A/N: Sorry, sorry sorrrrry! Please don't be mad. It's always so hard to write the chapter after an eventful arc because it always feels like filler. So, basically I hated this chapter until I had this great breakthrough and now I love it. I think it's one of my favourites so far. Also YOU are all my favourites. Thank you for your lovely reviews and encouragement and patience - you are the best readers. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Thirty: Please ignore the urge to cuss

I was slowly losing my mind. I'd known about Remus' feelings for almost a week and I still couldn't get used to it. I think the biggest problem was that even though I knew, I didn't really know. The more I focused on the possibility of him liking me, the less convinced I became that Sirius had been telling the truth. Even worse was, because of my confusion, I didn't feel comfortable sharing the news with Lily or Dorcas just yet. So that put me in the very annoying position of having to share a secret with my very annoying ex-boyfriend.

Thankfully, there was something of a distraction in the form of Lily's birthday at the end of the month. She wasn't really the partying kind, or even the celebration kind, so Dorcas and I had just pitched in to buy her a set of dress robes, a new quill and a subscription to some Charms journal she followed. Nice, practical gifts for our nice, practical best friend, and, of course, when she unwrapped them on the morning of her birthday, she was thrilled and grateful. But in the pile of gifts she'd received, right beside the tickets for a trip to Paris from her parents (so she could practice her French) and assorted sweets and books from other friends and acquaintances, was a bouquet of lilies and a hand-drawn card with an extremely bad likeness of her scrawled over the front.

"What is this?" she asked, raising the card and showing us the drawing. The only reason any of us could tell it was Lily, was the scribble of red and green that were meant to be her hair and eyes. Other than that, the drawing wasn't much more than a couple of blobs of colour. A five year old could have done it – or at least someone with the IQ of a five year old – which was probably accurate, if the artist was my first guess.

"Who's it from?" I asked, biting back a chuckle. I didn't really need more than one guess.

"My 'friend' Potter, of course," she sighed, shaking her head and picking up the bouquet. "I don't get him. I've told him every year that I find flowers absolutely pointless. All they do is rot and die."

Dorcas rolled her eyes at me and I laughed in Lily's face.

"Don't pretend you don't love it."

"I don't!" she said adamantly. But even so, I saw her take a discreet sniff of the flowers before she thrust them abruptly into a vase on her bedside table. I noticed that she also propped the card with the terrible drawing in front of the cards from her parents and us. Perhaps she liked being compared to a scribble.

After wiping the unusually affectionate look off her face, she shook her head and looked at us, as if daring us to speak.

"Well, shall we get the rest of this dreaded day over with?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips and grimacing. I wondered what it was like not to enjoy being the center of attention. I mean – it was her birthday!

"I'm amazed you didn't have a more extreme reaction to the gift from James," Dorcas chuckled. "I'm sure he'll be disappointed."

"If I lose my marbles every time he does something a little embarrassing, I'd need to be committed to St Mungo's, so it's better if I just let it go once in a while," Lily replied as we left the dormitory and headed down the stairs.

"Yeah, I'm sure it's not at all because your 'friendly' feelings are more than friendly," I said, rolling my eyes and elbowing her ribs.

"Oh shut up Kate, don't you think it's possible for our two groups to be friends without romance complicating it all?"

I felt my stomach swoop irritatingly at that as both Remus and Sirius' faces flew into my head. I clenched my eyes shut for a second and when I opened them, I was amazed to see that the boys' faces weren't what I was focusing on anymore. In fact, there was only one face I was able to concentrate on – that anyone would be able to concentrate on.

"Um, hang on…I'll answer that after you look around," I said, licking my lips and coughing back the giggles fighting to escape my mouth. With a crease between her eyebrows, Lily looked away from me and when she saw the room, her mouth fell open.

The Common Room walls were plastered from ceiling to floor with poster-size versions of the terrible drawing of Lily blinking down at us through the scribbles of red and green.

"Oh Godric…he didn't," Dorcas muttered.

Lily was lost for words, her eyebrows wrinkling together in further confusion as she took in the sight of her crudely drawn face. Several people were staring around at the posters with similar bewilderment – seriously, what was James trying to achieve here? What exactly was the point of wallpapering the school with badly drawn pictures of the girl you fancied?

