Emotion prompt: Disheartened

Characters: Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin

Summary: Being miserable in the skills in which your best friends excel can be more than a little disheartening.

Peter stared at the large number of books and notes scribbled on parchments that were scattered all around him in a large semicircle. Exams were in four days. He had no clue what to do.

There was no one other than him in the fourth year dorm. James and Sirius had gone out to amuse themselves, having worn out their patience after sitting with him for an hour (their preparations for the exams were already done), and Remus had not been released from the hospital wing yet, last night being a full moon night. Peter was alone and unassisted in carrying his burden.

Sometimes he really wished that he were even a little more intelligent.

Peter had always felt privileged in being allowed to be in league with such gifted students as James, Remus and Sirius. He never got tired of admiring them in all their talents — James' awesome flying skills and how he caught the snitch unwaveringly all the time when he was not in the game, Sirius' incomparable good looks and suave ways, and how girls seemed to be attracted to him like moths to flame (and Merlin knows Peter had so often tried to copy his attitude, but always failed miserably), and Remus' quiet excellence and soft nature... He always felt he was so lucky to have them. They had saved his skin more than a few times. The company and friendship of Hogwarts' three most talented students of the age was something not everyone could boast of.

But it also highlighted just how different, how pathetic he was compared to them. James could juggle everything that he put his hand on with his studies, and yet get good marks, that too without trying. With the amount of time he spent in trying to impress Evans, one would have thought otherwise, but no, James was still McGonagall's favourite student (although she never admitted it aloud), and that was saying a lot. Sirius... Peter hardly ever saw him with a book (and yet he knew that Sirius had to study, but he didn't quite know when he did), but his theory knowledge was profound, not to mention his hands on duelling skills. Peter had seen him with his wand out, and he never wanted to be at the wrong side of it. The three of them had been attempting to become Animagi over the last two years, and without James and Sirius' help, Peter knew that he wouldn't be able make even the little progress he was making. Then there was Remus. Kind, gentle, clever Remus. He never bragged about his skills nor showed them off, but he was every bit as talented as the other two. During the exams, Remus was one of the few who were always calm and collected.

And then there was Peter himself, so lacking, so talentless. He was a tag-along, the follower. He knew that that was what many people said about him, and although his friends never acted in any way to make him feel that way, he knew at times that it was true. Even after four years of friendship, four years of sharing the same dorm with them, he still hadn't managed to improve, to hone his skills to attain the same caliber as them.

Perhaps if he had been keeping company of less talented folk, he wouldn't be so acutely aware of his shortcomings. But here, there was no choice. He had to watch everyday as McGonagall gave Outstandings to his three friends, while he got an A or even a P at times in his tests. He had to blush, embarrassed, on stumbling with his spells and muddling them up while his friends perfected them in their first tries. And here he was, alone and hopeless, drowning in despair, while his friends were outside, because they had already prepared themselves for the exams.

Being miserable in the skills in which your best friends excelled could be more than a little disheartening.

Peter stared at the study materials in front of him. Here were James' Transfiguration notes on the Gamp's Laws of Transfiguration, and the steps to change animals to non-living things. Here was his Charms book, open at the fundamentals of the silencing charm and his uses, and there were, in Sirius' writing, an essay about Dementors, and then the big, fat book of History of Magic to be read from the start... A tear leaked from Peter's eye even without his even realising it. It was hopeless. He couldn't do it. He pushed his books away with a sigh.

He wished there were someone to help him. He wished he was even a bit better at his studies.

"Peter?"

Startled, Peter looked around. He hadn't heard the dormitory door open, so engrossed was he in his disheartened musings.

Remus was standing by the door. Even as Peter watched, he walked in, painfully placing his steps. There were four new scars on his left arm. Peter suspected there were many more that were his under his garments.

"Y-yes, Remus?" Peter's voice wobbled as his eyes swam with tears. "I — didn't know Pomfrey let your out."

"It's two in the afternoon," Remus shrugged by way of explanation. "What are you doing in here? It's a pleasant day, and I thought I saw James and Sirius outside."

"I'm trying to prepare for the exams," Peter replied. And as he saw the concern in the young werewolf's eyes as he sat down, Peter's despair broke the dam. He burst into tears.

"Peter!" Remus was shocked. "What's wrong?"

"I — I —" he sobbed. "There's only four days to the exams and I haven't d-done anything!"

"Oh, Pete," Remus shifted closer to him and thumped him lightly on the back. "Calm down. I'll help you finish up. And when Sirius and James come in, I'm sure they will, too. No need to panic."

At Remus' soothing tone, Peter found some reassurance.

"You will?" he asked doubtfully. "It will take so long. Why should you take all that trouble?"

"Because that's what friends do," Remus said simply. "I've got all the time in the world for you. All three of us do." He pulled all the books close to him.

"And you'll see, Peter, when we are done, you will receive nothing less than E's, I guarantee you," he smiled.

-o0o-

And after the exams were over and the results were out, Peter found that there was not a single A or P in his result sheet that year. And he knew that he had the best friends in the world.