"Bones! Bones!" Jim hollered, shoving his way past the other cadets. God, when did he become Jim and not just Kirk?" But calling his name wasn't good enough for Jim. A vice-like grip grabbed ahold of McCoy by his shoulder, forcing him to turn around.
"What is it?" McCoy snarled.
"She didn't write anything."
McCoy's face dropped as he realized what Jim was saying.
"What?"
"Alice," Jim explained, "she didn't write anything on her exam. She just sat there, like she froze up."
There was no way. She had been the most prepared out of the three of them for this exam. She couldn't have just written nothing. But the way that Jim described it, the freezing… McCoy quickly scanned the crowded classroom, hoping to see her. There was no mistaking Alice's slender frame and ebony hair. She was amongst a crowd of cadets close to the door.
McCoy knew that he couldn't lose her. "Call Captain Pike and tell him what happened."
"Bones!" Jim called after him once more, and McCoy had no choice but to take his eyes off of her. "What did happen?"
"I don't know. Just tell him about the exam and what you saw."
And then he began to push his way through the ocean of people that were swarming for the exit, trying to reach her before she disappeared completely. Some of the cadets yelled at him, but they all quickly left him alone when they saw the glare he gave them if they didn't move out of the way fast enough.
McCoy had made it to the hallway, and he could just barely make her out of the crowd.
"Alice!" he called out to her.
But if she heard him, she ignored it.
McCoy began to move faster as he all but chased after her.
"Alice!" he tried again, hoping that she would hear him now that he was closer.
But she kept walking at the same calculated pace she had when she first lunged out of her seat and turned in her empty exam. Whatever triggered this episode was locked firmly in her mind and she couldn't hear anything else other than whatever was swarming in her head.
"Alice!" Leonard was all but begging her to stop, pleading with her to hear him.
And this time, Alice stopped.
Leonard knew relief at the situation for only a moment as he closed the distance between them. Before he placed himself directly in her path so that she could see him. And he could see her.
Alice's eyes, her beautifully chaotic eyes that were either closed off to strangers, warm with light and happiness when she was around Jim and himself, or intimidating when someone crossed a line with her, were now broken as she looked up at him. They weren't devoid of emotion, they were reflecting the worst emotions a person could feel, the ones that now plagued her now.
With steady, quiet movements, Leonard reached out to her, his hand hovering just behind her shoulder. But he did not touch her, something she was noticeably, albeit silently, thankful for, as Alice let him guide her away from the hallway and into a nearby classroom, one that wasn't being used for classes this semester.
Leonard was very careful from that point on. He made sure that she was facing away from the door so that she couldn't see the cadets in the hallway in case the thought of how many people were out there would overwhelm her. There was adequate distance between himself and Alice; and he stood arms crossed, slouched with his head bent forward slightly, making himself look as non-threatening as he could, trying to make it clear that he was there for her.
After a few moments of silence, letting Alice collect or maybe quiet her thoughts, Leonard decided to see just how much Alice might have dissociated to determine how bad it truly was.
"Alice?" he tried gently. "Alice, what happened?"
There was a blank expression on her face as she hesitated in answering. Leonard remained silent as he waited for her to make her first move if she was even capable of making the first move.
"I don't know," she said quaveringly, the soft and lost edge in her voice making her seem frail.
At least she's talking, he thought, releasing the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding as he relaxed slightly.
"Alright," Leonard continued, keeping his voice level and soft. "Can you walk me through what happened before?"
A whirlwind of emotions flickered in her eyes before Alice nodded faintly. "I was waiting to begin the exam, but Price just kept droning on. And I thought about looking up at you, but that might be cheating." She frowned slightly. "Jim was fidgeting beside me. I was tapping my pencil on the table…" As she talked, Alice started using her hands to narrate, walking him through the events. "When Price finally let us begin the exam, I remember turning the pages, skimming over the same things that she had just told us about moments before." She swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears. "And then I read the prompt—" Alice's voice cracked and she stopped herself, fighting to retain her composure. Leonardd waited patiently, though. He had all the time in the world to give to her. "And then Price was saying that time was up, to turn in the exams."
Leonard nodded, remaining sympathetic and understanding. He noted how she was very specific, adding little details, at the very beginning. But as soon as she mentioned the prompt, there were no more details and she was missing a complete hour of time from when the exam began to when it ended.
