A/N: Thanks for your great reviews as always everyone - you are so wonderful it hurts! I actually really ended up liking this chapter - so I hope you do too! Also have a plan for the next few chapters so I hope writing them will come more easily :)

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Downsides of Being Young

The hype over 'This Charming Witch' being about me held Hogwarts' attention for the majority of the next week. While the first week back had brought Sirius the surplus of attention from girls who were thrilled he was back on the market, during the second week, the other part of the female population were actually more focused on me. Everywhere I went, someone wanted to hear the play-by-play encounter of my meeting with Arson at Slughorn's party. Slughorn too, had finally found me interesting and he invited me along to all of his parties for the rest of the year. Yeah, like that was going to happen.

The other teachers, however, were less impressed. They didn't seem to care that I was a muse, especially since as a result of my depression over break, and then my new form of Hogwarts celebrity, I was still quite behind on schoolwork. By Tuesday, I really couldn't stand being in detention anymore, so I spent most of my free time studying with Dorcas and Lily and catching up on my old and new essays. It was remarkably easy, albeit dull, to get things done when I didn't have to spend time with a boyfriend anymore. While I was getting used to not being around Sirius that much anymore, it was also getting a bit difficult to spend time with Remus. He seemed to be getting his usual monthly bug, so he preferred to lounge around in the Common Room with the lads rather than meeting up with us in the library. I couldn't really give him a hard time over it considering he'd spent much of the first week making sure I was okay rather than hanging out with Sirius – but I still worried that we were going to drift apart. It was also quite strange because Lily was back on speaking terms with the boys – so often, I would catch her at the tail end of a conversation with them and everything would get awkward as soon as I appeared. This also happened, to a lesser degree, with Dorcas, because she was still uncomfortable around James – but at least he seemed to be making an effort to stay friendly with her. I was a little worried that once Dorcas got over him, the six other Gryffindor Sixth years would start hanging out without me. Of course, it was probably an irrational concern, but a concern nonetheless.

After my morning free on Thursday, I headed off to Care of Magical Creatures and saw Lily chatting to James, Sirius and Remus in the Entrance Hall obviously discussing Charms. Not wanting to get too close and overhear what was obviously lighthearted and friendly conversation that I could never be a part of, I leaned against a wall and studied my nails nonchalantly to wait.

"Eavesdropping?"

I looked up and saw Jack Barnes standing beside me watching my friends with casual interest. When he saw me looking up at him, he nodded in greeting.

"All right Hopkirk?"

"Right as rain, Barnes. Come down from your Ravenclaw high horse to mix with the commoners?"

He laughed. "Where d'you come up with this stuff? I saw you just yesterday in History. Binns seemed less furious with you."

"To be fair, he might have forgotten who I was," I chuckled, watching Lily as she rolled her eyes at Sirius and tapped her temple with her wand. Did she not think he was a prick anymore? Had he forgiven her for calling him a prick? Well – she had always tended to call him a prick, even when we were together, so maybe it was just easy to let it go.

"It's weird seeing you like this," Jack said and I blinked a few times to focus back on him. I looked down at my robes and frowned.

"Do I look different?"

He laughed again – he had a nice laugh, but he used it a lot.

"No, I mean on the outside of it all. Like, usually I wouldn't have dreamed of talking to you while we were in Black's line of sight. Now…I guess I can. It's not as scary as I thought it'd be."

He smiled broadly at me and I smiled a little uncomfortably back. I really hoped this wasn't going where I thought it was going.

"Come on Jack, do I look scary? I mean I know my sister has the banshee gene, but I'm a perfectly normal witch. Some would even say…a charming witch."

There was the laugh – the Jack laugh that happened every two minutes. Poor sod couldn't have had a lot of laughter in his life if he even found my gloating funny. My friends looked up at the sound and when Lily caught sight of me, she said goodbye to the boys hurriedly and headed over my way. Remus raised his arm to wave, but hung back to chat to the boys some more, although I noticed that none of them had looked away from me. Was it because Jack was here? Was that jealousy on Sirius' face or just pity? James looked like he was about to laugh.

"Yeah that Ghouls singer got it right," Jack said. "You are charming."

I smiled and patted him on the arm a little awkwardly. While I appreciated the attention, I really didn't want to give him the wrong idea.

"Thanks mate," I said, before hurrying forward to Lily, grabbing hold of her arm, and muttering urgently, "Go, go, go!"

