A/N: Thank you for your reviews! I'm posting this chapter earlier than expected because I really liked the way it came out. So, I just realized that I'm 5 chapters in and there hasn't been a hint of a description of Kate. I think I did this accidentally on purpose since she's very confident and doesn't seem like the type to drone on about her appearance in her head. I will be sprinkling more of her description in gradually, but if you want a general idea - I would imagine someone who looked a bit like Olivia Munn in school age form. At least in the same 'type'. Also, my chapters are getting atrociously long, but I hope you'll like them anyway :)

Chapter Five: Fringy and McDanger

"Good morning Peter," I said in a no nonsense voice as I sat beside him in History of Magic the next day. Remus and Dorcas hadn't arrived yet – maybe he had caught sight of her surplus of books and took it upon himself to organize her bag for her – so I slid into Remus' usual seat without hesitation. Peter was looking at me warily, like just the sight of me gave him a headache, but I ignored his expression and pulled the Remus chart from my bag and placed it in front of us proudly.

Peter didn't seem to share my enthusiasm. He sighed heavily. "What now? Have you added another layer of insanity to your plan?"

I was offended. Stupid Marauders – why didn't they learn to get some sleep? I simply could not understand people who were grumpy in the mornings the way those four boys were. I excused his choice of words even though I thought that he should have said 'genius' and not 'insanity,' and decided not to draw attention to it because he still had that very exhausted expression on his face.

"No Peter, I am simply gathering more information so that I can set up Remus' first date," I explained with my quill daintily poised over Sarah Hobbs, our Resident Hogwarts thrillseeker's column. I very much needed to get more information on the girl – after all – the only thing that had stuck in my mind was the fact that she was a sucker for danger. Since she was two years younger and I am very occasionally, remarkably unobservant, I couldn't quite recall her physical existence.

"First, please describe Miss Hobbs."

Peter shook his head in a very familiar motion. "You've seen her a million times, Kate. She's the girl who's always with my girlfriend."

I yelped in astonishment, feeling completely derailed, and clapped Peter on the back.

"Your girlfriend? Peter, you sly dog! I thought Jenny was simply your fringy-lover – when did this happen?"

He bit his lip and opened his book with a dignified look – it wasn't very successful because his teeth protruded from underneath his top lip and made him look quite rodent-esque. That combined with the look of exhaustion didn't make for a pleasant combination. I felt a stab of pity for Fringy – perhaps she had poor eyesight.

"Yesterday, when I asked her," he replied, sticking his nose up a bit and highlighting the immense length of his nostrils.

"Alas, and now poor Hobbs is dying inside hoping that you'll set her up with an equally dashing and handsome lover?" I said, elbowing him in the ribs and laying on the charm thick. Peter was easy to convince when he wasn't copying James and Sirius' don't-care attitude. He fell for my friendly elbow without question and looked suddenly pleased as he ran a hand over his wispy, mousy brown hair. I noticed that it was thinning a bit, but I clamped my mouth shut to avoid accidentally letting the observation slip from my lips.

"Well, no – she's quite popular really. But she likes bad boys, so Remus will have to show her his dangerous side."

"Hmm," I said chewing the end of my quill and spitting out a few stray feathery strands. I hadn't a clue what Peter was on about. As far as I could tell, Remus was about as dangerous as a hinkypunk. I mean sure, they were sneaky little buggers but they were hardly more than a nuisance - all you needed to do was ignore them. Hmm…perhaps Remus wasn't like a hinkypunk at all – more like a mewling kitten, really. I chewed my quill again and blanched as I once again swallowed more feathers. After wiping my tongue off on the sleeve of my robes and ignoring Peter, the known nose-picker's look of disgust, I wrote a little note in the margin about Hobbs' preference for danger and then looked up brightly, quill poised once more.

"Right. How are we going to make Remus look like a bad boy?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "He'll be fine once he gets talking – you underestimate him."

That was a blatant lie if I'd ever heard one, but I sighed in resignation.

"Mmm…okay, I better do the introductions I suppose. Remus will never have the gall to go up to her on his own. What does she look like again?"

"Tall, her hair is short and black – about Jenny's build," Peter described with a shrug as if this was sufficient information for me to stir my memory. The problem was, I couldn't for the life of me remember what Jenny looked like other than a giant fringe, and so I still hadn't a clue about Hobbs.