"What happened after you read the prompt?"
Movement flickered from the window in the door and Leonard saw Jim peer in before he stood in front of it, blocking it off from anyone who might try to enter.
"I don't know," Alice shook her head. "I couldn't—I couldn't move."
"Do you know why you couldn't move?" Leonard pressed gently.
"Yes."
Leonard could have asked her what froze her up, but he knew that it would cause her to close up again. And it was very likely that she wouldn't answer the question anyway.
"Do you know what triggered it?"
A moment of hesitation. "Yes."
"Can you tell me?"
Those beautiful eyes of hers that had been dodging his gaze since they entered the room finally settled on him. "I can't." The pain that flickered within the depths of her glacier blue, looping through the green and gold, told Leonard that she was telling the truth and that it was tearing her apart.
"It's alright, Alice," Leonard reassured her softly. "What do you need right now? How can I help?"
Alice began to wring her hands together fiercely; Leonard was slightly worried that she might be hurting herself as she did so. "I need to be in control."
She's been to therapy, he recognized. The fact that she mentioned control specifically told him that. The first thing you do with a victim of abuse that has just been removed from their abusive environment is to give them every opportunity to assert their own control over their life.
Leonard took a careful step forward. "Ok, sweetheart," he smiled at her. "You're in control. You're in complete control of me. Tell me what you want me to do. Tell me what you need me to do."
"Alright," she sighed deeply, the rough movement of her hands becoming softer. "Call Captain Pike. Tell him what happened."
"And what did happen, Alice?" At the slightly panicked expression she had, Leonard amended himself. "I just want to know what to tell him."
"Tell him—tell him it happened again and I couldn't complete an exam because of it."
"Ok," Leonard reassured her before pulling out his comm. unit slowly. He was thankful that Pike had given him his frequency after Jim's allergic reaction. He switched his comm. to confidential mode and placed it to his ear.
It didn't take long for Pike to answer. No doubt he had been waiting for something more after Jim's call. A call that Leonard wouldn't let Alice in on since it was something that she didn't control and it might backtrack on the progress he was making.
"McCoy. I need an update on Alice," he demanded. "Kirk gave me very little, and I expect you to give me more answers than questions."
"I'm calling on behalf of Alice, sir," Leonard said, not answering Pike's question so as to only do what Alice needed him to.
Pike wasn't surprised by this, though. "Go ahead."
"She wanted me to tell you that it happened again and that she couldn't complete an exam because of it."
"Let her know that I'll take care of it," Pike replied sincerely. "Oh, and McCoy. I don't know how bad it is, but if you can, take her to a roof or balcony. Open spaces with fresh air sometimes help her."
"Yes, sir," Leonard said curtly before he ended the call. Alice's eyes had never left him as she waited patiently and expectantly. "He said that he would take care of it."
"Ok," she breathed, relaxing a little.
"What else do you need me to do?"
"I don't know," Alice said, shaking her head. Her eyes began to flicker about the room nervously.
"Would you like to go outside?" Leonard suggested cautiously.
"Yes," she said firmly. "Take me to the roof?"
Leonard looked towards the door that was just behind her. He could still make out Jim's bulked figure guarding the door. "Is it alright if Kirk comes with us?"
"Yes."
He nodded, before leading her out of the classroom. As he opened the door, Jim wheeled around, a million questions written on his face; and all of them were silenced when Leonard gave him a stern look while shaking head no. Roof Loenard mouthed, pointing towards the end of the hallway where the elevator was located. Jim took the hint and took the lead, while Leonard slowed down his pace so that he was walking nearly side by side with Alice as they made their way to the elevator in complete silence.
The wind whipped around them violently on the roof with nothing to obstruct its path. San Francisco spread out before them, an industrial forest with thousands of moving parts all connected in their rush, but individual in their purposes and destinations.
It was impossible to miss the significant difference in Alice's behavior. The tense and timid movements that constricted her were melted away as she straightened her posture, her body relaxing with every breath. Her shoulders dropped, her head was held up higher.
"Stay here," Alice said clearly, no hesitation, no nervousness, as she walked forward, heading towards the edge of the roof.
