said. "I am today." Daniel answered.
"Are you here with your sons?" Daniel asked. "No, I'm on my own. I am actually on a literary tour in Madrid but came down to the seaside for the day." Daniel nodded his head as if in deep thought. "I'm here on my last business trip. I finished a couple of days ago and my official retirement has begun." He said smiling like she had never seen before. "Are you going to buy it?" He asked nodding toward Mercedes' album. "Oh, I have it already. I was just… I don't know… being a…" She lowered her head slightly and smiled. "A proud mom…and you have every right to be. She is a wonderful young woman. She always has been. I remember when she used to come to help babysit for us when we were having a hard time of it. She was always so good with the kids. She never looked down on us either. I could tell why Sam was so smitten with her." Daniel said. "I used to think that, they would make it stick you know, Sam can be a little… (What's a loving fatherly way of saying it?)—scattered, I suppose, but Mercedes always seemed to be a wonderful maturing influence on him." He said reflectively. "I've always been grateful to her for that, you did an excellent job raising your kids."
"Thank you for the compliment. You didn't do a bad job either. Mercedes has always been mature but I was afraid that she would have missed out on, just having fun and, enjoying her childhood. Sam helped her to smile, he exposed a softer side of her, he made her feel safe enough to do that and I will always be grateful for that as well. High school can be so depressing, you know, and I think the two of them helped each other get through it and rise above; she needed him." Joanna continued. Daniel seemed to be looking at her differently but she couldn't really make out what had changed. She looked at him still holding her packages and remembered herself. "Oh, I'm sorry, thanks for holding the bags. I am just taking them to the bus. I didn't want to carry them for the rest of the afternoon." Joanna opened the door and walked through with Daniel coming out behind her.
"You want to leave your packages in the bus? I don't think that's wise. When do you return to Madrid?" He asked. "The bus leaves at 9:00pm." She looked toward a clock that was inside another store window. "It's not even 12:30pm why don't you put these bags in my hotel room it will be safer and then just pick them up right before you leave." He spoke happy to be a man with a plan. "I don't want to put you out but if you wouldn't mind I suppose it would be safer." She conceded. "Not a problem at all. Just follow me."
Daniel led her back to his hotel room and placed her bags on his couch within his suite. "What were your plans for the rest of the day?" He asked. Joanna didn't have an answer at first. "I don't know, I'll just wander I guess. I brought my sketch pad I thought maybe I would attempt to recreate some of the sculptures that I have seen around." "That sound's nice. Can I tag along?" He asked abruptly. "If you'd like." She said. "I have rented a boat for 4pm you can come with and really see the Mediterranean Sea." He said and smiled. "But first I'm hungry would you like lunch?" He asked. "Sure." She nodded. "I have found this great place let's go. I think you'll love it." Daniel said.
Daniel grabbed her hand and led her back out of his room and down to a garden café. "This place serves the best Michirones ever! Are you willing to try it?" He raised his eyebrows and flashed a smile. "Are you willing to be brave with me today?" He asked in a coy and daring manner. Joanna took in the scent of all of the foods that had been served around her at the other tables on the City Walk. "I think that I will!" She decided. Daniel clapped his hands together "Two Michirones please and a bottle of red wine!" He requested. "So, what made you take a trip all the way over here?" He questioned curiously. Joanna's eyes caught a glimpse of the small white umbrella that hung over their heads at the table. Daniel thought for a moment that maybe he wasn't supposed to ask. Joanna had always seemed nice at the Glee fundraisers but she was never extremely forthcoming. She seemed as if she may have been running away from home which would not be much different from what he had been doing. He just hoped that she would understand that he of all people could understand that too.
"I just received the insurance check for my husband's life." Her lips tightened and she made a small clicking sound with her teeth. "I was always supposed to take that literary tour since my senior year of high school and he always promised to take me. I suppose this was his way of keeping his promise to me." Joanna said. She looked around slightly uncomfortable about saying it; she didn't want to bring down Daniel's good mood. The waitress brought the bottle of red wine to the table and poured out their two glasses, she then left the bottle in an ice bucket near the table in its own stand. Daniel lifted his glass and took a sip quickly. "I am sorry for your loss. I know that I have told you that before and I'm sorry that I haven't checked in on you more." He said. "It's not your job to check in on me." Joanna chastised as she awkwardly turned her head to the side, not wanting to be the burdensome widowed lady in the neighborhood. "That's good." He said and took another sip. She looked at him in disbelief but then he spoke again. "Because I never felt that spending time with you was work." He smiled at her again.
The waitress brought the food to the table and they shared her first meal in Cartagena together.
