A/N: Sorry for the late update!
Chapter 5: Feminist Beer
Mochu, Yuu and Natsume were all sat on the university picnic tables, having lunch. It was a mild day, with spots of sunshine and a nice, steady cool breeze – perfect for sandwiches, warm tea and friends.
For now, they were casually talking about the sandwich collection in the nearest convenience store, discussing whether there should be more tomatoes in the sandwich or not. It was light conversation – inconsequential chatter that bounced off into the air, but to Yuu, it was exactly these sorts of conversations that he lacked his whole life. A small and thankful smile played on his lips as he ate his sandwich with his friends.
"If you want more tomatoes in the sandwich," Mochu was saying to Natsume, "you should just get a tomato sandwich."
"Just give me your tomatoes." Natsume countered back, opening his sandwich, holding it up to Mochu.
"Wow," a voice said, from beside the picnic table, "there I was thinking that you boys always and only talk about literature and philosophy." It was Mikan. She was smiling down at them, amused. "How wrong I was. Ignorance really is bliss, huh?"
Natsume reeled in his sandwich. He didn't get the tomatoes from Mochu, but that didn't really matter anymore. "I thought you had a lab assessment?"
"Yeah, well, two people fainted so it's been postponed. They've given us a thirty-minute break, to give the two enough time to recover. So here I am."
Mochu furrowed his eyebrows. "Why did they faint?"
Casually, Mikan replied, "Dissection of the heart. Really bloody, even with a dead body."
Natsume by this point had scooted over to make room for Mikan beside him. True, he was sitting next to Yuu, whilst Mochu on the opposite side had an empty space beside him, but he just assumed that Mikan would want to sit next to him. (Not to mention, he wanted Mikan to sit next to him. He wanted to put his hand on her knee. It was comforting.) But despite his scooting; despite pushing Yuu to make space for Mikan; despite it all, Mikan easefully just sat next to Mochu, not even realizing, let alone appreciating Natsume's efforts. Yuu noticed of course, and with an entertained smile, he pushed Natsume back, reclaiming some space.
"God, I hate you medics." Mochu grumbled. "You make the rest of us seem so insignificant."
"Nonsense. You dissect poetry, and I dissect people. Same thing, really." By her smile, it was clear she was teasing. But then, her eyes cleared; an idea had just popped in her mind. "Oh, that would be an interesting poem. One of you should write it. Treat words like body parts, cut them up, rearrange them, fill them with something new, then sew it all back together."
"You certainly bring new ideas to this table," Mochu commented, impressed, "hey – Natsume told me you sometimes read his stories. Could you read mine too someday? You might give some new perspective to my work."
Natsume looked scandalized at this suggestion, and even more so when Mikan nonchalantly agreed to Mochu's wishes. Some part of him (well, a very large part of him) wanted to tell Mochu to ask his girlfriend, Anna, to read his stories, not Mikan. Yes, Mikan was smart and well read, and not his girlfriend, but… but…
Natsume was lost for words. He couldn't articulate at all how he felt right then. He felt offended that she didn't sit next to him; offended that she treated his friends in that same light, teasing manner and frankly upset that she agreed to Mochu. But rationally speaking, there was no reason to be offended or upset. She was not his girlfriend, and he was not her boyfriend. His feelings were irrational, unjustified and unfair. And so, he was lost for words, for he knew that he was being baseless.
That didn't mean that his face hid his conflicted and turbulent emotions well. Yuu was the first to spot it, but soon after, Mochu noticed it too. The two immediately (and, well, wrongly) assumed what Natsume's look meant: 'stop cockblocking me'.
Yuu stood up first. Mochu followed suit.
"Where are you going?" Mikan couldn't help but ask, as their departure seemed so abrupt.
Not bothering to be coy, Mochu just winked. "We'll leave you two together."
