A/N: Thanks for all the love on the last chapter, I hope this one lives up to expectations. The lyrics in this chapter are from a song called Time Will Tell by Chase Foster. It's an amazing song, I recommend looking it up on youtube.

Sun Down

Chapter Seven

I had a smile I had to fake and a story I couldn't tell.

As much as Logan loved talking to his mom, especially since he hadn't seen her in a really long time, except for the webcam, he knew when it was time to hang up. She got this faraway tone of voice, not giving any input on what he had to say except a "really?" or a, "mhmm," and a forced laugh here and there like she was distracted. She probably was. Logan's mother was a busy woman. She loved to talk with him though, she called him often and most of the time she paid attention to what he had to say, but being a real estate agent, she was busy, if she was in the middle of a sale or trying to figure out ways to coerce a client into making an offer then their conversations wouldn't last long. She just picked up the phone to let him know she was thinking about him and missed having him home. So to Logan, it was the thought that counted.

"Mom," he said, "I'm going to let you go, all right?"

"Oh, Logan, I'm sorry. I call with the intention of talking to you, I do really, but work, it's just-"

"No, its fine mom, I understand."

"Are you still studying, hon?"

Logan sincerely wanted to be a doctor. It was his goal; it was what he aimed for. It was the reason why he studied a medical terminology book in his spare time. But his mother had been the one who planted the idea in his head at such a young age. She bought him a play stethoscope and a white coast; let him watch E.R. before he went to bed. She hyped up visits to the doctor like she would have if they were going to Chuck E Cheese. She told him her storybook voice that "Doctors are heroes. They save people's lives." Once Logan realized that he could be a hero someday, someone that other's looked up to, someone that other's needed, that's when he decided to be a doctor. But, if things didn't work out that way, he could always fall back on being a musician and he would be fine with that, maybe make a couple million dollars if he was good, live the good life, not even have to worry about having to pay back a one hundred thousand dollar student loan. That sounded okay to him too. But he felt like even if one day he was super successful, that if after Big Time Rush ran its course and he became his own musician, became rich and famous, well known all over the world, he would have disappointed his mother. It was never Logan's dream to be famous, never his dream to sing for the world, but now that he did it, he enjoyed it and while James embodied the superstar ideal, Logan also felt like it was something he could do for the rest of his life because he liked it, he liked it a lot. He got this sickly kind of gut feeling when he was undecided, and when he thought about making the decision in a year, going to college or staying in the band, it was the most prominent feeling, beating out the fear and excitement that for normal teens came along with the thought of starting college.

"Of course, I am." He replied.

"I'm really proud of you Logan. How you can remain so focused on your goal even while you're out in California enjoying yourself."

Enjoying himself? Yeah, he did enjoy himself, but this wasn't a vacation. He worked really hard at singing, dancing; he was putting himself through hell to be good enough for this band when it came so naturally to everyone else.

"Thanks mom, hey, Mrs. Knight needs me for something, I'll talk to you later, all right? Call me in a few days when you have less work."

"Okay, dear. Have a good night, I love you."

"Bye mom."

Logan set the phone on his night stand and reclined on his bed. What was he doing here in California? His mother didn't take any of this seriously. He'd come out here for James, really. They all had. But the only reason his mother allowed him to come was because she signed him up for all these events that took place at UCLA for high school students. UCLA had one of the top medical programs in the country, only the best of the best of the best got in. Logan had set his sights on attending there or Stanford and there were no doubts from anyone that he would be accepted in to both schools. If the band was still together, which he figured it would be, he would chose UCLA, and if they were all going their separate ways, he'd go to Stanford. Logan Mitchell, a 4.5 GPA student, participated in community service, played hockey, and was a singer in a semi-famous boy-band as his extra circular activity. He could just imagine what his application would look like. He'd been taking his PSATs since middle school and the SATs and ACTs since his freshman year, his mother had to pull some strings for the school board to even allow that. Each year his scores improved, soon enough he figured he'd get a perfect score. He still had to take them this year and next year, which gave him close to seven hundred and thirty days to study for that perfect score.

