When N finally found Black again, he knew Black was no longer the same boy he knew, the boy he rode ferris wheel with, or the boy he had once fought. He had told the other trainer who he had entrusted Reshiram with about how he wanted to find someone to tell him how he truly feel. But, Black was right now standing in front of him, his eyes deep, dark and fathomless. He had met Black on his visit to Kanto, in the Pewter Town, and he saw him exit the museum the country was so proud of.
"I… have wanted to see you." N said, just noticing that he meant the word in past tense. The Black he remembered have been so bright, so forgiving and so heroic. What he saw was a shell of what once was. "I no longer have Reshiram, I do not deserve him, never did. I know it might not be enough, but I'm traveling to see about how much I have been deluded with. I wanted to see different ideas, and…"
The words hang in the air, and he noticed something that made the bile rise up his throat.
"Is Zekrom still with you?"
Black looked at him listlessly, and N wanted so much to run away, is this to be the end of the heroes chosen by the legendary dragons?
Black did not answer, he looked at N as if to recall something important, but it was only to see something that has been long past, a relic of what he might have once treasured. "Finding you was what I wanted, N." Black said, finally.
N did not know why he felt an impending dread followed with the sentence that is supposed to have filled him with happiness, giddiness and hope that the man who he had been thinking about was thinking also of him even so much that he spent years from his family and friends.
"What happened to you, Black?"
" I don't know… It used to be easy to pinpoint what I wanted, it was black and white, and it was easy to choose sides and to see what was right. I kept thinking about what you have been saying and how you have been mistaken with your ideals and that it was my duty to bear the truth." Black said, "But the truth was too much, N, and I see that Reshiram and Zekrom merely was attracted to our strong feelings, our convictions, which is why heroes can only be kids whose heart are set to one thing. The more I travel, the more I doubted my truth."
"What… do you mean?"
"You spoke once about how we humans captured pokemons and forced them to serve our egoistic desires, I used to think that is not true, I always treated my pokemons with good care and I know they care for me as much as I do care for them. But, I know it is simply a lie too, enforced with my desire to be right and to be a good person. Deep down, I know that I only used and cared for the pokemons that I battled with, the rest are left uncatered with in the Personal machines and I simply collect them for pokedex purposes, never actually deigning to listen to their voices or their wants. What you saw back then was simply a bond between me and a few close pokemons that I do have. But the rest of my pokemons, more than a hundred which I kept for my pokedex quest, I do not even remember them except for the fact that collecting them makes me a better pokemon trainer, and that they are my trophies and items, not my friends."
"But, Black-"
"You were right, N, you said that meeting me made you question your beliefs to its core, that throughout your journey you have seen people bond with their pokemons, but throughout my journey I have seen people abusing pokemons as well. Just as you began to question your ideals, I began to question my truth. Have you ever heard about the ending of the story of the heroes and the legendary dragons? I bet the twin heroes believed that each of them was correct in the deepest of their hearts, and that feeling of righteousness gradually disappear, which caused the dragons to be sealed again as mere unmoving stones."
Black sounded bitter, tired and hurt. N felt as if he was seeing himself in the past, and all the more he knew that he loved Black as he loved himself.
"Black, I deeply regretted my actions simply because I knew I was wrong, and that not all pokemons wanted the same thing, that was what I have failed to listen, but worst of all, I know that I longed to be with someone too, it's a deep loneliness that caused me to hate the world and hating humanity for it, but I know that I longed for a connection with someone who can understand me. I was drawn to you because I know you were the same kind as me, we believed in things strongly and that was what made us who we are. I cursed myself daily for not being able to talk with you, to share with you and for not having spared the time to understand you."
With that, N embraced Black and he felt the other's body growing limp against him, this was the boy he had longed to see for two years, the boy who he had strong emotions for, N did not know that he could ever feel something like this for a human being before he had ever met Black-
"Black, I thank you for being born."
He felt Black's sobs and tremble on his shoulder and felt a smile gracing his lips. You too was unspoken but clearly felt.
For now, he would like to bring Black to his secret base, hug him as he slept, and feel for the first time as if he was complete in life.