Chapter Eighteen

Affirmation

Bella woke early in the morning after almost seven hours of uninterrupted sleep, considerably longer than she's been able to sleep for at least a week. She continued to lay drowsily in bed enjoying the luxury of not having to force herself to get up and ready for school. Saturday morning never felt like such a relief. She still felt a heavy sleepiness from the long tiring week she had, and almost fell back asleep but thoughts of Alice and memories from the day before began taking shape in her mind. The sudden realization of its reality hit her like a bucket of ice cold water, shaking the haze from her sleepy mind, pulling her into a level of full alertness. Though she still lay motionless in bed she experienced the moment of sudden clarity that comes upon awakening. Her first cohesive thought went straight to the heart of the matter.

Alice is a vampire….

It began to twirl inside her mind, sinking further into the depths of her consciousness.

A vampire…vampires are real…and Alice is a …a real vampire…

The thoughts echoed for a while gradually turning into the quietest whisper, settling into the furthest corners of her mind. A strange calming came over her that happens when finally accepting an unexpected truth that you no longer can reason away or deny.

She thought about what happened with her and Alice while in the forest, contemplating her feelings about this new discovery about her. There was still a curious lack of fear when it came to the unusual girl who was not really a girl, at least not beyond surface appearance. Though Bella did feel an awkward kind of nervousness around her at times, but those feelings had more to do with the way she was drawn to her, not repelled by her. Most girls in her situation would have reacted quite differently upon such a shocking discovery. They would run, hide, or scream bloody murder - any of those kinds of reactions would be considered perfectly understandable under the circumstances. Its not every day that you come to realize that the girl you've developed feelings for is a vampire. But Bella never once felt like she was in danger when she was alone with Alice. She wondered how much of that was due to Alice's appearance – almost as innocuous as she was exceptionally attractive. She also had a kind and friendly demeanor that was quite charming. How much of her feelings of attraction towards Alice were interfering with the instinctive flight or fight response, she did not know. Somehow, it felt quite instinctual for her to feel safe with Alice. She certainly wanted to believe Alice would never harm her. Although she did keep secrets and at times went so far as to try and instill a sense of uncertainty in Bella as far as what happened with Edward. But according to Alice it was out of the need to protect her family. Given the nature of what Alice and what she now supposed the rest of her family really were, obviously this was not something Alice could readily expose without great risk to herself and her family. And Alice took that risk for her. The significance of that was not lost on Bella.

This was all a lot to take in and she had so many questions she wanted to ask Alice. She suddenly felt a strong desire to see her again. Since she was too overwhelmed by everything the day before their time alone had been cut short before she could even come up with a coherent response. Hoping to make the most of this weekend to make up for lost time she quickly found her motivation to finally pull herself out of bed.

After showering and getting dressed she went downstairs and headed into the kitchen. Charlie was talking on the phone and she could tell by the authoritative sound in his voice that it was police related. His facial expression was hardened into a deadly serious one with a determined, no nonsense look in his eyes. It was an expression Bella rarely saw on him and she was glad not to be on the receiving end of it.

She poured herself a cup of coffee and squelched her face after tasting the first sip, before adding milk to counteract the acidity of the taste. She made a mental note to give the coffee machine a thorough cleaning sometime during the weekend. Even if Charlie seemed unfazed by the taste, she certainly noticed it.

"Well if Craig isn't coming in then I'll have to deal with it. Don't leave the station until I get there. Give me about half an hour."

Charlie hung up the phone with a sigh and scratched the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit of his whenever he was worried about something.

"Everything okay?" Bella asked as she finished pouring cereal in her bowl.

"Yeah, its just…something's come up and I'm going to have to leave for work. I was hoping to get to spend more time with you today, but I'm not sure how long I'll be gone. Have to head down to Jefferson County - the chief supervisor there is calling in all heads from neighboring counties. There's been some…disturbing deaths in Olympic National Park. Not sure why they need us to go in person, but I guess I'll find out when I get there."

"Oh…that sounds serious" Bella furrowed her brow, disquieted by the news.

"Hopefully not as bad as it sounds. Are you going to be all right until I get back?"

Bella might have rolled her eyes if things hadn't been so weird lately. She knew Charlie didn't usually treat her like she was still a kid, and pretty much trusted her to be on her own. But recent events still were fresh enough in both their minds and she understood his concern.

"Yeah I'll be fine, don't worry. I was thinking of calling Alice over today so I'll probably have company. Of course I need to do some housework first since I've been slacking a little in that department and the place is starting to show it."