Jim made a move to follow her, but Leonard quickly grabbed his arm to stop him. "Not right now," he warned him quietly.
"We shouldn't leave her alone," Jim argued, his voice matching Leonard's hushed tone.
"That's exactly what we're going to do." Jim gave him a look that told him he wasn't buying it. "Jim, she's uncomfortable in crowds, jumps easily at loud noises, and doesn't let people touch her. Solve two plus two and arrive at four without having me show you the arithmetic."
Jim looked taken aback for a moment, a mixture of horror and disbelief on his face before he got it under control. He gazed over at Alice, frowning slightly as it all fell into place for him. "Alright," he said, turning back to Leonard . "You got her off of the edge. Let me try to get her off of the roof."
"And how are you going to do that?" Leonard asked skeptically.
"Just…trust me Bones. And follow close behind, in case I make things worse."
Jim approached her slowly, walking loud enough for his footsteps to be heard. Alice was leaning forward against the railing along the edge of the roof, gazing at the San Francisco skyline as Jim sidled up to her, mirroring her posture, though he maintained a small amount of space in between them. Leonard had followed but remained behind them just within hearing distance.
"How long were you abused?" Jim didn't even hesitate, but his voice was calm, steady, uninterested even.
Alice looked over at him, then fixed her gaze back on the landscape. "Until I was twelve." A beat. "What about you?"
"It started when I was twelve, ended when I was fourteen. When I drove my uncle's old mustang over a cliff." Jim chuckled softly, but Alice frowned at him. "I jumped out before it took the plunge. No hope of salvaging it, though," he sounded rather proud of that. "Cops gave me an option. Juvie or community service on an off-planet colony." Jim shook his head. "Took the community service, and I never saw him again."
Alice nodded, a sad smile tugging at her lips. "The wounded recognize the wounded."
Jim scoffed, "Yeah." He looked over at her. "Your abuser… are they still in your life?"
"No," she sighed
"Who was it?"
Alice tossed her head back, straightening her posture, gripping the railing tightly. "It's classified," she said bitterly.
Jim moved a little closer to her, leaving only a small space in between their arms. To Leonard's surprise, Alice didn't move away from him. "Yeah… I know a bit about classified."
The wind chased away the conversation as they stood there on the roof, allowing silence to take back over. Leonard came to stand on the other side of Alice, moving slowly as he did so. All three of them stared out over the city, the breeze teasing their hair into a slight mess, pulling at their uniforms, stripping away everything. As they stood on that roof, Leonard could feel his own burdens and grief, the worries of his life being pulled away by the wind. He began to understand the profound effect it had, had on Alice's behavior and why Pike had suggested it.
"Do you need anything, sweetheart?" Leonard finally asked.
"I need a drink," she chuckled dryly.
"I'll buy," he offered, with a small smile.
"After formation of course," Jim chimed in.
"We could always skip," Leonard suggested.
"And go AWOL?" Alice asked with a raise of her eyebrows. "No. No, I need to run this off, and then drink it off."
"Alright," Kirk said, pushing himself off of the railing. "Let's get off this roof then."
"You don't have to tell me twice. I've been having these awful premonitions where one of you accidently knock me over the edge and send me hurtling towards my death." Leonard grimaced as he spoke, his panic-stricken voice similar to the one they had heard when he first got on that shuttle.
"That's the spirit, Bones," Jim scoffed. "I was starting to worry something was wrong with you. You've gone at least thirty minutes without listing some unlikely cause of death from an otherwise safe situation."
Leonard merely rolled his eyes, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling slightly when he heard Alice's infectious laughter being whisked away by the wind.
"…Carter froze up as soon as the patient's b.p. started to drop a little, so the attending had to step in and keep him from killing the guy during his appendectomy," Leonard chuckled, sipping lazily from his beer. "Called him 007 from then on out."
"How do you almost kill someone during an appendectomy?" Alice asked in amused disbelief, a small smirk playing on her lips and mirth dancing in the glacier blue of her eyes.
"Do you even know what an appendectomy is?" Leonard teased her, raising an eyebrow to challenge her.
Alice frowned playfully as if she found the idea offensive, and Leonard nearly laughed at how adorable she looked in that moment. Taking a swig from his drink had been the only thing that prevented him from doing so.