Mikan seemed confused. "Why?" For as far as she knew, she had just stumbled across all three boys having lunch. She had interrupted them, and their insightful conversation about tomatoes. She had no intention of breaking up their lunch plans. That was not why she came here. "You haven't even finished your lunch." She was looking at their half-eaten sandwiches. "Don't be silly. Sit down."
Unknown to her, and away from her view, Natsume was motioning his head at his two friends. They understood that jerk of the head plainly: Natsume was asking them to leave them alone.
Both Yuu and Mochu amusedly sighed, looked at each other, before telling Mikan that they had to go to the library, and not to worry about their sandwiches, for there was a corner in the library where food could be consumed. They bid her goodbye, and waved at Natsume, reminding him of a lecture in an hour.
As soon as they left, Natsume left his side of the table, and sat himself down next to Mikan. Quickly, he put his hand on her knee. It was not done suggestively; her knee was simply the most comforting hand-rest. She responded by quietly leaning closer in to him.
There were so many things he wanted to say to her then. He wanted to plead to her not to read Mochu's stories; he wanted to ask why she didn't sit next to him; and he wanted to know why she didn't seem to care as much as he did. But he daren't do so. So, instead, he just silently finished eating him sandwich with one hand.
"Hey, gimme a bite."
He passed her the sandwich. She took a bite, and passed the sandwich back. "Oh, you're right." She said as she finished swallowing. "This needs more tomatoes."
And just like that, Natsume's unsettled feelings settled down. His worries, pleas and questions all faded away into the back of his mind. He realized that this was not the time to be petty. Now was the time to appreciate Mikan's presence; they did not have plans to meet tonight, so the fact that she was here now, in the afternoon, beside him, was providential and fortunate.
With this newfound feeling of auspiciousness, he thought he could be honest. "I'm happy you're here."
She laughed. "Wow; that was one of the sweetest things you've ever said."
"I always say nice things about you."
She rolled her eyes, diverted. "Yeah, about my ass or something."
"But your ass is nice."
She glared at him. "You're hopeless."
Natsume laughed. "I'm joking." He glanced down at her chest. "You have a nice heart too."
Seeing where his eyes were directed, she snorted disbelievingly, "Yes, I'm sure you mean heart, not chest."
She took his sandwich from his hand and took two bites. Despite her earlier wary tone, glare, snort and sighs, she now glanced up at him, and smiled with her mouth closed. He smiled back at her, patting his hand against her knee. However, once she swallowed her mouthful, a more pensive and serious expression took over. "So, it's you, Mochu, Yuu and…? What's the name of your fourth member again? The tall one?"
"Rei Serio. But we all call him Persona."
She nodded, taking note. "So, your little club is made up of four male students? With a famous male author-professor as a mentor?"
"Z Kuonji," Natsume clarified, not knowing where Mikan was going with all these questions, "yes. That's right."
Her intention was made clear with her next frank query, "Why aren't there any women in your club?"
"Well, they applied. But then again, nearly everyone in Yuu's year applied, but just Yuu got through. Hey, hey," he noticed her lips thinning, "we're not a sexist club. It just happens that all our current members are men. That doesn't mean we wouldn't accept a woman in the future. We're just looking for good writers."
"When candidates apply, is it done anonymously? Or do they stick their name at the end of their short story?"
"They stick their name at the end of the story."
"Don't you think it should be anonymous? So you don't unconsciously make assumptions?"
"Look – it's not my fault that Yuu Tobita wrote a better story than Rika Yamazaki, or whoever. It's not my fault that Rika Yamazaki decided to write about a dreamy summer love whilst Yuu Tobita decided write about the deafening depression one feels when summer ends."
Mikan looked angry now. Pushing herself slightly away from Natsume, she asked, "Alright, first of all, why are you making this about yourself? I never said it was your fault. I'm just voicing my concern about the fact that your 'literary' club is compromised exclusively of men—"
"We invited women to submit their work too, but—" Natsume started to defend himself and his club.