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Throughout the afternoon Daniel had Joanna take his picture at various sites to commemorate their trip and he took pictures of her as well. He sat still while she sketched him sitting on the ground with his hands wrapped around his knees just like the large sculpture of the same pose next to him. She sketched him standing behind a cannon closer to the docks. "How do I look?" He asked as his hands rested on the protruding barrel. "You look like you should stay still." She answered. "Oh C'mon, not even the smallest of compliments?" He smiled and cocked his head to the side waiting for her to respond. Joanna sucked her teeth. "You look very virile." She said as she kept her head down and continued to draw. Daniel's head jerked back. "Stop moving!" She shouted from her seated position under one of the trees. "That was a better compliment then I had expected! I'm glad you noticed!" He smiled a proud smile. "He was flirting." He realized. "He hadn't done that in forever and he felt really good about it." He thought.
Joanna did not strike him as the kind of person who would ever find him attractive "So what's the harm in a little flirting? It might do us both some good. When the time comes to get back on the horse it will be a little easier." He thought. "Today was going to be more fun than he had originally imagined."
Joanna continued to sketch Daniel's his tousled, brown, windswept hair which had begun to fall in wisps around his eyes, his piercing blue eyes, which had now been accentuating his darker chestnut brown mustache and beard. "He was quite attractive." She thought to herself. She hadn't really paid that much attention before but it was the kind of face that you could be drawn into staring at ("If you did those types of things"). She thought again. Joanna then spoke up. "The light is shifting you can relax now. I will finish these sketches later." She said. "Yeah, we took enough pictures too that you can use them to continue. I'll send you copies of all of them okay?" "Alright." Joanna closed her sketch book and caught a glimpse of her watch. "We have to head out if you don't want to lose your deposit on that boat." She lifted her head only to find him already standing right on top of her. "Oh, Um…" "Sorry didn't mean to startle you." He said. "Let's go we have to pick up some supplies." He took her hand again and began his journey to store and then to the dock for the ship.
Joanna hadn't held a man's hand in over a year and there was something nice about it for the moment, but she didn't feel right. She knew that he was just being kind and didn't mean anything by it but she had to consider Nancy. She would not appreciate it if she were her so as they walked she pretended that something flew into her eye and let go of his hand to attend to it. Daniel suspected something but then he realized that she has no idea about his marital status at the moment.
Once Daniel had bought all of the supplies he carried the bag in one hand and he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and spoke up "Not much farther now." They walked around onto the slip and up to the place his boat was docked. It was a Rodman 1250 and it was impressive. "Do you know how to sail this thing?" Joanna questioned. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He answered and winked at her. "Now, wait a minute." She started to back up and he laughed walked around behind her and pushed her towards the boat with his free hand. "Of course I can." He whispered into her ear.
Daniel stepped up into the boat and reached his hand down to help Joanna up and inside. Afterwards Daniel inspected the boat for the normal trappings –life vests, tubes, fire extinguisher. Joanna looked around and then went and sat down on the bench at the stern. She watched Daniel run around the boat like a kid in a candy store. He put the supplies away in the galley area. "Isn't it great I have always wanted to sail the Mediterranean in a boat like this! C'mon up and hang on!" Daniel ran to the Bridge and motioned for her to follow. Joanna found herself sitting facing Daniel as he took his place behind the wheel and turned on the engine. He had a flash drive that he inserted and put on some tunes which began softly playing throughout the boat. "So where are we going?" Joanna asked as she curled her legs up underneath her on the boat's bench as she sat. "I've always wanted to sail away with a beautiful woman to Morocco. Why don't we head in that direction?" Daniel gave a smirk as he looked at a computerized screen with a GPS map of the surrounding area.
"Daniel, what are you doing? Why are you saying things like that to me? And why isn't Nancy here?" Joanna felt the words fly out of her mouth so fast but she didn't like how his kind words were stirring things up in her that had been long since dead. She needed to put him (and herself) in their place. Daniel hoisted anchor and slowly pulled away from the dock and out towards deep water. "I asked her to come with me several times, and she made it very clear that she had outgrown me and my dreams. I've already filed for a divorce." Daniel said as he stared plainly out into the open sea. Joanna felt horrible for him. "Did she really say that?" She asked. "Jo, it wasn't just that she said it; but it was how she said it. We're over. I guess I was just the last one to know about it; that's all." "Daniel, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I just didn't want you to think that I would be comfortable…" Joanna stopped speaking. Now she felt incredibly foolish and they both became quiet for quite a while until Daniel finally spoke again. "I know you hadn't planned on getting pulled into my fantasy today but would you be willing to play it out a little longer?" Daniel's voice seemed wounded, not like the carefree man she had met earlier in the day. She felt bad for being the one to cause him to lose the small spot of joy he had found to get through an extremely tough experience.
