Phew! I spent hours in the kitchen today and it's time for a break.
I have an early Christmas present for you in a form of another one of their awkward encounters (consider yourself warned - fluff ahead). It stems from a similar idea as "Not so easy", so I added it here, but it can also be read independently.
I hope the holidays find you all well and I wish you wonderful time.
As usually, I don't own these characters nor the universe - I advertise them completely for free, so you're welcome ;)
And I do thank Gonsalsy for betaing this little snippet for me :) Merry Christmas!
Katniss felt the wooden bench shift beneath her as the additional weight pressed on it, on her left side. She knew who it was, even without looking, mostly from the lack of her own body's reaction when he joined her. She might have made a lot of progress over the years, but there were still only two people whose proximity didn't make her automatically tense, and she happened to know that the other one was somewhere else at the moment.
Well, no, not two, she thought looking at the bundle in her arms and smiled. Three.
She was sitting just outside her house with the baby, enjoying the fresh air and nice weather on a sunny, quiet morning.
She could feel that she was being watched, but she didn't react. Had it been anyone else, staring at her feeding her firstborn, she would have probably felt uncomfortable, but Haymitch had not only seen her in various states of undress during both bouts of her Games-prepping – he had also seen her at her worst: broken, crazed, filthy, drunk out of her mind or numb from the meds, and while he might not have been very helpful back then, she had to give it to him – he'd never left. Considering there was literally no-one else she could say so about, she was willing to overlook his occasional uselessness. She couldn't really afford to be any pickier than she already was when it came to choosing her friends. Besides, the old fool had grown on her somewhere along the way, despite his numerous flaws.
The bottom line was, there was very little room left for embarrassment where Haymitch was concerned.
She wondered what he was thinking. It was the first time he'd approached her since the baby had been born, other than that one visit he'd paid them soon afterwards. She smiled again, this time inwardly, remembering the one-quarter-baffled, one-quarter-wistful and half-panicked look that appeared on Haymitch's face when Peeta unceremoniously placed the newborn in Haymitch's arms without asking. For one horrible – no, not even a full one, but for a split second Katniss seriously thought that Haymitch might just drop the baby in surprise. Thank God, he didn't.
Of course he didn't, she scolded herself and almost rolled her eyes. He wouldn't.
In all honesty she had no idea how Haymitch felt about small children, but she recognised the jolt of fear in his expression for what it truly was, since she was often plagued with similar anxiety: that she would pass her own bad luck on to the innocent child by coming in contact with it. That she would somehow contaminate the pure, fragile life that had trustingly hid inside her body, oblivious to who she was and just how laughable it was to seek protection from her.
Poor Haymitch, she thought, her good mood returning quite unexpectedly, as she remembered just how awful she'd been to him during her pregnancy. He had been the one on whom she had been unloading all her frustrations, fears and hormonal angst. Whenever she had felt she was about to lose it and throw a fit, she had come to Haymitch. She'd mostly managed to temper herself in front of Peeta, but with Haymitch, all bets had been off, and he'd never known whether she was going to scream at him, or burst into tears. She'd even thrown a shoe at him once.
She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she knew she'd been using Haymitch as her emotional punching bag, feeling secure in the fact that even though she wouldn't go as far as to say that he didn't mind, she knew that he could take it and shake it off rather quickly, without any lasting damage to their relationship. It wasn't that Peeta wouldn't have understood. She knew he would have, but he would have also most probably got hurt in the process, listening to her wondering out loud just how terrible an idea it was for her to become a mother and how big of a mistake they were making, and that she wasn't even sure if she wanted it and if she could ever be happy living this life he so eagerly anticipated... While Haymitch had been capable of simply quipping at her, and rather harshly, (...Well, it's a little too late for that, isn't it, sweetheart? Should have thought of that beforehand – it's not like there is anything that can be done now, other than survive whatever comes next, is there?...), or gloat over the fact that she couldn't drink his alcohol. Surprisingly, most of the time (with a few memorable exceptions) he also knew when she was too upset for his attitude and needed him to shut it and bear with her demons. All in all, he'd been a good friend to her, which was probably why the silence currently stretching between them felt companionable, rather than uncomfortable.
The baby fell asleep, so she carefully shifted its position and adjusted her clothing.
It was a good feeling – one that she wouldn't have believed she could ever get to experience, just a few years ago: sitting outside of her house on a peaceful, sunny day, with her son in her arms, and a friend at her side.
"I'm so proud of you," Haymitch blurted unexpectedly, catching Katniss off guard.
She blinked and looked up surprised, not sure if she even heard him correctly. She couldn't catch his eye, because he dropped his gaze quickly and then looked away, loose strands of his hair obscuring his face. By the time she opened her mouth to say his name, he was already half turned away from her and getting up, mumbling incoherently something about needing to "get going", though what he might have to urgently take care of remained unclear to Katniss. She watched his back, a bit stunned as he hurriedly made his way toward his house without a backward glance, his sudden haste more than a little suspicious and all the proof she needed to know that he was mortified by what he'd just said, but probably even more so that he had meant it.
"Old fool," she whispered, apparently to no-one, seeing as Haymitch was already out of view, but she found herself smiling.
It was a good feeling, indeed.