Chapter 4

"Do you wanna come in?"

What the hell was she thinking? Rose wanted to smack herself as she unlocked the door and flicked on the living room light. It was getting late, they'd been to dinner and just walked around the city, and now she was inviting James in. She was stupid that's what she was. Just plain stupid.

"Rose?" James touched her shoulder and she jumped. Actually squeaked and jumped.

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

Her eyes darted around the room. Was it smaller or was it her?

"You're shaking. Well and truly shaking, Rose." James slowly reached out and lifted the hand holding her keys. Rose looked down and saw it was, in fact, shaking. So hard that the keys were rattling. She was almost afraid to look at the Doctor and see his expression but when she did his face was calm, those dark eyes gentle. She was afraid it was how he looked at his patients. Right now she felt like one.

"Rose?"

"I don't know what you expect!" she clamped her hands over her mouth.

"What I expect?" James questioned, brow furrowing.

She waved her free hand back and forth between the two of them. "Between us. From this. Right now or even later than now. I don't know, I don't do this. Ever." Her voice rose as she spoke in pitch so that by the end she was almost squeaking.

James took a careful step back, placing himself against the closed door. He'd been getting the impression that Rose was shy but this went beyond ordinary shyness.

"Rose, we just started dating, it's too early for either of us to really have any expectations other than getting to know each other. I know I find you attractive, I hope you find me attractive and at some point I'd like to become intimate." There, there was the wide eyes and the apprehension he kept seeing .

"Is there something wrong with that, Rose?"

Pacing back and forth and around the couch, Rose tugged at her hair with one hand and chewed on the thumbnail of the other. Two dates, one better than her normal before she had to drop a guy but this was the first guy who knew where she lived. He could show up anytime. And he knew where she worked. Oh, god, and she'd have to see him when she saw her Mum! This was getting worse and worse. There was no way to resign him to the faceless few men that she'd had drinks with over the years.

She was so lost in thought, she'd missed James settle in on one of the old recliners next to the couch and she practically ended up on his lap when she tripped over his feet.

"Rose, I'm not being condescending or patronizing but why don't you take your coat off and make us some tea? Give yourself something to do with your hands? I'll stay right here and you can talk to me from the kitchen. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I think so."

The kitchen was the same as they'd left it, the dismantled toaster and toaster oven had been cleaned up and placed in a banana box on the table and the tea cups were in the sink. Rose refilled the kettle and placed it on its base and tried to get her mind on straight. So far James was acting the perfect gentleman. He'd never given her any reason to think he wasn't.

"Rose? What did you mean by you don't do this?" James voice floated in from the living room. Taking a deep breath, she dropped her coat on the back of a chair and went about looking for some biscuits. Maybe he was right, maybe it would be easier to talk when they weren't looking at each other.

"This, us together, here, after a date. Hell, I barely even date an' never by my own choice. I only go out when Shareen or Keisha decide I've been home by myself too long an' I'm gonna become a crazy cat lady without all the cats. We, my blind date an' I that is, go out to dinner maybe or drinks an' that's it, done. They don't have my number an' they don't know where I live or work. I chat wit 'em a bit I don't give 'em any specific details. You know more about me in the week we've been chattin' than anyone I've dated ever has."

The kettle sounded so she was saved from hearing James response. Busying herself with the steps for making tea, Rose realized with a start that she'd automatically adjusted the Doctor's cup to match her own nighttime tea ritual. She'd chosen chamomile to avoid caffeine and doctored his cup with only two sugars (instead of four) and a bit more milk, similar to how she did her nightly cup. Sighing, she carried the mugs to the living room and set one on the coffee table, carefully avoiding looking the Doctor in the eye.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him reach for his cup and then heard him hum.

"You used less sugar?"

"Yeah, you should be windin' down. Too much sugar at night will give you weird dreams."

Huffing out a laugh, the Doctor shook his head. "Can't really stop myself from the weird dreams. Anyway, thank you for the tea. Rose, you know I'm thirty-five, I don't know how your friends date but I'm not one that had a 'sleep with a girl on the third date' sort of rule book. I've had a few serious girlfriends over the years, ones that have lasted a few years but no one that I wanted to settle down with. I've gotten burned. I'm just laying that out there for you."

