I don't own harry potter,

Harry ran, his hair going through the wind he wanted to punish himself for being pathetic, but that excuse was well pathetic..

He found himself near the whomping willow, as decided he was being stupid as he was walking along the river, A doe passed him the same pale one from his dreams, he followed it, and saw Snape standing there, "Come on potter!" "S-sir I'm sorry" "What for?" "What happened,back there" "My student caused the incident you simply tried to stop it, there was no reason to be sorry" Harry nodded and bit his lip "Sir did you see that doe?" "Yes harry, it is mine" "But sir, my mum she" he paused "its hers" Snape didn't speak after that, harry was put in Dumbledores waiting room, he didn't feel angry or sad infact he felt numb...

"Harry" said dumbledore he looked sadly at him, "There's two people who want to see you", it was Hermione and Ron, Hermione was crying and Ron just looked sad his brow frowned, Hermione wrapped her arms around him, Harry patted her back awkwardly " why d-didnt you tell us!" "I didn't want you two to see what i had become, so please stop looking at my arms like that, can you leave me alone, its better if you go" with that Hermione left the room, " please sir I'm tired I want to go to sleep" "Harry you were happy what changed" "I don't know, something changed inside of me I can't be happy, I can't be free" "Why not?!" "Because they follow me wherever I go" and with that harry walked out and headed to bed feeling numb,

Breakfast the next morning was a grim affair, People stared at harry as he sat down at the end of the Gyriffindor table it was pretty early, Hogsmeade was today he had no idea what he was going to do, He didn't eat much , but he had a few bites of toast, To try and show everyone he was okay, His stomach suddenly felt full, and harry felt all the fats and calories swirling inside him, feeling sick with himself he ran to the toilets, He tried to vomit putting the fingers down his throat, But couldn't bring himself to he got up shaking , and tried to brush his hair into place at the mirror, And of course it didn't Harry gulped it was time to leave for Hogsmeade, They all signed out and were guided to the town, Harry didn't know what to do so he hung round outside the shop that sold quills,

A Quill with a silvery white feather caught his eye it reminded him so much of Hedwig harry quickly checked his pockets and counted his change, he had just enough, he wanted to buy himself a butter beer later but that didn't matter, suddenly harry felt something rubbing against his leg, it was a black dog, Harry smiled at it , and followed the dog to an alley,

The dog stated to grow into a a form of a man, Which wrapped their arms around Harry, surprisingly harry Hugged the man back, and if course it was Sirius,

Sirius looked at Harry his brow frowned in concern, "How are you doing harry?" Harry went to turn away but Sirius placed his hands firmly on Harry shoulders, "Harry..." "Draco knows" Harry blurted out quicker than he wanted to, "What?" "Draco Malfoy knows about the thing" Sirius took a sharp breathe and looked harry in the eyes he knew what this would mean for harry, "D-does anyone else?" "Everyone Sirius , Everyone" Harry spoke firmly Sirius pulled harry closer, he looked into Harry's eyes, "When did the light go out harry?" Sirius pulled away "What do you mean?" "Your eyes, their dull" "That's incredibly creepy" "I know" Sirius laughed he put some coins into Harry's hand, "Go get us some drinks harry I'll wait here"

Harry had a werid feeling while he bought the drinks , so little was said back there yet it seemed like it meant a lot , Harry strolled out of the three broomsticks, he caught Ron and Hermione's eyes.

Harry passed the bottle to the man sitting on the concrete, and handed him the change, Sirius waved his hand "No, you keep it harry" "Sure?" "Yeah I got quite a bit now I've left that cave" Harry pocketed the leftover Knut's, there was silence while they drank, About halfway Sirius out of no where said, "I love you Harry" Harry looked at Sirius and nodded "I love you too Sirius " Sirius held harry untill they'd finished drinking Sirius checked his watch and stood up, "I believe its time for you to go Harry," "Already?" "Seems so" harry got up and wrapped his scarf around his neck, "I guess I'll see you Sirius" Harry gulped, they had one final hug, and they parted ways.

Dinner came and went another depressing affair, Harry once again went to bed as early as he possibly could, he couldn't sleep knowing there was a razor under his bed, everyone had long gone to sleep, Harry got up and took the razor, went into the bathroom and binned it, hoping he'd never need it again,

"I'm proud of you harry" came a voice behind him harry turned around to see a head full of red hair and a face full of freckles, "I'm sorry Ron" "I know harry let's get back to bed"

Harry woke up that morning, feeling a little better, He ran his hands though his hair, Pulled on A checked shirt that was way too big for him, harry smiled at this, this must of been Dudley's when he was about ten, and yet it still didn't fit harry,

He knew he didn't weigh that much but he did wish to be a little lighter.

Harry sat next to Ron at breakfast there wasn't much talking but Hermione did come sit next to them, The owls swooped down, dropping a parcel in front of harry, "No post on sundays" said a voice in Harry's head, he smiled.

Harry opened the parcel to see a quill and some ink inside, it was the same one Harry had meant to buy yesterday, there was a letter inside,

Now you can write to me in style!, I saw you looking at this yesterday I hope I got the right one!, looks like Hedwig's doesn't it, it's not I can asure you!,

Stay strong harry!,

Sirius

Harry smiled, and tested the quill on the corner on a napkin on the table, "Thats the same shade as Hedwig Harry!" Said Hermione, she hadn't spoke a word to him since the other night, "I know, its beautiful" smiled harry..

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