She looked bewildered, but let me tug her through the doors so that we could head to Magical Creatures and leave Jack behind. It wasn't that he was a bad bloke, he was quite nice, but I just couldn't shake myself of the memory from second year when he'd pissed off Sirius and James and ended up hanging from a Quidditch goalpost by his underwear.

"So, Jack Barnes?" Lily asked and I laughed, shaking my head.

"You and the boys seem chummy," I said off-handedly. "Has Sirius forgiven you for calling him a prick?"

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled her coat around herself, shivering. "We've called an impasse. I still think he's an arse for cutting you off so completely, but we've been forced to work together for Charms and we didn't want to make it too difficult on Potter."

"You were worried about annoying James?" I asked, smacking a hand to my heart dramatically.

"Oh well he's been quite a nice sport about all of this, hasn't he? With Dorcas and you – he's making an effort to not make things too awkward. I just thought I'd follow his lead," Lily said fiddling with her hair. "It doesn't mean anything!"

I smiled and patted her back. "No, true. He has been quite nice – doesn't even look the other way when he sees me like Peter does. But look, I think you can probably cut Sirius a proper break too…of course it hurts that he's been so dismissive, but over the past week, it's sort of started to make sense to me."

Lily narrowed her eyes at me. "I said I was being civil – don't you go making excuses for him."

"I'm not. I just mean: it makes sense doesn't it? If we had come back to school and tried to get on like mates – we might have slipped back into old habits. And even though I miss him, I don't want to do that."

Lily chuckled and rubbed my back. "Okay, I won't call him a prick anymore unless he really deserves it."

"Yeah, it's bound to happen," I chuckled. "So, who is Dorcas in a Charms group with then? I bet she was glad she didn't end up with James."

"Yeah – she got Remus and Gemma, so that's going to be a breeze for her. Won't have to deal with random objects flying over her head every two seconds like I will."

"Gemma?"

"Yes, Blotworthy."

"Ohhh, Dorcas' pick? Any action between her and Remus?" I asked excitedly.

"I thought you weren't setting him up any more," Lily said, giving me one of her strictest looks.

"Yeah, yeah," I shrugged. "So anything else fun happen this morning? Figure out how to make Amortentia in Potions yet?"

"No, that's not until March, but oh, Slughorn selected my essay!"

"Oh really?" I said, ducking as a bird swooped a little too close to my head. There was something a little vicious about the way it was looking at me, so I missed part of what Lily was saying as I watched it fly away.

"I thought I might get chosen for Charms, but a Seventh Year did. It's mostly Seventh Years reading actually – I think your sister is doing Astronomy."

I frowned at her. "Hang on, reading what?"

"Our essays – for essay week!"

I laughed because it sounded so silly, but Lily was staring in disbelief.

"Kate! The teachers have been on about it since we've been back!"

"Sorry, what is it? It sounds riveting," I asked, yawning pointedly.

Lily gave a huff and shoved me playfully. "Has the whole Ghouls thing gone to your head so much that you've tuned out of the rest of the world completely? So, it was Prewett's idea – to help the Fifth Years – he's getting a few Sixth and Seventh Years to read out an essay marked at an O so that they'll get an idea of what NEWT is like."

I frowned. "Merlin, for someone so cool, he takes his job very seriously, doesn't he?"

"I think it's nice – he has a laugh, but he still wants us to learn. I wish he weren't leaving."

"My ovaries do too."

Lily laughed in surprise, and tried to smack a hand over my mouth and we giggled and wrestled all the rest of the way to Magical Creatures until we reached Dorcas who glared at us so sharply we fell into meek submission.

I hadn't realized that it had been more than five days since I'd had a proper conversation with Remus until I saw him outside Prewett's classroom for our last lesson of the day. For once, it seemed he was without the rest of his gang and I pounced immediately, striding ahead of Lily and Dorcas to smack his arm.

"Where have you been mystery man?!" I demanded.

He winced and rubbed his arm, looking at me tiredly. "You saw me two hours ago in the Entranceway, you lunatic."

"And all I got was a pitiful little wave," I harrumphed. "Call yourself my friend."

He laughed and shoved me lightly and I broke into a grin. He knew I wasn't really mad, I just missed him.

"Don't mind her Remus, she's just getting sick of doing homework," Lily grinned as she and Dorcas said hello and headed inside. I leaned against the doorframe with my arms folded.