But as important as that was to Logan, the band had become important to him too. Why did everyone just write him off when he even mentioned staying in the band instead of going to school? No one did that to James, but that was to be expected. Still he felt like if Kendall or Carlos made a comment like that they would be taken more seriously than Logan. Maybe it was because everyone held high expectations for Logan. Maybe not even high ones, just expectations. But why was he the only one with expectations forced upon him? The only expectations that people had of the other three boys was that they did something successful with their lives when the band was done. No expected Kendall to end up as the Minnesota Wilds starting center. No one expected Carlos to be the next star of Jack Ass, even though Carlos would probably be willing to do any of the stunts that Steve-O did without the drugs just because he was an idiot. James was the only one that others were expecting something out of. People expected him to live out his dreams and be famous, but that was because he wouldn't let them expect anything less. He despised pity and hated doubt more than anything. He wouldn't allow others to look at him and say, "That guy is good, but not good enough." Maybe that was what Logan lacked. He was determined, he was committed, motivated, but everything James did had passion. Logan had a tendency to be apathetic. Go with the flow, you can't change the inevitable, but James had this fire within him, it never ceased it's burning, it pushed him and pushed him, that fire was what made people actually believe that he could make it. Logan didn't have passion. He wished that he did. He resented, loved, hated and envied his best friend. If Logan could have the passion that James did, then no one would doubt him. No one would look at him and roll their eyes or encourage him up front but tear him down behind his back.

But what inspired passion? Was it something that you had to be born with? Or could it be gained? If it was something you had to be born with, then maybe Logan just had to start digging, maybe it was somewhere deep inside, hiding, because he refused to believe that he was born without it. It would be too depressing to admit that even if he did change, when it came down to the foundations he was exactly the same. But if it was something to be gained, then how did he obtain it? He'd heard that love induces passion. But a love of what? A person, a thing, an ideal? For James it was an ideal. But Logan didn't have an ideal that he wanted to badly he would give up anything, change who he was, go to the ends of the earth for it. Maybe for Logan, it would be a person that would inspire passion. Maybe for Logan he would find a woman, who would push him, who would ignite his fire, and continue to pour oil on the flame whenever he needed to be reminded of what he fighting for, what he was passionate about. But if that was it, Logan had yet to find the girl. He didn't love Camille. He liked her well enough, liked her a lot, more than he had any other girl before, but love? He was too young to know what love was anyways. He'd figure it out one day, because Logan didn't want to be alone forever. But that one day, it wasn't today.

The door to his room was flung open by Kendall, clad in his usual plaid. Logan thought that Kendall continued to wear it so often because James hated it. That's how they were with each other, all four of them. Do something merely because it irritated the others. Why were teenage boys so spiteful?

"Hey." Kendall said from the doorway.

"Hey."

"My mom is heading out tonight, taking Katie with her." Kendall informed.

"Where are they going?"

Kendall shrugged, "I don't know. I'm sleeping over at Jo's."

Logan sat up when Kendall said that, "How are you doing that?"

"Her dad's out of town for the next three days." He grinned wickedly.

Logan rolled his eyes, "Don't even want to know."

The blond laughed and said, "My mom issued this warning to you, 'Don't get drunk!'."

"That's it?" Logan asked skeptically. Mrs. Knight had been keeping her watchful eye on him lately. Smelling him when he walked by. She was just being motherly but it was weird.

Kendall shrugged, "You know my mom, she's weird."

"That's for sure."

"Hey, be nice. Only I can insult her."

Logan rolled his eyes again, "So is that it?"

Kendall shook his head, "No, my mom just left, but Madison is here to see you, so that's why my mom issued the warning."

Logan was off his bed and pushing past Kendall quickly. "Thanks, bro."

"No problem, but hey, is there, you know, something between you two?" he asked kind of awkwardly. Guys didn't really ask about each other's love lives, sex lives, sure. They wanted to know which girls would be worth the pursuit, but when it came to the actual, "Do you like her?" conversations things got weird.

Logan shrugged, "No, don't think so."

