AN: The song for this chapter is "Drive" by Halsey. Listen while you read!

Chapter 4: Drive

/All we do is drive

All we do is think about the feelings that we hide/

Amy looked down at her chicken on rye sandwich. It lay half-eaten, lettuce and tomato spilling out onto the crappy, rickety break room table. She had been excited to eat it all day, but now she had lost her appetite.

She did something bad. Real bad. She said "yes" to a date with Jake. She tried to rationalize to herself that it was casual, a hangout, and not a date, but she felt guilty regardless. If she was honest, she knew there was something not quite platonic about them. If she was honest, she noticed Jake's eyes lingering on her for a little too long and she felt her eyes do they same when he wasn't looking. If she was honest, she was looking forward to their "hangout" more than she wanted to admit.

"Honesty…" Amy thought. She knew all about honesty. Especially since she seemed to be so good at avoiding it. It was one thing to accept a "platonic" outing with a boy who was not her Soulmate, but she also lied to that boy about a shared dream. Yes, Amy had the dream as well and she lied about it. She had been having weird dreams for a while and 90% of them were about Jake and always in couple-y situations. The outcome was butterflies in her stomach and an anxious pounding in her head. This was concerning enough, but it was nothing compared to last night's dream.

Amy was dancing. Amy never danced, but this wasn't the kind of dancing she was normally so averse to. This was delicate, graceful, and intimate, even when the only parts of her partner she touched were his hands. She smiled at the young man before her. He was handsome with dark hair and dark eyes, and Amy felt a strong connection to him. A wave of realization washed over her and the name "William" appeared in her mind. A part of her brain she had never accessed told her William was a childhood friend.

Their hands touched as they spun in a circle and in step with at least fifteen other dancing couples. The music swelled with a sweet composition of string instruments and Amy was surprised at her own gracefulness. She was exhilarated. She knew every step and landed each one with precision. She felt dignified and lovely, just like a princess. When the song ended it was far too soon, but she turned to the band and applauded them with the rest of her company.

William took her hand and led her off the dance floor to a group of people engaged in a heated discussion. In the group, there was an older man with salt-and-pepper hair and his wife whom Amy immediately identified as William's parents. There was also a gentleman that Amy instantly recognized as her brother Louis, but in this life he was John and he was a family acquaintance. Next was a pretty girl named Alice, William's sister, and by her side was a younger girl named Anna, who was Alice's close friend.

William's father, Simon, was talking intensely, but stopped when he saw Amy and William approaching.

"Ah! Miss Doyle and William, still the handsomest of couple to dance, I see" he said.

"I scarce believe you watched, as you were so otherwise passionately engaged" William said with a teasing smile.

"The only ones 'passionately engaged', my dear boy, are the two of you" Simon said and the group laughed. Amy felt her cheeks turn pink.

"That's right" she thought. William recently proposed and she had said 'yes'. She was over-the-moon happy. William was a good man and made 6,000 a year. She would live very well.

"Father, you torture us!" William said, but he laughed as well.

"Not at all. I knew from the day Miss Doyle was born my William would fall madly in love with her. It was just a matter of time!"

"Father, I do wonder, are you happy we are engaged, or that you were right all along?" William asked and the group laughed again, enjoying the banter between father and son.

"Both, my dear boy, both" Simon said.

"I am curious. What were you all speaking of before we interrupted?" Amy, or Miss Charlotte Doyle as it dawned on her, asked.

"We were speaking of the phenomena occurring in town!" Anna piped in.

"Soulmates, as it were" Simon said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, I head about it! It was a Miss Caroline Richards and Mr. Alexander Harvey, was it not?" Amy asked.

"Oh! Many more than that, dear Charlotte! I have a cousin in London who claims there are at lease four and twenty reports of it!" Alice added, suddenly talking in a whisper.

"Nonsense! The whole business: ridiculous and ungodly" Simon said.

"But, father! There have been so many reports!"

"Love-struck young people acting foolish as usual"

"Oh, father!" Alice said, while the rest of them laughed.

"I did read that doctors in town have been flooded with cases surrounding strange sensations upon meeting a future companion" John said, trying to seem diplomatic, but Amy could tell it was for Alice's benefit. Amy wondered if he had feelings for her.