"So, catch me up. If we're only going to get a few minutes between classes to be mates, I want to make the most of it."

Remus sighed and coughed a little, but I couldn't even joke about the bunny flu – he looked absolutely wrecked. He didn't use the excuse however, and instead just shrugged.

"It's really tough being from a broken home, Kate," he said sadly.

Huh?

"What? I thought your parents were still – Oh, oh ha-ha hilarious. We're not making it that difficult on you, are we?" I said, feeling guilty. While I was throwing my own personal pity party, I'd sort of forgotten how annoying it must be for Remus trying to appease Sirius and I both.

He smiled and shook his head, coughing a little again and clearing his throat weakly. Merlin, he needed to get looked at properly – this was absurd.

"No, it's not difficult. But this is sort of a Sirius-week, you know? He needs me a bit more. I was with you most of last week and then because of The Ghouls thing, I thought you would probably be all right on that high."

"Remus, you sound jealous," I teased, poking him in the ribs.

"No, I think that my respect for Fring went down drastically when he actually admitted to writing a song about a fan, but I'm not jealous!" he retorted, pushing my fingers away.

"Don't worry, maybe he'll write about you next. This Boy with Bunny Flu!"

He laughed, but shook his head like I was a loon and I smiled, happy that he didn't look so tired when he was smiling.

"So, why is it Sirius' week anyway?" I asked casually, twirling a strand of hair and not meeting his eyes. This was dangerous territory and I knew it, but I couldn't help but ask anyway. Remus caught on quick, but had the grace not to comment.

"Yeah, the Quidditch team has been a wreck and James has been hounding him for being distracted, so he asked me and Peter to come to practices for the extra support."

"Distracted?"

Remus looked uncomfortable and fiddled with his pockets. "Yeah, Lizzy's being a bit difficult and I think it's getting to him."

Ohhh. I so didn't want to know. Any jealousy over Lizzy's relationship with him had subsided, but I didn't have any interest in hearing about their problems either.

"Well, anyway!" I said brightly and Remus bit away a look of amusement at my drastic change in expression. "We've got to start planning our time together if this is the way it's going to be!"

"Hey Moony, you idiot, you left this lying on the Common Room table!"

The cavalry had arrived and the air outside the Defence classroom got instantly thick. Remus sighed and I anxiously cleared my throat and plastered on a smile for James who had Peter and Sirius behind him. The Ex was looking at one of the lanterns on the wall with interest and part of me wanted to use my wand to blow it up in his face. But since, I wasn't an actual lunatic, I just nodded to James who was waving a manky piece of parchment in front of Remus' face. For whatever secretive reason, his eyes got wide and he stumbled some apologies before he stuck it in his bag.

"All right Kate?" James said pleasantly.

"Good thanks," I replied politely and he smiled and followed Peter into the classroom. The former fringe-fanatic had moved along without a second look at me.

"Coming in Remus?" Sirius said, in a carefully light tone, oddly giving me a nod in acknowledgement. It was a small gesture, but it made me think that maybe Sirius was feeling bad for putting Remus in the middle too. So, I tried to extend the olive branch in the form of a joke.

"Yeah, I'm just organizing weekends and holidays so Remus doesn't feel so split down the middle."

He didn't react positively and judging by Remus' exasperated look – my comment didn't seem to have translated as quite as lighthearted as I'd intended. It must have been the built up bitterness. Sirius just gave me a close-lipped, unamused smile and I blushed with discomfort as he turned back to Remus.

"Well?"

Remus sighed. "You two are the worst. Yeah, I'm coming. See you inside, Kate."

I waited outside for another couple of minutes (because wouldn't it have been weird to follow them after they'd dismissed me?) and then made my way into the classroom feeling gloomy.

Not surprisingly, Prewett had been the only Professor who hadn't subjected me to detention the previous week. He'd mostly taken my lack of homework as he usually did, with a shrug and a 'oh well, next time,' and he'd even jokingly congratulated me on 'inspiring a musical icon'. Maybe that's why I'd put extra effort into my homework for him once I'd got around to it.

Clearly however, I shouldn't have.

He handed out our homework right at the start of the lesson and the marks were apparently up for much discussion because the class broke into whispers every time someone got their parchment back.

"I only got an E – damn, I spent ages on it as well," Lily muttered to Dorcas, who sighed.

