And it was the last. It has been three years, and still that was the first and last time James Potter had been drunk.
Sure he'd have a couple glasses with the boys when they decided to get rip-roaring, but he never allowed himself more than a buzz. It was on principle, he thought. That day was one of the worst of his life, until it was one of the best. He never wanted to be that drunk again, because it would pull all of that sadness back up from his stomach, but it would also remind him of clear leaf-green eyes, and socks sliding on the corridor floors after him. He'd always remember how her lips felt on his hot cheek, bringing him back to sanity. That was the day, even though his fourteen year old self couldn't comprehend it at the time. That was the day he fell in love with Lily Evans.
He had spent the rest of third year and fourth year trying to irritate her as much as physically possible. He would set her schoolbag on fire, turn her hair navy blue, hex her shoes to constantly slip every time she took a step. All he wanted was her to notice him, talk to him again, as she had kept her distance after that day. Looking back now, he knew it was the absolute worst thing he could have done, but as a totally smitten fourteen year old with no concept whatsoever of how to deal with his new emotions, all he could think was how much he wanted her to notice him.
So all of fifth year he tried to ignore her. Realizing the damage he'd done, all he wanted to do was give her some space so one day she may look at him without dislike. He tried to date other girls. He even snogged a bit, all awkward unsure lips and snickers. And they were usually nice, but when she walked in a room it was like all the lights dimmed except one on her. No girl could change that.
He gave up on dating quickly. Fifth year took a bit of a turn for the better, as Remus and Marlene seemed to convince her to give the Marauders a second chance. She sometimes sat with them at meals. She began to tutor Peter in Potions, and would even joke with James sometimes. Either that or she scowled and called him a git, but it was better than nothing. She once told him she liked his attempt at being mature. Of course that was the same day he'd hexed a Slytherin into crawling like an inch-worm for the entire day, and once she found out, she took it back and gave him a good yelling. But it was still better. They were almost kind-of friends. Until the Incident at the lake with Snape.
That had been the worst summer of his life. He spent it with the boys, and it turned out that was the summer they decided to start drinking. Except James of course, but not for lack of trying. Sirius just couldn't understand James's aversion to it all, but Remus told him to back off. It almost seemed like he knew something, but of course he didn't, as James had never told anyone about that day in third year. The only person who knew he had gotten drunk before had campfire hair and probably wished he didn't exist.
The first time Sirius got drunk was the beginning of that summer. He snuck some elvish wine from his dad's stock to spite him. He got all the boys together at James's and drank the entire bottle himself. He claimed it was because he couldn't stand to be a prude, but James and Remus shared a meaningful look that he missed. Sirius would like to claim he handled his liquor, but that night he spent almost all of it with his head in the toilet. They played Truth or Dare, and Peter rode his broom across James's yard stark naked. Sirius gave him five galleons and Peter came back vermillion-faced. Remus showed them all his spot-on impression of Dumbledore, and James told them about all the letters he'd sent Lily, with no reply from her. Sirius, who had been quite a spectacle in all of his drunkenness, quickly grew somber. He said he'd be back, and went downstairs. They caught him trying to take his broom to Lily's to tell Evans what she was really missing. It broke James's heart a bit. But then Sirius began to puke and the night wound down. The second time James saw Sirius drunk that summer was a week later when he showed up at his doorstep in the pouring rain, soaked and incoherent. He'd ran away, he couldn't do it anymore. James had welcomed him with open arms.