"Well I was never much of a housekeeper, and you've had good reason not to worry about it lately." He regarded Bella for a moment. "Did you sleep okay last night?"

She nodded, "better than I have for a while anyway."

"Well you look a little better, but don't overdo it this weekend. You still need more rest until you're back at peak. I feel better knowing that you won't be alone the entire time I'm gone, so it'll be good if Alice can keep you company. It was nice seeing her here again yesterday."

"Yeah", Bella took a sip of coffee instead of saying anything more. She wondered for the first time how Charlie would react if he knew about Alice. She was sure he wouldn't feel safe leaving his daughter at home alone with a vampire. Not that she was going to tell him now. She suspects that this is something that Alice would rather she never tell him. Its not likely he would believe her anyway without seeing it with his own eyes.

"Well I need to get my work shirt on and get going" he took the last gulp of his now cold coffee and automatically placed it on the counter by the sink. Bella noticed that as usual he didn't even bother rinsing it out. He may have been a good sheriff and has been a caring father for her, but he wasn't conscientious when it came to things like that. Well she had plenty to keep her busy this weekend. She planned on getting started with some housework as soon as she finished her breakfast. Then she'd give Alice a call. She couldn't help but want to see her, thought a part of her wondered if that made her either reckless or strange after what happened yesterday. However, her desire for more answers was stronger than the uncertainties she had about the wisdom of seeking out the vampire.

At soon as dawn broke that morning the Cullens went on a hunt to feed. It became like a tradition for them to go as a family at least once a week, and early Saturday morning seemed to fit everyone's schedule the best.

This hunt felt different than previous ones. Edward was still missing and the night before Alice had let everyone know that she had revealed herself as a vampire to Bella. While no one was thrilled about the news, they weren't taken by complete surprise. They all had all hoped that if the time came it would be later rather than sooner. For the most part they all understood her reasoning. Alice was becoming more despondent than they've ever seen her - the stress of keeping secrets from Bella was taking its toll on the usually vivacious vampire. But now that Bella knew what they were this was another uncertain variable to consider regarding the continuation of their residency in Forks. Besides the risk of exposure, it was also a matter of timing. They still were in the dark as to Edward's whereabouts and if he ever intended on returning.

There were varying degrees of concern regarding her decision, but Carlisle and Rosalie were the most vocal in expressing their disapproval.

After hours of discussion which included a few heated arguments and a few dramatic storm outs from the family room by both Alice and Rosalie on separate occasions, the tension could be felt by all the Cullens. As usual it was Esme who held the family together and called for a cease fire while they got ready for their weekly family outing.

Their hunting habits usually fell into a pattern of travelling in pairs, but remaining within the same twenty miles radius each other. Carlisle and Esme would go in one direction of the forest, while Rosalie and Emmett took off in another, leaving Alice with Edward as her hunting partner. Sometimes they both made a bet on who would be first to catch their prey. Alice usually won these matches, though there were times when she believed that Edward just didn't care about winning as much as she did. Perhaps she just had more of a competitive streak then he did, and when Alice was driven to win, she was undoubtedly faster than he was. Edward may have more physical strength than she, but since the difference in strength didn't really factor in this competition, it was Alice's speed that made all the difference.

As Alice reminisced about their competitive past she tried again to get a vision of where he was, and what his plans were on returning, but nothing came. There were times in the past when she could go days without a single vision, but usually it was due to an effort on her part to block them out. A lot of time spent in meditation helped to hone her skill with this, but now she was actively seeking her visions and it was disconcerting to have this dry spell now of all times. She told herself that she needed to stop worrying about it so much as it only made it harder for her to relax enough to completely clear her mind.

She wondered if she and Edward would ever come to a reconciliation, but she knew that as long as he was fixated on Bella that would never happen. Hopefully he would take considerable time away, and that would be enough for him to come to his senses and accept that Bella would never be his, if Alice had any say in it…and as long as Bella still wanted her. After leaving her yesterday she had hope that she still did.

A popular vampire myth is that a vampire casts no reflection in mirrors. There are many superstitions and folklore about mirrors – one being that mirrors have the power to draw souls out of bodies. If vampires were soulless creatures as Edward believed them to be, then they should be invisible to mirrors. Yet he could see his own reflection when he looked into a mirror, as could all vampires. Though he wished he could erase what he now saw.

He closed his eyes, desperately wanting to see a different image reflecting back when he reopened them. If only what he saw staring back at him was nothing more than a nightmarish glimpse into an alternate reality.