"Yes, John! The effected have said that it feels like the force of God going through them! Or as shocking as a lightening bolt, but without the pain! Just a deep understanding that you need to be with this person forever" Alice said, excited as ever.

"Nonsense!" Simon said.

"Well, I think it's terribly romantic!"

"Further proof that you're as silly as the rest of them" Simon said. Amy laughed politely and put her hand on William's arm.

"I'm going to find my sister" she whispered to him. William nodded and brought her hand to his lips. She smiled and turned to the group to bow goodbye. She took about three steps away from them when she felt as if an invisible wall had gone up in front of her. She stopped dead and felt a strong pull telling her to look up. She complied.

That's when she saw him. A handsome gentleman with sandy blonde hair and green eyes looking at her with curious confusion on the second floor. Her breathing stopped and her feet stayed planted to the floor. The man began moving towards her and down the steps, all the while not breaking her gaze. He seemed as just as unable to look away as her. His approach felt long and slow, but couldn't have taken more than ten seconds. The room fell away as he got closer and closer.

When he finally got to her, Amy was sure she was going to faint from lack of oxygen. She took a deep breath in, breathing him in. His eyes twinkled with the big smile that was forming on his face and she couldn't help but reciprocate it. Then a terrible wave of knowledge came over her.

"Jake!" she thought and without her permission, her hand extended out to him. He was about to take it when…The blaring alarm on her clock went off and Amy woke up in a sweat.

Amy's sandwich still lay uneaten as she remembered her dream. Her appetite had vanished as quickly as Jake had when she accepted his invitation. What was she going to do? This wasn't fair to Teddy. She shouldn't be thinking of other men. It's not right.

…But she already said yes to Jake and then the dream-and Amy shoved the sandwich away from herself. She took a deep breath in and tried to rationalize everything. So Jake had asked her to a Battle of the Bands thing. Okay. He did it on the fly after Rosa gave them free tickets, it wasn't pre-meditated, it wasn't weighted with any particular meaning—it didn't have to be a date. They could just go as friends. Yes, friends and since they were friends she could text Teddy about it. She would be completely transparent and upfront about it.

"You gonna be upfront about that dream?" she asked herself. She groaned and put her head in her hands. The dream had to stay secret. It would be cruel to bring it up. She could at least be truthful about where she was going though. Amy brought out her cell phone and sent a quick text to Teddy:

Amy:

Hey, I'm going to a Battle of the Band thing with my friend Jake tomorrow. Is that okay?

She sent the text and then felt easier. She got a response back from him quickly.

Teddy:

Of course, babe! You don't need my permission :)

This made her feel guilty. Teddy was such a great guy and here she was dreaming about another dude. She loved Teddy and none of this crazy, star-crossed lovers B.S. was going to work on her. She would go to the Battle of the Bands with Jake, but she would stay at arms length and after that, she'd make an effort to distance herself from him. It was the right thing to do.

/All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign

Sick and full of pride/

Despite Amy's resolution to keep things strictly platonic with Jake, she found herself fretting over what to wear the night of the concert. She wanted to look nice, but not date nice and not like she was going out for an interview. She settled on a burgundy leather jacket her best friend Kylie convinced her to get when she tried it on a whim, a white t-shirt, jeans, and some chunky boots. She examined herself in the mirror and was actually pretty satisfied. She looked at her phone to see how much time she had left to get ready and saw that Jake had texted her.

Jake:

Hey wanna carpool?

Amy:

Yeah, if you're driving.

Jake:

Fine but you owe me tacos from the tacos truck and not the cheap stuff! Im talkin FISH tacos and chips

Amy:

Whatever. Just tell me what time you're coming.

Jake:

Name of your sex tape lol

Amy:

omg

Jake:

Hows 7?

Amy:

That's good.

Amy sent him her address and evaluated herself in the mirror again. Maybe she should put on some lipstick. No, that was too much. Maybe just do her eyes and a lip gloss.

"Ugh, being a girl is the worst" Amy thought and continued to battle with what to do with her face.

In the end she kept it simple, but it didn't stop Jake from smiling like an idiot when she jumped into the car. That look gave her goose bumps and she was already off to a bad start.