"The name comes from -ectomy which means excision of and append- which means referring to the appendix." She smiled in pride as Leonard nodded, impressed by her answer. "You're not the only one here smart enough to be a doctor."
"I never said anything of the like, sweetheart," he said, smiling at her, something that was becoming increasingly easier for him to do.
Leonard and Alice were once again seated at the bar next to one another. Jim was absent, as per usual, having chased after yet another skirt, although, he did set a new record for the amount of time he spent with them before strutting off. He had managed to make it something close to thirty minutes before his immaturity pulled him towards some girl. Alice didn't seem to mind, however, and Leonard certainly didn't care. It wasn't their job to cure Jim of his adolescent-like behavior.
"You still haven't answered my question," Alice continued, looking up at him from the neck of her bottle, the green of her chaotic eyes giving off a mischievous gleam.
"Interns are morons with a scalpel," he shrugged.
"Weren't you an intern once?" she teased.
"But I wasn't a moron," Leonard countered playfully.
"I never said anything of the like, Leon." The smile she flashed him before taking another sip of her beer, Leonard could have sworn it was seductive, and the wink she added only made it increasingly suggestive; and in truth, he was caught slightly off guard by it.
"007 did find a way to redeem himself, though," he managed to force out awkwardly. "Performed cardiovascular surgery in a hospital elevator."
Alice didn't seem to mind is slight blundering, however, and raised an eyebrow at him. "Now I know you're making this up."
"Nope," he said with a soft grin, amused by her slight bemusement. "Power outage and a bad backup generator caused him and another intern to get stuck in an elevator with a g.s.w. victim that still had the bullet in his chest. The head of cardio had to walk him through the surgery from outside the elevator, but he didn't nearly kill this patient."
"Sounds like you had a very…interesting internship and residency."
"It was a goddamn madhouse," Leonard chuckled fondly. "Both the patients and the doctors were behaving like animals."
"And were you the zookeeper, or ringmaster, or whatever?" Alice asked, her train of thought slipping as easily as the alcohol was past her tongue. "I got a little lost in your metaphors."
"No," he smiled. "The chief of surgery was, and let me tell ya', there was a reason he was bald."
Alice shook her head lightly as she burst into a playful fit of laughter, and Leonard couldn't help but join her. She was having an increasingly strong effect on him, and God help him, but he didn't care in the least bit.
Her laughter slowly faded as Alice's eyes returned to his own. "Thank you, Leon."
Leonard looked at her curiously. "For what?"
"For this," she said, using her beer bottle to motion around the room. "For before." She shrugged, her smile becoming quieter, more serious. "Just…thank you."
Leonard's own smile became more honest. "You don't need to thank me, Alice. I'm here for you whenever you need something to control, or anything else." The look on her face, the relief, gratitude, and happiness that relaxed her features and made her glow, in that instant, Leonard thought that it made joining Starfleet worthwhile. But that was a thought for him alone. "Besides. I should be thanking you for picking the cheap stuff and not drinking me out of house and home."
Alice smirked, "Yeah, well, I think you do a good enough job on our own without my help. And last I heard you were already out of house and home, Bones."
"Ouch!" Leonard winced playfully before chuckling into his bottle. "So tell me, if you're smart enough to become a doctor, why didn't you?"
"I hate hospitals and doctors," she answered quickly. Then she realized what she had said. "Most doctors."
"Oh, well, thank you for correcting yourself," Leonard said sarcastically. "For a second there you were going to hurt my feelings."
"You have feelings?" Alice asked in complete incredulity.
"Yes I do have feelings, I'll have you know," Leonard said in slightly tipsy defense. "They're very manly feelings. Full of strength, courage, and—"
"Alcoholism?"
"Yes—no!" he growled playfully. "Heroism," he corrected her, giving a nod as if to affirm that what he said was the truth.
"Well then, I'm sorry that I almost hurt your very special, manly feelings," Alice apologized, barely containing her laughter.
"You should be," Leonard smiled, taking another drink. "They're very sensitive."
Alice's face dropped in absolute seriousness. "Wait, are we talking about your feelings or your ego?"
A second of slight hesitation was only as long as she could hold out before Alice finally erupted into laughter. Leonard found himself once again joining her, admitting to himself that her remark was very clever even if it was at his own expense.
