Just When I Thought This was Weird Enough …

"Look, Sven, the sky's awake," said Olaf as he rid on Sven's back.

The sky was very much awake that night. Whereas the night is normally dark to the point of blackness, the lights long lines of shifting light shining through the sky allowed me to see as if it were the daytime. I was still hugging my arms around my chest in an effort to raise my body temperature, but it wasn't doing any good. Whatever had happened, whatever was turning my and Anna's hair white, was on the inside, so there wasn't really anything I could do about it. I couldn't stop myself, though; trying to keep warm was just basic instinct.

"Are you cold?" Kristoff asked Anna, who was hugging herself just as I was.

"A little," said Anna.

For a moment Kristoff looked like he was going to wrap his arms around her to share body heat, but he hesitated. Then it occurred to me. Just like how Kristoff could tell I was in love with Elsa, I could tell for a fact that he was falling in love with Anna. It actually made me feel rather sorry for him, to be honest. If the way Anna had been about Prince Hans those last few days was any indication, she was head over heels for the guy.

"Oh, uh, wait, c'mere," said Kristoff, running off to the side. "You, too, Simon."

The fact that I appeared to be something of an afterthought confirmed my theory about Kristoff's growing feelings for Anna. I went over to where they were and saw that they were standing by holes in the ground that seemed to lead to some kind of natural hot spring. That's what I assumed, anyway – they were just holes in the ground that had steam coming out of them.

I went over to the one Kristoff and Anna were stood near and tried to warm up. It worked a charm on the outside, but that feeling of coldness in my chest was still there. It had gotten worse over time, as a matter of fact.

The steam stopped coming from the hole and started coming out of another one, so we moved over to that.

"So … uh, about my friends," said Kristoff. "Well, uh, I say friends. They're more like family. Anyway, when I was a kid it was just me and Sven until they, you know, kinda took us in." He was definitely talking more to Anna than to me.

"They did?" asked Anna.

"Yeah," said Kristoff. "I don't wanna scare you." A great start to any sentence. "They can be a little inappropriate. And … loud, very loud. They're also stubborn at times, and a little overbearing at times. And heavy, really, really heavy, which, y'know … you'll get it, they're fine, well, they mean well."

"Take a pause to breath, Kristoff," I said with a grin. "We don't want to lose you."

"Don't worry about it," Anna said to him. "They sound wonderful."

Kristoff smiled at her. "Okay, then," he said. He walked ahead and turned around to face us, spreading his arms out. "Meet my family."

There was nobody there.

We were surrounded by rocks.

"Hey, guys," Kristoff said, turning around and waving at the rocks.

Anna, Olaf, Maximus, and I stood stock-still, staring. He's insane … I thought. I had seen some strange things over those last few days, but seeing Kristoff break down and start talking to a bunch of rocks? Yeah, that was a new one on me.

"They're … rocks …" said Anna.

"He's crazy," whispered Olaf.

"Or stoned," I said, laughing a little at my own joke.

The worst part was that even Sven seemed to be involved. He was prancing about the rocks, sniffing at them and nuzzling them as if they were people. It was actually a really unsettling scene to behold.

"I'll distract him while you run," Olaf whispered. Then he switched to a much higher volume and walked toward the rocks. "Hi, Sven's family!" He tapped one of the rocks as if patting somebody's head. "It's nice to meet you!" He started whispering again. "Anna, Simon, Max, because I love you guys, I insist you run." He started loudly talking to the rock again. "I understand you're love experts!" He looked at us more severely this time. "Why aren't you running?"

"See you, Kristoff," I said, then started backing away.

"Yeah, we're gonna, uh, go …" said Anna, who also started backing away.

"No, no, no, guys, wait!" Kristoff pleaded.

I was honestly prepared to start fighting off a crazy man, but then an even more bizarre thing happened: the rocks started to move. They started tolling toward us, and after a few moments, Kristoff and Sven were surrounded by rocks. These rocks immediately opened up to reveal that they were really little trolls.

And I thought this day couldn't get any weirder … I thought, sighing.

"Kristoff's home!" one of the trolls, a female, exclaimed in joy. The over trolls soon joined her.

"Kristoff's home!" Even Olaf joined in with the cheering. Then he just looked confused. "Wait … Kristoff?

The fact that it had taken him so long to realise Sven wasn't Kristoff's real name made me want to start laughing again, but my confusion at the situation was slightly more powerful than my need to laugh.