"Okay…will you point her out in the Common Room?"

"Why are you sitting in my seat, Kate?"

Remus had joined us and I noticed that Dorcas was sitting at our usual desk at the front of the room, pulling out a book from her bag that, for once, didn't look like it was bulging to the brim.

"Did you sort out Dorcas' bag for her?" I asked, staring at my friend's unusually neat desk in wonder.

He turned around to glance at her and looked confused before he looked down at the pile of books in his hands. "Um, no. Oh, but I carried some of her books here though – she has issues with remembering which subjects we don't have on certain days." He dropped the stack on the desk and nodded at me.

"Can you give her these?"

"You carried her books all the way here, and now you want me to go and deliver them?"

He blinked at me and I blinked back and he sighed.

Muttering to himself, he snatched the pile away and took it to her, smiling kindly before he returned and practically screamed his head off at me.

"Get up, please."

Okay, tiny exaggeration – but the fury was all in the eyes.

"But Peter and I are organizing your first date," I protested holding up the chart and grinning at Peter. The effect was ruined somewhat when he didn't look back.

Remus, on the other hand, looked terrified. I swear his face went even whiter than normal and he looked exactly like Professor Binns, who had, coincidentally, just floated in to the room and begun the lecture. As usual, the Ghost Professor didn't pay any attention to the fact that half of the room was empty and the people who were there were talking loudly and not even all sat down. What a barmy sod.

Meanwhile Remus still looked as though he was having heart palpitations.

"What? Kate! I'm not ready…I'm…er, still ill. I need a few days!"

"Sorry Remus, I've already inked Sarah Hobbs in for this evening," I said pointing out the note under her name. It was written on the chart, therefore set in stone – obviously. Remus could not deny the power of a chart.

"Why are you planning a date for us anyway? Do you plan on holding my hand through the whole thing? Shouldn't I get to know her first?" he replied, running both hands through his hair and clutching at it helplessly. He made a fair point, but was missing one crucial thing.

"If I leave it up to you, you won't ask her out until you're thirty-five and all of the other girls won't have a chance!"

Remus and Peter exchanged the infamous Marauder eye conversation – Remus was obviously thinking, 'She's right' and Peter probably replied with, 'Shall I grow a fringe?'

"Look – if you're insisting on this, then just introduce me so I can talk to her at least. Figure out if I like her – if she'll like me – before we commit to anything," Remus pleaded looking slightly deranged now as he pulled his hands from his hair and clutched the edge of the desk. I didn't understand it.

"Why would you need to do that?"

"Kate! Stop acting purposely dense – introduce us and I'll give it a chance. I've already agreed to your ludicrous idea – you don't need to keep pushing," Remus said tiredly, pulling me from his seat and rudely taking my place. Well, I say it was rude, but he was exceedingly gentle and even gave me a polite nod as he sat. Then, he started to take things from his bag and I knew he was going to start the seven-hour process of organizing his desk so I shrugged, preparing to leave him to it. This lecture was going to be boring enough without me witnessing Remus' unhealthy obsession with lining his quill up directly parallel to his parchment.

Before I left, I thought I better mention one more important thing.

"Well, I've got to get Peter to introduce me to her first. All I know about her is that she's friends with Fringy and likes bad boys."

I saw Peter's very original eye roll and Remus' mouth splutter open before he seemed to change his mind and snapped his head to look at Peter instead of me.

"Bad boys?" he asked in disbelief. "How did you reckon that would work?"

Peter laughed. "Just danger will do."

Remus shook his head. "I hate you."

"I thought it was ridiculous too," I said. "But maybe opposites attract. Or…you could borrow one of Sirius' leather jackets and dye your hair black and pierce your lip or something. I've got plenty of hoop earrings that should do the trick."

"Go away Kate."

Why did people always tell me to go away? You would think after the first million times, they'd know that I wasn't going anywhere. I sighed, ready to pat Remus condescendingly and explain that I would be happy to leave once I determined what size ring he needed by measuring the width of his bottom lip, when Peter interrupted me.

"I'll introduce him, Kate. You just stay out of it."

"But!"

"Miss Hopdiddle!"

Who?