"Yeah, me too. I guess that means I'm not reading at Essay Week."

I rolled my eyes at both of them and shoved my essay in my bag and focused on watching Prewett as he loped up and down the aisles handing back everyone's homework. He was wearing a really nice, tight black t-shirt under his robes which were only half buttoned. It was a nice distraction from my mood. Once he was done, he ambled up to the front and beamed at us all. I leaned over my book to doodle in it as he addressed the room, bored with the topic of conversation. Bloody Essay Week.

"So, as you can see – some of you will have received a lower mark than usual because of the essay competition. I've graded you at the same level as the Seventh Years so that I could fairly choose the best one. Only three O's in this class and only six in total, so don't be discouraged if you got an E – under normal circumstances, it might have been an O."

He grinned again and when I glanced up, I sighed happily. I mean, he was being remarkably boring, but he looked so good doing it.

"Now I bet you're all dying to know who I've picked to read at Essay Week and yes it–"

"Oh, yeah! We're bouncing on our seats back here."

The class chortled and I rolled my eyes at Sirius' joke. Sure, it was probably the same joke I would have made if I'd been bothered, but he sounded so smarmy doing it.

"Why are you so excited Sirius – didn't you get an E?" Prewett asked with an indulgent smile.

I snorted loudly at that, but was one of the few who did. I bit back my laughter and there was an awkward silence before Sirius replied.

"Yeah, but James got an O and I'd love to see the shock on his face if he has to read his Transfiguration and Defence essay."

James groaned loudly and Prewett laughed. "Well, no it's not James either. Congratulations Katherine!"

What? No. I couldn't. I wouldn't! I didn't want to be a part of Essay Week! I didn't want to read my essay out loud in front of the school. No! Godric, people were going to laugh – half of my essay I'd compared Boggarts to Ex-boyfriends and oh dear Merlin, it was so embarrassing. Had I really got an O for that pile of hippogriff dung? I felt odd ice hot panic run up my throat and my heart starting beating erratically as Prewett tried to lead the class into the applause – which ended up mostly being him, Lily and Dorcas slow clapping. Yuck – if it was bad now, just wait until they heard the essay! Did people still throw tomatoes if they heard a bad speech, or was that just medieval?

It took all of two minutes for me to make up my mind and even though my throat still felt freezing and my heart was still thrashing about with anxiety, I chose to pull myself together.

"Er, no thanks," I said with a practiced indifferent laugh. It was probably not the right tactic – but laughter was preferable to dissolving into outright embarrassment at my absolute swottery. Ugh. I was a swot. The end was near.

"Kate!" Dorcas hissed. She was scandalized that I would turn down reading an essay. Sigh, only Dorcas.

"Let James do it, I'm not reading," I said shaking my head at Prewett firmly.

I heard the little sigh from Sirius and clenched my fists at my sides. I don't know what he was so irritated for – it's not like he would have agreed in a million years to do something that embarrassing either.

"No, no, no! I'm not doing it either! I'm already doing Transfiguration!" James called resolutely.

"I'll do it!" Bertram Aubrey offered out of nowhere.

There was probably the sound of crickets, but personally, I wanted to cheer Aubrey on. Anyone – just let anyone else read. I wanted no part of this mockery.

"Um, thanks Bertram – and while your essay was absolutely at the O standard, I rather hoped Kate would read hers because it's quite entertaining," Prewett said.

"Honestly Sir, you can't punish me for being amusing – it's counterintuitive," I said lightly, though I hoped he could read the desperation in my eyes.

"So, why won't you do it?"

Did he mean other than risk of absolute social suicide? Or the fact that I generally like to control when people are laughing – with me is preferable, at me is only when I'm being over the top.

I looked up in surprise and I saw an unfamiliar look of annoyance on Prewett's face. He was folding his arms over his chest and frowning. It appeared that he hadn't actually been unconcerned over my lack of effort so far this term. Bloody hell Prewett! You gorgeous man, look into my eyes and see my total fear – do not make me do this!

"Is it more of the 'I can't be bothered' excuses or is it just because you think you're famous now?"

There was a low gasp and then some chuckles.

Prewett always had a way of teasing us so that we still believed he was on our side, but this time it rubbed me the wrong way. But truth be told, it had nothing much to do with the Professor's tone or even the fact that he didn't seem to see that I was going to self combust if he forced me into it. It had more to do with the boy at the back of the classroom who still hadn't spoken to me since King's Cross and had just chuckled the loudest of them all.