When his eyelids drew open again the reflection was unchanged. He saw with painful clarity the incarnation of his worst nightmare staring back at him through crimson colored eyes.

His face contorted with an anguish he felt churning from deep within. The soulless monster that he had kept confined within the darkest recesses of his being for so long had somehow clawed its way out, ripping though all the layers of self-control and discipline that took him many years to cultivate. His refection tortured him, reminding him of his failure to keep it under lock and key. Now that the monster was unleashed he feared that it would take more strength than he alone possessed to put it back in its cage.

He felt an undeniable compulsion to return back to the place he away ran from. He struggled to reign in this impulse, holding tightly onto what was left of his strength of will to keep him firmly in place for the time being, but it was only a matter of time before he was pulled back.

Overcome with a sudden fury his fist flew into the reflective surface shattering the image into a multitude of tiny fragments. Metallic glass burst on impact, creating a phantasmagoria of fragmented images to explode all around him. Broken glass pierced the walls and floor around him and bits of debris sprinkled across his face and bare chest. He blinked away the glassy residue that flew into his eyes.

Had he been human it would have been enough to blind him, but the thin, silvery feminine voice now calling out to him feels much more painfully intrusive than the miniscule slivers of glass in his eyes.

"That's seven years bad luck you know. Not to mention that you destroyed the only half way decent mirror in the place."

An overwhelming urge to wring the head off the source of the singsong voice overtakes him, but the disturbing image of it still talking to him after being torn from its body flashes before his mind's eye, making him shudder and recoil in revulsion.

Not long after Rosalie finished feeding off a deer she parted with Emmett who went in search of stealthier prey, most likely a wildcat. After feeding and walking in the fresh, cool air of the forests she felt considerably better than she did hours ago while in the midst of reproving Alice for being too impulsive and rash with her decisions lately. As she neared the forest clearing where they had all agreed to meet after everyone was done feeding she found Alice already standing there, talking on her phone. It was apparent by the smile on Alice's face who she was talking with, there was only one person lately affected her like that. Rosalie faltered in her steps, not wanting to intrude on her privacy, though she knew that Alice no doubt was now aware of her nearby presence. She was about to turn back when Alice had finished speaking and put her phone back in her jacket pocket while turning to look at Rosalie. The smaller Cullen bit her lip and smiled wryly at her. Rosalie stepped slowly towards her and stood in front of her.

"You know…if being with Bella makes you happy then I'm happy for you. I just wished you could have waited a little longer before telling her. With Edward still gone and everything that's been happening lately, we're all a little worried… I think part of the reason I was so upset is that you didn't tell me that you were going to tell Bella when you did", the blonde vampire looked away sadly for a moment before looking back into Alice's eyes. "I mean we always used to tell each other everything."

"If I had told you, you would have tried to talk me out of it. Believe me, I wish I had more time too, everything has been happening so fast…but I knew I was losing her Rose. And I have a feeling about her…I wouldn't have told her if I thought she would betray our secret. She's not like anybody I've ever known…and I couldn't let her go by keeping it from her anymore." Alice looks tenderly into Rosalie's similarly colored eyes, hoping to find understanding.

Rosalie let out soft sigh before giving her a subtle nod. She still had reservations about Alice's belief in Bella, but she still trusted Alice. Although Alice had been around at several decades longer than her, she was as protective of the smallest Cullen as if she were her younger sister. She just hoped that Bella proved to be worthy of Alice's trust and affection. Bella may just be a teenaged girl, but she could hurt Alice in a way no one else could. And this was something that worried the blonde vampire more than anything, even the potential risks involved with letting a single human know what they were.

Rosalie reaches a slender pale hand towards her and deftly plucks out a leaf that was stuck in Alice's messy raven hair. "Well you better go and get cleaned up. Don't want your girl seeing you looking like some wild woman."

This causes Alice to laugh and briskly shake her head to relieve any remaining debris from the forest. Rose is instantly reminded of the playful kitten she once had long ago when she was still human. She impulsively reaches for Alice and pulls her into a hug.

"Just be careful…okay" she says softly.

Alice is instantly warmed by the gesture. It wasn't often that the blonde vampire shows her affections in such a physical manner. She wraps her arms around the taller blonde and hugs her back tightly, soaking in the moment.