"Do not interrupt me." Mikan shot back. "I'm speaking, Natsume." Seeing her ire, he backed down. She continued, "Second of all, your point about Rika Yamazaki is exactly why I think you should make the submission process anonymous. You just picked a random girl's name and said she wrote about love in a painfully sneering voice. Your example rests on your prejudice and clichéd notion that women can only write about love. But what's worse, you make fun of that. There's nothing wrong in writing about love. Yet when Jane Austen writes about it, her novels are seen as chick-lit, but when Fitzgerald writes about love, his novels are hailed as the cornerstone of modern American literature?"
"Well, Fitzgerald is a better novelist than Jane Austen…"
Clearly Mikan did not agree. "I don't care if you think he's better or not. That's your subjective opinion, and literature is open to subjective interpretation. My point is, a man and a woman could write the same story, about love and society, yet the man's story will always be deemed to be better. Just look at your syllabus!"
"That's not true. It's just men are often better writers than women. Most writers are men, that's why our syllabus has more male writers—"
Mikan now looked scandalized. "I can't believe you just said that. Natsume, you're so ignorant."
It was the first time someone had ever called him ignorant. Throughout his life, he had always been praised; always been told how smart he was; how he was different, better; how he was original; how he was destined for greatness—
"You love the Romantics. You've proved that to me the first night I met you." Mikan continued. "And if you love them as much as you claim, you would know that in the Romantic period, there were more female novelists and poets than male. You would know that Wordsworth ripped his ideas from Joanna Baillie. You would know that Wordsworth took most of his verse material from his sister, Dorothy's letters and journal. You would know that Wordsworth, Keats, Shelley and the rest of the big male poets were not well known in their contemporary society. Yet now, they represent the movement, and now, the female poets and writers alike are pushed into the backstage, their legacies obscured. And this is what keeps on happening! Why is Mary Ann Evans remembered as George Eliot? Because she felt compelled to use a male pen name, in the hopes that her novels would be taken seriously. Why do you think J.K Rowling decided to publish only the best selling franchise as J.K rather than Joanna Rowling? Because she knew exactly what kind of society we live in. She and Mary Ann Evans knew that we live in a society where a man's word is more credible than a woman's. And your statement, citing that there are 'more male writers' is infuriating. Haven't you read Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own? How could a literature student even say that? It's just as Austen says: men have always held the pen; women can sometimes use the pen, but ultimately, the men own the pen."
(It was probably after that mammoth of a speech Natsume realized how much he valued Mikan. She challenged him. She put his intellect and beliefs into perspective. She illuminated his ignorance. She reminded him he was just a guy in his early twenties.)
"Look," Natsume voice was even, "I understand you. I… I misspoke. What you've said is right—"
"If you think so, then you should write to the Literature course convener! Tell them you're concerned by the lack of female writers and poets on the course." She leaned closer back into him, and he was momentarily relieved and pleased when she did not pull away from his touch. "This is Alice University. It's the best university in the country. But the gaping lack of diversity on the Literature course is astounding. You should also point out the lack of poetry and books written by ethnic minorities on the syllabus. Surely you're bored of reading stories and poems written by dead old white men?"
(He somewhat wished Mochu and Yuu had been with him, despite his earlier behavior. He wished they had just heard her zealous and vehement speech.)
"I'll write to the convener, I promise. In fact, you can even edit the letter – how's that?"
"I would like that," the passionate flush faded slightly from her cheeks as a thankful smile crept up on her lips, "thank you."
Hoping to hear more of that thankful tone, Natsume continued promising, "And next time Kuonji decides to show his ass to one of our meeting, I'll bring up the anonymous submission idea."
"Thank you," she said, now resting her hand on his thigh. She squeezed it gently, affectionately.
"So, how do you know so much about the Ali-U Literature syllabus?"
She shrugged, and vaguely replied, "My mum. She likes to know these things."
"Oh," he was slightly confused, and urged for clarification, "is she a professor?"
