"How heavy the days are.
There's not a fire that can warm me,
Not a sun to laugh with me,
Everything bare,
Everything cold and merciless,
And even the beloved, clear
Stars look desolately down,
Since I learned in my heart that
Love can die."

Hermann Hesse

It was past midnight when Scarlett finally turned into Peachtree Street, her feet hurting at every step. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

For an hour or so after dragging herself up from the cold ground outside Belle Watling's, she had walked aimlessly through the darkness, not caring that it was late and paying no mind to the cold air which had replaced the formerly soothing evening breeze. She had stumbled past shop windows, taverns and public buildings in a daze, occassionally grabbing a bench or lamp post for support. Numb, dead to the outside world, she had slowly made her way through the nocturnal town , thankful that the streets were virtually deserted. She met no one, not a single soul - apparently, everyone else but her had the wisdom to stay at home at this hour and avoid the cold that was making her shiver in her light dress.

Now, the familiar silhouettes of the houses on both sides of the street loomed before her, and after a quick pause to check if anyone was watching her, she cautiously started walking down the sidewalk, more conscious now of the danger of being spotted. Surely the Old Guard would be mortified to see her prancing about in the middle of the night, alone and unprotected, and she would be the talk of the town for weeks. But then again, when was she ever not the talk of the town? And, even more so, what did it all matter when her whole world had just crumbled into dust? In the face of Ashley's betrayal, it was so irrelevant what anyone might think of her. Nothing else mattered but the pain in her heart. She felt the strong urge to lie down in her bed, hide her face in a pillow and lick her wounds - to cry, cry endlessly for what she had lost.

Tonight, though, the sight of her home did not fill her with pride and happiness as it usually did. Instead, it looked dismal and dark, not at all inviting - a massive silhouette in the pitch-black night, waiting patiently to swallow her. Hesitantly, she raised a hand to the wrought iron fence as if to check whether it would vanish into thin air with the rest of the estate. She faltered, unsure what to do. She did not want to go inside. She would have preferred to spend the night at some other place, where no one knew her. Where no sharp-eared Mammy was sitting on the watch. Where no husband might be home.

The sudden thought of Rhett brought a pang of dread and anxiety. Oh God, please don't let him be home. She could not face him tonight, not when her heart was broken. She could not speak with him and listen to his drawling voice as he confronted her with her naivety, her stupidity - for he would surely sense that something was amiss with her. He read her like a book. And, eventually, he would manage to squeeze a confession out of her and make her speak until he knew everything he needed to know. No, she could not face him tonight of all nights, knowing now that every doubt he had ever expressed about the sincerity of Ashley's love had been justified. She could not let him see her despair, for weakness of any kind was her abhorrence, and he would use it mercilessly to his advantage. She hated herself almost as much as she hated Ashley for what he had done to her, and she could not bear Rhett's mockery on top of it all. She just couldn't. Why Rhett would take such an interest in her realization that Ashley's love had never truly been hers, she did not stop to think about. Her mind was in turmoil, a pool of disappointment and hurt feelings.

She was afraid of going inside and yet, this house was her only refuge. Her only option. She did not have the luxury of many friends, of any friend, actually, who would take her in at this time of night. She briefly thought of Melanie but rejected the idea immediately. It was out of the question. Melly would never understand, no matter how good a lie Scarlett came up with in order to vindicate her nightly excursion, and secondly, she could not go to that house now, where everything would remind her of Ashley. She would either fall into a rage and take it out on her sister-in-law or break under the weight of her inner turmoil and faint. And she never fainted. No, going to Melly's was not an option. She would have to make do with her own house, even at the risk of encountering Rhett or Mammy.

Refusing to think about what she would do if she really ran into one of them, she slowly pushed open the gate and slipped through. She shut it behind herself with utmost care, making almost no sound, and started walking down the long, straight pathway to the front door of the mansion. There was little danger of any of the servants standing by a window and spotting her, for their rooms lay at the back of the house, facing the adjoining property to the right. The real problem was to open the heavy wooden door and get up the stairs and to her own room without being heard or seen. She climbed the steps to the front door and halted. Nervously, she fumbled around in her pocket and pulled out the ornate brass key. She put it in and turned it carefully until the lock gave way, and every miniscule sound made her cringe. But as she stepped into the house, no one seemed to have noticed anything, for the hall was utterly still, dark and deserted.

She did not turn to walk into the dining room and get herself a glass of brandy, although it would have been a relief to feel the liquor's warmth on her tongue, to let it flow down her throat and soothe her. It was too dangerous, and the fatigue she felt was greater than any desire for alcohol. She needed to sleep, shut herself away until the morning came. Swift as a shadow she ascended the stairs, tiptoed to her room, opened the door and shut it behind herself before leaning against it, utterly exhausted. She made an attempt to remove her bonnet but she was not even wearing one. She had either never put it on or forgotten it outside Belle's - she didn't remember. She was in limbo, a ghostly shell of herself.

With one last effort she dragged herself to her massive bed, took off her shoes and fell onto the heavy bedspread, too tired to lift it and creep under the more comfortable blankets beneath. Her dress bothered her, but the discomfort quickly faded as fatigue finally claimed her.