"Look, it's not as if I'm going to learn anything from reading to a bunch of Fifth Year idiots – does it really matter?" I asked and a few more people inhaled in surprise. I heard Dorcas clear her throat and Lily was fiddling with her book and looking at someone over her shoulder.

"Why Katherine? Why have you decided you are above this task that so many people are honoured by?" Prewett asked in a sharper tone than I'd ever heard him use. "Frankly, I'm a little offended."

I was starting to get really annoyed actually – why was he taking this personally? And he wasn't usually one to force people into things – why was he starting on me now?

I forced a hard chuckle and his face tensed even more.

"Look Sir, I'm not above it. I just don't want to do it."

Prewett shook his head in disappointment.

"What is going on with you, Kate? I thought this was your favourite subject."

"Did you? To be honest, I barely tolerate it."

And then I heard his stupid low whistle. The one I'd heard many times before when I did something that impressed him or made him laugh. I whipped my head around and he was smirking like some of the other students. James grinned at me in appreciation, but Remus was frowning. Sirius chuckled and leaned over to whisper something to Peter, but before he could open his mouth, and before I realized I was talking, I interrupted loudly.

"Don't laugh. Don't you dare."

His brows twitched together and after a second he rolled his eyes and looked away. Remus' eyes darted between us tensely, Peter gawked at me and James looked down at his desk, the earlier grin fading in an instant.

"So, another lover's quarrel then Black? Is that why you're acting like a child, Kate?"

The class fell extremely silent and when I turned around, Prewett was scratching his head in confusion. Teacher's gossip travelled slowly, but as he looked around the room I could tell that he was starting to understand at least one of the reasons behind my insubordination.

"No. It's because I don't give a shit about your stupid Essay Week, or you, or anything else!" I snapped, grabbing my books and shoving them hurriedly into my bag, feeling the tears prick at my eyes. I had no idea where this had come from and why the waves of anguish had washed over me so quickly, but I needed to go before I started weeping openly.

"Good, I don't have to kick you out myself. See you in detention tonight then," Prewett called, as I threw myself towards the door and swung it open.

Detention again – who cared? Better than humiliating myself.

I hid in the loos. I didn't go to dinner or the common room or the dormitory or anything. I was embarrassed as all hell and I wasn't at all ready to listen to the new round of whispers with the news that Kate Hopkirk had just had a meltdown in the middle of Prewett's classroom. I also knew that my friends would no longer ignore whatever was going on with me – now that I'd acted like a petulant child, they were going to be even more careful around me than usual. I was so annoyed. None of this felt worth it. From behind the closed toilet stall door, I overheard several conversations and at least twenty-five percent of them were about me. I didn't go out to confront anyone though because in some ways, the names they were calling me – 'sad case,' 'drama queen' and 'pathetic' – were all descriptions I felt suited me that day.

Eventually it was time for my detention, and to my relief the corridors were mostly deserted – people having retreated to their Common Rooms after dinner. I knew I ought to be hungry, but I didn't feel it. When I got back to Prewett's classroom, he was at his desk marking some essays and didn't look up when I arrived in the doorway. After a few moments, I knocked on the doorframe and leaned against it as he finished writing something and raised his head expectantly.

"Ah Kate, come on in."

I dragged my feet as I headed to my usual seat, but he shook his head and gestured to the stool beside his desk. I sighed and dropped my bag to the floor, reaching inside to grab some parchment to write whatever boring lines he was sure to have set me.

"No Kate, no lines today. Put that away," he said.

I raised an eyebrow and replied in a stiff voice. "Sure Sir. What d'you want me to do then?"

He smiled and gestured to seven piles of textbooks in front of him.

"I'd like you to help me sort these books out by Year."

I furrowed my brow as I looked at the task. It wouldn't take more than twenty minutes and surely he could have done it with just a wave of his wand.

"Does that seem necessary, Sir?"

"I'd also like for us to talk," he said, pulling a First Year textbook towards him. I sighed heavily and grabbed a couple of Second Year books to make a new pile. That was the problem with young teachers – they always thought they could relate to you. And even though it would be marginally less embarrassing to talk to Gideon rather than Minerva – I still would have opted for neither.