The first time Peter got drunk was shortly after. They'd decided to try to sneak into a Muggle pub in London. Remus was the only one who the bartender considered of age, but gave almost all of his drinks to Sirius and Peter. The two stood up on the bar and loudly sang the Hogwarts school song. Luckily any Muggles there were so plastered themselves they didn't think to wonder what the song was about. After that they all got kicked out. Peter and Sirius had found some girls that were giggling along behind them. James and Remus didn't like them, because they kept telling them how adorable they were for not drinking, and clearly they just weren't mature enough to understand it yet. They wandered London, and James thought about Lily. She lived close, he knew. He thought of the letter he'd finally gotten back from her, telling him to stop bothering her. He snapped out of his thoughts, though, when he noticed Peter and Sirius had disappeared. Remus and him found Sirius passed out by a streetlamp next to a fancy restaurant, with a very angry Muggle man telling him to move his arse, he was scaring away business. Dragging Sirius behind them they finally found Peter, wrapped around one of the girls snogging her brains out. They peeled him away from her and he became angry. He said that at school no one ever noticed him and they were just jealous that some girl thought he was more special than them for once. James felt like he'd been slapped, but knew Pete wasn't actually angry. Probably just sad. So, ignoring his shouting, he wrapped Pete in a huge hug, hailed for the Night Bus, and took him home. As expected, he found an owl tapping at his window the next morning with a long and heartfelt apology.
The first time Remus got drunk was quite the story. James had an end of the summer party at his place, and invited most of the soon-to-be sixth years. Sirius, of course, had somehow found a couple cases of mead and firewhisky, and wouldn't tell James where from. James begrudgingly allowed Sirius to take them out, but only after the party was in full swing and his mum went to bed. He found out later that Sirius thought it would be funny to spike the punch as well. Alice had three glasses before someone told her. Turns out that was a good thing though, because she finally got up the courage to run up to Frank, push him against James's fireplace, and kiss him soundly. Everyone cheered, as they were almost all drunk and had almost all seen that coming for ages.
Remus, as not on Prefect or babysitting duty, was convinced by all of his friends (mainly Sirius) to play a drinking game called Fuck the dealer. Turns out he was the Dealer, and he got Fucked. He ended up taking body shots off of a couple Ravenclaw girls who James knew from rumors were mad about him. They tried to chat after, but he'd run off to go dance, and they lost their chance, which left Pete and Sirius rolling on the ground laughing at his obtuse attitudes towards women. Laura showed up late, and looked worse for wear. Her mascara was smeared under her eyes, but she told James it was a long story for when they were all sober. Insisting he hadn't had a drop, she took him into his dad's old study and told him she was gay. He felt like cold water filled the room, as she started crying saying she told her mom earlier and she didn't take it too well. And she was going to tell Lily but she couldn't, so she came running here to try to forget about it, but now she knows that's stupid because she can't ever forget. James ended up holding her and stroking her hair for a bit. He tells her how loved she is, how there is nothing wrong with her and that he could never stop caring for her, and neither could any of her friends. They hugged and James had to say, their friendship was definitely closer from that point on.
They came out of the study to a scene much like from a Muggle movie. Remus was dancing with James's lamp, the shade on top of his head. The rest of the guests were cheering him on, and he'd blow kisses at those who cheered the loudest. Sirius and Peter had began a game of strip poker with some girls on the other side of the room, and clothes were thrown pell-mell around the floor. A Hufflepuff boy named Mal Jordan had taken James's only house elf, Greggie, and was dancing with him in a ballroom-esque manner. His little feet were barely touching the ground as he swung him around. James sighed, knowing he would be in deep trouble the next morning when his mum found the drapes tore down, and punch spilled everywhere. Not to mention the bathroom where Alice was currently puking her guts out, while Frank held her hair.
He heard a loud knock on the door, but before he could answer, Sirius ran for it, in some other girl's dress. James didn't even want to know what had happened to the girl who's dress he had stolen. He opened it dramatically, and there was, hand still raised in mid-knock, a sweatpants-clad Lily Evans.
James felt the background mayhem fade around him. He stared at her eyes, that reminded him of sunshine through green leaves. They were widened in shock, no doubt horrified at the scene in front of them. He noticed she had more freckles than before summer, and her brilliant orange-red hair was cut shorter. Then, all at once, as Sirius ushered her in, things began to be put into motion again.
"I need to talk to someone who isn't hammered." Lily said in an annoyed tone, waving off Sirius's attempts to get her on to the dance floor.