"I wonder what he's after with this one," I said scratching my head. "D'you reckon the boys convinced him the drawing was a masterpiece or something? This is embarrassing even for him."

"There…there's writing," Lily mumbled, stepping closer to one. And there, true to her word, was a passage written in red ink hidden amongst the scribbles. We seemed to have missed it on the card she'd shown us upstairs, and although a few people walked forward to study the posters closely, the words hadn't caught the attention of most of the passersby.

"Evans, it's your birthday,

So stop a second; look this way.

I know you do not like a fuss,

So please ignore the urge to cuss.

Instead focus on these words,

That'll bring you to the place of birds.

Once you're there, take the opposite of right,

And find yourself beside a wall of twinkling light.

Speak there, the name of the man you love to hate,

And if it's me… think harder and re-evaluate!

So start your quest at close to eight,

And don't forget – bring Dorcas and Kate."

"What the hell is this? James Potter is writing poetry now?" Dorcas shuddered in disbelief. "Thank goodness I'm over him. Look at all the bad rhymes. I mean, that just shows a lack of effort."

I scoffed and looked to Lily to see her reaction. She didn't seem to agree with Dorcas, but she wasn't exactly swooning either. She had her hand over her mouth, but I could see her lips moving, still mouthing the riddle to herself.

"So, it's clues to meet up with him somewhere – and if he wants you to bring us, it's obvious that it's a party," I said, tapping my chin. "Also, I guess since he's broadcasted it all over the walls of the school – it must be an open invitation to anyone who can figure out the riddle."

"But how can he expect the teachers not to get it? I mean the only part that might be hard to guess is the 'man she loves to hate' that isn't him – but I'm sure Professor McGonagall or Prewett could figure it out," Dorcas put in.

Lily shook her head. "That's why he's done it on these absurd posters – all the noise makes the words hard to see –the Professors will be so busy trying to get rid of the eyesores, they won't notice that they've got code on them."

"Well, he can be clever occasionally, can't he?" I said, scratching my head again. "So are we going? Don't you hate surprise parties?"

Lily shrugged. "The head case has figured out the only way to get me to a 'surprise' party."

Dorcas laughed. "By giving you a riddle to solve. Of course."

"Like a child," I added. "He's working on the reward system."

"Oh shut up!" Lily sighed, tugging at her ponytail. "Let's go to class. I need to make a bloody list of people I hate more than Potter."

"So, what did Lily think of James' plan?" Remus asked as he and Peter bumped into Dorcas and I on the way to History later that day.

Unfathomably, I blushed a little when our fingers brushed against each other, so I wasn't as quick off the mark as usual. Were Remus' hands always so pleasantly weathered?

"Um…"

"She's pretending she's annoyed – but I think she actually thinks it's quite romantic," Dorcas said with a shake of her head.

Remus laughed. "I have to say it was one of James' better ideas. Not sure why he insisted on sending the lilies though – she's told him a million times she doesn't like flowers."

"Didn't stop her from giving them the googly eyes this morning though," I said, clearing my throat and looking away from him.

It was just Remus, why was I acting like such a prat?

"Do you think she fancies him?" Peter asked as we turned the corner and laughed at a new wall of posters. Peeves was helping put these ones up and cackling like a nutcase as he dodged Filch's swatting broom.

"I don't think she's allergic to the idea anymore," Dorcas said with a shrug. "But you can't tell really – she usually keeps these things to herself."

I glanced at Remus and suddenly realized he was the same. So, I suppose that was why Sirius wasn't able to tell me if Remus still fancied me or not. Merlin, why couldn't people just be obvious about their feelings? It would make things much less complicated. When Remus caught me frowning, he raised his eyebrows and I looked away immediately, and cringed. Oh Merlin, now he would think I liked him – gazing at him like that. Or…hang on, why was he looking back at me anyway?

AGH. I was an insane person.

"Are you all right?" he asked as we walked into the History classroom and let Dorcas and Peter go to our desks ahead of us. "You've been a bit edgy the last few days."

"What?" I asked in a rather more high-pitched tone than normal. To cover my embarrassment, I chuckled. "I'm fine! Edgy? Me? Do you jest?"