Mikan shook her head.
"Educational moderator?"
Mikan shook her head.
"Does she write for a newspaper? You know; the people who decide the National University Rankings at the end of every academic year?" At this point, he was guessing in mirth.
Mikan did more than shake her head this time. She had also noticed his new founded teasing tone. "No, she doesn't." She casually glanced at him, in a purposefully relaxed manner. "But she is a writer… my mum's Yuka Sakura."
For the first time, Mikan wiped Natsume's smirk off his face, clean and quickly. Even his jaw slackened (bonus points!). His eyes very quickly flashed from incredulity to utter disbelief. "… What! … You mean Yuka Sakura, the Yuka Sakura who wrote Sea of Dreams? Death Cake? Crying Alchemist? … that Yuka Sakura?"
Mikan cupped Natsume's cheeks with one hand, and squeezed it as if he were a child, "Yes. That Yuka Sakura is my mother." She confirmed it. She said it so easily. But to Natsume, it was as if she had just confirmed that she was from a parallel universe.
"… What! No way! What… Yuka Sakura is—I mean, your mum is one of my favourite contemporary writers—"
"Oh, is she?" Mikan loftily smiled, raising her eyebrows, now resting her chin on her raised arms. "Well, I wonder what my mother would say if she knew I was sleeping with a man who think female authors are second-rate,"
"I don't think that—"
"She'll certainly be personally offended. Years and years she's had to put up with critics comparing her work to Murakami's… she's fed up, you know? Not to mention, I'm sure she'll be horrified at my taste in men." She was outright teasing him now.
Natsume was trying to process everything. Then, he noticed something very weird, extraordinary and momentous. "You mean to tell me that I've been fucking Yuka Sakura's daughter?! That I've gone down on Yuka Sakura's daughter?"
"The one and only daughter," she bowed her head slightly, as if curtseying him, "tell me – feeling any wiser as a result?"
He gaped. "I can't believe it..." He really couldn't believe it – when he looked down at her, she didn't see Yuka Sakura's daughter. It was strange to think of her as both Yuka Sakura's daughter and Mikan Sakura. To him, she was Mikan Sakura. He only saw Mikan Sakura: he only saw Mikan Sakura's impish grin; Mikan Sakura's clear eyes; Mikan Sakura's lovely, lovely lips…
"Do me a favour and don't tell Mochu or Yuu. Not many people know this, and I want to keep it that way. Especially from you Literature students, or else all the boys and girls will stampede through my door, demanding a signature." She glanced at her watch. "I have to go. You should also get ready for your lecture." But she was not rushing – she had time to say a little goodbye to him. Still sitting by him, she now cupped both her hands around his cheek. She kissed him; it was both chaste and passionate, with just her lips pressed firmly against his. He held onto her. "Do me another favour… read up on feminist critics of the 20th century. You know, just in case I feel nice enough to introduce you to my mother one day. She won't like you unless you've read Gillian Beer – just a tip."
"I'll keep that in mind." He kissed her again.
It was a mild day, with spots of sunshine and a nice, steady cool breeze – perfect for sandwiches, conversation and warm kisses.
To: Yamada, Serena
Cc: -
Subject: Essay title revision
Dear my favourite Professor and personal tutor,
I hope this email finds you well.
At my tutorial yesterday, I told you that for my next essay I wanted to write about the punctuation format in Tristram Shandy. I've decided I don't want to write that essay anymore. Is it all right if I change my essay title to: Gillian Beer's reading of Virginia Woolf? I want to explore feminist criticism of the 20th century, and I thought I could start with that. I hope this is not a problem (especially as I've already started the essay).
Also, I thought I should let you know that I'm currently rereading Persuasion. I know that I told you I didn't care much for Jane Austen two weeks ago, but I want to retract that statement. I'm enjoying it. It's shrewd, subtle, smart and surprisingly spirited. It's funny. Overwhelming funny, actually. I guess Woolf was right; Austen is difficult to catch in the act of greatness'. I'm regretful that I didn't see her cleverness before. Just thought I'd let you know, so it's on the record.