"Let me look at you," the female troll said, pulling Kristoff down.

Another female troll came out of the crowd. "Take off your clothes, I'll wash them."

"No, no, no," said Kristoff, pushing her hands away. "I'm gonna keep my clothes on. Look, it's great to see you all, but where's Grand Pabbie?"

"He's napping," said another troll, a much younger one judging from the size. "But look! I grew a mushroom!" He turned around and there was, indeed, a mushroom growing from the back.

"I earned my fire crystal," said a young female, holding up a glowing orange crystal.

"I passed a kidney stone," said an adult male, holding up the stone in question.

Ouch, I thought. Just looking at that thing made me feel pain in my groin area.

"Kristoff, pick me up!" one of the younger ones said, jumping into Kristoff's arms.

"You're getting big," said Kristoff in a strained voice, clearly struggling to hold the troll in his arms. Another jumped on his back and the strain increased. "Good for you."

"Trolls …" said Anna. "They're trolls!"

"Indeed they are," I said. I was honestly just thankful that Kristoff wasn't actually crazy.

The trolls turned around, looked at us, and blinked twice in sync. Okay, that was creepy. "He's brought friends with him," said the female who had greeted Kristoff. "And one of them's a girl!"

"A girl!" all of the trolls said at once.

Anna and I were picked up and carried across the small ocean of trolls so quickly that I would've missed it if I'd blinked. Being surrounded by them brought forth a feeling of comfort that one wouldn't expect. They were all smiling, and they seemed friendly enough. I found myself relaxing in their presence.

They ended up throwing Anna into Kristoff's arms. "What's going on?" asked Anna.

"I've learned to just role with it," said Kristoff, putting Anna down.

"My entire experience on this journey in a nutshell," I said.

Three of the trolls stacked up, with the female who had greeted Kristoff being on top. "Lemme see," she said, pulling Anna forward. "Bright eyes, pointy nose," she pulled Anna's lips apart, "strong teeth!" She released Anna's face. "Yes, yes, she'll do nicely for our Kristoff!"

That got a smirk out of me. I was starting to think Anna and Kristoff would make a cute couple.

"Wait, wait, wait," said Anna. "Ah, um, no."

"You've got the wrong idea," said Kristoff. "That's not why I brought her here."

"Right, we're not, I'm not …" She laughed awkwardly.

"What's the issue, dear?" asked the troll. "Why are you holding back from such a man?"

The movements these trolls made next were so random and crazy, at least in my eyes, that I'm not even going to attempt to describe them.

Is it the clumpy way he walks?

"What?" asked both Anna and Kristoff.

Or the grumpy way he talks?

"Oh, no …" said Anna, but these trolls had no intention of letting her finish.

Or the pear-shaped, square-shaped weirdness of his feet?

"Hey!" said Kristoff.

And while we know he washes well,
He always ends up sort of smelly,
But you'll never meet a fellow who's as sensitive and sweet.

"That's nice, but—" Anna was cut off again.

So he's a bit of a fixer upper,
So he's got a few flaws.
Like his peculiar brain, dear,
The thing with the reindeer,
That's a little outside of nature's laws.

"This is not about me!" said Kristoff.

So he's a bit of a fixer upper,
But this we're certain of.
You can fix this fixer upper up with a little bit of love.

"Um …" said Anna.

"Can we please just stop talking about this?" asked Kristoff. "We have a real, actual problem here!"

"I'll say," said the female troll. "So, tell me, dear …"

Is it the way that he runs scared
Or that he's socially impaired?
Or that he only likes to tinkle in the woods?

"I did not need to know that," said Anna.

Are you holding back your fondness
Due to his unmanly blondness?
Or the way he covers up that he's the honest goods?

He's just a bit of a fixer upper.
He's got a couple of bugs.

"No I don't!" Kristoff argued.

His isolation
Is confirmation
Of his desperation
For healing hugs.

So he's a bit of a fixer upper,
But we know what to do.
The way to fix up this fixer upper
Is to fix him up with you.

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" said Kristoff. "Enough! She's engaged to somebody else, okay!?"

The group of trolls that were near him all looked at me suddenly. "No, it's not me," I said. Then they huddled up and I couldn't hear what they were saying/singing until they turned around again.

So she's a bit of a fixer upper,
Her brain's a bit betwixed.
Get the fiancé,
Out of the way,
And the whole thing will be fixed.

The group nearer to Anna were singing something different.