Remus studied my face carefully. "Yeah…because you usually say 'do you jest…'"

I laughed again and shook my head, splashing on my most casual smile. I couldn't let him know that I knew. What if he knew that I knew?

"Honestly Remus, I'm fine. You're imagining things."

"Are you sure?" he asked gently. "Because I would understand if you're still a little annoyed and all…"

"No, no, no, no, don't be silly," I replied immediately, patting his hand. I hoped he couldn't tell that I was suddenly feeling different around him – it would only make things more problematic. I was going to kill Sirius for making me panic like this.

"Do you think Lily's worked out the riddle? I think James wanted Sirius or I to come help guide you. So, you won't accidentally misinterpret his very obvious directions," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"Really?" I said, following him to his desk. "Oh good, yeah – I needed to talk to Sirius anyway."

Suddenly, Remus' expression changed – it was colder, and less careful than it had been when he was asking if something was wrong.

"Sure," he said in an even voice. "I guess I'll tell him to show you then."

Oh bollocks – was he upset that I had asked for Sirius instead of him? I wouldn't usually choose my stupid ex over him. Did he even care? Oh Godric, it was so exhausting thinking about every single thing I did as potentially upsetting to him. I needed the Hospital Wing – St Mungo's – something to help me process all of this. Did Hogwarts offer counseling to confused teens? They ought to consider it.

"No! I, um, well you could show us if you like! I don't mind! Send Peter!" I offered in a hurry. Very smooth, Kate.

Peter looked up from his homework and shook his head. "No, I'm supposed to help James set up."

"Kate," Remus said with a laugh. "It really doesn't matter."

"No, of course it doesn't," I agreed and then scratched my head. "Hang on, what?"

"I think Prewett permanently damaged you making you give that speech. I literally don't understand anything you're saying," Remus said, rapping my head gently with his knuckles.

"Then do you really think hitting her on the head is the best course of action?" Someone quipped from behind us.

Suddenly I became very aware of who was sitting behind Remus. Gemma. Oh good Godric, how had I forgotten about her already? Even worse, why was she smiling at Remus teasingly like that? Why was he grinning and shaking his head back at her like that? Hang on, were they…an item?

"Clearly you've never caught Kate when she's having one of her zone-out moments," Remus replied, sitting down and turning around in his chair to face Gemma. I bit my lip and watched the way they were looking at each other trying to figure out clues. See! This was the bloody problem with having arguments and then getting awkward around people. Two weeks ago, if something legitimate had been happening between he and Gemma, Remus would have mentioned it to me. But then we had to have a stupid fight and then Sirius had to ruin everything and now I was totally out of the loop.

"Kate?"

"Huh?" I said, shaking my head and fixing my gaze on Gemma who was smiling at me looking a bit confused. "Sorry, what?"

"I said, it's nice to see the two of you back to being friends," she said and Remus looked over his shoulder back at me with a smile.

"Oh!" I said, flipping my hair over my shoulder. "Yeah, I only had to sacrifice my dignity whilst giving a speech to the whole school. No big deal."

Remus put his hands up and chuckled. "Hey, I never asked you to compare me to a Boggart."

"Yeah, I suppose you bring it on yourself," I teased, feeling slightly less weird. This was more normal – Remus and I having a banter. Not Remus and Gemma.

"At least we can finally get started on that Charms project," Gemma said, narrowing her eyes playfully at Remus. "He couldn't get a thing done while you two were arguing."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I seem to recall you not doing anything, because you were too busy finishing War and Peace."

"And I seem to recall a certain someone lending me War and Peace," Gemma replied and the two of them chuckled.

"War and what?" I asked.

"Muggle novel," Gemma explained. "You should read it – it's brilliant."

"I don't think it's really her idea of good entertainment," Remus chuckled. "But I'll lend it to you if you like, Kate."

Um, how exactly did we get to the point where Remus was offering to lend me Muggle books that he'd already lent to Gemma? Our fight had only lasted a week – how had these two become so bloody chummy already?

"Um, I really don't…" I trailed off because Remus had turned back to face the front and he, Gemma and Peter were all widening their eyes at me in warning.