As they calmed themselves down, sides aching slightly as they had to catch their breath from their laughter, Leonard decided to backtrack on their conversation topics.
"What's the reason behind you not liking doctors?" he asked with a probing look
"They're very nosey, for one thing," Alice said, narrowing her eyes teasingly at him.
"Hey, it's our job to be nosey," Leonard said in sarcastic defense.
"And they're mean," she continued, her near childish behavior slightly endearing to him.
"Just because I'm mean doesn't prove we all are."
"And they're always sticking you with needles and hypo's."
"Again, that's our job."
"Well, it wouldn't kill you guys to be a little more forgiving with the hypo's," Alice said, her voice carrying a playful finality to it as she crossed her arms matter-of-factly.
Leonard shook his head before chuckling softly at her. He couldn't figure out why, but for some reason, he was finding tonight to be the most enjoyable night he had, had in nearly seven months. "You're right. On behalf of doctor's everywhere, I apologize for how trigger happy we are with hypo's, and I promise to be more conservative with them."
"Well, that's very kind of you," Alice said, her voice carrying a playful edge that let him know she didn't believe him for a second.
"See, we're not all mean," he grinned softly.
Alice merely rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, and Jim's not always obnoxious in some way."
"You have me there," Leonard admitted, waving Joe down. "Can we get two more?"
"What made you want to be a doctor?" Alice asked as they waited for their drinks, her voice erring on the side of caution as she finally returned Leonard's questions with some of her own. "It certainly couldn't have been because you like people so much."
"Did we start playing 20 questions without me realizing?" Leonard asking mockingly.
"Well, we could keep arguing about whether or not I should hate doctors," Alice offered sarcastically. "Plus I answered, your question. Time to pay up."
"Fine," Leonard scoffed. "Fourth generation doctor," he finally admitted. "I haven't known anything else."
"You could say it's in your…Bones," the obnoxious smirk on her face feigning innocence that was as horribly crafted as her pun.
"That was horrible," Leonard grimaced playfully. "And I'm pretty sure it's genes."
"Eh, same thing," she shrugged lazily.
"They're not even close to being the same thing."
Apparently, the near drunken outrage that tinged his mirth filled voice was hilarious to her because Leonard found Alice's laughter surrounding him once more. She was barely able to thank Joe as she accepted the bottle he offered.
As she got her laughter back under control, Alice fixed her attention back on him. Her brilliant eyes were disarming, but there was something else behind them, a sort of hesitation or reserved look to them.
"Alright," Leonard said. "Spit it out."
"Spit what out?"
"I can see the question in your eyes," he said with a smile. "You've been putting up with mine, so go ahead, ask."
Alice seemed to search his eyes for some sign that he was just joking around with her, but when she couldn't find what she was looking for, she relented. "Alright," she said, pulling something from her purse. "This is probably a very dumb, drunken question, but would you go to this stupid event with me?" she slid the invitation across the table's smooth surface towards him. "If I have to go, I'd rather not go alone."
Leonard studied her for a moment, she was clearly uncomfortable with asking him about something that was seemingly trivial. Maybe it's not trivial to her, he realized, his mind reflecting back to what had happened earlier that day. Leonard then studied the invitation. It was printed on the exact same cardstock he had gotten often back in Georgia, a bitter sense of nostalgia creeping up.
He flicked the invitation back towards her playfully, "I wouldn't mind," he said, with an amused grin. "What color dress are you going to where?"
Alice gave him a puzzled frown. "Why does that matter?"
"Traditionally, people who go to a formal event together wear either the same or similar colors. Usually, the gentleman will wear a tie or shirt that matches their partner's dress." Leonard explained with patient amusement.
"That's actually a thing?" she asked, her frown telling him that she thought he was full of shit.
"Haven't you been to these events before?"
"I go to them as little as I can get away with, and if I do have to go, I drink my way through them," Alice admitted, but there was a sly smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "And I've never been accompanied by a southern gentleman." The playfully mocking accent she tinged her words with was intoxicating. Leonard could only hope that his own accent, the one he could tell only became more predominant the more he drank, had the same effect on her.
"Well, as a southern gentleman, my job is to make sure you enjoy yourself at the gala no matter what," he said with a smile.