But Logan wasn't too sure on whether or not that was the truth because he liked Madison, and she seemed to like him, but it was just in a weird phase. They hadn't kissed since the day after they drank together, but the time spent together had been increasing.

Down the stairs he could hear James; he was undoubtedly talking to Maddy. As he rounded the corner, he saw him, leaning on his elbows on the island counter while Maddy sat on one of the swiveling chairs on the other side of the counter. James was smiling and Maddy seemed to be, but Logan had been blessed with the privilege of seeing what she looked like when she really smiled, and what she was giving James, while still stunning, wasn't it.

"Maybe you could come by the studio sometime." James said.

Maddy shrugged, "Sure. It'd be cool to watch. I've always wanted to see Logan in action."

Logan felt this triumphant smile spreading across his face as he entered the room. He wanted to simply turn to James throw his arms up in the air and say, "What bitch!" but he didn't. Did James have to have everyone? Did he have to get every single girl that was even remotely attractive? Maddy just told him she would go to see Logan, not James. He wondered if James felt something similar to what Logan was. Logan had never been chosen over James, and James had never been second choice to anyone.

"Hey." Logan said.

Both Madison and James looked at him simultaneously. James scowled slightly, Logan always appeared at the right time so that James could never really make a move on Maddy, but he felt like Maddy would refuse James even if he did get his chance.

Maddy smiled at him, the same one she'd been giving James. Seeing her really smile was a rare feat, and it always came so unexpectedly. Logan was always blown away, at a loss for words, frozen by the beauty of it. Logan still looked at her and marveled every chance he got, but sometimes he still wondered how she could be real.

"Hi Maddy." He said quietly as she wrapped her slender arms around him. They'd gotten into the habit of hugging, with such a slight height difference; her head was pressed against his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment breathing her in. He'd come to learn by how strongly she smelled of smoke what kind of a day she was having. If it was a good day, she wouldn't smell of it as much, but if it was a bad day, it was almost suffocating; with every movement of her body he'd get another whiff. She didn't have a set number that she smoked per day, it ranged from one single cigarette to two packs, it all depended on her day, her mood, and how the world around her affected her.

James watched indifferently as the two friends hugged, he didn't know Maddy like Logan did, so he wasn't jealous, but he was kind of amazed that she would prefer the company of Hortence Mitchell over James Diamond.

"I was just about to head down to the pool." James stated, "Did you guys want to join me?"

Logan looked to Madison, she'd come here to hang out with him, he assumed, so he would let her decide.

"Oh, I actually just took a shower not too long ago. Sorry, James." She smiled apathetically at him. James shrugged it off, but Logan could see that his pride was shot which meant that he probably wouldn't be returning to 2J tonight and if he did he wouldn't be alone.

Logan sat down next to her once James left them alone. He swung on his chair to face her and she did the same.

"So what brings you here?" he asked.

She shrugged, "I was all by my lonesome, in need of some friendly company."

Logan smiled at her and he could see the start of one pulling on her lips. Why was it so hard for her to smile?

"Why don't you ever swim?" Logan asked. It was a question he'd been wanting to ask for a while now. When she had first moved in it'd been mid-September but it was late October now and they'd sat together by the pool plenty of times but she never got in, she never even wore a bikini or bathing suit to lounge. Always just shorts and a shirt.

"What are you talking about?"

Logan shrugged, "I just mean, it's hot here and there's a pool, but you never get in."

This time she shrugged and turned on the chair to face the empty kitchen, looking down at her hands on the counter she said, "It's just not my thing."

Logan didn't push, though he wasn't completely satisfied with the answer. That happened a lot with Madison. He would ask a question and she'd answer, whether it was a lie or not, most of the time Logan didn't know, but a lot of her answers left him feeling like there was something left out, something she wouldn't say. He never pushed it though, it was always there, the tone of her voice, like it drifted and she was going far away. He felt that if he pushed too far he'd lose her. She'd get lost in her mind, recede so deeply that she would never find her way out again.

"What did you want to do?" Logan changed the topic.

"Let's go to the roof." She met his eyes, and there was almost a look longing, a pleading cry for him to join her on the roof. Hopefully she wouldn't push him over the edge.

