Chapter Thirty Three

John froze as he entered the house and saw Audra putting up the holiday decorations. When he'd agreed to stay six months, he'd known it would mean spending the holiday away from the Davies. With no love being lost between him and Paul, and his relationship with William being more of a friend than brother, John had thought it wouldn't be that big of a deal to spend the holidays with the Barkleys. Only now, with Audra starting to decorate, he could see Mama Davies and his late wife, whose favorite time of the year had been Thanksgiving, doing the same thing…and a strong wave of homesickness hit him square in the chest.

Victoria descended the staircase and saw John freeze; the look of one in intense turmoil appear in his eyes as he watched as his sister began to hang some garland around the living room. Victoria knew he must be feeling homesick for the Davies-or at least Mama Davies, and she was sure he was missing the daughter-in-law she'd never met. Victoria sincerely felt badly for him. Still, Victoria still hoped that her son would enjoy his first Thanksgiving with the family. It was a hope she held onto…as he seemed to be bonding well with Jarrod, Heath and his sister; the two of them seemed to doing okay as well, though he had yet to call her anything but Victoria. "If you wanted to help Audra, I'm sure she'd love it." She said as she stepped down onto the foyer floor.

John did his best to give Victoria a smile. While he was learning there was little that could be hidden from her, John still hoped that he could succeed in hiding just how bad his homesickness was. After all, he didn't want to put a damper on the Barkley's holiday. "Thanks, but no. I think I'll just up to my room." He turned away and began climbing the stairs.

Victoria frowned slightly, as she watched her son reach the top of the stairs and then turn to disappear down the hallway. It was lunch time, and he wasn't hungry? He was going to his room? He might have only been with the family for just over four months, but she'd gotten to know him well enough to know what his work ethics were and how big his appetite could be. She was still standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up when the front door opened; Jarrod, who had just arrived home, stepped inside.

Seeing the worried look that was on his mother's face, Jarrod quickly asked. "What's wrong?"

Victoria turned to face her eldest son. "It's your brother; he's not hungry, and he's going to his room." She didn't think she would need to spell out what she was sure was going on. She didn't.

"Maybe, I should talk to him?" Jarrod said with understanding in his eyes. He, like Victoria, was concerned with John's behavior.

His mother s and nodded as she glanced towards the stairs. Jarrod then hurried up the stairs and down the hallway until he came to John's bedroom. For a moment he just stood there, remembering how it had been for him during the first holiday he'd spent away from the family. It was after he'd joined the army and been sent back east. And, he still wished Beth could be with them-especially during the holidays. Finally, Jarrod lifted his hand and knocked on the solid oak door.

"The door's not locked!" John's voice could be heard as loud and clear. Even though the door was shut tight, Jarrod could tell his brother was only half way paying attention when he answered.

Jarrod opened the door and stepped inside; he was surprised, but not totally shocked, to see his brother standing in front of the saddle that had been placed in the middle of the room. John was running his finger over the words written on the saddle, with a faraway look in his eyes. Jarrod said nothing as he stood just inside the doorway.

Finally, John looked up. He could feel the love, sympathy and concern that resided in Jarrod's eyes. "Guess I should have eaten lunch, wouldn't have worried her if I had," John said, somehow knowing it was Victoria who was responsible for his having a visitor in his room.

"Mother would have known even if you'd eaten twice as much as you usually do." Jarrod threw him a small smile as he made his way to a chair against the south wall of the room and sat down. Somehow, he knew he would have felt something was off as well, but he did not say that.

When Jarrod didn't say anything else, John made his way to his bed and sat down on the edge of it. Thinking back over the last few months, John had to chuckle just a little. "I think you're right." John put his hand on top of the bed and turned his eyes back towards the saddle. "From the day I met Eliza she always took yams and carved them to resemble a saddle at Thanksgiving. Mama Davies teased her about it, but Eliza just laughed. She said she was doing it because she bet everything she had that I'd loved riding since the day I was born. I'd say she was pretty darn close. Thanks for putting the saddle in my room."

Jarrod was surprised, but not really shocked, when the gratitude in his brother's eyes turned to anger. He was sure John was wishing Eliza was with him at the moment instead of lying in the cold, hard ground in Carson City. However, he was stunned to have an extremely strong impression that his late sister-in-law had not carried his brother's child to full term, and there was another reason she had not survived the birth. Jarrod might have started asking questions only he felt strongly that John needed his support more than he did questions at the moment. "It sounds like she knew you well. I wish I could have met her."

John smiled sadly, as he turned his eyes away from the saddle. He could feel and see Jarrod's sincerity. "How do you handle the holidays without your wife?" He asked the question hoping he was not out of line.

"It's not easy I admit." Jarrod admitted as he fought to keep his composure. "I leaned on the rest of my family the first year Beth was gone, will again; I do every year if truth be told." He looked at John with pure empathy, along with the message 'you can look to us for support as well'.

John heard the unspoken message, stood up and nodded towards the door. "Think we best go eat before Victoria finds Heath and sends him up here as well." He winked at Jarrod, doing his best to lighten the somber mood that now resided in the room.

Jarrod agreed, stood up, headed for the door and then said, "If Audra's cooked the meal, eat everything but the custard pie. I didn't say that though,"

John couldn't help it; he started laughing and laughing hard.