"You've come to the right guy then." James said softly. Lily whipped her head around, and stared at him, green eyes searching his face. James wondered if she was thinking what he was, that this is the first time they've actually spoken since the Incident.
"You're not joining in on the bafoonery around me Potter? I'm shocked." She said flatly.
"Seems like I can make more mischief with all my mental states in tact, you see." He said lightly, avoiding her obvious question. "So Evans, what brings you to my humble abode?" He gestured around him.
She scoffed and said something suspiciously like humble, my arse under her breath before leading him into the kitchen where less people were.
"Have you seen Laura?" She demanded to him. 'She was supposed to stay at my place, and just ran off without any say-so. I figured since this is the biggest social event of the year, she'd be here." She looked angry, and James thought back to his conversation with Laura before. Guilt flashed in his stomach.
"Look Evans, I know where Laura is, she's here to try and forget something that happened earlier she's upset about.." He said, trying to be as vague as possible.
"She's upset? Why wouldn't she talk to me about it then? I'm her best friend!" James cringed. He'd only seemed to get Lily angrier.
"Lily listen to me." He put his hands on each of her shoulders, a gesture that seemed to surprise both of them. "Laura is going though something big ok? She didn't know how to handle it, so she ran away. She talked to me a bit earlier, and I know she'll want to talk to you, but you have to wait till she's ready." His utter seriousness seemed to shock Lily into silence.
"Look, Lils" He continued, "Just go easy on her okay? Don't burst out in your famous temper till you've heard her out."
"My famous- oh Potter!" Lily grit her teeth in anger. Then, seeing James's smirk and realizing she was doing exactly what he said, she stopped and closed her mouth. Plastering on a big cheery smile, Lily looked up at James and said "I'm perfectly calm."
James guffawed, which actually made Lily laugh with him. The two giggled together, until Laura's shouting was distinguished in the next room. James looked at Lily, and she seemed unsure of what to do.
"Well that's my cue I guess." She said. "Thanks for the advice Potter." And she walked away.
James watched her go, firey hair swinging behind her.
He definitely needed some air. Bursting open the doors to his deck, James stepped out, inhaling the cool summer night's freshness. He heard the crickets and muffled voices of his party guests. Leaning against the railing, his mind was everywhere at once, remembering how Lily's eyes narrowed in dislike when she first saw him tonight. He didn't blame her. After all of the crap he'd put her though, the pranks she'd had to clean up as one of the Gryffindor prefects, and especially after the Incident, she had more than enough reasons to never want to speak to him again. He thought back to the Incident, and what an arse he'd been. But he also remembered what Snape said, and how pain lashed across her face like a whip. He hoped he'd never cause that kind of pain to her. Closing his eyes, he pictured her and smiled. Even looking like she was about to go to bed in her sweats, Lily Evans was beautiful. Of course, it was more than that to him. He loved her kind soft lips that put all of their effort into smiling. He thought of her freckles, like galaxies of stars against her skin, and how it was like you could see the depths of her emotions in her eyes. They lit up in such a funny way whenever she was about to be goofy, or figured out an answer in class, or when her temper began to flare. They were the most unique green he'd ever seen.
"Prongsie?" A weak voice called. James opened his eyes and snapped up his head. It was just Remus, who must've slipped outside when he was daydreaming. He was smoking a cig, which was weird because James had never seen him smoke before. James walked over to him, who was now coughing grittily on the smoke.
"How's it going, Moony my lad? Is getting pissed all it's cracked up to be?" He asked cheerfully, thumping Remus in the back. Remus looked at him like a little kid.
"It's nice. I like how it makes my arms and legs feel tingly." He responded simply. James snickered, but then saw the hard expression on his friend's face.
"I don't deserve it." Remus continued, "I mean, I don't deserve this, any of it." He gestured wildly around him. James looked over at him seriously. It wasn't the first time Remus had said something along these lines. It was as if because of his condition, he didn't believe all of his good qualities mattered. No matter how much the boys objected, Remus always considered himself a monster. It made James so angry, because out of all the people he knew, Remus was the last to deserve feeling such a way.
