Haymitch
Here's the thing about being a functioning alcoholic. You don't realize how much your ability to function depends on having that constant presence of alcohol in your bloodstream…until you're deprived of that alcohol.
And I could really use some of that alcohol right now, if only to distract myself from the screeching voice of Plutarch Heavensbee.
"We cannot do this without Katniss Everdeen! She is the Mockingjay, she is the face of this revolution, without her as a symbol to unite the districts, there will not be a revolution!" Plutarch shouts from the head of the table, his assistant Fulvia Cardew sits beside him, nodding her head earnestly, making the silver flowers carved into her cheeks seem to wink.
Plutarch looks around at the rest of us seated at the table, waiting for someone to agree. It's an odd group that has convened around this table in the Command Center, a mixture of 'rebels' from the Capitol, soldiers from District 13, Beetee, who was wheeled out of the hospital in his hospital bed as soon as he was deemed fit and taken straight to Special Weaponry. I haven't seen him since, except in these meetings. Aside from the Capitol rebels, soldiers from 13, and Beetee, there is also myself and Gale Hawthorne, who I note interestingly, is now wearing one of those obnoxious wrist things called a communicuff. Huh. I thought he had turned down the 'prestigious' offer to serve in Thirteen's military, although how would I know? I haven't seen or spoken to the boy since that day two weeks ago when the bombshell of Katniss's pregnancy was dropped, aside from these 'strategy' meetings.
I cannot count how many of these meetings I have been dragged into since Katniss awoke and I was given the less than pleasant task of telling President Alma Coin and Plutarch that there was a slight complication with their would-be Mockingjay.
"Pregnant?! What do you mean the girl is pregnant?!" As soon as I walked through the door of the Command Center that day, I was accosted by Plutarch and Coin, eager to know every detail about the Mockingjay's current state of health. It took less than a minute after my announcement for Plutarch to start shouting.
I run a hand over my eyes and sink into the nearest empty chair. It is too late in the day for this and I am too sober. I'm in no mood to listen to Plutarch's anxious babbling while Coin just sits there, silent and staring at me with her colorless eyes.
"I thought the baby story was just a lie that Mellark told to try and stop the Quell!" The louder Plutarch's voice gets, the higher his tone gets. It sounds like nails on a chalkboard and does nothing to ease the pounding headache that is forming in my brain.
I sigh. "That's what we all thought. They didn't know, apparently. The doctor told us and we broke the news to Katniss. She was genuinely shocked, so shocked that she passed out."
Plutarch groans and throws his hands into the air. "What will we do now? We can't have a pregnant Mockingjay!"
He is so upset by this news that his face has turned a dangerous shade of purple and a vein is throbbing furiously at his temple. If the situation wasn't so serious, it would be funny to see the former Head Gamemaker so flustered.
"Why weren't we informed of this earlier?" Coin asks, her gaze locked on me, as if it's my fault that two foolish teenagers have gotten themselves pregnant in the midst of revolution, destroying all her plans.
And maybe she's right. Maybe it is my fault. Maybe I should have paid more attention to what was going on during the Victory Tour. I knew that they were sharing a bed, Effie had informed me of that, saying that the Capitol servants on the train were beginning to take notice and that she had asked them to be a little more discreet. I just brushed off her concerns. I had heard Katniss screaming in her sleep. As a long-time sufferer of nightmares myself, I couldn't fault the girl for wanting peace in her sleep. And if having Peeta sleeping next to her gave her that peace, then I was not going to be the one to take away what little comfort she had. Maybe I should have paid more attention, shown more of an interest and concern for what was going on, instead of being completely wrapped up in plans for the rebellion. Maybe then we wouldn't be in this situation right now.
"The doctors didn't tell us about the pregnancy until about an hour ago,. I don't know why the doctors didn't tell us before now."
I can tell by the look on Coin's face that this is not the answer she wanted.
"If we'd known about the pregnancy we could have terminated it and solved this problem immediately. Unfortunately, we're past that option now." Coin says in a flat voice, as if she's telling us what will be served for dinner tonight, instead of talking about ending a potential child's life. Plutarch and I both stare at her, speechless. Yes, even, I, who has spent the past twenty-five years trying to kill, or at the very least numb, every feeling I've ever had, finds the idea of terminating a pregnancy without the knowledge or consent of either parent appalling. Katniss may not know how she feels about this pregnancy right now and Peeta may not even know this baby exists but I know that Katniss will come around and I know that Peeta will love this kid beyond all imagination.