"You look nice!" Jake said sincerely.

"Thanks! You look…like you just wore what you always do" Amy said with some bitterness. He wore a plaid shirt, jeans, and his leather jacket: what he always wears.

"Yup, I put absolutely no thought into this outfit" he said, still smiling.

"Being a man must be like playing a video game on easy" Amy said.

"What now?" Jake asked.

"Nothing. Just drive"

"OOkay"

As they drove to the concert, Amy did her best to keep her eyes straight ahead and on the road. She didn't start conversations, but that didn't stop Jake.

"Have you listened to the sad mix yet?" he asked.

"Not yet. I've uploaded everything to my phone though so I'll be ready for optimal sadness anywhere I go" she said.

"I don't recommend listening to it in while you drive though. It'll probably make you drive off a cliff"

"You're really hyping up this mix up" Amy said with an eyebrow raised.

"Listen to it and you'll understand" he said, as confident as ever.

"We'll see. Do you know any of these bands? I've never heard of any of them"

"Not surprising seeing as you literally don't know any one" Jake said.

"Not true! I know some bands" Amy said.

"Name one"

"Madonna"

"Oh my god. How old are you? Name a rock band" Jake said.

"The Beatles"

"Well, can't argue with you there" Jake said with a shake of his head.

"Do you know any of the bands though?" Amy asked.

"I've heard of them. A friend of a friend is the bassist in GooseBombs, though. They're all local garage bands, so none of them have agents or anything. I think talent scouts come to this thing though, so it's a big deal"

"Oh, wow that's cool. How do they 'battle' anyway?" Amy asked.

"I think there's judges, but they mostly go off of how nuts the crowd goes" Jake said.

"Oh" Amy said.

They chatted for the rest of the trip and Amy was surprised (and worried) about how easy the conversation was. Being with Jake was like…she didn't know, but it was something familiar. It made her anxious.

/All we do is drive/

When they finally parked they had to walk about four blocks away from the club. Amy wished her boots didn't have as high of a heel as they did because now she was definitely going to have some nasty blisters.

The club itself was packed with twenty-somethings and all of them had greasy, colorful hair. A band was already playing and the noisy, jarring music filled the entire club just like the haze that the cheap fog machines were producing. Expensive laser lights and LEDs moved along to the music, while sweaty kids thrashed their bodies around and called it dancing. Amy longed for the romantic dancing she experienced in her dream, but that wasn't her world. Not anymore.

The music was loud and it was almost impossible to understand what the front man was singing, but still, she saw the allure. There was something in the loud chaos of the drums and guitar that got her adrenaline pumping.

"Hey you wabba wadda whoa?" Jake asked. Amy looked at him blankly.

"WHAT?!" she yelled. Jake, impatience showing on his face, leaned in to talk into her ear.

"Do you want a drink?!" he asked and his breath hit her ear. The contact made her shiver.

"We're too young for alcohol! They X'd out our hands, remember?" She yelled as she showed him the large black X's on the back side of her hands.

"I know, Mother Teresa. Do you want water or soda or something?" Jake asked in her ear again and the closeness drove her crazy.

"Yeah! That sounds good!" Amy said and she followed him to the bar.

"What are you getting?" he asked without having to put his lips nearly against her ear.

"Diet coke" she said.

"Cool," Jake turned to the bartender who had just come over to him, "an orange soda and diet coke please"

"What? Hey! I can get my own drink!" Amy said.

"I know! You get the next round and don't think I've forgotten about the fish tacos you owe me. I want extra Pico de Gonzo!" Jake said and Amy rolled her eyes.

"Ugh, you have to know that's wrong"

"What?" Jake asked.

"Never mind" Amy said. The bartender came back with their sodas and Jake passed her a diet coke. A pit formed in her stomach. Buying drinks was pretty date-y.

They walked to the outskirts of the pit and stood in front of a frame that separated the pit from the bar area. Amy put one hand on the wooden frame while Jake leaned on the beam that connected it. They listened to the band and sipped on their soda. Jake nodded along to the music and She found herself nodding with him. Amy was starting to warm-up to this kind of music. She didn't think she'd listen to it regularly or anything, but it had its good points.