"Remus listen to me." He said firmly. "You deserve all of this and more. You're one of the best people I know." He grinned, and added "Sincerely" after seeing Remus's skeptical expression. Slowly, a small smile began to grow on his friend's face.
"Lily has you all wrong you know." He said, "I mean, sure you're a git sometimes. And your ego could be deflated a bit."
"Why thank you Moony that makes me feel heaps better." James joked. Remus laughed and shoved him.
"No, no what I'm trying to say is that you're so much more. And that's what I told her!" He finished happily. Now James was confused.
"I'm sorry, what did you tell who?" He asked.
"Just before, I told Lils how great you are! I told her how you write to your mum every single day at school, and how you are so kind to let Sirius stay here, and how you're so brave when you're a stag and help me!"
James laughed and felt fondness for his friend wash over him. He was sure Lily didn't listen to a word Remus said, but it truly was the thought that counted. Then something occurred to him.
"Moony did you say when I was a stag?"
"Yeah!" He said enthusiastically. James was shocked into silence. "I mean she already knew about my furry little problem." Remus joked. "So I thought I'd just tell her about you too! Now she knows how brave my best friend is." He finished, smiling serenely.
Holy shit. This was bad. James rushed inside, ignoring Remus's attempts to call after him. He needed to find Lily, to beg her not to turn him in. All he could think was the girl who hates his guts and is a Prefect just found out something that could not only get him expelled, but sent to Azkaban. Not to mention how this would effect Remus if Dumbledore found out his best friends spent every full moon with him. He had suspected that Lily knew about Remus's condition before this, as the two were pretty close and she wasn't an idiot. But his ability to turn into an Animagus was something else entirely, and he wasn't sure she'd be as willing to keep this secret. He began to search the dance floor. People called to him, but he ignored them. He began to frantically search some rooms, accidentally walking in on Sirius and some bird doing things he really wished he hadn't seen in his closet. Why he thought Lily would be in his closet anyway didn't occur to him, he was just getting desperate to find her. Finally Laura flagged him down.
"You're looking for your dear girlfriend, right?" She asked lightly. James scowled at her teasing, but she ignored him and continued. "We were just talking about some things, well, you know..." she said a bit nervously. James tried to slow his frantic heart beats to take a moment to reassure her.
"And I'm sure Lily took it all well then?" He smiled knowingly at her and she smiled back.
"Said she knew for some time actually..." She grinned. James noticed her clear blue eyes were watery. He gave her a hug, and offered her a place to sleep, as she began to yawn hugely.
"Well after a night of spilling my most intimate secrets I couldn't turn down sleeping in one of James Potter's extravagant guest rooms." She joked. "Lily's in the dance hall by the way."
Snapping back to reality, he thanked her and hurried away. He got to the dance hall, a room he hated because it was only used for his mum's business charity balls, full of stuffy old witches and wizards with narrow minds and loads of old money. He had thoroughly blocked off the hall before the party with a couple locking charms, but he was unsurprised to find Lily must've broken them. The door was ajar, and he found her sitting on the floor in front of the large fireplace in the center of the room. She'd started a fire, casting an orange glow similar to her hair around the room. Nearing her, he saw her eyes were swollen and a couple of spare tears were left on her cheeks, assumably from her and Laura's talk earlier.
"Alright Evans?" He asked softly. She started, clearly lost in her own thoughts to have heard him enter. She rolled her eyes and quickly wiped her face.
"Potter." She said neutrally "I see you've decided to grace me with your presence."
"Well I would've gotten here sooner, but the utter destruction upstairs made it hard." He joked. Lily looked at him, rolling her bloodshot eyes. But it wasn't as harsh as James was used to. He used this time to Summon a couple squishy chairs and soft blankets with his wand. Lily had returned to staring at the fire, and was surprised when he ushered her to move, laying the blankets down on the floor for them.
"I figured this was nicer than dusty marble." He explained. She offered him a tentative smile and thanked him.
