The storm had started up again outside, but it was nothing compared to what was going on inside him. Everything seemed to scream out and yet not a sound escaped. Bo stood there silent, watching him, waiting for his reaction.
"Kelly's at work," he stated, his voice eerily calm.
Bo knelt down beside the chair. "Joey." He knew this feeling. He knew this pain and he would give anything to take it away from him, but he couldn't. Joey had to deal with it. If he'd learned anything from all the tragedies in his life, he'd learned that. You couldn't avoid pain like this. You had to work through it.
"Uncle Bo," Joey said, his voice a little louder, but still just as calm, "She's fine. I know. I'm sure of it. If she wasn't, I'd know."
"There was an accident near Angel Square." Bo spoke calmly, but firmly. He had to find some way to get through to him. "A red Audi hit a tree, which fell onto a power line. With the rain and the weather, the tanker just couldn't stop and…" His voice trailed off as he watched Joey shake his head furiously.
"It wasn't her," he muttered. "The license plate…did you get the number."
"No, Joey. The car….the tanker hit the power line…it was live. There was a fire. We couldn't get a number off the plates."
"See..See…" He jumped out of the chair. The thoughts came so fast now. His brain was struggling to keep up. He felt out of control, his heart beating faster and faster with each passing second. "You don't know that it was her. You don't even know that it was her car for sure. You don't know. It could have been someone else that had the same car. There are probably hundreds of…" He stopped short as he watched Bo unclench his fist.
"What is that?" he asked, his voice shaking. He silently prayed that he was wrong. That Bo was not holding the one thing in his hand that could change everything.
"We found this," Bo said quietly. "We think maybe she was trying to get out of the car and it fell off." He held out the misshapen diamond bracelet to Joey. The fire had left its mark, but it was definitely Kelly's.
"This doesn't prove anything," he whispered, still unable to comprehend the reality of the situation. "She could have dropped this anywhere. Someone could have stolen it."
Bo shook his head. "We ran the GPS on her phone. It was in the glove box of the car. Joey, I'm so sorry. If there was any chance…."
Joey stood up, walking over to the mantle and picking up a picture of Kelly that stared back at him. Could it be true? Could she be gone? It just didn't feel real. He didn't feel different. "I want to see her."
"You can't. The fire it….There isn't….Joey, we just couldn't get her out of the car in time."
He bit down hard on his lip until he tasted blood. The pain was a welcome reprieve from the crazed chaos that had overtaken his body. He took a deep breath before walking to stand in front of his uncle. "Let me get this straight," he began, his voice shaky but stern, "You want me to believe that the woman that I love more than anything in the world, the woman that I just got back is gone. You want me to believe that she died, but you're telling me that there's no body for me to see. No one for me to say goodbye to? Is that what you're telling me?"
To hear it said like that, Bo could barely respond to the situation. It sounded horrific…worse than any horrible joke or curse he could imagine. "If there had been anything I could have done, Joey."
"There is something you can do," Joey said, moving towards the door. "You can listen to me and listen good. Kelly is not gone. If she were gone, I would know it. She might have been in an accident, but she's still here. Kelly is not dead. She's still with me."
"Of course she is," Bo replied softly. "She'll always be with you. She'll always be with all of us. The love that you and Kelly had was so powerful that not even death can…"
"That's not what I'm talking about!" Joey screamed, his anger overwhelming his rational thoughts. "She's not dead. She's out there and I'm going to go find her."
Bo rushed towards the door in an effort to stop him, but he was already gone. The storm raged in the background as Bo picked up the phone.
"Kevin," he said as the voice on the other end answered. "It's Uncle Bo. Listen, I've got some really bad news."
The rain was coming down harder now, but he hadn't even really noticed, not that it would have mattered. Not that anything really mattered. Joey stared up at the sky from atop the Palace roof.
"I'm right here," he whispered, his fixed on the sky. He searched for the star, the same star he'd given her, the same star they'd stared up at together right here on this roof so many nights. The clouds were too thick, the storms were far from over.
"Joey," Kevin called out, his voice barely registering above the wind and rain. He took a step out onto the roof, wincing as the raindrops stung his face. "Why don't you come inside? We'll talk. We'll figure this out."
"No. No. I'm waiting for her." Joey didn't move. He stared at the sky, willing the clouds to part, as if someone the star would be the sign…the sign that she was ok…the sign that she was coming back to him.
"Listen, I know about Kelly. Bo called and…"
"He's wrong. She's not gone. She's fine." He couldn't stand to hear the words again. They were lies. Horrible, awful lies. If Kelly were gone, a part of him would go too. A part of his heart would have died right along with her.
