A/N: As promised - here is your chapter! It's short because it was too long to add to the last chapter and too short to open up something much longer, but hopefully it's okay! I also want to take a quick moment to thank two people who have been kind enough to translate this story into different languages. Wolfsblume has translated it into German on fanfiktion dot de. And AvisThestral is posting the French translation on this site and has brought a bunch of lovely new French readers and reviewers to this story - thank you guys, so so much!

And if I haven't said it enough to everyone (I can never say it enough) THANK YOU for your amazing reviews and interest in this story - you are the best readers.

Chapter Thirty-three: It's going to take more than Obliviate

The week before Valentine's was a tumult of emotions. I stopped asking Remus if he was going with Gemma, Gryffindor won the Quidditch match and Sirius and Lizzy had kissed in front of everyone after it, and Charlus Doxy was spending an extraordinary amount of time following Lily around. James, for his part, seemed to have stressed to Mary that they were just going as friends and it didn't take a genius to figure out that Lily was now regretting agreeing to go with Doxy. In fact, the only Valentine's date made so far that wasn't ripe with drama was Dorcas' date with Jack Barnes. In fact, they were being delightfully low-key about it. They weren't snogging like loons (ahem-Sirius-ahem) or beating a dead horse (ahem-Peter-ahem). It wasn't an offer turned to friendship (ahem-James-ahem) or a case of stalker and stalkee (ahem-you get the point…) They were just sweet and polite and nervous around each other and anyone who didn't know they were going together would hardly think to make a fuss of it.

The only two of us that seemed still free of the pact were Remus and I, but I hardly had a chance to ask him if anything had changed. There weren't any whispers about it and James hadn't been embarrassingly congratulating him and he hadn't brought it up to me either. Remus was going into ill-mode, readying himself for the moon and spending most of his time getting ahead on homework so I didn't see much of him that week. Not helping matters was the fact that I was avoiding spending time with the Marauders in the Common Room because Lizzy was sitting with Sirius all the time. I was mostly over him, but that didn't mean it felt good to see them cozied up in the armchair that we used to use. I wondered if he'd been honest with her about his feelings, or whether he'd even been honest with me about how he'd tried to hurt me by getting off with her, but truthfully I was a bit too distracted to really think about it.

On Friday afternoon, I was headed back from the Owlery when I bumped into Jack in the Entranceway. He looked like he'd been searching for me.

"Hey Kate!" he said, his cheeks flushing a bit.

"Jacko! Ready for the big doozy with Dorcas tomorrow?" I asked, elbowing him and then frowning. "And by that I mean the date and nothing else."

He chuckled nervously, but nodded. "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. But hey, I wanted to ask you something."

"Roses are her favourite."

He looked exasperated, but then shook his head. "Okay, good to know. But what I wanted to ask was – you didn't mention to Dorcas that there was…something, er…something between–"

I didn't let him finish. "Something between who, Jack? I know you don't mean the five minute conversation we had when nothing happened."

He nodded and exhaled loudly, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Okay, good. Cause I really like her."

"Aww," I said, squeezing his shoulder. "That's adorable."

Someone cleared their throat and I looked up to see Remus walking down the staircases. I let go of Jack's shoulder to wave and Remus returned the motion tiredly. I hated seeing him look so ill – stupid Moon. It was easier when I pretended he had bunny flu. Now I knew the reason behind his sickness, it made my heart hurt to think of him in pain.

"All right Lupin?" Jack greeted.

Remus nodded curtly. "Fine Barnes."

"Jack was just–"

"Er!" Jack coughed giving me a look. "I'll see you later Kate."

I smiled. "Yeah, see you Romeo."

He nodded politely at Remus and headed off in the direction of his Common Room. Remus was still watching him when I poked his shoulder.

"Hey stranger – how are you feeling?"

He shrugged and looked back at me wearily. "Exhausted. Like my head's going to explode."

"That bad?" I asked, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. If only I could help somehow.

"Barnes looks happy," he muttered, his eyes darting away from me.

"Jack? Oh, he's just excited about tomorrow," I shrugged.

"How come you–" he paused and shook his head and looked back at the staircases.

"What?" I was still focusing on the weariness in his eyes and the pale sheen on his cheeks. Even sick and tired suddenly looked good on him.

"Um, how come you haven't chased me down about listening to The Ghouls record yet?" he said, clearing his throat.

"Oh! Well you've been all bunny-flued out and then there's been the whole Lizzy Sirius situation around you all week that I've been trying to avoid. Really, I don't mind he's moved on and even though I want to like her, I just can't. But are you in the mood for it tonight? Some pain and beautiful torture before the all the lovey-doviness tomorrow?"

He nodded. "Yeah, the lads are planning something naff for the morning flower deliveries and I think I'd rather avoid it."

"Great!" I said, feeling my heart pound. I was excited to spend the evening alone with him for a change.

"All right," he said cracking his neck. "I'll see you there later. I've just got to do something first."

"Maybe get some pepper up?" I suggested and he finally chuckled.

"Sure, it hasn't worked in all the time I've had bunny flu – why not now?"

"You forget that I'm a genius," I teased and he nodded smiling softly.