Joanna turned around and looked out onto the sea stretched out before them. The sea breeze grazed across her face and the lowering sun was still warming the air. She reached up and loosened her hair from her ponytail and allowed the wind to blow through her hair. "I've never been to Morocco. How long, do you think, is the trip?" She said as she turned towards him again and gave a warm smile. "If you are with me, not long enough!" The boat continued to speed out into the open sea.
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The boat had been anchored in the late afternoon the sun had been disappearing behind some clouds as Joanna and Daniel where lying on separate blankets, small deck pillows under their heads, relaxing on the aft deck enjoying the day.
[Music Playing]
When I find myself watching the time
I never think about
All the funny things you've said
I feel like it's dead
Where is it leading me now?
Joanna's eyes were closed and Daniel had his legs crossed at the ankles. "This is the most relaxed that I have felt in easily a year." Joanna offered over Brenda Russell's "Piano in the Dark" playing over the speakers. As the boat ebbed, tilted, and swayed in a lull full fashion almost in time with the music.
[Music cont'd]
I turn around in the still of the room
Knowing this is when
I'm gonna make my move
Can't wait any longer
And I'm feeling stronger
But oh
Just as I walk to the door
I can feel your emotion yeah
It's pulling me back
Back to love you
Oh no, caught up in the middle
I cry just a little
When I'm think of letting go
Oh no, gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark
Daniel had been listening to the music as he stared up into the sky and asked. "Is it really hard—you know, being on your own after all these years?" She knew it, the moment that she heard the question, that this was not just a question about her life; but he desperately needed for her to be a prophet right now, and tell him what to expect for his own future. "I wish that I could tell you that it was easy; that you have already shared enough love in your lifetime that you're still fulfilled, even though it's gone—you know; but it's not true. I think because you have had it, you become greedy, and expect it so much more. It only makes the chasm that you feel inside of your heart that much bigger." Joanna answered honestly.
[Music Cont'd]
He holds me close like a thief of the heart
He plays a melody one to tear me all apart
Silence is broken but no words are spoken
But oh
Just as I walk to the door I can feel your emotion
Yeah
It's pulling back, back to love you
Oh no,
I'm caught up in the middle
I cry just a little when I think of letting go
Oh no
Gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little when he plays piano in the dark [In the dark]
Oh silence is broken but no words are spoken
But oh, just as I walk to the door I can feel your emotion
Oh baby, pulling me back, back to love you
"How have you gotten through it?" He asked. "I honestly don't think I have. I think that I just pushed pause so that I didn't have to deal with it. I truly felt it the first night here Madrid. I wanted to be here in Spain, so badly; and for so long, and he promised me that he would take me. He promised and now he didn't keep it and I am angry with him because he didn't. I am angry at myself for being angry at dead man who can't fight back. I'm angry that for my dream to come true, that he had to die first for me to have it. I hate that he made my dream have strings attached." Daniel heard it in her voice she was finally releasing what she had needed to say, that she had probably been holding onto it for forever.
[Music Cont'd]
Oh no,
Caught up in the middle I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh no,
Gave up on the riddle
"Damn!" Joanna said as she pounded her fist onto the deck and began to cry. She was embarrassed and ashamed that she blurted all of this out to a casual acquaintance at best and total stranger at worst. She hated losing this type of control but it wouldn't stop; her tears just kept coming.
[Music Cont'd]
I cry just a little ooh I cry I cry
And I know I'm caught up in the middle
I cry just a little when I think of letting go
Oh no
Gave up on the riddle I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark
[In the dark]
Daniel knew enough about Joanna to know that he shouldn't look at her; not now, all he did was reach for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. She turned her head to the opposing side and drenched the blanket with her free-flowing tears; the irony of the fact that the song "King of Wishful Thinking" by Go West had now begun playing in the background.
"I don't need to fall at your feet
Just cause you cut me to the bone.
And I won't miss the way that you kiss me
We were never carved in stone.
If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself
I'll get over you, I know I will
I'll pretend my ships not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you.
Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking.
(King of wishful thinking)
I am the king of wishful thinking
I refuse to give into my blues
That's not how it's gonna be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don't want to let you see
No
That you have made a hole in my heart
And now I've got to fool myself
I'll get over you, I know I will
I'll pretend my ships not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
I'll get over you, I know I will
I'll pretend my ships not sinking
And I'll tell myself, I'm over you
Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
Yeah
No, no, I will never, ever shed a tear for you
I'll get over you
(I know I will)
If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself
I'll get over you, I know I will
I'll pretend my ships not sinking
And I'll tell my soul I'm over you
Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking.
(King of wishful thinking)
I'm the king of wishful thinking
I'll get over you, I know I will
Joanna turned onto her side facing the side of the boat but Daniel did not let go of her hand instead he dared to move over and spooned to comfort her as she cried under the protection of his arm.