Have a good evening,
Natsume Hyuuga
A/N: I know, it's so ironic/incorrect that Mikan talks so about more ethnically diverse writers, when they go to a university in Tokyo. It's really infuriating that I keep writing about English-speaking writers when they go to a Japanese university (I feel like I'm whitewashing the curriculum), but I'm just absolutely ignorant about Japanese literature… I'm sorry. I'm hoping you'll all look past that!
Review replies…
Lexi1989: Sorry if you're disappointed again by the lack of spectacle (wink wink), but it's coming (omg lol), I promise! Next chapter. Anyway, thank you for your review! I'm glad you liked the 'girl-talk', but more glad that I made a crazy-laughing-at-her-phone girl out of you, haha. And yup, Mikan is definitely comfortably with her sexuality. Hope you liked her in this chapter too! Hope to hear from you again.
SunBabyBoss: Thank you for your review!
Miss Evana: Thanks for your review! I'm glad you like my portrayal of the girls. And yeah… as you can probably tell from this chapter, I'm just fed up all around by the way women are portrayed and treated by literature and reality alike. And on a different note, yes I am English. You said you're French – I hope all of your family and friends are safe. I'm sorry about Nice. It's absolutely horrific and devastating. France to me represents freedom, democracy and cheese! My favourite things. Sending all my love to France. Best wishes xxx
Anilissa: Hello again, thanks for your review! Story is slowly but surely unfolding; I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks again! :)
CrimsonEyes Loves HazelOrbs: Haha, your reviews made me laugh. Glad I've supplied a new fantasy, I guess…? Haha. Anyway, I'm glad you like my characterisation of Mikan. To be honest, everyone's take on her is going to be different, but here's mine. But haha, I guess there is more excuse as to why Natsume might be portrayed as an asshole, as in the manga, he starts off as a complete prick. I think my Natsume is more OOC than my Mikan. But yes, here, he is less closed-off, and borderline psychotic, but rather (as you say) 'a realistic, regular guy' who likes having sex. On a different note: congrats on graduating! Well done. I laughed at how you said 'reminds me of college days', as if it's some long and distant memory, but then you say you 'just got out of college'. Haha. Sorry for the lack of lemon in this chapter, but hopefully you liked Natsume and Mikan's talk too. And your assumption is correct! I am indeed an EngLit student, guilty as charged. You said 'too' – I'm assuming you are too? Anyway, thanks for your review!
Ginger Velvet: No review can ever be too long! I love long reviews. So here's my long reply: ugh, I give up on England. It's just shit followed by more shit every day. I read this great article which said that the summer of 2016 will go down in history as the summer of shit, and I just couldn't agree more… As you say, Mikan would most likely not be all happy-go-lucky; I mean, how could any be so when the world is just so… crap? And really? You hear/see discussions like 'experience v.s. reality' at your campus pretty often? Sign me up—I'm transferring to your uni! Haha, I'm kidding. But I'm not kidding when I say that when I walk around my campus, all I hear is people talking about tinder, haha. Re: Koko's psychology test – my friend asked me those questions one evening. She said that a (tinder, lol) date asked her those questions on her first date with him. Anyway, I'm glad you like the gal-friendship – I agree when you say that many writers only bring in friends when seeking love advice. This isn't just in fanfiction though. Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test? If not, very simply put, (paraphrasing) it's a test that some critics use to highlight the gender inequality in fiction. The fiction passes the test if it meets all these requirements: there are two or more women in the fiction who talk to each other about something other than a man. Maybe that didn't make much sense – google is your best friend! It's really interesting and insightful. Okay, lol, excuse MY novella-length review reply. Thank you for your review! Hope you review again.
Next chapter will be steamy, I promise!