Kevin reached up, wiping the raindrops away from his eyes, as he tried to step underneath the door frame for some shelter. "I know it's hard Joey…believe me…I know. When Grace died I…"
"Don't do that." His voice was raised and almost threatening. "Don't compare what you had with Grace to what I had with Kelly."
"I'm not doing that. It's just….I just meant. I know it's hard to accept it. I know when you love someone that much…believing that they're gone is…" Kevin took a deep breath. His heart was breaking too. Kelly had been a part of his life for years. They shared a child, one that had never been born, and one that they'd raised together. Zane had to be told, he thought to himself, as he closed his eyes. That phone call would be one of the hardest things he ever had to do.
"Come on Joe." Kevin tried again. "It's miserable out here. We'll go inside. We'll talk." He watched and still nothing.
"Alright," he sighed. "We don't have to talk. We can just sit. We don't have to do anything."
"You go," Joey spoke, his voice low and steady. "I'm staying here. This is where she'll come."
"What? Joe…She's not…She's…" Kevin glanced up at the sky. If there was a such thing as divine intervention, he could really use a little now.
"We had a fight tonight," he said quietly, his voice faltering as he looked over at Kevin.
Kevin nodded, taking a step closer to him despite the rain that continued to fall. "Before she left?"
Joey shook his head. "I told her to go, Kevin. I sent her away. The last thing I said to her…." He swallowed, trying desperately to push past the lump that grew in his throat every time he relived that moment….something he'd done hundreds of times in the last few hours.
Reaching out his hand, Kevin touched his shoulder lately. "It's ok. What did you say?"
"I told her to go and take care of what was important to her." He struggled to take another breath. Even as he repeated the words, they cut at his heart. His eyes raised to meet Kevin's. "She asked me if that's what I wanted, and I said nothing…Kev." His words were coming faster now as he became more upset. "I said nothing…I just watched her go. What if…What if…"
"I'm sorry to interrupt," Bo said as he stepped out onto the roof holding an umbrella. "They told me inside that I could find you two out here. You don't want to."
Kevin shook his head. "We're just gonna stay here for a while."
Bo nodded, walking slowly over towards Joey. "Listen, I just wanted to let you know that forensics finished analyzing the scene. They were able to get an imprint of the plate and…"
Joey looked up at him, his eyes hopeful.
"I'm sorry, but the plates matched Kelly's registration. It was definitely her car." He cringed as he watched the hope fade from his nephew's eyes, only to be replaced by vacancy.
"Joe, is there anything we can do for you?" Kevin asked, grasping his shoulder. "Anything? You just name it."
"Just go," he repeated slowly. "I just want to be alone."
"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Bo protested. "I know that's what you think you want, but you're gonna start thinking and you're going to need someone. Let us stay here with you, or better yet, come back with us. Let us help you."
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here. She's…She'll." Joey blinked, looking from Bo to Kevin. He knew what they were thinking. They were mentally recalling the stages of grief. No doubt they believed he was stuck in denial.
"Joey," Kevin tried again.
"Get out of here!" Joey screamed, unable to hold his anger in any longer.
Kevin moved toward him, but Bo reached out to stop him.
"Just leave him be," Bo said quietly. "He just needs some time. Let's give it to him."
Joey stood silently as they left. It couldn't be true. None of it. Kelly couldn't be gone. There was too much left to say…too much left to do…to many dreams left to fulfill.
"I'll be right here," he whispered, looking back up towards the sky.
He'd lost track of time sometime around 3 in the morning, around the same time that the rain mercifully stopped falling. Although he hadn't slept, he felt as if he'd drifted away somewhere, somewhere where Kelly wasn't lost to him…somewhere where it was easier to believe that she'd come back.
"Where are you Kel?" he whispered, looking up at the pink and purple sky, which was just now beginning to show signs of a new day.
He'd always believed, in a reason for things, in a higher purpose, in a higher power, so much so that he'd even entertained the idea of the ministry as a career, but this…this made him question everything.
"What is this?" he said, his voice breaking, his attention directed to the sky. "Is this some kind of punishment? Is this because I didn't appreciate her…because I didn't love her enough? Is that it?" He took a shaky breath.
"Because if it is, you're wrong. I did love her…I loved her more than I ever thought I could…more than I ever did before…more than I loved anything..more than I loved myself. I just…I lost it for a minute. I said some stupid things…some things I didn't mean. Is this your grand plan? Is this the way you make your points? You take people? Good people? People with dreams and hopes? People with families and lives? People that believe in You and your power?" He felt the warm tears begin to slide down her face.
"I want her here with me!" he screamed. "You don't need her now. You can't have her yet!" His anger overwhelmed him for a moment, and then in an instant he was overwhelmed again with almost immediate surrender. "Please," he whispered. "Please don't take her."