"Binns," Remus mouthed and I felt a chill on my shoulder before I turned around and jumped at the sight of the angry Ghost Professor tapping me.

"Katherine! What are you doing?"

Wait – was I so blacklisted by Binns that he actually remembered my name?

"Um, just getting the notes from the last lesson, Professor," I replied sweetly.

"And why, Hopkirk, did you not write your own notes?" Binns replied sternly.

First and last name?

"Oh, well. You see Sir, last lesson you were just so engaging that I completely lost my senses and forgot to write anything down," I invented with a hopeful smile.

Predictably, he didn't buy it.

"You know, when I was alive students respected their teachers. They didn't fabricate nonsense excuses and stroll about the classroom as if they owned the place!" Binns thundered, making the windows shake as he floated back to the front of the room.

My mouth dropped open and I stared in amazement at my fellow students. Binns had never admitted to being dead before! I was breaking some serious historical ground by being his most loathed student. I took my seat and stared at him with fascination, hoping he would explain a bit more about how he felt about being dead, but disappointingly, he just picked up the topic of the Giant Revolution in Romania as if he hadn't just shocked us all to our core.

My momentary lapse in focus was brought to a screeching halt when I heard Remus and Gemma laughing quietly together about something behind me.

Didn't he say he didn't want to go out with anyone else?

I thumped my head onto the desk with a painfully loud bang feeling as though my head was about to explode. The only saving grace was that Binns finally chose to ignore me.

At close to eight, we began our quest. Well – we left the Common Room. The teachers didn't seem to have cottoned on to James' secret party, even though the corridors were much fuller than they normally would have been during the evening. We'd taken two steps towards the first location – 'the place with the birds' aka The Owlery – when Sirius came around the corner looking expectant.

"Know where you're going Lil?" he asked and Lily frowned.

"Did Potter think I wouldn't understand his riddle?" she demanded, looking scandalized.

"No, he just worried that these two might confuse you," Sirius said nodding at Dorcas and I. "Plus, I need to talk to Kate."

"No," I replied stiffly. "I need to talk to you."

He rolled his eyes and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Whatever."

"What d'you need to talk about?" Dorcas asked, cocking an eyebrow with interest. I suppose it was odd considering nobody else knew about the conversation we'd had before my speech. Sirius and I looked at each other and spoke at the same time.

"Nothing."

"The party."

The party, he says! The party I knew nothing about. He was an awful secret keeper.

"Okay, talk then – but let's get going. If we stand in one place too long, we're going to accumulate a following," Lily said, looking over her shoulder. A small group of Hufflepuffs had gathered nearby, watching her and whispering to one another. I was sure that they were only the first group of people who would be trying to attend the party behind us.

Sirius sighed. "He thought he was being so clever. Didn't count on anyone just following you."

"Yeah, we should get going before it turns into a mob," Dorcas said warily.

"Okay, you two go ahead. Sirius and I…have things to discuss," I said, shoving Lily and Dorcas a few paces ahead of us. Lily didn't look bothered and just started in the direction of the Owlery, while Dorcas considered Sirius and my hands touching with a frown.

"You two aren't…"

Sirius and I both grimaced in unison and stepped deliberately away from each other.

"No," I replied. "Go help Lily, she's started speed-walking and we'll lose her if you wait too long."

Though Dorcas still looked curious, she shrugged and jogged forward to catch up with Lily, while Sirius and I followed at a slower pace. The Hufflepuffs kept their distance, trying to be discreet – so I wasn't worried about being overhead. Neither was Sirius, apparently, because he barely bothered to lower his voice.

"What is wrong with you?" he demanded, turning to me. "Remember when I told you I wasn't supposed to tell you what I told you?"

I scowled back at him. "Like you can just drop that bomb on my head and expect me not to react!"

"Oh, it's been a week – get over it!"

"That is so typical of you. It's been a week – get over it, Kate. We've been broken up for over a month – get over it, Kate! Why don't you get over the fact that I can't get over it?" I snapped, folding my arms over my chest. Sirius didn't seem bothered by my irritation and just carried on sounding equally annoyed.

"Okay, fine. Don't get over it. But could you be any more obvious? In what universe would you ever choose me over Remus to help you with something like this? You wouldn't have even done that when we were together!" he retorted. "He was all weird about it as well. Kept asking if we were getting back together."