You made a hole in my heart
But I won't shed a tear for you
I'll be the king of wishful thinking
I'll get over you, I know I will
I'll pretend my heart's still beating
Cause I've got no more tears for you
I'm the king of wishful thinking
Yeah
I'll get over you, (over you) I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
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Daniel awoke to find himself being hit with drops of water. They had fallen asleep on the deck and he had now awoken under the darkened sky. The rain had begun and the boat was pitching and dropping at a rougher pace then the calming lull they had enjoyed earlier. "Jo…Jo…Jo come on wake up. You have to go to the bilge a storm has come over head." He cradled her as he shook her. She could hear his words and she felt the water spritzing on her skin. She scrambled to her feet grabbing the blankets and pillows to take with her inside. Daniel ran to the bridge and tried to get them moving again but when Joanna ran back out topside to see if she could help she saw it in the flash of lightning. Strands of Daniel's hair had been standing straight up due to the amount of static electricity in the air. It was behind him. A funnel cloud spiraling around in the darkness and without the lightning you wouldn't even know it was there. "DANIEL!" She screamed. "IT'S A HURRICANE!" She continued yelling. It was then that Daniel saw the first hailstone hit the aft deck. The pound was loud and it shattered into smaller pieces on impact. These rocks of ice began hitting the water around the boat which made the boat rise and fall on either side. The spray from the sea splashed over the sides of the boat. Lightning flashed again and he saw the fear in her eyes. "GET DOWN NOW!" He screamed. "NOT WITHOUT YOU!" Daniel ran downstairs from the bridge and forced her down into the bilge of the ship. "HOLD ON!" Daniel spoke as he whisked his body around hers forcing her under the lower deck and into the nook of the galley. He forced her down into the smallest of confined spaces and covered her with his own body.
The sound of the hailstones beat heavily on the upper deck. Daniel pushed his body as close to her as he could. He was strong she could feel it and she was terrified he could tell. The force of the sea lifted the boat up and down and the thunder's blasting overhead had everything that had not been tied down shaking onto the floor.
"You're going to be alright. Do you hear me?" Daniel started calmly whispering into Joanna's ear. He pressed his chin into her shoulder and she could feel his beard scratching her neck and cheek. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. This is my fantasy remember, and in my dreams you would never be hurt." He motioned his mouth even closer to her ear as he spoke these words to make sure that she could hear him despite the pounding of the hail. His warm breaths a reminder of life; of closeness; of a love, and tenderness once shared; and sorely missed. "It was her." He thought in the curiosity of the moment. Something about the product in her hair. He had caught whiffs of it for years before-a faint, pleasant scent that he could never reproduce, or define but missed dearly once it was gone. "How odd only at this terrifying moment had he been close enough to notice it; the affect was briefly calming for him." He thought, but his thoughts were disturbed as water began leaking in on their heads from the hard rain, and the remnants of the displaced water which kept pounding and washing over the boat. Once the water started to fall onto her body. She immediately attempted to turn around and face him. She grabbed on to the front of his red t-shirt with its white circular collar. "You cannot get hurt out here! Do you hear me?" She said strongly to him staring eye to eye. "I will never forgive you if you die out here do you understand me!" She felt overwhelmed with emotion. She felt terrified but she also felt a connection to him. She had made a friend in him. She had not felt like she had—had one in a long time. "I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" She pulled on his shirt even tighter. "Jo, listen to me I am not leaving you, alright? I promise." It was then she noticed that she heard him more clearly-the hail had stopped and the boat began resting calmly on the water.
Daniel's eyes scanned above them. "We're halfway there." He took a deep breath. Joanna rested her head on his chest and she could smell his faded cologne mixed with perspiration. She felt so perfect in his arms that she didn't want to leave. She knew that they were in a horrible predicament but she still somehow felt she was the safest that she could be because she had been with him. It was creepy that now she could still hear the music playing from the speakers so loudly and clearly, it was Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic"
[Music Playing]
We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was won as we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailor's cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
[It was then as his eyes locked onto hers, that he hoped-beyond hope-that she felt this surge of a connection between them, too.]
[Music Cont'd]
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic
And when that fog horn blows I will be coming home
[There had been a connection between them it was small, it was growing- rapidly, and he was perfectly fine with that. It was then that Daniel's eyes grew wide as he felt it, and he pulled her hands off of his shirt and placed one of her hands quickly onto the handrail. The look between them was only for a millisecond when she screamed. "NOOOO!" The stern of the boat pulled upwards and Daniel's body lifted completely up into the air; legs first.]