But she was not yet granted access to the merciful haven that is the world of slumber. Before she drifted off to sleep, an image came to her mind.

She was standing close to an abyss, in some faraway wasteland she had never seen before. Ashley was there, standing close to the edge. Worried for his safety, she cried out to him, "Ashley, be careful!"

But he did not seem to mind the danger. He was looking at her with that puzzling smile of his, his eyes sparkling with something like tender mockery.

"Scarlett, darling..." he said, holding out his hand to her. "Come with me."

Forgetting her fear, she reached for him, hope burning in her chest. This was what she had always wanted - to go with him to some other place, to run away. Leave it all behind.

She made a move to walk over to him and take his hand, but then she faltered, halting in her step. "But... but there's an abyss behind you, Ashley," she stated matter-of-factly. "There is no future there." She did not know why she said this, but it was the first thing that came to mind. If he asked her to come with him, what else could he be wanting but a future for the two of them? Together.

Ashley glanced behind himself and shrugged. "There is no future anywhere, Scarlett," he began, turning her simple remark into something philosophical, as he usually did. "Not for the likes of me. But with you... with you, I could bear to live even in an abyss of darkness. I could bear anything if I only had you to give me strength. The strength to bear this world that holds no charm for me."

His words irritated her, annoyed her even. How she loathed this kind of talk, because she never understood what he meant to convey. Always there was this dreadful despair in his voice... no, not despair. Out of despair, hope could be born. It was more of a strange numbness, a hopelessness that stirred this familiar aversion in her. It was the absolute lack of spirit and courage that made his words so terribly disenchanting. And yet, when he smiled at her once more, she wavered. He was the one she loved, wasn't he? Surely, if she only held on to him, he would carry her over the abyss and into safety. On the other side of the chasm, happiness awaited.

"Oh Ashley," she breathed, "you know I would go anywhere in the world with you."

He smiled and motioned to her to move over to him, and she did. When their hands touched, though, the spark she expected to ignite her, to fill her with joy, failed to appear. Instead, everything happened terribly fast. They were standing dangerously close to the edge of the abyss, and in her confusion over the non-existant chemistry between her and her almost-lover, Scarlett slipped. Losing her balance, she fell over the edge. Terrified, she clutched at the brink with a terrible cry of fear and held on to it for dear life, knowing she might fall into the menacing chasm, the unknown deep, any minute. Hanging there, she looked up at Ashley, begging him to help her.

"Help me, Ashley!" She screamed, out of her mind with terror. "Help me, please!"

When he made no move, she said in agony: "Don't you love me? Please help me, so we can be together!"

He simply smiled, placidly, calmly. "How could I help loving you?" He offered, and the words sounded unpleasantly familiar. "You who have all the passion for life that I lack?"

"Please!"

He merely shrugged once more. "But maybe you're right, Scarlett darling. Maybe there is no future for us... for two people as different as we are. Maybe there isn't. The strong, like you, deserve better than to be stuck with the likes of me. For the weak, there is only the one option - to wait for the Götterdämmerung to come and end their pains. And perhaps, this, right here, is my twilight... "

"Oh Ashley, stop! Please help me! Help me!" She was getting weaker as the seconds passed, she could feel it. She could not hold on much longer. "Oh darling, please..."

But he was not listening anymore.

"Goodbye, dear Scarlett." And he turned around with a sigh, leaving her.

"Ashley!" She screamed, shocked and disbelieving. "ASHLEY!"

She could not fathom it. He had deserted her. This was the end. The end of love, the end of all hope. She would die. She might as well let go now...

Tears of disappointment and agony ran down her cheeks, and she was about to let go, when suddenly a strong, masculine hand gripped her arm. The man's face was hidden by the darkness that had fallen swiftly over the wasteland, she could not make out his face.

"Don't you let go," he demanded, his voice strangely comforting. "I've got you."

He pulled her over and into his arms. Still full of adrenaline, relieved she had not died, she sobbed endlessly against his shoulder, clinging to him with shaky hands, her nails digging into him.

When the first terrible shock had faded - after minutes, hours, she did not know - she wanted to thank her unknown saviour, look into his eyes, but she was too tired. Her body relaxed against him, and she felt his hand stroke her hair softly as her lids fell shut.

"I've got you..."

As the image faded and Scarlett fell asleep, one single tear ran down her cheek like a raindrop, leaving in its wake the salty trail of broken dreams.

So here it is, guys, a new chapter. Finally! I'm sorry it took me so long. One and a half years, my goodness... I know this isn't much, it's rather murky and dreamy and not very action-packed, if you get my meaning, but writing this short little interlude was kind of necessary in order to get me going again. Let me know what you think, and please be so kind as to point out any typos you may find. I'm posting this in some kind of a rush, so eager am I to get into the spirit of writing again. Anyway, I have this story planned out more or less, that is, I have a rough idea of where I'm going with this - now I just need to write out the chapters! Lol. I'll do my best, promise ya. Be well!