We're not saying you can change him,
'Cause people don't really change.
We only know that love's a force
That's powerful and strange.

People make bad choices
When they're sad or scared or stressed.
But throw a little love their way.

Throw a little love their way!
And you'll bring out their best.
True love brings out the best.

Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper,
That's what it's all about.
Father, sister, brother,
We need each other
To raise us up and round us out.

Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper,
But when push comes to shove,

Then Olaf joined in.

The only fixer upper fixer
That can fix a fixer upper is
True
True
True
True
Love!

By the end of this, Anna and Kristoff were standing facing each other, wearing clothes made from leaves of some sort. The trolls surrounded them like at some kind of ceremony; there was one standing right next to the two with a book in his hands. I was busy trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

The troll with the book started speaking. "Do you, Anna, take Kristoff to be your trollfully wedded husba—"

"Wait, what?" asked Anna.

"You're getting married," said the troll.

The sudden feeling of weakness I got I first attributed to my brain quickly trying to process what had just happened, but I very soon came to realise that was not the case. Anna collapsed in much the same manner I was collapsing, and while I managed to keep myself from falling over completely, staying up on my knees, I had to fight to do so. I could feel the coldness in my chest grow even worse than it had been before. It was near enough maddening now.

I paid little attention to anything that was said, just trying to keep myself up, until another troll joined the congregation. This one looked a lot older than the others. I assumed it was this Grand Pabbie that Kristoff had mentioned.

"There is strange magic here," said Grand Pabbie. "Come, come. Bring them here to me."

Kristoff helped Anna over to Grand Pabbie. I felt something work its way under my arm and lift me slightly. I looked and saw that it was Maximus, using his neck to support me. I smiled at him in gratitude, but didn't feel I had the strength to do much else. I slumped into a sitting position when I reached the troll.

After looking at both of us – and it really was just a look, a glance more than anything – he spoke gravely. "Your lives are in danger. There is ice in your hearts, put there by Elsa. If it is not removed to solid ice will you freeze, forever."

"What?" Anna asked in shock.

"Please tell me you're joking," I said.

"You can help her— them, right?" asked Kristoff.

"I cannot," said Grand Pabbie. "I'm sorry, Kristoff. If it were their heads, it would be easy, but only an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart."

… I think I'm screwed … I thought, cursing silently to myself. Well, looks like I'm gonna die … Sorry Mum and Dad …

"An act of true love …?" said Anna.

"A true love's kiss, perhaps?" asked the female troll from before. Several troll couples started kissing each other.

They're rubbing this in on purpose … I thought, giving a deadpan stare.

I felt myself weaken even more, and my sitting position turned into one where I was lying on the ground. A similar thing happened to Anna, but Kristoff caught her. I saw her hair turn almost completely white. I knew on instinct that mine had done the same. Now it was like every inch of my body was freezing from the inside out. (Which it technically was.)

"Anna, we need to get you back to Hans," said Kristoff. He looked at me. "Simon … what are you gonna do …?"

"… Just get me home," I said.

He nodded at me. "Pull us out, Sven," he said. Sven offered down an antler, which Kristoff grabbed, and then pulled Kristoff and Anna to their feet. He put Anna on Sven's back, then came over to me and lifted me onto Maximus' back. "You think you can keep him on?" Maximus nodded. Kristoff nodded back, then went over to Sven and climbed on behind Anna. "Olaf, come on!"

"I'm coming!" Olaf exclaimed. He ran over and jumped on Sven's back along with the other two. They started riding off, and so did Maximus, with me on his back. "Let's go kiss Hans! Who is this Hans?"

Whereas I normally would have informed him or made some witty remark, I just didn't have the strength in me. What little strength I did have was being used to hang onto Maximus. I was afraid, more afraid than I had ever been in my life. I felt cold and scared, and I didn't know what I was going to do when I finally got home. There was one thing I did know, however.

I didn't want to die.

I'm not gonna lie, Constant Readers, the reason I didn't write out the movements and such was both due to laziness and the rush I'm in. I currently have twenty minutes to go until it's Christmas Eve, and I'm starting to rush a lot more.

So, how will Simon come out of this? You've probably guessed by now, but for those of you who haven't, just keep on guessing. I'm gonna try and get the last two chapters done tomorrow. If all else fails, I'll just write the epilogue as early as I can manage on Christmas itself, though I would prefer not to work on Christmas, to be honest with you. It'll be worth it to give you guys this gift.

See you in chapter 6!