[Music Cont'd]
And when the fog horn blows I want to hear it
I don't have to fear it
And I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
And magnificently we will flow into the mystic
[She tried with all her might to hold onto the handrail, and also onto his hand but she could feel the entire boat being lifted out of the water. "Let me go!" He said determinedly. "Let me go and hold on with both hands." He said a second time using a directorial tone. "Let go, hurry!" He pleaded with her. "NO!" She shouted. Their hands were moist and slowly pulling apart. "LET GO!" He screamed again "I SAID NO!" She forced her body back under the counter of the galley and pulled him with all her might as close as she could to her. Her wrist pressed against the underside of the counter's edge. It left a piercing pain as it cut into her skin but she refused to let him go. He yelled and then demanded "LET GO NOW!" The sound of the newly striking hail attempting to drown him out. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" He screamed. "I'M BEING YOUR SAVIOR!" She said with authority. The wind pulled the boat from side to side and her wrist got cut deeper and deeper every time it swayed from one direction to another and she screamed and writhed in pain but never let go. Daniel's legs were floating and he tried to dislodge her. "STOP, you're bleeding!" He said as he tried shaking the water which had been pouring down onto and off of his drenched face as the water continued to pummel the ship and its contents.
[Music Continuing]
When that fog horn blows you know I will be coming home
And when that fog horn whistle blows I got to hear it
[Joanna practically willed her strength into existence, regardless of the pain she refused to let him go. She held on for dear life. Her hand no longer slipped and he no longer fought. He used his leg to brace himself by pushing up on the protruding corner of a wall.]
[Music Continuing]
I don't have to fear it
And I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
And together we will flow into the mystic
Come on girl...
Too late to stop now...
After another 10 minutes or so of damage done to the ship and to each other the boat finally collided back down onto the sea and bobbed and bounced like a top until it set itself aright. Daniel dropped to the floor but he came down with a thud as he hit the side of his head on the countertop rather than to fall directly onto Joanna. She gasped from his hit as well as from her release of pain as her wrist finally came free from the underside of the counter.
Daniel moaned. "Are you alright?" Joanna asked as she crept all the way out from under the counter and rolled Daniel onto his back to check his head. Daniel winced in pain but sat up questioning. "What is wrong with you? Why don't you listen? I told you to let me go. I promised that nothing was going to happen to you and look at this!" Daniel grabbed her hand and displayed the blood and cutting of her wrist. He stood up and walked over to where the medical supplies should have been. He started rummaging through the wet, and tossed around supplies until he found a sealed box and brought it back to her. He reached out for her and took her towards the counter and rested her damaged wrist onto it. Blood trickled down from behind his ear as he heard her yelling begin.
The look on Joanna's face spoke volumes—a black mother about to scold her child. She had been terrified, she had been hurt, but she had finally felt alive again the first time in fifteen months and he had caused all of it. "ARE YOU REPRIMANDING ME RIGHT NOW?! DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME TELL YOU THAT YOU I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE YOU IF YOU DIED OUT HERE AND YOU TRIED TO PUSH ME OFF OF YOU?!" Daniel poured an antiseptic into her wound and wrapped her wrist with gauze to try to apply pressure and stop the bleeding until he could get her real medical attention as she raved on. "What did you think that you were doing?!" She grabbed his face up by his chin with her other hand and forced him to look at her. "I WAS PROTECTING YOU!" He shouted abruptly. "WELL, THEN PROTECT ME THEN! NOT FOR JUST ONE MOMENT ON A BOAT, AND THEN YOU'RE GONE! DON'T OFFER PROMISES OF PROTECTION IN SUCH A TERRIFYING WORLD AND THEN JUST DIE AT THE FIRST SIGN OF A STORM BECAUSE THERE ARE OTHER STORMS! THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER STORMS!" Joanna felt slightly dizzy and winded as she realized she was shouting at him. She was taking out her fear of having to spend her life alone; out on him. "Damn…" She said to herself under her breath as she realized she was saying too much and requesting more than he had offered. As she began to have her eyes dart around the ship reprimanding herself for allowing her fears to make her vulnerable-he asked. "Do you mind?" "Do I mind what?" Was her rebuttal as he then wrapped his right hand around the back of her neck and pulled her in and kissed her. It encapsulated feelings of fears, sadness, of hope, and passions; it was youthful abandon, and yet, also the timidity of experiencing something new—but which had been needed and wanted nonetheless.
As this trip had been a new chapter in each of their lives this kiss was a small new promise of togetherness that was brought with it-a promise that neither had been willing to renege on.
XXXXX
It was almost 1:45am when they had finally made it back to Daniel's hotel room. After checking the damage on the boat and finally making it back to the dock, and going for medical treatment at the hospital (each getting 10 stitches, her across her wrist, and him behind his left ear). They heard on the news of a "Medicane" which was a rare hurricane in the Mediterranean Sea; the last one had happened over 43 years ago.
Our two weary world-travelers practically crawled into the room and threw themselves onto the chairs in the suite just grateful for anything that resembled a home type of a dwelling. Joanna could not help but chuckle at her bags which had covered these chairs since earlier in the day. "I missed my bus." She said blithely.