"Okay" she replies while giving her a reassuring smile when she sees Rosalie's thinly veiled look of concern before turning and skipping away. Though there were still issues left to be resolved she felt lighter than she had in a long time, and as soon as she could get home to shower and put on a clean change of clothes she was going to see Bella again. Her steps were light and swift, gaining speed as she breaks into a run. She was only dimly aware of the cold wind whipping across her face. While the general population tended to find the local weather depressing it was one of the primary reasons they came to Forks in the first place. It was a form of protection for them. Alice now found the cold, wet and grey skies of Forks to be a blessing. She pressed her limits and ran like the wind, not for sport or competition, but for the joy of knowing that soon she would see Bella again.

By the time Bella had finished doing enough housework to feel satisfied that the place looked presentable enough she heard the doorbell ring. When she had called earlier she was relieved that Alice readily agreed to come over that afternoon. Bella felt that familiar tingle of nervousness as she treads towards the door. When she opens it and her eyes immediately land on Alice she's again struck by her effortless beauty. She's wearing a long grey cashmere overcoat and stood with her hands in her pockets, looking up at Bella with a shy, tentative smile.

Bella insides melt at Alice's demure expression and she reflexively smiles back. It was hard not to be affected by Alice when she looks at her like that.

"Hi" Alice softly chimes.

Bella eyelids flutter a few times before she can make an effort to respond normally, as if Alice was the still same person she knew before her mind blowing revelation. But then she always felt a little off balance when she was in her presence. So she could only strive for what was relatively normal for her.

"Hi A-Alice…come on in", she widens the door and waves her in with a welcoming gesture.

Alice's smile grows a little more confident and she steps inside with that light, airy, graceful quality she has, reminding Bella of all the times she was mesmerized by this, how a part of her always noticed that there was more grace and poise than was normal for a modern day teenaged girl. As she watches Alice take off her coat she notices now more than ever the easy flow of Alice's movements, a smooth fluidity with every simple motion that was quite beautiful to watch. She wonders if this attribute came with being a vampire, or if its just simply an Alice thing. From what she's seen of the Cullens they all seem to possess certain poise, an inherent air of self-confidence about them, but there was something more than that with Alice. Since Bella only ever had eyes for the smallest Cullen, she considers that she is possibly a little biased with her observations.

She must have let her thoughts wander in this direction longer than she realized because she's suddenly aware that Alice was looking at her with a faintly questioning expression. They were both still standing in the living room and were taking each other in silently for a moment. Alice was making a conscious effort to let Bella lead the conversation and wait for her to speak first. She knew she was bound to have a lot of questions for her, and she wanted to let Bella decide how she wanted to start.

Bella quickly gathered her wits and took Alice's coat that was draped over her arm and hung it on the coat rack.

They sat down on the couch and were close enough to reach over and touch, but no physical contact had been made between them so far. Bella sensed that Alice was giving her the leeway to start the conversation. Now that Alice was sitting next to her she found the multitude of questions that she thought about during her busy morning had flown from her mind. She blinked and turned her head to the side in order to gather her thoughts.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Bella asked in part out of manners, and also for something to say until she gathered all of her wits.

"No thank you, I'm fine." Alice smiled at Bella's politeness, she was too adorable at times. She resisted the urge to reach out and take Bella's hand, to try to ease her nervousness. But she knew that Bella was trying to focus on how to start this conversation, and touching tended to be too distracting for them both.

"Do you even drink? I-I mean I've only seen you take a few sips of water, and it was like you were…just going through the motions."

"I get all of my sustenance from the blood of animals. I don't require fluids other than that. So yeah…I was just going through the motions in a way. I can drink a few sips of water without ill effect though."

Bella's ears pricked up at hearing the word "blood", it triggered a lot of the questions that's been floating in her mind since yesterday's events.

"So vampires do drink blood. That part isn't a myth."

Alice's expression was open and honest, and she spoke in gentle tones, but with just enough seriousness that expressed her sincerity. "Unfortunately yes, we do require blood to…live."

Her momentary pause wasn't lost on Bella. She wasn't sure how to formulate her next question, or if she even knew what needed to be asked next.

The vampire saw the conflicted look on Bella's face. Perhaps instead of playing twenty questions – which could easily lead to two hundred, she could answer at least some of them tonight, starting with telling her some of the basics.

"Vampires are basically people who have died by being bitten by a vampire and consuming the blood of a vampire. There's a painful period we go through when this happens, a transformation. It usually lasts for a few days, sometimes longer. Then we're resurrected as another vampire who craves nothing but blood. Most vampires live off the blood of humans, but some of us don't. My family and I only live off the blood of animals. It sustains us, but isn't quite as satisfying as human blood. Its like being a carnivore, but living as an herbivore. You crave a big juicy steak, but make yourself eat tofu instead. Not as satisfying but you get by."