He set his mug back down and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. Rose finally looked at him.

"But this isn't about me or my past, though I will share anything with you that you want to know. This is about you and what you're comfortable with. Are you afraid of me, Rose?"

"God no!" the very thought that James would ask that send a jolt through her chest.

He smiled. "I'm glad." He held out his hand and Rose found herself automatically reaching for it.

"Do you want to talk to me? You don't have to, you know? You have your friends or if you would want to talk to someone else, a woman, someone that isn't associated with me at all…" his other hand tugged at his ear.

"Doctor, James…I…I" she sighed. "This whole attraction feelin' is so new for me. Yeah, I think movie stars or singers are hot but I guess I don't let myself feel that for real people, ya now." She sighed. "You know that I … had a rough spot about a year before Mum relapsed this last time?"

"Yeah. You mentioned it and your Mum talks a bit about it. Thinks you changed because of her."

Bowing her head, Rose groaned. "God, I never knew that. It wasn't cause of Mum, not really. I was sixteen, knew everythin'. Met a bloke. Older, bout twenty, wannabe rocker. Said all the right things, was a gorgeous bad boy and I was so tired of takin' care of Mum, of makin' sure she took her meds, that she went to her doctors, that I fell for 'im. Dropped outta school. Moved in with 'im." Rose paused to take a gulp of tea. Her friends all knew this much, this much she could tell James.

His thumb moved gently over the back of her hand, startling her into realizing that she'd never let go. She didn't feel like it now, either.

"Turned out wanna be was all he was. I worked two jobs to pay the rent an' keep up with the bills. He wanted me at his gigs so I waitressed at the pub where he played and while he slept durin' the day I worked at a chippie. He was possessive and loud and cheated on me. When I caught 'im in our bed with another girl, I left."

"I can see how that would shape your views of relationships. Rose, did he hurt you?"

Swallowing, she nodded. "Grabbed me, slapped me a few times."

James nodded. He still thought that Rose was holding something back but now wasn't really the time to delve into it. He wanted to keep seeing this amazing woman and he hoped he could convince her to give him a chance.

"Do you think all men are like your ex?"

Huffing out a chuckle, Rose shook her head. "Now you're goin' all doctory on me, Doctor. Remember, I spend alotta years 'round your type, picked up a few things. Most of the blokes 'round the estates are like that, drink to much, yell, hit their girls. When you grow up here ya get used to it. Some of the blokes the girls set me up with were nice, real nice, but I still didn't want anything more."

"Rose, I don't want you to humor me. I'll still be your Mum's psychiatrist, you'll talk to me when you see her or if there's a change in her condition or if you decide you what to try and bring her home. I don't want you to agree to date me because you feel like you have to, or you feel sorry for me."

Her eyes widened. "Why would I feel sorry for you?"

"Geeky, yet fashionable Scotsman stuck her in London with no social life to speak of. Even Dr. Mott is trying to set me up."

A genuine smile lit Rose's face. She really did like James, enjoyed talking to him on the phone and spending time with him. She'd been surprised when he'd stood up for her to Mickey, it was so normal to have her friends tease her about her lack of a love life that she didn't even try to defend it anymore.

"I don't know about the fashionable part…"

"Oi!"

"But the rest sounds about right. I'm not seeing you outta pity, I respect myself and you too much for that."

A wide grin lit James face. "Perfect! Molto bene! Then we can agree that if one of us invites the other into their home, it's just that, an invite in for drinks, or movies, or dinner unless we are both sure it means something else. Deal?"

Rose nodded.

"Then Rose Tyler, I bid you goodnight."

Rose got up along with James and walked him to the door. He shrugged back into his brown overcoat and turned the knob. A gust of cold air caused Rose to shiver. Just before he left, James leaned down and brushed his lips over hers.

Then he winked.

"I'm hoping I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight Rose Tyler."

"'Night, James."

Locking the door behind her, Rose leaned against it with her fingers over her lips.

What was she getting herself into? And the terrifying thing was; she really didn't seem to mind it one bit.