"Muhhhahhh, you have played right into my plan. Now you have to stay with me until I take you back to Madrid." He spoke listlessly. His head fell to its side on the arm of the chair as he looked in her direction. His mind replaying the kiss that they shared. Daniel had tried to be humorous but barely had the energy to do so. She cut her eyes over towards him but didn't move or say anything she just let out a deep sigh. "I am going to go wash off the day." He stated but then asked. "Would you like to go first?"
"I could definitely use a shower." She said. "Where's your bathroom?" "In, past the bedroom. Leave your clothes by the door and I will have them laundered for you." He said.
Joanna thought about clothes, the only thing that she bought; that she could sleep in, was a silk charmeuse mini-slip that she bought for a dress that had hung in her closet for forever back home because she did not have the right length slip to go underneath it. "Thank you," She smiled and picked up the smallest bag and went into the room. It was only then did Daniel have a moment of clarity it was then that he remembered, who she actually was, and what that relationship was, in regards to the others in is household.
Daniel laid his head back on the chair and thought about how long he wanted to share an actual meaningful relationship. How he had always, wanted real moments with Nancy and now-right here instead; he shared them with a most surprising source. Nancy spoke about growing up but this was the kind of mature relationship that he had been hoping for with her and never had. It wasn't shared, hopes, fears, and dreams; instead it was condemnation, blame shifting, and resentment. "But what about Sam? He continued to think. How would he feel? Especially since it didn't seem to work out for him and Mercedes. It had been a long time and she is famous, always on tour, he is teaching in a college in another state. It just doesn't seem probable." He pondered. "Should I miss out on an opportunity to be happy for 363 days of the year just because it may be slightly awkward for him to come to visit on Thanksgiving and Christmas? That is not even logical; he is my son he would want me to be happy."
Daniel walked into the bedroom and opened up the closet door he pulled a little plastic bag from off of a hanger which had words written in Spanish on it. It was for the laundry service. He picked up a marker and wrote his name on the front and room number. He picked up her clothes that she left by the bathroom door and inserted them into the bag. He pulled off all of his clothing and tossed them in as well and put on a robe when the bathroom door opened and Joanna appeared in an emerald-green silk charmeuse mini-slip. Her hair was back in its original ponytail that she had earlier that day. The smoothness, and flawless complexion of her cocoa skin embraced the color and demanded to be watched. He watched as the length of her exposed neck curved into her shoulders, how her skin from her shoulders merged at the valley of her bosom which promised all types of delight. The shimmering fabric clung to her waist and hips screaming to be touched and her beautiful legs poured from underneath the gown from the peak of her thighs with a sexiness that was not to be soon forgotten.
"It's your turn." She said rather demurely understanding his surprise to see her in such an intimate state. "Yeah, yeah…" He quickly darted out of the room, bag in hand, in the other direction. He placed the plastic bag on the outside handle of his front door, along with the "Do not disturb" sign and closed and locked the door. He then swiftly entered the bedroom again and passed by her to go into the bathroom. While he was closing the door she asked "May I use the bed closest to the window?" She wasn't sure if he even heard her. "Sure, whichever one you want." He shouted back. Joanna was grateful that there were two beds in this room "It prevented things from being awkward. She knows that he kissed her but it would be easy to reason that away if she had to." She thought. She pulled back the comforter and climbed into the bed her body on the firm mattress and soft pillow seemed like pure heaven at this point. She stretched out expecting a well-deserved nights rest when she felt the flutter in her stomach; it was the result of a memory that she had tried not to dwell on. "That kiss" She thought. "To be kissed by a man again. To share that type of intimacy with someone after so long. She wanted more." She thought. She missed it. Then the flutter spiked from her stomach all the way up to the middle of her torso and sent a small shockwave throughout. "Don't dwell, Jo." She said to herself as she turned over on her side facing the window to allow herself the opportunity to drift off to sleep.
She was already dozing when she heard a voice faintly speak to her. She thought that she may have been dreaming already but she heard something again. "Do you mind?" She heard. "Huh? Do I mind what?" She mumbled half in and out of consciousness. Then she felt the comforter being disturbed as Daniel slipped into bed beside her. He spooned close to her and covered her with his arm, after a few minutes of lying in this position; it brought the feeling of something else, against her body, underneath his pajama bottoms that she hadn't felt in a long time; a reminder of comfort after a long hard day. Daniel backed his hips away slightly (embarrassed by his carnal expression) but he continued to hold her, nonetheless, as they both just drifted off to sleep.