"Of course Sir, what would you like to talk about? I hear there's supposed to be a new Muggle Prime Minister elected this year," I said breezily.

He chuckled. "Indeed – that is a fascinating topic, but I'd rather discuss your outburst in class today."

"Hmm, I wouldn't have guessed," I replied, sorting through more books so I wouldn't have to meet his eyes.

"Kate, what's going on? I'm used to the usual flippant attitude towards your schoolwork, but it seems so uncharacteristic of you not to be proud of your great work."

"Nope."

"It's not just me Kate, your other Professors have noticed your odd behavior too. Is something bothering you?"

I shrugged and straightened a few dog-eared corners in the book in my hands.

"I just figured out that I don't care."

He let out a huff of frustration and I stopped sorting books to sneak a peek at him. He looked really worried, biting his lip and staring at me grimly.

"Is this because of Black?"

I sighed heavily and shook my head. "Look Professor – I know we pretend we're friends, but you're still a teacher and I'm not obligated to talk about my love life with you. If you don't mind, I'd rather just do the detention in silence."

"I do mind."

"So that's part of the torture?" I laughed bitterly. "Getting me to reveal some deep, dark secret? I hate to disappoint you, Sir – but I Just. Don't. Care."

"Why? It's not like you."

I rolled my eyes. "People change."

"Kate, will you just stop this? You're putting up this ridiculous front. Who d'you think I'm going to run and tell, anyway?"

"Look – if he can not give a shit, then why should I?"

"Because Kate, you're nothing like Sirius," he said gently, placing a hand on my shoulder and I jerked away to wipe my eyes. I never cried this much – it was disgusting. Snotty nose and red blotches – very unattractive.

"That's not what most people think. Why d'you think we were together so long?"

He laughed and I frowned. That's why teachers didn't understand – they always thought relationships in school were crap – just because six months in real time was nothing, it didn't mean it wasn't. Six months at Hogwarts may as well have been a lifetime as far as I was concerned.

"Come on," Prewett said, prodding me and making me look at him. He smiled comfortingly and cocked his head to the side. "Look, on my first day here – when I was trying to figure out the class dynamics – I agree, I wasn't at all surprised to learn that the confident, pretty girl with the big mouth was going out with the surly, too good-looking bad boy in the back row. But the more I got to know you students, the more I was surprised that you two kept getting back together."

"Is it that surprising?" I snapped. "He's the best I could do, all right? When the best looking boy in school thinks you're the only one he can make it with – you don't just throw it away."

He frowned deeply and I cringed in embarrassment. I knew what he was going to say – that I deserved someone who wanted to be with me for more reasons than being a last resort. That I should respect myself enough to know that I didn't need a boyfriend to be happy – blah, blah, blah – I knew it all.

"Sorry Kate, but that's just complete bollocks."

I laughed in surprise and shook my head. "I'm quite sure you're not supposed to say 'bollocks' in front of students."

"And I'm almost positive that I'm not supposed to let students say 'shit' in front of me either – so, I will cheerfully deny it if you tell Professor McGonagall."

I chuckled again and fiddled with a pile of books.

"But I didn't really think you were that shallow, Kate," he sighed and immediately I jumped defensively.

"I liked him for more than the way he looked, all right? He's smart and funny too."

"Yes he's a very intelligent young man who knows exactly what he wants and what he cares about - because even though you are so sure he doesn't, he absolutely cares about certain things. But is this really about him? Why are you so focused on the way he feels? If you really 'don't care, then why are you letting it affect everything else going on your life? What really makes you think Sirius was 'the best you could do'?" Prewett demanded.

What kind of existential questions were these? Wasn't it obvious enough?

"Look, Sir – you haven't known me that long. You don't know what I was like last year. You never heard people call me 'Easy Katie' or before that, just 'Mafalda's lazy sister,' or Lily Evans' silly sidekick or Dorcas Meadowes' dramatic, loud friend. No one took me seriously before he asked me out. I just don't remember what I was before I was Sirius Black's girlfriend – but I don't think I liked that person much."

Prewett sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair tiredly.

"You have no concept of how frustrating this is for me to hear."

I groaned and leaned back on the hind legs of my chair.

"Because I should focus on figuring out who I am without a boyfriend?" I said listlessly. Yawn.