"Look Lily I wouldn't bother you, as you're clearly trying to be alone right now." James started, determined. "It's just I know that a very drunk Remus told you some things earlier, some things that could get me up to my ears in trouble." She was watching him, expression unreadable. "The thing is, I know you don't like me, but can you just do this for Remus and not tell anyone? Think of me what you will, but Remus is my best friend and he doesn't deserve to get suspended or expelled because of me. He's a good guy and shouldn't be punished because of what I do. So please, please." He knew he was starting to beg, so he trailed off rather than say anything that would further humiliate him. Lily looked at him with a soft expression.
"He told me those transformations were the most pain a person can endure." She said quietly. "He said that to me in third year when I figured it out, his condition. He didn't think I'd want to be friends with him after I'd put it together. Now how stupid is that?" She asked, a sad smile on her face. James felt riveted on every word. Lily continued.
"I'd see him every month, the day after... It was horrible. His eyes would look so terrified when he remembered stuff from his transformations. Then last year, they stopped. I mean he'd still come back looking worse for wear, but he seemed less scared and alone. I thought maybe he was just getting used to it, but then he told me about you. I'm assuming Sirius and Peter do about the same thing as well?" She asked. James nodded woodenly. Lily's eyes bore into him, full of sincerity.
"There are some things that are more important than a few silly rules." She ignored James's teasing incredulous face and continued. "What you and your friends do for Remus, that's real selflessness. Not to mention incredibly complex magic. But don't let that comment inflate your ego anymore Potter." She warned. He chuckled.
"So we're okay then?" He asked.
"We're okay. I won't tell a soul James. I promise." She said with a tone of finality. He gave her a lopsided grin, which she slowly returned. They both looked at the roaring fire for a bit, lost in their own thoughts. The silence stretched, but it never felt uncomfortable. It was nice, James reflected, just being in her kind and calming presence. He looked over at Lily, who was biting her lip, deep in thought. (James tried not to think of how adorable that was).
"I can't believe Laura told my sworn enemy her secret before she told me." She said after a while, amused.
"I can't believe the girl of my dreams showed up at her sworn enemy's house party." James joked. Lily gave him a chuckle, and looked up at him, green eyes deep and unfathomable.
"Thanks for telling me what you did before. That was very kind of you." She said. James didn't know how to respond, so he stayed quiet and let her finish. " You know you're not really my sworn enemy right?" She asked, surprisingly serious. James was a bit taken aback.
"I mean I wouldn't blame you if I was," He muttered, head bowing. "I sure can be a git sometimes, can't I?" She laughed lightly and put her hand on his arm.
"You're thinking of what happened. Right after the OWL?" She said knowingly.
"I've always just referred to it as the Incident in my head, really."
Lily looked at him. "I have to apologize for that."
"You?" James cried, incredulous. "You weren't the one being a total areshole for no good reason other than some silly misguided cry for attention!"
She laughed softly. "Well that may be true, but I also said some things to you that were rather nasty, and I really didn't mean them. I was just mad. Mad at Sev, mad at this stupid war, just... Mad." She finished, looking away.
James's face was somber for a bit. But it then broke into a huge grin. He reached over and tackled her into a huge hug.
"Ugh! Potter!" She giggled and protested. "That was not an invitation for you to hit on me!"
"Oh shove it Evans," He said laughing, tugging her close, "We just had a fight and made up! That was a first for us! I think that warrants a hug." Lily laughed and hugged him back, in defeat. He was secretly thrilled to be so close to her. He noticed that she smelled like lilacs and was surprisingly warm, like a little Heating Charm was all wrapped up in her body. She shoved him playfully. Then, he noticed her ears perking. Her face lit up.
"I love this song!" She exclaimed. James strained to listen. It was some Muggle song Remus must've bribed them to put on. He smirked at her, bopping her head to the beat. He stood and offered her an arm. She looked up, reproachful.
"Oh come on Evans! This is a dance hall you broke into for Merlin's sakes." He said grinning.