"So does Jake…" said an uninvited thought. Amy shook her head, but couldn't help but sneak a look at him. He was watching the band, bouncing along and smiling. It was charming. He was charming. In his own goofy way. Amy sighed. This was wrong. She shouldn't be thinking stuff like this.

"Teddy. I love Teddy" she told herself and decided to text him. She took her phone out of her pocket and saw that he had texted her twenty minutes ago.

Teddy:

Hey Amy, I'd really love to see you tonight. Meet at your dorm after your concert?

Amy smiled. She knew what a text like that meant. She replied quickly.

Amy:

Sure. See you tonight ;)

Amy's smile got wider. Winky-faces always got the message across. Teddy didn't respond right away so she put her phone back in her pocket. She took the last swig of her soda and threw it in a trash can next to Jake. Jake watched her and when she stood next to him again, he talked into her ear.

"Wanna dance?" he asked and Amy froze.

"I'm a bad dancer!" she yelled over the music.

"You literally just jump up and down!" Jake yelled back.

"That's it?"

"Maybe whip your hair a little?"

"Okay!" Amy said and Jake gave her a huge grin. Her heart leapt. Jake led the way to the pit and she followed. Jake wasted no time thrashing his body around like a maniac like everyone else. Some people were even being lifted up by the crowd. Amy was more conservative. She bounced up and down on her heels, awkward as ever.

"COME ON GET INTO IT!" Jake shouted and lightly shoved her.

"WHAT THE HELL MAN!" Amy shouted as she shoved him back.

"YEAH, NOW YOU'RE GETTING IT! WOOOO!" Jake said as he head-banged with such force Amy worried about his neck.

"YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!"

"YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT DOING IT! TITLE OF YOUR SEX TAPE!" Jake yelled and Amy shoved him again.

"FINE! I'LL DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO SHOW YOU HOW DUMB YOU LOOK!" Amy said and true to her word, she began thrashing around to the music. Never to do anything half-way, Amy even let her hair down so she could get the maximum head banging experience. After a bit of throwing her limbs everywhere, two hands grabbed her shoulders. She stopped and looked up at Jake, who was very close and touching her.

"WHAT?!" She asked. He grinned huge and went to her ear again.

"I had no idea you were such a freak Santiago!" he said and it earned him a powerful shove.

"SHUT UP!" She shouted, but he was laughing and she couldn't help but laugh with him. He looked at her with a soft look that put butterflies in her tummy.

Very suddenly, Jake's happy, soft face changed to something very serious and Amy felt scared. A hand gripped her wrist and pulled her with such force she nearly fell flat on her face, but she was able to stumble out of it.

"AUGH!" said a voice that Amy immediately recognized. She turned to where Jake was standing and realized he was no longer there. She looked down and found him on the floor with his face covered in blood. Amy came to him immediately.

"Holy crap! Jake what happened!?" She asked, frantic. Jake clutched his nose, which Amy realized was the source of the blood flow. He motioned to get out of the pit and Amy gave her hand to help him up. They quickly got to the back of the club, Jake still clutching his nose.

"I'm gonna get some paper towels!" Amy said and she ran to the woman's bathroom. She brought back a huge stack of paper towels and Jake started to clean himself up.

"Ugh, thanks" he said. Mopping up blood around his nostrils.

"Is your nose okay?" Amy asked, worried.

"Yeah, I don't think it's broken. It's gonna bruise like hell though" Jake said.

"What the hell happened?" Amy asked. Jake's expression became embarrassed and it confused her.

"Some douchebag with steel-toed boots was crowd surfing and the crowd basically threw him at us, so his boot hit my face. Then, he jumped right back into the pit before I could do anything" Jake said. He patted his nostrils with the paper towel and Amy was relieved to see the bleeding had stopped. Then a glaring realization hit her right in the face.

"Wait, was that why you moved me out of the way? So he wouldn't hit me?" Amy asked and Jake avoided her stare.

"Well, yeah. Super heroic, huh?" he said, falling back on his defensive humor. Amy ignored it and looked at him. Really looked at him. This guy had just taken a steel-toed boot to the face for her. His face was bloody and a bruise might have already been forming on his nose.