"Madam President, I know that this is a major setback but to terminate a pregnancy without consent…" Plutarch's voice trails off as if he can't even find the words to express his horror at the idea.
"As I said, it's no longer an option," Coin says as she walks over to stand in front of me. "Pregnant or not, Katniss Everdeen is a vital part of this revolution. I need her in command by 8 am tomorrow morning, no later." She waves her hand towards the door, indicating that I'm now dismissed, I am of no more use to her until I complete my assignment and bring her the Mockingjay.
The next morning, I escorted Katniss to Command at precisely 8:00. The meeting lasted a total of five minutes before Katniss walked out without saying a word. We found her an hour later in the education supply closet, hiding behind a stack of boxes, just sitting there in silence, a vacant expression on her face.
The next morning, I brought her to Command once again. She lasted fifteen minutes before walking out. It took two hours to find her that time, she was in the laundry room, surrounded by stacks of clean laundry.
Since then, we've gone through the same routine at least five times. As Katniss slipped out of the last meeting, Coin looked at Plutarch and said in a loud voice, "I told you we should have rescued the boy first."
I saw Katniss stiffen as the words reached her ears and for a brief moment, I thought that it would be the push she needed to find her old self again. I was wrong. After giving herself a slight shake, she left the room.
I didn't go after her that time. Instead, I stayed behind and listened to Plutarch and Coin debate the stability of Katniss's mental health, as if either of them could possibly understand what that girl has been through.
"I told you she couldn't handle this. The Games destroyed her." Coin says with a tone of disgust.
"Yes, she can. She just needs the right motivation!" Plutarch shoots back.
I just sat there and wished for alcohol.
This is what led us to today's meeting. Coin is determined that this meeting will be the one where she finally gets through to Katniss. I was summoned to Command early this morning, although not as Katniss's escort. This time, Coin has sent Boggs, head of 13's security, to retrieve Katniss.
At that precise moment, Boggs and Katniss walk through the door. Boggs takes his usual place beside Coin and Katniss slides into the chair across the table from me, casting a brief glance in my direction before turning her gaze to the table. Even though I was the one who brought her to these meetings, we have not actually spoken since that day in the hospital when I broke the news of her impending motherhood. She is still angry at me for not saving Peeta and I am still mad at her for letting him out of her sight that night. As angry as I am at her, nothing compares to the guilt, anger, and hatred I feel towards myself for sending them into the Quell unware of the rebels' plans, for failing to protect them, for being unable to save him.
President Coin stands at the head of the table and clears her throat, raising her hand for silence, even though no one is talking. She looks at Katniss, who raises her head and meets Coin's eyes steadily.
"Miss Everdeen…once again I would like to welcome you to District Thirteen. I cannot tell you how glad we are that you're here. And I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I can't imagine what it would be like to live through the horrors of those Games."
Katniss says nothing, just keeps her eyes on Coin. Although I can't quite figure out how I feel about Coin, I must give her credit for admitting that she knows nothing about the Games. Too many people act as if they know exactly what was it like to live through that arena, simply because they were forced to watch the Games on TV. As if that's comparable to experiencing those atrocities first hand.
"I wish we could give more time to recover, especially in light of your…" Coin's voice trails off as she struggles to find the right word. She settles for 'situation' and tells Katniss that unfortunately there's simply no more time for recovery.
"We are making history here, Katniss." Plutarch breaks in. "Ever since you destroyed the arena's force field, the entire nation has been electrified. There have been uprisings, riots, and strikes in seven districts. Seven districts!" Plutarch's eyes light up, as if he can't contain his joy at the thought of this social disturbance.
Coin nods in agreement. "This is a great opportunity for us. If we can keep this energy going, we believe that we can unify the districts against the Capitol." She pauses for emphasis before continuing. "But if we don't use this energy, if we let it dissolve., we could be waiting another 75 years for an opportunity like this. Everyone in Thirteen is ready for this. Panem is ready for this."
Katniss is silent for so long that I start to think that this is going to be another useless meeting and I'm considering walking out myself when she finally speaks.
