Chapter Thirty

John wiped his forehead with his old faded bandana; he should buy a new one only Mama Davies had given it to him years ago, and he hated the thought of throwing it out. He'd been mending fences most of the morning. Heath had worked with him for a couple of hours, but had left to get some other work done. After putting his bandana in his back pocket, John threw the shovel and other items he'd been using in the back of the wagon that sat nearby. By the time he got back to the house lunch should be ready, and he was starved.

Climbing into the wagon and taking the reins in his hands, John started down the path that would eventually lead to the main house. As he did so his thoughts ran over the past week. The routine of getting up early, eating with the family and then going on with their day was easy enough to get used to. On the other hand, the awkward feeling he would get as the others would talk about their various activities or their dealings with their neighbors only served to make him wonder what 'Mama Davies', William, along with his bride, and the others in Carson City were doing. However, unable to see how dwelling on Carson City would help him any, John let his mind turn to the day after he'd arrived on the ranch. He'd had to chase down a couple of cows that had gotten out of the field they were in. He'd found them, but only after the two animals had made their way to the old home.

John found his eyes glued to the old home that had been recently repaired. While a part of him told himself to get the two cows back to where they belonged, he slowly dismounted his horse instead. He might have done differently only the cows were now happily grazing in the area next to the house. Tethering his horse, he made his way into the house and walked around. While no memories had come to him, by the time John remounted his horse he had to admit one thing…he had felt an undeniable pull while walking around inside.

He shook his head as he remembered how, after he'd rounded up the cows and drove them back to where they belonged; he'd gone into the house thinking to get a quick bite to eat only to very unintentionally startle Victoria Barkley.

Victoria was just setting some flowers on the piano when the door opened up behind her. She would have thought nothing of it only, before she knew it, the door was slamming shut and sending echoes through the house. When she about dropped the flowers, John apologized. "Sorry, ma'am, didn't mean to scare you."

Victoria felt pain shoot through her heart. She would not stand by and hear him call her that any more than she'd stood by and took it from Heath. "As I've said before, John," Victoria said as she sat the flowers down and turned to look at her son, "I'll get used to it, if the hinges don't come off first." She folded her arms and continued, "We have to do something about that ma'am bit. It's like I told Heath when he joined the family, I've been a lot of things to a lot of people, but ma'am isn't one of them."

John let out a slow breath as he drove through the gate and saw Victoria open the front door and walk out of the house. His head was starting to get a firm grip on the fact that, yes, he was Nicolas Jonathon Barkley, but his heart just hadn't quite gotten there. That fact had not made any difference when it came to Jarrod, Heath and Audra. However, it had caused him a bit of a dilemma on two subjects; one, the continuing struggle inside himself that made it so he couldn't get himself to change his name; and two, for the life of him he couldn't get himself to say 'mother' when it came to Victoria. To him the only title that came close to 'Mother' belonged to his late Indian mother and Mama Davies. That being the case, he'd been at a loss as what to say when Victoria made her statement. However, she'd solved that problem for him.

"Going somewhere, Victoria?" John asked as he climbed down from the wagon and allowed Ciego, who had walked up and offered to take care of the wagon, to take the reins. Victoria was what she had asked him to call her until he could, of his own free will and choice, call her Mother.

"Audra and I have been up in the attic most of the morning going through all the donations we've received for the orphanage. I was just getting some fresh air; Silas will have lunch ready in a few minutes." Victoria replied.

"You two do a lot with the orphanage don't you?" He stepped up onto the porch and leaned against the pillar.

Victoria nodded. "I've been helping there for quite a number of years." 'Ever since you disappeared' was a thought Victoria saw no reason to disclose at the moment. "When Audra got old enough to help out on a weekly basis, she did. Of course now, with young men courting her, activities with her girlfriends and such…it's more like a monthly activity."

"She's quite the feisty one." John smiled and chuckled as he remembered how Audra had been more than vocal on how she felt about one young man who had tried coming to call on her just that week. "I'd hate to get her mad."

Victoria chuckled. "Yes, she does have a temper on her at times. I hear it's a trait she is not alone in."

John looked away for a quick second and then looked at Victoria again. He was grinning from ear to ear, and the dimples she remembered so well were showing clear as day. "Been talking to Jarrod, huh?" He asked as he thought about the fight Jarrod and Steve had witnessed at the train station.

"I do that occasionally." Victoria, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she spoke, and then nodded towards the house. "Let's get inside before Silas gets the idea everyone has changed their minds about eating."

John wasn't going to argue with that one. Walking to the door, he opened it and kept it open until Victoria was inside. Then, without thinking, he let the handle go…causing the door to close very loudly on its own.