I turned around to see Binns floating beside me glaring through his creepy see-through eyes. I felt the usual mad desire to laugh at his ridiculous substitution for my name combined with his unnecessarily doleful expression, but bit my lip to avoid escalating the situation.

"Why are you standing up?" he demanded in a ghostly tone. He looked ridiculous – I had to stare through him to avoid snickering right in his stern face, and in the process saw two Slytherins throwing paper planes at each other. Sure – he could notice me standing around trying to be a good friend to Remus, but he couldn't see those two chortling and flirting like two very disgusting eleven-year-olds! Oh, the injustice!

Remus and Peter were laughing at me and Binns was still glaring, so I sighed heavily and walked right through him to get to my desk. He shrieked and the windows rattled a little.

"MISS HOPBLUNDER! How dare you–"

As he launched into a sermon about how I couldn't just walk through him because he was a ghost, I ignored him and thought about what date to plan for Remus and Sarah McDanger after Peter had made the introductions.

James had found a Chaser to replace Emmeline and he and Sirius had been gushing over her all bloody day. I was sitting by the fire with them, Lily, and Dorcas playing Snap and every fifth word that came out of their mouth was something about her.

"And you saw the way she ducked away from your bludger?" James said as he put down a card.

"Held on to her broom with one finger – I swear Prongs, even you couldn't have done that!" Sirius nodded as he played his turn.

"Hey! I know she's good, but let's not go crazy here."

Dorcas giggled as she put down her card and threw her hands up with relief. Lily was studying James' face in interest.

"Don't you think a girl could be as good as you?" she asked, a challenging look on her face. I glanced at Sirius and then James. Trap alert, Potter. Run for cover. Man the turrets!

"It has nothing to do with the fact that she's a girl, Evans. More to do with the fact that I am me," he said arrogantly, throwing her a playful wink.

I winced as I threw down my card on to the stack – I wasn't worried about it blowing up, however. Lily was much more dangerous. I braced myself for the impending shouting match and made a face at Sirius to motion for him to do the same. He crinkled his eyebrows, shaking his head with a knowing smile.

To my utter shock, Lily laughed.

"Get your head out of arse, Potter."

James chuckled and smiling winningly at her. I even saw a slight redness in my friend's cheeks as he leaned over the table to play his turn, keeping his eyes on her.

And then, the game blew up in his face.

I burst in to hysterical laughter and the others joined in as James spluttered and rubbed the ash from his face. Even under the soot, he was bright red. It was hilarious. He tried to laugh with us, unsuccessfully, as he sent a spell at his face to wipe away the dirt before he started shuffling the cards again. I noticed that his mouth was moving noiselessly and I snickered again wishing I could understand his muttering.

"I'd like to see how she works with you and Spindle at practice," Sirius said, once again bringing attention back to this Fifth Year girl who was apparently some kind of Quidditch Goddess.

"Where are Peter and Remus?" I asked interrupting James' response and impatiently looking around the room. Fringy and McDanger were sitting by the windows doing homework, but there was no sign of the other half of the Marauders. Remus was stalling.

"Peter's probably still prepping Remus for his date," James said. "I'm surprised that you're not there fussing over his hair or something, Kate."

I made a face. "I tried, but they told me to get out. Apparently Peter is better at pep talks than me. I don't see why Remus was so upset, I only told him he had too much hair gel in."

Lily and Dorcas laughed and James shook his head knowledgeably.

"Never insult a man's hair gel, Kate. Love lesson numéro un."

"Merde," I said, as we started up the game again.