XXXXX
Daniel rented a car and drove Joanna back to Madrid to her hotel the next morning. He spent the day with her as she showed him some of the sights from her literary tour. It was when they were having dinner together that night. That she felt the need to bring up how she had felt about their time together. "How much longer are you going to be in Spain?" She asked. "I have one more week. What about you?" He asked as he took a sip of the house vino. "Only two more days." She looked down and picked at the pasta that was on her plate with her fork. "Oh man, really." Daniel put down his glass. "I was hoping…" He didn't finish his sentence. "About that…" Joanna started. "I know that we said… I said some things on the boat and we did some things but… I am not weighing any burdens on you. You just began this road of starting over and I've been on it for a while. You also don't know the future…you are not in the same situation that I am in—you could work it out with Nancy and I don't want to be caught up in that kind of problematic adventure." Joanna felt slightly uneasy about starting this conversation until she heard what his response was. "Nancy and I aren't working anything out. I don't want to." Daniel added. "Well, I'll believe that when I see the signed papers by both of you; but not before." Joanna finally lifted her face and met his eyes with her own, the conviction of what she just said shown very clearly in her eyes. "Fair enough." Daniel spoke up confidently but then he extended his hand across the table and held her hand. "In case there is anything vague in your understanding about our situation I want you to be clear. I want to be with you, and once I am completely free…I will be expecting you to be there, ready for me, as I am for you." Daniel lifted up her hand and kissed the back of it; then he released it.
"I only have one other request." He said as he sat back in his chair. "What is it?" "I still want to be friends in the meantime. I want to be able to see you in a public setting even if we aren't fully together. What do you like to do? What would you consider fun?" He continued. "I like to paint." She said. "Like houses?" "No, nitwit; paintings." She rolled her eyes in playful frustration. "I knew that." He smiled. "I could do that. I know of a new place in the Michael's strip mall off of route 27 it is called Muse. You can have wine and they teach you to paint a portrait while you are there-they even have music and light snacks. I will pick up a yearly package for two, one night a week, and you can meet me there. Are you willing? Do we have a deal?" He asked. "Why would you want to do that?" She leaned closer and questioned inquisitively. "Because, I don't want to think of you being alone and I know I would be feeling lonely without you. You're stalling do we have a deal?" He said directly. "That would be nice." She nodded. "We have a deal." She added. Daniel clapped his hands together and caught the attention of the other diners who eventually turned their attention back to their own tables. "I am really excited about the possibilities, I must say." Daniel added as he looked around the area they were in.
"Are you done eating?" He asked. Joanna looked at her plate and then as she lifted her eyes towards his she saw that he was looking at his cell phone. "He has to go." She thought to herself. "Yes, I'm finished." She said as she sat down her fork unable to eat anyway due to her sadness of their departure from one another. She didn't expect to even see him here and now she didn't like the idea of being without him either. Daniel called the waitress and paid for the meal and got up from the table. He walked around and helped Joanna with her chair as she stood. "I have one last request, I think." He said as he pointed to a small secluded area underneath the palms near a spritzing bird bath. He led her to that area of the promenade and placed his cell phone on the small marbled ledge of the garden. He turned on his music and placed his phone on speaker before a song even began to play. "May I have this dance?" He asked. "In front of all these people?" She challenged as she looked around the harried evening street. He simply smiled and said "What people? I need you to know that this song we are going to dance to, is now going to be my promise to you and I was hoping it would be your promise to me, too." He reached for her hand and began to hold her in a position to dance when he reached back and pressed play.
"I know this. " She said as she nodded and smiled and began to dance this slow dance with him on the golden lit, lightly-sanded colored, bricked, walkway surface. It was "Get Here" by Oleta Adams.
[Music Playing]
You can reach me by railway
You can reach me by trailway…
You can reach me on an airplane
You can reach me by your mind…
["I think this is why we already met here, together, now." Daniel said. "I needed you." He whispered.]
[Music cont'd]
You can reach me by caravan
Cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here
Just get here if you can…
[They danced watching each other in the warmth of the evening. His hand rested firmly but gently on the small of her back. They softly encircled their small dancing area as others began to take notice.]
[Music Cont'd]
You can reach me by sailboat
By a tree and swing rope-to-rope
Take a sled and slide down a slope
Into these arms of mine…
[He then leaned his unshaven, and stubbled cheek aside her smooth one, as he held her closer.]
[Music Cont'd]
You can jump on a speedy colt
Cross the border in a blaze of hope…
I don't care how you get here
Just get here if you can…
There are hills and mountains
Between us…
Always something to get over…
If I had the way
Surely you would be closer
I need you closer…
[Musical interlude]
["If ever you need me don't hesitate in the slightest to ask." He said. "No matter what you may think the obstacles are." He added.]
[Music Cont'd]
There are hills and mountains
Between us…
Always something to get over…
If I had the way
Surely you would be closer
I need you closer…
[Joanna held his hand tighter and nodded into his cheek. Their slow rhythmic dancing melding their bodies together and holding them to their word.]