"No!" He said irritably. "Because it's just complete crap. I don't believe for a second that you don't know who you are without Sirius Black or that you think you're just Mafalda's sister or Lily and Dorcas' friend. I can't figure out why you'd put yourself in this box and reason away your hurt feelings by saying that the only thing that defines you is being his girlfriend! You're missing the real problem here!"

I shied away from him and glared. "Oh, and what is the real problem then?"

"That you seem to believe that you need to be going out with the most attractive lad in school even though you can't seem to tell me why. That you'd rather slack off during your lessons than actually show how easily school comes to you. That you keep playing up to this notion that you are somehow not to be taken seriously. You're so insistent on being ordinary and it is complete and utter hippogriff crap."

"See this is why I didn't want to talk!" I said angrily, standing up and pushing over the blackboard duster. "You're going to tell me that I should focus on NEWTs and becoming an Auror and doing important things with my life, but I can't be important! I just want to be happy and if that means not giving a bloody speech that's going to expose me as a complete idiot, then you can bet your hat that I'm not going to do it!"

Prewett clapped his hands and gave me a look. "And we've finally hit on the core of it all. You are afraid! You're scared to show that you're hurt because you think people expect you to let things roll off your back. You're scared to try at something because you're worried that it might not go as well as you hoped. And it's easier for you to focus on Sirius Black and say he's the best you can do even though you haven't said one non-superficial thing about him!"

"So, what you're saying is – I'm fake," I said helplessly, turning away from him and wiping more tears away.

"No, I'm saying you pretend you're fake. I'm saying that you are so busy trying to be what is expected of you that you've forgotten what you really are – a sweet, thoughtful and funny girl who is just looking to connect the same way as anyone else is."

I collapsed back into the chair and sighed heavily. "It's all too hard."

"Yeah, it's one of the downsides of being young," Prewett said with a chuckle. "But know it gets better. Once you get out of this place and out into the real world, you'll look back on this time and laugh."

"So, how do you suggest I get over my fakeness?" I asked glumly.

He gave me a warning look, but smiled. "Why don't you start by figuring out what you want out of life? There's no life without ambition and if your only ambition is to be Sirius Black's girlfriend or some moody singer's inspiration for a pop song – then you're not aiming high enough! When it comes to love, find someone who is going to encourage you to be the best version of yourself possible. When it comes to life, take risks, do things even if you're scared and start seeing yourself as more. Because I'm scared that you'll wake up in twenty years and realize that you wasted all of this potential."

"You really want me to read this essay, don't you?"

He laughed and patted me on the back. "I do - if you don't do it, Archie Davies is the next in line and while his essay is thorough and insightful, it doesn't have the spark that yours does."

"I'll think about it," I agreed doubtfully.

"Don't be afraid of not doing well - be more afraid of not trying, okay?" He said gently, standing and walking me to the door. He smiled as I stepped out of the classroom biting my lip and fiddling with my bag strap.

"Do you have to leave after this year?" I asked in a small voice making him grin.

"I do. As much as I love teaching, I have aspirations of making a difference in this war brewing. But until that time I'm going to do my best to help you realize how much you have to offer the world."

Having teachers who believed in you was nice. Having friends like Remus was better.

I walked around the corridors thinking about what Prewett had said and despite his encouragement, I still felt conflicted and low. Was I really that shallow? I wasn't sure that I agreed with his assessment of my feelings about my relationship with Sirius – I hadn't liked him just because he was the best looking boy in school. But I did think that he was right about the lack of support between us – while we'd always had fun, he had recognized that I was holding him back from what he wanted out of life and I wondered if maybe he had done the same. But I didn't really know what I wanted. I knew I didn't want to be an Auror, but he was right – I couldn't just be someone's girlfriend either.

When I got back to the Common Room, it was mostly deserted – only the Marauders and a few Seventh Year stragglers littering the room. Remus came over to me immediately and sat me down by the windows, even though I had half-heartedly tried to say that I wanted to go to bed.

"How did it go?" he said quietly and even though I felt embarrassed, I still told him everything anyway. It felt good to get it off my chest and admit that I wasn't okay like I'd been insisting. It felt nice to have him smile softly and not say he told me so. And even though he looked exhausted, he still listened with rapt attention like my problems were the only thing on his mind.

"I acted like a child, but he was quite nice actually. You know – the kind of speech teachers make about having respect for yourself and stuff," I said embarrassedly.

He chuckled. "Yeah, Prewett's given me one of those speeches too."