"Okay."

He always agreed to whatever she wanted to do. Logan liked to see her happy, content, and sometimes while they were doing the simplest of things, she would close her eyes, tilt her head back and just smile. Logan enjoyed that face, and so ever since the first time he saw it, he'd been doing whatever he could to see it again and again. She hadn't asked him to do anything reckless since they spent that night together, pool side, drinking and smoking, bodies close, lips attached, no room for talking. But sometimes she would just ask for him to join her on a walk to the park, or take her to the movies, just sit with her for a while, like his company was slowly healing some internal wound, because when she was with him, she could smile. When Logan saw her walking around with the rest of the world, her exterior looked so firm, her strides confident, her shoulders back, head held high, but it was all in her eyes, all in her facial features. Her apple colored eyes were so expressive, Logan learned that it was the reason she wore sunglasses. They could hide her eyes, which most of the time looked terribly sad. But while she was with Logan, she didn't look sad; she looked like she was remembering something she thought fondly of.

Logan followed her out of the apartment, making sure to grab his keys on the way. If Kendall was going to be out and James was most likely going to be out there was no way Carlos planned on spending the evening alone in the apartment.

They walked silently down the hallway, something Logan really enjoyed about Madison's company was that nothing was forced, if there was nothing to be said, nothing had to be said. They didn't have awkward silences; they never searched for the words to strike up a conversation, if they weren't coming naturally then what was the point?

In the empty elevator, she took hold of his hand like she had a habit of doing. He'd never asked why she did it, out of the fear that maybe she would stop. He liked the way her hand with hers, clasped together tightly like she was a child crossing the street and Logan was the chaperone, he was the one who would keep her safe, push her out of the way when the car ran that red light. If she needed him to be, then Logan could be her hero. He could replace the one who had turned villainous and brought her to tears over the phone, the one who left her with hurt in her eyes, the one who made the real Maddy fade away and become a shell.

Logan still didn't know who this hero/villain was, and the only thing he knew about the guy was that his name was Aaron. Logan assumed that she knew him from where she used to live in West Hollywood, maybe he was an old friend. He'd only caught Maddy on the phone with him a few times, but every time she ended the conversation she seemed so hollow. Now when Logan saw Madison, he didn't see this beautiful, dangerous creature, the one who walked with the upmost confidence and who seemed like such a badass, as he had when they first met. Now when he saw her, she was still as beautiful as she had been that first day, maybe even more so because he was getting to know who Maddy really was, and she was fragile, this hollow, broken person who needed help, but didn't know how to ask. Logan wanted to be there for her so that he could be the one that did it, the moment she got the courage to ask for some assistance. He still had yet to find out as to why Maddy was the way she was, he still didn't' know why this Aaron character had such an effect on her, and he didn't know what the scars on her legs were from. Long, thin, pink scars embroidered her shins and decorated her knees. They weren't bright and visible from afar, just when you were close enough to get a good look at them.

She let didn't let go of his hand when they reached the top floor. No one they knew lived up there, and it wouldn't really matter if anyone saw them holding hands. It was mostly the older talent, late twenties, early thirties that lived up on the higher level floors, so no one up there would have any interest in them and speculate about a relationship between the two. No one would run off and tell Camille or Jo, or any of the guys about it. They were friends, and friends could hold hands in peace once you got above level six.

They reached the end of the hall and the door that led to the stairwell. Logan held the door open for Maddy and he followed only a few steps behind as they walked up the two flights of stairs that led to the door that blocked their destination.

"We need a key." Logan pointed out.

Maddy grinned at him, "You forget who my uncle is." She pulled out a small bronze key from her pocket and sure enough when she put it in the door, it fit perfect, she turned the lock and let Logan go ahead of her.

The door slammed shut behind them and a cool autumn breeze rushed gently past them, sending Maddy's hair flying up and around her face. Logan smiled and reached out to push the strands from her eyes and clear her face.