[Music Cont'd]
You can windsurf
Into my life
Take me up
On a carpet ride…
You can make it in a big balloon
But you'd better make it soon…
You can reach me by caravan
Cross the desert like an Arab man…
I don't care how you get here
Just
Get here if you can…
[Joanna finally spoke and asked. "Will you allow me to do the same for you?" Daniel moaned in her ear (which resonated into her chest cavity) encouraged that she was even willing. "MMMmmm, oh baby, I'm counting on it."]
[Music Cont'd]
I don't care
I don't care…
I need you
Right here
Right now
I need you
Right here
Right now
Right by
My side
Yeah… Yeah...Yeah…
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh, oh…
I don't care how you get here
Just…
Get here if you can…
When the song ended Daniel pulled away slightly. "Do you mind?" He asked looking at her warmly. "No, I don't." She answered and then Daniel kissed Joanna good-bye.
XXXXX
Daniel had come home from his trip a new man. It was his daughter Stacy who he met first upon entering his home. "Hey Dad! Welcome back." Stacy granted him a big hug. "Mom, Dad's back!" She yelled towards upstairs as he placed all of his bags down in the living room. "Did you take pictures? I want to see." Stacy quickly requested. "Of course he took pictures he always does when he goes out of town." Nancy spoke matter-of-factly as she descended into the living room. Daniel pulled out a flash drive and placed it into the television to show the slide show. There were pictures of Daniel sitting on the stairs of the ancient Amphitheatre; a picture of him sitting by a large sculpture of a man holding his knees; a picture sitting at Café de Marco; a picture of him walking the Calle Huertas over quotes etched into the ground; a picture of him on the Rodman 1250 boat; a picture sitting in the bar next to a picture of Ernest Hemingway; and a picture of him standing near a row of cannons.
"Wow, it looks like you had a blast!" Stacy said. "I can't even describe to you what a wonderful time that I had. Hey!" He spoke excitedly. "Your ole' dad played guitar in the streets, I played "Give me the night" by George Benson!" Daniel was so excited about his accomplishment. "George who?" Stacy asked. Daniel just lowered and shook his head. "I really weep for this generation." Stacy just laughed. "You always say that Daddy. Well, I am glad you made it back home safely from your trip. I've got to go. I only was here to…" "To do your laundry; I know, I know." He said. "Yeah, I just put it in my trunk before you got here, so, glad to see you had fun!" "Don't you have too much fun make sure you keep your grades up I'm not paying for college for…" "For me to flunk daddy, I know, I know. Love you Mom (She kissed her mother), love you Dad (She kissed her father), bye." Stacy was out the door.
With the children all grown you could really feel that all of the love that had been given to their children left none left to give to each other. Nancy could hardly even look at him and he now knew that he preferred someone else's company as well. "YOU, played guitar on the street?" Nancy asked dismissively. "I told you that I wanted to make my dreams come true." He replied. "I suppose I remember something like that." Nancy began picking up magazines from the sofa in the living room and placing them back on the coffee and end tables. "Nancy, I've figured it out. I am not satisfied with us, and our marriage, I have started the proceedings for a divorce and since I know that you are not happy with me either; I would appreciate it if you would not contest it." Daniel just threw it out there and whatever would happen would happen. Nancy sat down on the sofa slightly taken aback by his forthcoming nature. "You've started it?" "I called my lawyer while I was in Spain there was no reason to prolong it; especially when I felt the best that I have in a long time, once I had been away from you." Daniel picked up his bags and began to take them upstairs. "I'll let you have the house… I just want out." Daniel continued up the stairs leaving a stunned Nancy still sitting on the couch.
XXXXX
When Mercedes finished welcoming Sam's family into her mother's home for herself. She desperately tried to get Sam's attention. Only Sam hadn't seen his mother in so long that she dominated most of his time, trying to find out "How he liked the new job, and how sad she was that she missed their wedding." Mercedes noticed that while Nancy was preoccupied speaking to Sam-that Daniel had slipped close to her mom and had been sharing an intimate moment in the corner of the room. Music had been playing and the room seemed so normal, just family, sharing, and caring but now that Mercedes knew that there was this underlying, under-current of attraction. "How could it be this obvious and yet so well hidden in plain sight?" Mercedes thought.
She watched as Daniel pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket, opened it up and showed it to her mother. Her mother read its contents intently and then her lips parted in excitement but she didn't say anything her mother's eyes just shot up towards his and sparkled; in happiness. Mercedes watched Daniel take his pinky finger and slide it down the extent of her mother's wrist along the side of her hand and to the tip of her pinky then he encircled his pinky on hers for a couple of moments. All of this was done while their hands hung at their sides so no one would notice; but Mercedes noticed-and she-wasn't having it.
Author's note: I know this was an incredibly long chapter but you needed their backstory too. Please review. Thanks Anna.