"Game on Potter." Lily grinned, and hoisted herself up. She took his hands in hers, and began swinging him around with much more strength than he thought she had in her tiny body. She began to move crazily, and released him, spinning across the room. Laughing merrily, he ran over to her and took her hands again. All those dreadful dance lessons when he was a kid were finally paying off, but she wasn't following his conventional methods, preferring to dance like some crazed animal.
"You just gotta feel the beat and go with it!" She shouted to him. He began to mimic her moves, jumping and twisting as the beat changed, feeling all the happiness in his gut explode from his fingertips. They were both laughing together. She showed him some Muggle moves, like the Lawn Mower (whatever that was), and he showed her some wizard moves, like the Bucking Hippogriff. Truthfully, he'd made that one up on the spot, but he took immense pleasure in her giggles as he bucked across the hall. He felt like his grin was so big it would fall off his face. This was the most fun he'd had all summer. The music continued in the background.
Dance the night away...
And they did. For three more songs they danced, eventually even coming together for a slow song. James had never felt more elated. They ended up on the squishy chairs, exhausted from their dancing. James fetched them some biscuits and they ate in silence.
"This was by far the worst summer of my life." Lily said bluntly. James looked over, startled. She chewed forcefully on her cookie, looking cross. He knew it was probably because of Snape, and he tried to push the wild feelings of jealousy down in his gut. The Incident had shook Lily's life in a completely different way than his, but he could still see its mark on her.
"Funnily enough I was thinking the same thing." James said, "Until tonight." She seemed surprised by his sincerity. She grinned.
"Tonight definitely was unexpected I'll give you that. I thought I was going to eat ice cream in my PJs and gossip with Laura. And now here I am eating cookies and sharing life stories with James Potter."
"I knew my irresistible charms would pull you in soon enough." He joked. She rolled her eyes playfully.
"You're such a prat Potter. But I'll have to give it to you, you certainly do know how to surprise me. First I learn that you're housing Sirius because his parents kicked him out, then I learn you spend every full moon trying to comfort a rampaging werewolf that is your best friend?" She giggled. He smiled, delighted to have made such an impression on her. He didn't get it though, because he was sure if she was in his shoes she'd do about the same thing to protect her friends. And he told her that, which made her blush unexpectedly, which then made him blush because he made her blush. They lapsed into quite.
"So what do you say to being friends this year Evans?" James asked in a business-like manner. "If I promise to tone down my general gittishness, will you promise to try to tolerate me when I just can't help it and my gittishness slips out?"
He held out a hand for her to shake. She considered for a bit, then grinned. "It's a deal then Potter." She shook his hand heartily. He laughed, then a muffled crash from the hall. James looked over towards the door, apprehensive.
"I suppose I should check to make sure the house isn't completely destroyed." James said, disheartened at the thought of leaving her.
"Oh those sods are fine. I feel like kicking your butt in a dance contest. What do you say friend?" She asked, a mischievous smile playing at her lips. He was shocked, but definitely wasn't about to say no to her invitation.
"I guess I'd say you're on friend." He said grinning. And they went back to it. They danced to late into the night, only to be interrupted once by Remus, who was beside himself with joy and drunkenness to hear of their new agreement. James put him to bed, slipping back into the dance hall to find Lily curled up in the blankets by the fire, sound asleep. She was so beautiful, even with drool on her cheek and smudged makeup from sleep. He took the chair next to her, staring into the fire and reflecting on the best day of the worst summer of his life. He woke up in the morning to a sharp pain in his neck from the awkward angle he'd slept in, and the sound of his mother's appalled screams. He didn't even feel as much dread as he normally would have, because when he woke up he saw Lily, red hair fanned out about her, grumbling sleepily at the noise.
And that was the first time Remus got drunk. It was also the first time Laura told anyone she was gay, and the first time Alice and Frank kissed, and the first night Lily and James had ended up as tentative friends. The worst summer of his life turned out to have the best ending he could have ever hoped for.