…And he was looking at her, searching her eyes for something. They were stuck in this moment for several seconds when Teddy's face popped into Amy's mind and she looked away.

/All we do is think about the feelings that we hide

All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign/

"Thank you" Amy said in low voice.

"Don't mention it" Jake replied. A beat of silence.

"We should get you home. You need to ice your nose" Amy said, ever the responsible one.

"Yeah, I'm gonna wash my face first. Be back in a sec" Jake said and he disappeared to the bathroom. Amy leaned against the back wall of the club and let out a breath she had been holding. This whole thing with Jake was a disaster. She missed the old days when her entire romantic life was just Teddy. God, did this mean her romantic life was more than Teddy?

"Crap" she mumbled. She pulled out her phone and prayed for a text from Teddy to put her back on track. Sweet Teddy who trusted her blindly to go to a concert with another man, even though he probably shouldn't have. She looked down at her phone and saw no new texts. That was odd. Teddy usually got back to her so fast.

Jake came back looking much better, but Amy could definitely see a purple splotch forming on the bridge of his nose.

They walked down the street towards Jake's car and Amy shivered. New York was getting into Polar Vortex season and she hated it. Despite the cold, Amy's head continued to swim in thoughts of Jake and Teddy. It wasn't until Jake started cracking jokes that she could snap out of it.

"Since I definitely saved your life tonight and since you definitely didn't get me my tacos, I think it's only fair that now you owe me four fish tacos"

"What? No! I owe you a soda at best"

"You owe me like two sodas since I bought yours earlier" Jake said and Amy really was starting to owe Jake a lot.

"Fine! Two sodas and four fish tacos, happy?" Amy asked and Jake grinned again.

"Yup!"

"I'm starting to wonder if you took that boot to the face just for more free food"

"That's a legit possibility. I'm broke as a joke" Jake said. Amy laughed and she could tell Jake was looking at her.

"Okay, then I guess I can donate to the 'Feed Jake Peralta Fund' this one time, since you saved my life and all-"

"Amy…" Jake said and stopped walking. Amy, confused, stopped too.

"What's wrong?" Amy asked, but he didn't respond. He just looked at her with his dark eyes. He looked at her eyes and then his eyes flicked to her mouth. Amy felt her heart beat raise and she was suddenly aware of how close they were.

Then, Jake went for it. He tilted his head, leaned down, and for a brief moment, Amy leaned in as well.

…And she wanted it. She knew she did. She wanted to kiss him and hold him so close that she wouldn't know where he ended and she began. Amy felt Jake's breath on her lips and she swore her heart would explode. She closed her eyes.

Of course, babe! You don't need my permission :)

Amy snapped her eyes open and stepped away from Jake. Jake opened his eyes as well and when he saw her so far away he looked confused. And hurt. Amy felt her stomach twist in a knot.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I can't" she said.

"Amy…you have to feel it. This can't just be me" Jake said and his voice was so serious, she thought her heart would break.

"Jake, I-It's not that I don't, but Teddy-"

"It's not him" Jake said. The hurt in his voice made her want to cry.

"Jake, you don't know that" she said in almost a whisper.

"Amy, I know we were compelled to meet, I know I had a past life memory dream with you in it, I know how you make me feel" Jake said and Amy felt her eyes gloss over with tears.

"I'm so sorry" Amy said.

"Amy, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't have the dream. In England? All the fancy dresses and people dancing? Seeing each other?" Jake asked and Amy's wide-eyed expression was a good as a confession.

"Look, Jake, I had the dream too, but it doesn't necessarily mean-"

"You know it does. Look, there's a way we can put this to rest. Amy, I think we should kiss" Jake said.

/Would it really kill you if we kissed?/

"What?"

"It's like, the sure-fire way to know. If you don't feel it when you first touch or you don't have matching birthmarks or whatever, you can check by kissing. If you don't feel it at that moment, then you're not Soulmates. We can check now and get it out of the way"

Amy remembered the first time she kissed Teddy, how electric it was. She assumed that had to be it, even though she figured it would feel bigger.

"I can't do that to Teddy" Amy said.