Almost immediately, we paused because the Quidditch Goddess had graced us with her presence. Well, to be fair, she had just walked unassumingly in to the Common Room and Sirius and James had yelled her over like obsessed fans. Lily and Dorcas chuckled at me as I pulled a face, and I put down my cards and stretched, watching as she fluttered rather spastically between our sofas and the portrait hole. I didn't recognize her. She was short – shorter than Mafalda even – and was apparently a Fifth Year. Her hair was dark blonde and although it was tied in a long plait down her back, the front was creatively windswept – the sort of look you could only achieve by being on a broomstick. I knew this because my hair was so straight that no amount of hairspray ever gave it even a dash of volume. Mafalda was always jealous of my hair as children, but I always felt the opposite. The dull way it sometimes hung in my face didn't suit my personality at all. I had always wished for the slightly insane way hers flew up around her head and I felt a stab of the same longing now, as I took in the Quidditch Goddess' mane – it looked so haphazard, like she wasn't bothered about making it look good and it still did. People noticed you when you had unique hair – mine was just simple: not even an interesting color, just an unordinary albeit nice, dark brown. It was nothing like Dorcas' strikingly pale blonde bob that framed her face like an artistic cloud, or Lily's shock of dark red, gorgeous waves. I was sure that no one had ever affectionately looked at my hair and thought 'Oh, how cute' or 'Wow' or 'I wonder if she does that on purpose'. The response to it was more likely 'Oh, she has hair – that's good. Look at those tits.' Sure, Sirius liked to twirl it around his fingers occasionally, but I got the feeling he only did that because he saw me doing it all the time and wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

While I was quite feverishly overanalyzing the benefits of having interesting hair versus the upside of having above average-sized breasts, the Quidditch Goddess had approached and was now standing uncertainly in the space between James in his armchair, and Sirius on the sofa beside Lily and Dorcas. She seemed afraid of stepping into our circle and I felt a snort of amusement pass through me. I mean I knew we could be an intimidating bunch – I liked it that way – but she looked positively terrified. I had a good view of her from my armchair opposite Sirius and I studied her with unhidden interest. How come girls who play Quidditch are so slight like that? They had no curves or anything – slender would be a good way to describe it - Emmeline was the same way. I noted that at least the school wouldn't have to invest in new Quidditch robes. But then again, I supposed that they would have to include her name that, for some reason, I couldn't even guess at. I watched as she bit her nails nervously, her eyes darting from the floor to Sirius and James' faces, and I frowned. I had never seen this girl in my life. Perhaps she'd done the impossible and transferred in from Beauxbatons or something.

"Hey Lizzy!" Sirius said cheerfully.

"Ready for practice on Thursday?" James asked, raising his eyebrows.

Honestly – surely they'd had this conversation with her an hour ago when she'd made the team. The kind of flirting that boys did with girls they'd just met was laughable. It was so pointless and predictable. Even so, her face was flushed and I was sure she was eating it all up. They are a charming pair of lads – stupid though.

"Well done Liz! I knew you could do it," Lily said, smiling warmly.

Hang on, Lily knew her too?

I smiled too and leaned over to mutter to Dorcas out of the side of my mouth. "Do you know her?"

Dorcas gave me a look and whispered, "She's in Emmeline's year – she used our bathroom this morning."

Had she? I thought Emmeline was the only one who used our bathroom. I actually could have sworn I had a full conversation with Emmeline this morning!

"You said you liked her hair!" Dorcas added, looking exasperated. Ah, there it was – I must have been half asleep and thought that this Lizzy girl was Emmeline in my daze. How rude of me not to properly introduce myself to this new Beauxbatons transfer. I was actually quite annoyed with myself – she had done the impossible and I'd never even got to ask her how she'd done it. I mean when did she get sorted in to Gryffindor? What was the protocol for Transfer students? Maybe Dumbledore had put the Sorting Hat on her head in private so she wouldn't feel like a ponce – it seemed the considerate sort of thing Albus would do.

I turned to the girl, who was still looking at me nervously. I felt a pang of guilt – she must be bricking it being new and all – and here I was not even noticing that I'd had conversations with her. Also, she might have overheard my whisper to Dorcas; I couldn't quite tell so I decided to overcompensate by being extra nice.

"So, how are you enjoying Hogwarts so far Lizzy?" I asked kindly. My friends gave a collective sigh and Dorcas hit me with a cushion from the sofa.

"You absolute tit!" she exclaimed.

I was quite taken aback at her rudeness. Since the others were simply giving Lizzy apologetic smiles or shaking their heads, I gathered quite quickly that apparently this girl was not at all a Beauxbatons transfer, but simply a student who I hadn't noticed up until this precise moment. Ah – I was a bit self-centered, but I meant no harm. There was absolutely no reason to call me a tit, Dorcas. Rude.

"Ignore her – she has no idea what happens in any world outside of hers." Sirius laughed, rolling his eyes at me.