"And if I said the only way to enjoy myself was to get drunk on expensive alcohol and make a scene?" she teased.
"Then I'll be there to hold your glass or your hair as you make your scene."
Alice's subtle smile turned into a small grin as she laughed. "Don't worry, Leon. I wouldn't intentionally put you in a situation like that. I'm not out to embarrass you."
"Shouldn't you be worried that I might embarrass you?" he asked curiously, fully aware that he was nowhere near as prestigious as he had once been. He was a shell of the man who used to go to formal events with a beautiful woman on his arm.
"Let's just say that's one of the reasons I'm asking you and not Jim."
Leonard laughed slightly in complete understanding before he realized what Alice had left unsaid. One of how many? he wondered. "And what are the other reasons?" he asked, his voice low as he tried to tempt her into answering.
Alice smiled mischievously. "Actually, I think that puts us at 21 for questions…"
"It does not," Leonard said in playful outcry.
Her smile became much more gentle, allowing the weariness from her long day to show through enough for him to recognize. "It does for tonight," she said softly, definitely.
And Leonard was smart enough to know when to drop something and when to call it a night. "You going to be alright getting back to your apartment?"
"I've managed to make it home in far worse condition," she answered lightly. "Thanks for the drinks, Leon. I'll see you tomorrow." Her goodbye was punctuated by a radiant and intoxicating smile.
"Yeah, see you tomorrow." Leonard allowed himself to follow her with his eyes as she left the bar, only finally turning his attention back to his drinking when she was no longer in view from the windows.
While he would like nothing more than to test the limits of just how functional of an alcoholic he was, conversations with Alice always sobered him up. Well, that wasn't completely true. He could definitely feel the numbness and slight euphoria alcohol gives you in the beginning, but Leonard never found himself wanting to push himself past that point into absolute unfeeling and uncaring stage copious amounts of alcohol could bring you to when he was in Alice's presence. Whenever he found himself with her, he wanted to be lucid enough to remember the entire encounter and just buzzed enough to not care if he told her anything personal.
It was strange that he found being around her more calming and relaxing after a day of dealing with children parading around as cadets and Starfleet's bullshit when he would normally want nothing more than to drink himself into submission and deal the grieving stage of acceptance of his fate. It was strange, but not unwelcome.
After nearly seven months of burying himself in bottles, Leonard knew he had a problem with alcohol. Tonight, however, he could have gone the entire day and night without drinking, hell he didn't even crave it as any normal alcoholic would. In fact, the only reason he had drunk anything at all was so that Alice didn't feel self-conscious about it. Perhaps it was because of the circumstances of today, but Leonard realized that wasn't entirely true.
He had agreed to go to the gala, remained mostly sober, and had helped Alice when she needed it all for one reason: for her.
It was interesting how Alice was becoming more addictive than the alcohol. But it wasn't unwelcome.
Alice's strength in spirit was something to admire. The PTSD induced episode she had suffered through earlier was seemingly forgotten as she laughed and conversed in her normal, quiet, and lighthearted way. It had made it easier for Leonard to put it out of his mind for a while, but now that she was absent and he was drinking alone, it resurfaced in attentive detail.
Leonard didn't feel pity or look down on her in any way. If anything, he admired her for being strong enough to recover and move on from whatever flashback she had experienced, if that had been what happened.
A soft chime coming from his pocket pulled him from his thoughts, as he quickly reached into his jacket and pulled out his comm. unit. A green light flickered on the side of it as he opened it up, reading the message he had just received.
Only one word was printed on the screen underneath Alice's contact image. "Blue."
Leonard scoffed in slight amusement, jamming the unit back into his pocket and finishing the last of his beer.
No. He didn't pity her. He didn't think less of her or believe her to be weak because of what happened. The only thing he felt was the strong urge—an urge which only seemed to increase in strength—to look out for her, to protect her; not because she needed him to, but because he didn't want to lose one of the few good things he had in his life right now. Anything good in his life was far too precious and rare for him to let anything happen to it.
~~.O.~~
This chapter fought me nearly every step of the way, but I am victorious! ;)
Please tell me what you think. I love hearing from you guys, it always puts a smile on my face and motivates me to write.
Thanks for reading. More to come soon. :)