"I'm not saying you should cheat on him or anything. We should just do it quick, just to make sure. If it turns out we are Soulmates, then Amy we should know" Jake said and Amy's face was tear-streaked.

"I can't"

"Amy-"

"I love him!" Amy said, her voice cracking. Amy watched as something broke in Jake.

"You what?"

"I love him. And he loves me. I won't kiss someone else" she said and she had never seen such a sad face on Jake before. He shook his head and Amy thought she saw water in his eyes. He looked back at up at her with a ghost of a smile.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm being a jerk. Of course, um, I'll drop it. Sorry"

"Don't be sorry. You're not a jerk. You saved my life, remember?" she said and Jake smiled.

"Let's get you home" he said and they continued walking.

/It's so simple but we can't stay

Overanalyze again/

Jake pulled up to the sidewalk closest to the door to her dorm. The ride had been very silent and very tense, but they pulled through some how.

"Thanks for the ride" Amy said, her hand on the door handle.

"Anytime. Just don't forget the sodas and fish tacos" Jake joked.

"Yeah, like you'd let me forget" Amy said and Jake smiled a sad smile.

"See you at work tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow" Amy said as she got out of his car.

"Bye"

"Bye" she said and she waved. The car left and she watched it go for a couple of seconds. Her heart was heavy, but she also felt good. She did the right thing. She hoped that being with Teddy would make her feel better. She checked her phone again.

Teddy:

Hey, just got to your building. At your door.

Amy:

Be there in a sec!

/Your laugh echoes down the hallway

Carves into my hollow chest,

Spreads over the emptiness/

She all but ran up the stairs, she was so excited to see him. She just wanted to be in his safe, warm arms. Tonight was…rough and it would be nice to spend some time with someone who cared about her.

Teddy was dutifully waiting for her at her front door and Amy already felt calmer.

"Hey hun!" she said as she went in to kiss him. He must have misinterpreted her intentions because he went for her cheek instead of her lips.

"Hey! Did you have fun at the concert?" He asked as she let them into her single room. She put her purse on her desk and sat down on her bed.

"Um, yeah! It was different" she said, not wanting to talk about it.

"Pretty different for you to go to a concert" Teddy agreed, sitting next her.

"Well, you know, just broadening my horizons" Amy said. She shrugged off her jacket. She wanted to forget about the concert. She wanted to be with the man she fought for. She wasn't normally the one to initiate things, but she had something to prove to herself.

Amy got closer to Teddy and kissed him, her hands beginning to fumble with his belt buckle. She didn't get very far when Teddy backed away.

"What's wrong?" she asked, feeling worried. Something was different. Kissing Teddy didn't feel like that. Teddy let out a sad sigh.

"Amy, we need to talk"

"Teddy, you're freaking me out. What is it?" she asked, fear pumping through her veins.

"There's no easy way to say this, Amy, so I'm just gonna say it: I met my Soulmate" Teddy said, his eyes sad and guilty. Amy felt the ground crumble beneath her and it suddenly got hard to breath.

"What?" Amy asked, surprised she was able to get that much out.

"I'm so sorry, Amy. I met her in my Biology class and we both felt something. I accidently bumped into her when we went to get safety goggles and now, everything is different. Amy, it hurts to be away from her. I'm so sorry this happened, Amy. I never meant to hurt you-"

"I need you to leave, please" Amy said, her chest feeling like it was about to collapse.

"Aw, Amy, please don't be mad. I still really care about you and I want us to be friends-"

"I'm not mad, but I just really need you to leave" Amy said and within seconds he was gone.

Amy couldn't believe it. She had given up everything. Everything. And Jake. Oh god, Jake. The pain in her chest had escalated to levels she couldn't have imagined and all she could do was get in her pajamas, turn off all the lights, and grab her headphones. She got into her bed with the covers all the way up. She put her headphones in her ears and plugged them into her phone. She scrolled through her small music library until she hit "SUPER DUPER SAD MIX :("

She pressed play and two songs in, she couldn't stop crying.

/All we do is drive/

AN: Sorry for the delay, but hopefully I made up for it in this giant chapter.

Things got really angsty there, but don't worry ;)

Thanks as always for the reviews and favorites. You're all lovely!