Lizzy giggled apprehensively and I frowned. I bet that Sirius had no clue who she was until she turned up at Quidditch trials either. What a prick.

"Hogwarts is er– lovely as um– always," the girl stuttered with a bright, but nervous smile. When she started to go red and look at the floor, I saw Sirius' eyes go out of focus for a moment and I gritted my teeth. What was wrong with him? Well, I knew of course. Sirius was attracted to extremes. On one hand, he seemed to like quiet girls who blushed and spluttered around him nervously like the girl who had accidentally said that she liked his 'bat' and this mumbling girl here, but on the other hand, he fancied loud, obnoxious but obviously very charming girls like Emmeline and me.

Thankfully, at that very moment, Remus and Peter arrived at the top of the staircase and I was sufficiently distracted to turn away. I was able to tune out what was sure to be Sirius' 'harmless' flirtation with the girl and focus on Peter patting his friend encouragingly on the back. Remus looked quite nice – his hair was combed and he didn't even look pale and see-through anymore. In fact, there was a slight blush in his cheeks and his forehead glistened a bit with not wholly unattractive sweat. He seemed to have ditched his normally shabby clothes for a shirt that I think James' mum might have bought Sirius last Easter and agh! His collar was all messy – surely Peter knew he ought to straighten it. I wondered quickly if they would push me down the stairs if I ran up to go fix it myself, when suddenly the reason for the sloppiness dawned on me. They were doing this on purpose for the 'bad boy' image Sarah Hobbs was so partial to. Peter was a genius!

Well…maybe that was a bit of a stretch. But still, very clever of him all the same.

"Look!" I said, tapping Dorcas and Lily. "Remus is about to meet Girl One."

The girls looked away from whatever conversation they'd been having with the Quidditch-obsessed wankers and looked over their shoulders excitedly. To my surprise, they ducked down to hide behind the back of the sofa in an attempt to be discreet. Feeling silly, I did the same with my armchair and we all watched Peter and Remus stroll up to Fringy and McDanger. I snorted to myself as I thought of the names again – they could fight crime.

Remus still looked a tiny bit sweaty, but he put on a lovely smile as Peter hugged Jenny hello and introduced Remus to Sarah. She looked bored at first and I felt a stab of annoyance with her, but then Remus said something and she broke in to laughter. She must have liked sarcasm because I couldn't imagine Remus formulating a proper joke. He and Peter sat down with the girls and began chatting and I sighed wishing I could hear their conversation.

"So far so good!" Dorcas said with a grin. "It's your turn Kate."

Still looking over my shoulder at Remus, I put down my Snap card and yelped as the pile blew up. That was so unfair! The group was laughing at me now, new girl included, and I very dramatically took a bow to save face. Half of my hair was smoking and I studied the ends in annoyance – there wasn't any damage but it reeked. Brilliant now people would look at me and think, 'Oh, she has hair, that's – hang on, she stinks!'

"Ugh, hair should be off limits," I sighed, pulling it on to my head in a bun. "I'm going to smell like Zonko's for hours."

Lizzy said something to James and Sirius and then waved at Lily, Dorcas and I.

"See you all later," she mumbled and then added, "I um, hope your hair is okay, Kate."

How annoying.

"Do the cleaning spell Kate, you look ridiculous," Sirius laughed as he shuffled the cards.

"Oh…sorry, I guess I'm not all lovely and windswept like The Mumbler over there," I said, casting the cleaning spell and feeling the soot siphon off my face.

I felt the air thicken and James looked up at the ceiling while Dorcas and Lily cleared their throats uncomfortably. Sirius, however, laughed.

"Your green monster is showing Katie."

I glared at him coolly, but bit my tongue. "Do you know any spells to eavesdrop? I want to hear what's going on between Remus and Sarah."

Sirius smiled and nodded. "For you, anything."

Urgh – I hated how much I loved his smile – it made me forget all my annoyances in a snap. What an astonishingly unfair talent to bestow upon a boy who already had too many talents to count.

He waved his wand in their direction and suddenly we could all hear Remus' conversation with Sarah as easily as if they were sitting right beside us. Being the girlfriend of a Marauder, for all its downfalls, certainly had perks.

"That is so dangerous and creepy," Lily said, shuddering. "Now I'm going to have to censor everything I say when you're nearby."