"He did?" I said, my voice lilting uncontrollably. "Why…do you think…I mean, does he still…"

Sirius closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. "I told you already. I don't bloody know. Maybe. Yeah. But there's this Gemma girl as well."

"He fancies Gemma?" I asked, worried at how high my voice was getting.

"I don't know, Kate! Hang on…why?" he asked, looking at me suspiciously. I felt unusually flustered and had to fan myself as we hurried along the corridor.

"What? I – huh?"

"Oh Godric!" Sirius said, stopping and looking disgusted. "You fancy him!"

"What?!"

He pushed his hands through his hair in disbelief and shook his head wordlessly at me for a moment. But he had the wrong end of the stick – I didn't fancy Remus! That was…that was absurd. I only wanted to know if he fancied me. I was allowed to obsess over that, wasn't I? That was normal. Anyone in my position would do the same! Ugh, why was Sirius looking at me like that?

"Ugh," Sirius groaned, widening his paces slightly as we headed up the staircases. Lily and Dorcas were already at the top turning towards the final set of stairs that led to the Owlery.

"Hang on!" he called. "Stop before you get all the way up there."

"What?" Lily shouted back. "It says go to the place of birds. That's the Owlery, right?"

"Sirius!" I hissed. "Why are you groaning and ugh-ing at me?"

He shot me one of the usual exasperated looks before answering Lily instead of me. He was so frustrating! And rude.

"Yeah, but just to the entrance. Read the next line now."

"Okay, so 'Once you're there, take the opposite of right,'" Dorcas read from a poster on the nearest wall.

"Oh that's a toughie, Potter," Lily laughed, and they turned left and through some archways out of sight leaving Sirius and I alone on the staircase. The following crowd was still waiting nearby, trying not to make their pursuit obvious.

"Sirius!" I insisted as we reached the next floor.

He rolled his eyes again and shook his head. "Did you have the 'moment' then? When was it – during that ridiculous speech?"

"Ugh!" I said, elbowing him angrily. "Don't keep throwing my bloody 'moment' comments back in my face! I've never had my words thrown back at me so often."

Sirius barked an unamused laugh. "You have your words thrown back at you daily!"

"Well not random things that I don't expect anyone to remember!" I grumbled.

We both fell quiet then as we headed through the archways. Things felt oddly and frustratingly familiar and the air felt thick and awkward. I wished I could breathe better and I wished Sirius would stop fiddling with his pockets like that.

"So, did you have the moment?" he asked quietly before we reached the end of the hallway and saw Lily and Dorcas standing in front of a wall that was covered in a beautiful pattern of sparkling lights. Upon closer examination, they seemed to be charmed fireflies.

"I don't know," I muttered as we came to a stop behind them. Because I really didn't know. Was there a moment? Did there even have to be a moment? True, I did feel different around Remus – but was that because I fancied him or was it just because I wanted to know if he fancied me?

Meanwhile, Lily seemed to be finally stumped by the riddle and was pacing in front of the wall of twinkling light mumbling under her breath.

"Lily, you can't keep trying the same names over again – obviously that isn't the right password," Dorcas was saying.

Sirius sighed and buried his hands deeper in his pockets. I looked away from him because something about his expression made me feel guilty and I wasn't sure why.

"Check the instructions again – 'the man you love to hate' – it can't be Potter, so ' think harder and re-evalute'," Dorcas prompted.

"Ugh – I am bloody re-evaluating!" Lily complained. "But I don't love to hate anyone. But I've tried Archie, Slughorn, Aubrey, Diggory, even Sirius – no one works! Stupid Potter – what a terrible clue."

"Is it Snivellus maybe?" I suggested dully.

"No! Potter knows I don't hate him," Lily sighed. "If he's trying to impress me, he wouldn't be that mean, would he?"

Sirius chuckled weakly and nodded, but the expression on his face looked how I felt. Neither of us wanted to be there. In fact, our bickering was bringing back uncomfortable memories and feelings and that, on top of all the new information and the suggestion that I might fancy Remus, was making my head swim. This was why I should have never come back to Hogwarts. I should have moved to Beauxbatons or somewhere where I didn't have to see my ex. Somewhere where I certainly wouldn't possibly start seeing my ex's mate and my mate as more than a…mate.