"What about Peeta? Is she alive?" She looks around the table, waiting for someone to answer her. But how can we?
Plutarch finally speaks up.
"I don't know. I wish that I did. But there's no way for me to contact my people inside the Capitol."
Beetee is the next to speak up. "The Capitol has always suppressed communications between the districts. But I designed their broadcast system and I was able to break into it. If we had a message to show, all of Panem would see it."
Plutarch agrees. "We just need the perfect message. We need to show the people of Panem that the Mockingjay is alive and well and ready to fight. Because we need every district to stand up to that Capitol. Just like you did."
He goes on to explain that he wants to shoot 'propos' featuring the Mockingjay. He intends to use them to spread the word and to 'stoke the fires of rebellion'.
I almost snort, I'm trying so hard to restrain myself from mocking his dramatic wording. Plutarch might be a 'rebel' but everything about him, including the way he speaks, marks him as a pampered citizen of the Capitol.
"You left him there." Katniss's whisper is soft but everyone at the table manages to catch it.
"You left him in that arena to die." Her voice is getting louder now and I see the look of uncertainty that passes between Plutarch and Coin.
"Katniss, there were so many factors, so many- "Plutarch doesn't get very far before Katniss cuts him off by slamming the palm of her hand onto the table.
"Peeta was the one who was supposed to live! Not me! It was his turn to be saved!" She yells and I smile inwardly despite myself. There she is, just a quick glimpse, but there's the Girl on Fire.
"Miss Everdeen. This revolution is about everyone, it's about all of us. Not just you. And we need a voice." Coin's voice is sharp enough to cut glass. Inwardly, I laugh, knowing that she's doing nothing but making Katniss even more defensive.
"Then you should have saved Peeta!" Katniss all but screams. "You should have saved him, not me! We knew nothing about this revolution! You all had plans that we didn't know about! How can I even trust that you're not secretly working for the Capitol? How do I know that we're on the same side?"
At this, Plutarch and Coin both begin to speak, voices rising and falling, throwing out numbers, scenarios, anything to convince Katniss. I don't know what they're thinking. I know from personal experience that you cannot force Katniss to do anything she doesn't want to do. She does not trust easily and certainly not on words alone. It's the reason I gave Finnick the gold bracelet that Effie had given me before he went into the arena. I knew that Katniss would not accept being allies on his words alone. She needed some tangible proof before she could believe him. For someone as distrustful as Katniss, seeing is believing.
Seeing is believing…
And that's when it hits me. For Katniss, seeing is believing. Katniss needs to see what the Capitol is capable of, she needs to see what we're fighting for. Otherwise, she'll never believe that we're all on the same side.
"She needs to see Twelve."
At the sound of my voice, Plutarch and Coin stop speaking and Katniss, along with everyone else, turns her head in my direction.
"She needs to see what the Capitol did to District 12 or you'll never have your Mockingjay. She needs to see it for herself." The words have no sooner left my mouth before everyone starts talking.
"No, it's too dangerous!"
"I can't sanction that, especially not in her condition."
"She won't be able to handle it."
To my surprise, it's Plutarch who agrees with me. He throws his hands up in the air and starts shouting.
"Let's do it. If it'll convince her that we're all on the same side, then let her go. It's better than spending another month in useless meetings."
Coin glares at me before turning to Boggs, who has been entirely silent up until now.
"How can we do this as safely as possible?" She asks him.
Boggs takes a moment before answering.
"We keep eyes on her from the air, give her a head set to keep the line of communication open. Use radar detectors to let us know if there's anyone coming and pull her out at the first sign of trouble."
It's obvious that this plan does not sit well with Coin, but the decision has been taken out of her hands. Everyone at the table is nodding in agreement, even Hawthorne, who has spent the entire meeting looking like a man carved out of stone.
"Fine." Coin says in a deadly calm voice. "But no longer than an hour and you pull her out of there if there's even a suspicion of trouble. And I want a briefing meeting the minute you return." She looks around the table, a scowl on her face. "This meeting is dismissed!"
Katniss is the first person out of her seat and through the door, so I jump up and follow her. She's angry at me and I'm not thrilled with but the sooner we get this conversation over with, the better it is for everyone.
"Katniss! Wait!" I know she hears me and I'm a little surprised when she immediately stops and turns around, waiting for me to catch up to her.