"You mean you talk about us?" James asked looking excited.

She rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off.

"Shush! What's the point in eavesdropping if you lot are yakking over them?" I hissed, waving at them in irritation and I turning back to peek around the side of my armchair at Remus and Sarah. My chatty mates laughed but the four of them finally fell silent so that we could all listen.

It wasn't going well. Sarah looked kind of bored, and truth be told, I didn't blame her. Remus was talking about the history of goblins.

"Yeah, I know you touch on the Goblin wars in OWLs – but if you take History for NEWT, they go into it really in-depth. It's absolutely fascinating," he said.

"Cool," Sarah said, studying her nails and throwing her fringed-friend a look. Jenny ignored her and turned back to Peter who was looking at Remus worriedly.

"Come on Remus…show her your dark side," I heard James mumble. Sirius scoffed and privately, I agreed with the sentiment.

"Um…" Remus looked flustered now and I willed him to talk about anything other than goblins or schoolwork – The Ghouls maybe – that would make him seem cool and show off his ability to understand pain. That, I suppose, was quite dark and would probably buy him a few more minutes of interest. 'Ghouls – music – Ghouls!' I thought desperately.

"What kind of music do you listen to?" Remus asked, after clearing his throat. I saw Peter and Jenny relax as Sarah broke in to a smile. I did a mental victory dance. Perhaps I had a gift for Legilimency.

"I think he heard you Kate," Lily whispered and I saw Remus glance back at me.

Oh, maybe I'd cough-spoken the words to help him. Well – I was still looking in to that Legilimency thing.

"Oh! I'm a huge fan of the Crowing Codswallops!" Sarah said and I stuck my tongue out.

Yuck. Bad taste.

"Oh…" Remus said, nodding politely although I was sure he wanted to gag too. "Yeah, I like that one about the Hippogriff that fell out of the sky. Once you get past the screaming, the lyrics are pretty powerful in parts."

"What? The screaming is the best part!" Sarah replied, looking insulted.

Remus winced. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

She looked bored again and I pinched my leg. What a nightmare. Peter had the worst possible taste in potential girlfriends. Maybe Fringy was cool, but her friend was awful.

"This is a disaster," I sighed as James removed the spell and I shrunk down in my seat.

"Remus needs some tips. Treat them mean, keep 'em keen," Sirius suggested, laughing.

Dorcas and Lily groaned and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I guess fawning all over The Mumbler must have backfired – she's barely glanced your way."

Without thinking, Sirius turned and saw that Lizzy was actually still staring our way. She blushed fiercely and looked down and his eyebrows furrowed slightly before he turned back to me. The grin faded immediately and he narrowed his eyes.

"What is your problem with her?"

"I don't have a problem with The Mumbler – it's you!" I retorted loudly, standing up and stretching.

He stood too and squinted at me. "I wasn't fawning over her. You call that fawning?"

"Whatever Sirius," I said grabbing the Exploding Snap cards and putting them back in their box. Dorcas and Lily were muttering to each other and James had closed his eyes looking resigned. Everyone could smell a fight obviously. The Common Room had gone too quiet. Nosy gits.

"Oh sure – throw out the accusations and then say nothing about it. This is so typical," Sirius said. He rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Fine – you want me to say something? Maybe, just maybe – it would be nice if you could not go all googly-eyed for every girl who blushes in front of you!" I said, putting my hands on my hips. I was so aggravated – at him, at Sarah Hobbs, at Peter, Remus. Why wasn't anything going to plan?

"As usual you win the Overreaction award," Sirius said looking as irritated as I felt. "We were only talking – I can't help it if you hyper-analyze every single look that's on my face."

"Well!" I snapped. "Maybe I just won't look at you anymore!"

"This isn't even about us! You're just annoyed because one of your plans didn't work out," Sirius said lowering his voice – thankfully having the tiny shred of grace not to embarrass Remus by going into details. He and the rest of his table partners were watching us now and I saw that Sarah was eyeing Sirius and biting her lip with an odd look in her eyes. Of course she fancied him.

"Oh just get stuffed Sirius," I said, walking towards the girls' staircase.