"So its not an easy lifestyle…being a vampire who abstains from human blood?"

It's extremely difficult at first. The longer you've been a human drinker the harder it is to make the adjustment. Like an addiction - you can abstain from it, but a vampire can never entirely rid themselves of the hunger for human blood…its in our very nature. But every vampire is a little different; some are more immune to the allure of blood than others. And people are different too. Some people's blood has a more attractive scent compared to others."

Bella listened with fascination. When she saw a look cross Alice's eyes, she seemed to hesitate before adding anything.

She raised a questioning brow at her and asked, "So is it hard for you to be around me?"

"I'll admit that although I usually have no problem being in close proximity to humans, it's a little more difficult being around you for that reason."

"Because my blood smells good?" Bella sounded intrigued by this.

"Yes. Yours has a particularly…alluring smell." Alice's voice lowered an octave, sounding different in a way that Bella hadn't heard before. There was an almost sultry, seductive quality behind it, and if she were complimenting her on something other than the smell of her blood, Bella thought she could easily swoon just from the way she spoke.

Alice picked up on the rise in Bella's heart rate, pumping the blood in her system harder and making it go a little faster…the slight blush on Bella's cheeks involuntarily confirming her admission, making her delicious scent even more perceptible.

Bella noticed the subtle change in Alice's eyes, golden amber seemed a little darker, and pupils a little larger. It was obviously an unconscious reaction, one Alice couldn't control, but it was just enough to make her shift a little in her seat and turn her head to the side while brushing a hand through her long brown hair. Alice immediately recognized the habit as a nervous one.

"Bella…" Alice spoke with a quiet, tender ache in her voice that Bella felt clench around her heart. She turned to look back at her and saw that her instinctive reaction hadn't gone unnoticed by the vampire. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes. As her gaze lingered she was struck by the innate feeling of being in the presence of someone who despite appearances, experiences life in a way that was vastly different than her own. The eyes swimming within golden pools of amber have seen things that she's never seen. They conveyed a sense of experiencing unfathomable loss and pain, yet surviving by attaining incredible strength, knowledge and power.

Alice's voice regained its usual clarity, and captured Bella's full attention once again.

"I know this has all been a lot to digest. In truth it would have been much better for you not to even know that vampires really exist and not get involved with vampires in any way. I wish I could have at least found an easier way to -"

Her words were cut short with the pressing of Bella's lips against her own. Bella had closed the distance between them and shouldn't have been able to take Alice by surprise the way she had, but she did, and not for the first time recently. Rather than dwell on how a girl who was as young and human as Bella was able to do so, she let herself enjoy the feeling of her warm lips merging with her own, and allowed herself this moment of falling into her human warmth and desire.

Bella's kiss was something more than just an impulsive display of affection. It felt more like a proclamation. There was meaning behind the way she collided her lips against her mouth, the slight pressure she used until Alice responded by kissing her back. Bella thread her fingers through her hair before cupping against the back of her neck, as if to prevent her from pulling away too soon. They eventually relaxed into the kiss and after a moment Bella eased back and slowly opened her eyes. Her hands rested on Alice's shoulders, and smaller hands held her loosely around the waist.

"Alice…" Bella swallowed thickly and she let out a puff of air through her nose that tickled across Alice's face.

"Yes?" Alice breathed out softly after a moment of silence.

Bella licked her lips, and focused on putting her feelings into words. She held Alice's gaze and felt the affection she held for her and had no desire to pull away from that.

"I care about you Alice…you being a vampire doesn't change that. Yes, it's a lot to take in, and it'll take me some time to really get used to the idea, but like I told you before…I'll be here for you if you want me to be."

Alice could swear she felt a single, resounding thump pulsate deep within her chest, though her heart that had effectively shut down over a century ago. Her emotions must have triggered the psychosomatic sensation, though she felt elated at the possibility that if even for one brief moment, her body reacted to Bella's words as though a spell had been cast, making her feel fully alive again.

Alice parted her lips as if to speak, but she was almost afraid to, as if it would break the enchantment of Bella's words. Her gaze slowly dropped from chocolate brown eyes to soft pink lips that spoke the words she longed to hear. She leaned forward to reconnect their lips with a light kiss. When Bella sought to deepen the kiss Alice was more than happy to let her. Finding the right words to express her thoughts and feelings for Bella could wait a little longer.