"Let's get this over with." I say as I take her arm and push her into an empty room across the hall. We each take a seat at the table that sits in the middle of the room and for a long moment, we simply look at each other.
"We're going to have to work together again. So, let's go ahead and get it all out the table. Go ahead and say it." I'm the first to speak, because I know she will never make the first move.
She doesn't hesitate. "I can't believe you didn't rescue Peeta."
There's nothing I can do except reply. "I know."
We sit in silence for a few minutes, although I know it won't last. We made a deal that night, the night of the reading of the Quarter Quell card. We made a deal and it doesn't matter that we were both drunk and in pain, it was still a deal. A deal we both failed keep.
"Now you say it." She tells me.
"I can't believe you let him out of your sight that night." I answer.
She nods and an expression of pure pain crosses her face. "I think about it all the time. I try to figure out what I could have done to keep us from being split up without breaking the alliance. But I can never find an answer."
"You didn't have a choice. None of us did. I couldn't make Plutarch stay and rescue him without putting the rest of us at risk. We barely got out in time as it was." Her eyes meet mine and I know that if I were to look in a mirror, I would see the exact same eyes staring back at me. Gray Seam eyes, the sleepless nights evident in the deep purple circles underneath her eyes.
"He's not dead yet. We're still in the game Katniss."
She's not looking at me anymore, she is gazing off to the side, I know that she's a thousand miles away, back in that arena with him.
"I should have been able to save him. He should be here. Especially now…" Her voice trails off as she gestures towards her stomach.
And there it is. The thing that we've all talked around, but not about, the elephant in the room. Her pregnancy. This kid is coming into the world in less than six months, this kid that absolutely no one is ready for. The kid's mother is being dragged into being the figurehead for this revolution and the father…the father is trapped in the Capitol, most likely being tortured for information he doesn't have, unware that he's about to become a father.
"Katniss…" I start to speak but then I stop because there's nothing anyone can stay to her to make this better. She is a pregnant teenager, the boy she loves, the father of her baby, is being held by the enemy and an entire nation is looking to her to lead them through a revolution. Even for someone as strong as Katniss Everdeen, it's a lot to handle.
"He should be here, Haymitch. He should know about this." Her voice breaks at the end of her sentence and I know that it's taking everything she has not to completely break down. I can't let that happen. If she breaks down now, it might not be possible to put the pieces back together.
"Hey. Look at me." I lean across the table and look her straight in the eyes. "We're still in the game. And I'm still your mentor. We're going to get through this."
She gives me a watery sort of half smile before standing up and walking towards the door.
"When we go to Twelve tomorrow, you'll be on the ground and I'll be in the air. I'll have a better view, so make sure you listen to me and do as I say."
She nods and turns to leave but I can't let her go without saying one last thing.
"Katniss. We're going to get him back."
She stops and gives a swift jerk of her head that I suppose is supposed to serve as a nod before leaving. Maybe it was my imagination but her shoulders seemed a little stiffer, her back just a little straighter as she left.
I lean back in my seat and sigh, letting my eyes travel around the room I marched us into. I have no idea what this room is used for, it appears to be completely empty, save for the table and a few boxes stacked in the far corner of the room. It surprises me to find this room sitting empty. I thought nothing in Thirteen went to waste. I smirk, thinking of the death looks that Fulvia Cardew got the other day when she crumpled up a piece of paper with only a few words written on it. Since I've been deprived of alcohol, one of my few pleasures in 13 is watching these pampered Capitol citizens, 'rebels' they call themselves, struggle to adjust to life in this waste not, want not district.
As much as I would like to stay in this room and reminisce about the discomfort of the Capitol citizens, I can't. I have one more person I need to talk to before this day is over.
Katniss, Peeta, and I were a team. But there was one other member of our team. Peeta is lost right now, our team can't afford to lose any more members. If we have any hope of making Katniss into the Mockingjay, we need her help.
I stand up, leaving the empty room and heading in the direction of her compartment. I haven't seen her since the last night of the Quarter Quell, I wasn't even aware that she'd been taken from the Capitol until I deemed fit to return to society after my forced stint of drying out. She hasn't been to any of the command meetings, the rumor is that she's not adjusting well to 13.