I massaged my temples and tried to help Lily but it was hard to think of more names. She wasn't generally a very hateful person – it was only James really.

A crowd had gathered behind us now – about fifteen students waiting for Lily to get the password right so they could follow us in to the party. They didn't pretend not to be following now and stood around gazing at the lights in awe and whispering excitedly to each other.

"Can't you help?" Lily asked, looking at Sirius and frowning at the audience behind us.

Sirius shrugged. "This was the one clue he insisted on me not helping you with. He also said that you wouldn't enjoy the party nearly as much if someone else had helped you get through."

Lily's frown turned into a sudden smile and she covered her mouth quickly. Clearing her throat, she smoothed out her skirt and squinted at the wall once more.

"Speak there, the name of the man you love to hate, And if it's me…think harder and re-evaluate," she recited. "Potter…it's not Potter…so…who is it?"

Sirius and I exchanged an unconscious glance and we both stiffened uncomfortably. His jaw clenched and I bit my lip before we turned in unison back to Lily who was still muttering, "Potter" under her breath.

"Well, that's obviously not it!" Dorcas said in exasperation and the crowd murmured their agreement impatiently. The peanut gallery was getting restless but fell silent when Lily held up her hand.

"Potter…if it's me…revaluate. Oh!"

Suddenly she giggled and shook her head and then laughed again harder, clutching her sides and keeling over slightly. Though we were all confused, the laugh was infectious and soon the entire corridor was filled with gales of laughter. We sounded like a pack of lunatic hyenas. But at least the awkwardness between Sirius and I had broken.

"Shush!" Sirius said, though he was grinning and looking relieved. He even gave me a little nod before he turned to the crowd and put a finger to his lips. "D'you want the teachers to come looking?"

"So, you've got it Lily?" I asked. "Because the suspense is killing me – really."

She had control of her laughter now, but she was still grinning and shaking her head as she turned to Sirius.

"It's what I think, isn't it?"

He smiled. "Considering how you're so reluctant to say it – I'd say so."

She huffed loudly, but beamed as she turned back to the wall.

"Okay you nut. I re-evaluated…James."

The firefly lights dimmed and the wall slid aside.

Considering how elaborate the invitation had been, the party wasn't nearly as lavish or over the top as I'd expected. But it was very Lily. And somehow, that made it very James too. Apart from the decorations of lilies adorning the concealed archways in the roomy secret passageway, every other detail of the party was an assortment Lily's favourite things: Redcurrant rum, treacle tarts, mainstream Muggle pop music and candles enchanted to float above us. James knew her well and I had to hand it to him – this was one of the most romantic and least embarrassing things he'd ever done for her.

Half of the party was made up of the girls who had followed us on the way over, but Lily didn't seem to mind. The riddle had mostly made the turnout low key - there were only about thirty people there and James had taken the time to invite people who he knew to be Lily's friends from other houses and years. In fact she couldn't stop smiling and laughing at James with a self-conscious, but flattered expression on her face.

And she hadn't called him Potter once since we'd arrived.

But I couldn't really concentrate on the two of them flirting. I was much more interested by Remus and Gemma sitting in the corner sipping rum and chatting animatedly. Though they drew hardly any attention to themselves in comparison to Lily and James, they looked very cosy.

"Peace offering?" Sirius said, arriving beside me and handing me a drink. I took it and nodded, but couldn't drag my eyes away from the couple in the corner. They looked mate-y…well; truthfully, they looked how Remus and I looked most of the time. I felt an instant and burning feeling rush through my entire body as Remus' arm came to rest nonchalantly around her shoulders. It was a very familiar feeling and though I was still confused, I knew, in those few seconds, that it wasn't just because I liked being Remus' only proper girl friend.

"You know when you asked if there'd been a moment?" I murmured to Sirius.

"Yeah," he replied dully.

"Yeah, it just happened," I said, lifting the cup to my lips and downing the liquid in one.

A/N: Yeah, not a filler chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed as much as I did - will try my best to update as soon as possible! Thanks for reading. :)