The roof was lined with fencing so that no one could fall, Logan deemed that a good idea. Especially somewhere like the Palm Woods where so many people had all these big city dreams, and being as dramatic as most are, they might throw themselves off if their dreams were short-lived.

They sat together on some piping; Maddy had taken hold of his hand once more. They looked out over the cityscape, sky scrapers lined the streets and began to fade far off in the distance, as the sun set before them, and the tall buildings cast long shadows on the streets below.

The sky was yellow, orange and pink, like you would see in some Travel magazine over a beach setting, something that looked fake, or photo shopped, as the colors had been enhanced. But it was the real sky before them, the sun going, but still shinning, and spreading its warmth and splendor. It was beautiful to watch from above where the buildings didn't hinder your view, at least not much. The colors faded into one another, and blended so perfectly, it was incredible and beautiful, such an awesome sight.

"It's beautiful." Madison said her eyes still on the sky before them.

"It is." Logan agreed, but instead of the sky he was now focused on the way the light hit her face. Her eyes seemed almost clear as the sun lit them. Her pale skin had some color to it from the reflection of the sky, and her lips hung just slightly ajar, she was so beautiful. What or who could hold a candle to this girl with the angelic face and the damaged heart? She was so pretty. But she was so much more that pretty. She was created from God's reserve of beauty, how could she be born of anything less? It was one of those moments, as her hair blew in the wind, she closed her eyes, tilted her head back ever so slightly and let a smile and look of contentment overcome her. And in that moment, Logan asked himself once again, how was it possible for someone to be so beautiful? Did any other word describe her? She was so elegant, so extremely pretty, as no one he had seen before and no matter what she looked like, or what she was wearing, if he had one word to describe her, all of her, not just her appearance, he would use the word beautiful. Like the word itself was made just for her.

"I love it up here." She said opening her eyes once more and looking back to the sky.

"You've come before?"

"Mhmm."

Logan turned his eyes from her face and looked back to the sky, overcome with this feeling of amazement, how such a simple moment with someone who meant something to him could change the look of the world around him. The sky was as it had been before, but it seemed like so much more now. It had been enhanced; Madison's beauty had been projected in the cityscape.

"I wish," she said, "that one day, someone would like at me like this."

Logan looked back to her. "Like what?"

She met his gaze and said, "The way people look at the sun down. When it sets, no matter what, it is always beautiful. It doesn't matter what kind of day someone has had, or what has been done to them, people can always look at the sun down and appreciate it's beauty."

She paused and looked back at it, "It's so pure. People look at it and watch the sun go down like it's their first love, like it's something that they'll always hold as a part of them. I want," she paused again, "I want for someone to need me, and look at me like I'm pure and beautiful, no matter what happens. I want to be someone's sun down."

"You will be." Logan assured her. "One day, you'll be someone's sun down."

She smiled at him, one her genuine smiles and he thought to himself, how could someone not look at her like she was the sun down?

"I like being around you, Logan." She said looking down at her feet.

"I like being around you too." He answered.

She shook her head, "you don't get it."

"What?"

Her gaze returned to the receding sun and she replied, "I don't know what it is about you, but you just…. You kind of make me feel complete."

He wanted to ask how she meant that, but she spoke up again before he got the chance, he'd paused taken aback by the comment.

"I just feel so lost all the time." She spoke quietly, "I feel empty, and I don't know how to fix it, or change it, I don't know what I'm supposed to do to fill the void, but when I'm around you, nothing hurts quite as bad."

How was he supposed to respond to that? Glad to be of service? Madison had taken her hand away from his a while ago, held it together with the other one in her lap. So Logan reached over and took it into his, he laced his fingers with hers and scooted closer to her. She rested her head on his shoulder and Logan felt content, together with her, on the roof, he felt like she'd finally let her walls down, she was vulnerable, telling him how she really felt. He admired her for it, he'd yet to be able to discuss his own feelings aloud, let alone with the people they concerned.

"Maddy?" He said.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you really here at the Palm Woods?"

"I can't tell you." she whispered.

A/N: So, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I love the way this came out. This chapter is obviously where the title comes in and it will be mentioned again in later chapters.

Love you all.

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