Plutarch is the only one that has seen her and it appears that has done nothing to calm his stress levels. I was in Command the day he returned from talking to her, his face flushed any angry shade of red, his eyes wild with agitation. He rushed into Command, throwing his hands in the air, muttering to himself about idiot Escorts. It gave me a small thrill of pleasure to see Plutarch so disconcerted. Of course, he gets worked up at least once every day. It's another one of my few pleasures here in Thirteen.
I stop in front of the door to her compartment and take a deep breath. I don't know if I'm ready to see her again. How will I explain how she ended up here, in this district that isn't even supposed to still exist? She'll have questions, questions that I don't know how to answer. But that doesn't matter now. Helping Katniss become the Mockingjay is what matters now.
I don't bother to knock, I just walk in. She's sitting in front of a side table, her back to me, her hands working busily. She's dressed in the same drab, navy blue, uniform that everyone in Thirteen wears and her hair is wrapped up in a matching navy kerchief. When she turns around and faces me, I am startled at the sight of her makeup free face.
"Effie. I didn't recognize you without the colored hair and the excessive makeup."
She scowls at me. "Haymitch. Maybe I don't recognize you sober."
I give a dark chuckle at that, thinking that I barely recognize myself. "Well, I guess it looks as bad as it feels."
She stares me a brief moment before rolling her eyes and turning back around. I take the opportunity to glance around her compartment. It appears to be the same as every other compartment in this horrid district. One standard size bed and table, the entire room is decorated in gray, except for the pink material laying in front of Effie.
"You know, that door opens from the inside, too." I say, walking over to stand in front of her. "You're not a prisoner here."
At this, she gives a hmpf but doesn't look up from her work.
"You can come and go as you please. You're no different than anyone else here." I try again.
She glares at me.
"I won't be seen aiding these radicals!" She snaps.
At that, I laugh out loud, unable to believe my ears. Does she really think that life is going to go back to normal over after this? Does she think that she's just going to waltz back into the Capitol, claim that she was held hostage in Thirteen, and just expect to be welcomed back into the fold?
"Effie…no matter what happens, nothing will ever be the same after this. Your life in the Capitol is over."
She doesn't respond, only stares at the fluffy pink material that is lying in front of her. I know this is hard for her and I feel the slightest twinge of sympathy for her. But this is war. And everyone suffers during war.
"Katniss is going to be the Mockingjay. She hasn't officially agreed but they're sending her to Twelve tomorrow. And once she sees what the Capitol's bombs did to Twelve, once she sees what's left, she'll agree." I stand there, talking to a woman who obviously does not want to talk to me. I'm almost ready to give up and walk out the door when she finally speaks.
"That poor girl." Her voice is a sad, breathy whisper, the same voice that she used the day of the Reaping for the Quarter Quell as she fished first Katniss's and then my name out of those glass balls. I turn back around to face her and I'm blown away by the devastated expression on her face. In all the years we've worked together, I've never viewed Effie's feelings at losing so many kids as comparable to mine. She's always made it apparent that she wanted to get bumped up to a better district where the tributes lasted longer than the initial bloodbath at the Cornucopia. But she was different with the star crossed lovers. She loves Katniss and Peeta too.
"There's more," I say cautiously, wondering how she'll take this next piece of news. "Katniss is pregnant. A little over three months."
The shock on Effie's face would be amusing if the situation wasn't so serious.
"Peeta?" She asks.
I nod my head. "She's pregnant and Peeta is being held prisoner in the Capitol. And she's going to be the Mockingjay."
Effie's hand comes up to cover her mouth and her eyes are glistening with tears. I decide to keep going, hoping the thought of an alone and pregnant Katniss will move her.
"If you don't help her, they will find someone else to act as an escort for Katniss. And there is not a soul in this godforsaken dungeon of a district that knows Katniss like you do. But it won't matter. They will find someone to replace you. Your girl on fire is burnt out. She needs you."
Effie is silent and it's apparent that nothing I say is going to get through to her. I give a sigh of disgust and turn to leave. I've just slid the door open when she finally speaks.
"For Katniss. And Peeta. And that poor baby. For them, I'll do it."
I don't turn around. I don't want to see that devastated expression on her face again. It's hard enough holding Katniss together. I cannot take on another person's emotional instability. So I simply give a swift nod and walk out the door, desperately hoping that between the two of us, we can help Katniss become the Mockingjay.