"He wants me to read that essay – something about having more ambition," I sighed. "I can't figure out if he's right."

Remus chewed on his cheek. "I don't think it's that you have no ambition – I think you just haven't figured out where to direct it."

"Yeah. Merlin Remus, I feel like such a…I don't know. Failure?"

He gave me a sharp look and nudged my leg under the table. "You are not a failure."

I looked over his shoulder to Sirius. "I know I sound like a broken record and all, but everything I do just seems to blow up in my face. So, what's the point in investing so much effort in things when there's no guarantee that it's going to work out? Like whatever, I read this essay – maybe even I suddenly decide I want to be an Auror – what happens when I mess up or I have a stupid opinion or whatever? I just can't figure out how to be good enough."

"Look, here's what I think about advice in general – you listen to it in the most uninhibited way you can manage – but then, you get to decide how much of it you apply to your life. What Prewett said about you and Sirius – if you don't think it was a shallow relationship, then you don't need to believe him. If you think he was right about some bits – like the ambition part, for instance – then try and figure out how it works in context of your life," Remus said fervently. "Maybe you don't have to be an Auror – I've never thought you wanted to be – so maybe you try and figure out what you do want. If you want to open a pub, then you're going to try and open the best damn pub in the country. And if you want to be a band manager, then take a stab at being the most successful one in the industry, and if you want to make t-shirts with lyrics in badly applied ink, then get better at applying the ink and start selling!"

I laughed and he grinned softly.

"Because you don't do things by halves Kate – in all the time we've been friends, it's never been your style. It shocks me that you think you're afraid to try because I've always seen you as fearless. So my advice – take from it whatever you want – is start seeing yourself the way I do. "

My heart was thumping in a steady but heavy rhythm and I was so focused on his face, I forgot everyone else in the room. Though he'd seemed tired just moments ago, his eyes were bright now and I noticed for the second time just how green they were. He was my favourite. My absolute favourite and I was so lucky to have him. I smiled and rubbed my cheeks because they were warm and probably quite red.

"I wish all boys were like you, Remus."

He rolled his eyes and looked away with a dismissive laugh, but I caught hold of his hand and squeezed it under the table.

"Seriously though, I think you're my best friend."

He smiled and even though I knew that he wouldn't say it back, I could tell my words had meant something to him – his cheeks were a bit red too.

"Let's do something this weekend – just you and me," I said letting go of his hand and crossing my fingers next to my face with a pleading look.

His face paled almost immediately and he looked tired and ill again – so I thought that would be his excuse, his incredible knack for guessing exactly when he was getting sick.

"Actually," he said looking at me guiltily. "I've sort of got plans with the lads."

Ah, yes of course. This was still Sirius Week after all.

And then as if on cue, the other boys appeared behind him. James and Peter gave us a wave and to my surprise, Sirius was the one who lingered. He didn't just nod in greeting as well – he actually smiled.

"Hey Kate. Er Moony, we're headed up. Are you coming?"

Remus sighed heavily and looked at me and I shrugged. It was time for bed anyway – not like Sirius was taking time away from me, I suppose.

"Yeah, I guess," Remus replied glumly, looking between us with slight frustration. Sirius and I met eyes and I was sure we were both feeling the same way. It really wasn't fair to keep stretching our friend so thin this way.

"Don't worry mate – you know Kate and I love you no matter what," Sirius said and the side of his mouth shot up suddenly. My heart almost stopped. He was joking! With me! I didn't let my surprise stop me though and I assumed a look of over the top solemnity.

"Just remember Remus, it's not your fault."

Sirius barked a laugh and I broke into a grin and Remus shook his head with amusement.

"Trust you two to put water under the bridge by teasing me!" he said with an exaggerated huff.

"Well, the most important thing is the kids," I said with a knowing nod.

"Do you need therapy Moony? To deal with all this?"

"You two need therapy," Remus grumbled before waving at me, his eyes happy and bright once more. Sirius gave me a friendly wink and I let the weight lift from my chest as I chuckled and waved them both goodnights.

If there was one thing Sirius and I agreed on – it was that our friends came first.

A/N: So did you guys enjoy the return of Prewett? And more Remus/Kate than there's been for ages :) Also, while I don't think Sirius and Kate will ever return to normal - it seems like they will be getting much more civil in the coming chapters and therefore less of an issue! Well...let's see. Hope you guys enjoyed, thanks for reading.