"So, what? Are we breaking up again?" He sounded completely indifferent and I wanted to throw something at him, but all I had was that stupid pack of cards. I missed and he looked like he wanted to laugh for a moment before he slipped back into a frown.

"HEY!"

Sirius turned and revealed a large and grumpy Seventh Year bloke named Kyle Thomas – you didn't really want to mess with him because he had an awful temper and, he was also unfortunately Mafalda's boyfriend. Apparently I'd hit him with my pack of cards. He shoved past Sirius and walked right up to the staircase, throwing the cards at me. As they bounced painfully off my face, I fumbled and dropped them. I felt my face grow hot because not being able to catch was humiliating but also, I think the corner of the box must have scratched me.

"STOP having a bloody hissy fit Kate! Some of us are trying to work and you're shrieking like a gargoyle and throwing things and–"

"Hey! Back the hell off mate," Sirius said, pulling Kyle away from me.

"Stay out of this Black – I'm talking to this drama queen."

I wanted to burst in to tears. Kyle was so mean – I didn't mean to hit him! It was an accident. Anyone from any angle could see that I'd meant to hit Sirius with the box – I couldn't help it if my aim was off! And if he hated hissy fits so much, then why was he throwing one?

"Don't call her a drama queen, you prick!"

"Sirius, it's okay," I muttered and he shook his head.

"Shut up for a minute, Kate."

"Don't tell me to shut up!" I snapped before I could stop myself.

He looked incredulous. "Are you serious?"

"Will you two both just shut up?" Kyle said, grabbing Sirius by the front of his shirt. His arms were massive – almost the width of Sirius' head and let me tell you, as gorgeous as he was, my boyfriend had a very large noggin. The expression on his face looked furious – his grey eyes were cold as he struggled against Kyle's hold and gave him a push, wrenching himself free. Just as I squinted my eyes and flinched, and Sirius started to throw a punch, Remus caught his arm.

"Calm down Padfoot."

"Just let me blast this prick to next week, Moony," Sirius argued trying to push past Remus as he pulled his wand from his pocket.

"He's a Prefect," Remus shushed before he turned around to face me and Kyle, backing against a still struggling Sirius. James and Peter had arrived by his sides now and even though Kyle was the size of a runt giant, it did finally look as though they were on the winning side. Still, I watched tensely. Remus was diplomatic, sure, but he had no experience with muggle dueling – at least Sirius and James had thrown a punch before. I couldn't quite imagine Remus doing the same – and he was at the front of the pack.

Thankfully, he seemed to choose words over fists and held his hands up peacefully to my sister's boyfriend who had now finally, stopped glaring at me and focused all of his attention on the boys.

"Kyle – calm down. Kate's going to her dormitory and Sirius is going to his – you can get on with your work just fine now – relax. There's no need to shriek," Remus said in his soothing, sensible tone.

Nobody saw the punch coming but after a few yells, some smoke and thumps – all four Marauders emerged mostly unscathed. Remus had a faint bruise across his eye and the others had messy hair, but Kyle was lying on the floor in the full body bind with his trousers around his ankles and his hair dyed pink. Remus swore loudly and very uncharacteristically as he glared at Kyle's incapacitated body and ran a hand over his bruise. Mafalda was going to cook me alive when she heard about this.

The Common Room erupted in to laughter and I saw that Sarah was twirling her hair around her little finger, her eyes decisively fixed on Remus and not Sirius anymore. She was by his side in a flash and was leading him off towards the sofas, stroking his arm and staring up at his bruise with googly eyes. I saw that he looked bewildered but didn't see much else because Sirius was staring at me looking as exhausted as I felt.

"So?" he said, stepping over Kyle's head and looking up at me as I uncomfortably grasped the railing of the staircase.

"Can we just talk about it later?" I sighed. I didn't even want to think about 'later' – what with Kyle, Mafalda and now, Sirius to deal with. At least, it seemed, Remus was getting along with Sarah. She was looking at him in awe, her fingers tracing his black eye in a soft caress. I heard Sirius clear his throat and I tiredly looked back at him.

"Okay," he said with a curt nod. We looked at each other for another moment before he stuck his hands back in his pockets and headed off with James, while I turned my back and hurried up the stairs to mope.

A/N: I feel as though I want to write a crime spin-off starring Fringy and McDanger ;). Thank you all for reading!