I was a wreck in the time leading up to our Ghouls listening party. Lily and Dorcas were discussing clothes for the next day and the Marauders were off taking part in whatever mischief, so it was just going to be me and Remus. Well, and everyone else in the Common Room. But most people were busy planning their Hogsmeade trips, so it wasn't like anyone would be watching us. Now that the night before Hogsmeade had arrived, I was thinking that I might ask Remus if he wanted to hang out with me. Alone. It was a very slight move towards turning my platonic friendship with Remus into something a little more romantic. I'd wanted to wait to give him a chance to ask Gemma first – partly so I wouldn't feel so guilty, and partly because I was still scared to risk what we had. Okay, maybe it was really just because every time I practiced asking, I chickened out like a big baby.

He entered the Common Room at about nine thirty right around the time the largest influx of students entered and to my surprise; he looked a little damp again. Had he just taken another bath? In his clothes?

"Hey!" I called as he joined me on the sofa by the record player. "You've got my favourite hairstyle."

He chuckled and relaxed into the sofa beside me, looking much less tired than he had earlier. "This? Yeah, it wasn't really on purpose."

"What happened?" I asked, turning on my side and tucking my legs up beside me.

He rolled his eyes. "The lads are practicing charming water balloons to hit anyone who gets more than five cards or flowers at breakfast tomorrow. I was the guinea pig, of course."

"Ahh," I said before frowning. "Isn't that a ridiculously daft thing for them to do considering every year, Sirius always gets the most Valentines?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I didn't point out that little snag in the plan. My own evil revenge."

"Remus! I didn't think you had it in you!" I gasped, waggling a finger in his face and making him laugh as he swatted it away.

"Anyway," he sighed. "How was the rest of your day?"

I shrugged, happy that he seemed to be in a good mood. Maybe if I got the words out, it wouldn't seem crazy for us to go to Hogsmeade together on the big V day.

"Yeah, good. Finished up a lot of my homework with Lily and Dorcas. Yup, at least now I'm free all weekend…even tomorrow. It won't be like I'll have anything on my mind," I said, peering at him carefully. He didn't seem to catch on, just nodded.

"Yeah, that is good. So…Ghouls?"

I cut my nervousness with a laugh and nodded. "Ghouls."

We sat and listened to the record all the way through in mostly silence, except for frequent sighs of appreciation. After Charming Witch finished, the stragglers in the common room who'd been interested in listening to the whole album left too and it was just Remus and I and a few night owls left sitting around quietly. When we got to the end of the record, we smiled at each other. Something about The Ghouls always made me feel so connected to him. Whether that was because we both appreciated a heartfelt, tortured lyrics or whether it was because The Ghouls had brought us together as friends, I didn't know. But as the last bars of the final song came on, my heart started to drum up again. There was nothing weird about asking him to Hogsmeade. I could do it.

"So," he smiled. "What was your favourite?"

I chuckled and twirled some hair around my finger. "Er…you first."

"Uh, I don't know. It's a bit embarrassing to say."

I nudged him. "Come on Remus – just admit it. This Charming Witch changed your life."

"No. It decisively didn't," he said, shaking his head at me.

"Okay, go on then. Wait – you like Monster of a Man, I bet."

He nodded with another embarrassed chuckle. "Well, I did…you know, relate to that one quite well. But no, the one I liked best was It's Going to Take More than Obliviate."

My breath caught because I hadn't expected him to like the same one as me. Usually we disagreed about which song was the most genius of them all.

"You're laughing?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"No," I shook my head. "It's just, it's my favourite too."

"Really?" he muttered, looking at me curiously.

"Why is it your favourite?"

"Well, I feel like I get what he means. That despite that horrible thing I let happen to you last year, you still somehow wanted to be friends with me. And that's cool."

I raised my eyebrows. "That's what you got out of that one?"

It was a million times more romantic than that. It was about how you could have this yearning in your chest for someone that maybe you could never name or understand. How nothing could stop you from feeling that way – not even Obliviate. Which was exactly what I got out of the song. We used the same event to relate to the song, but for me it was more about how the feelings I'd had didn't go away – it took more than Obliviate for me not to feel them. Even if it had taken an ex boyfriend to remind me of them.

"What did you get out of it?" he muttered, glancing away from me as some more students went up to bed.

"Something similar," I said quietly.

This was the moment. I'd never have a better chance to make this miniscule move.

"So," he said suddenly turning to me with a sort of determined expression. "I wanted to tell you that it's nice that you and Jack are going to Hogsmeade together. He's a nice bloke and I think he'll treat you really well."

"What?" I frowned. Hadn't he heard about Dorcas? "I'm not going to Hogsmeade with Jack!"

"You're not?"

"No! He's going with Dorcas," I said dismissively. "I thought you knew. I thought everyone knew."

Remus still looked surprised. "But you…oh, Oh. Right."

I laughed and although he joined in, his face still looked confused and shaky.

"Dorcas is really going with Jack?" he asked, the crease between his eyes bouncing.

I nodded and looked at the floor. I swept a hand over my hair, taking another deep breath. Just a little courage, that's all I needed.

"So, I was thinking – since neither of us is going with anyone, the two of us could spend the day together. You know, making fun of everyone else. Pretending we're better than them – the usual, you know?" I said, flipping my hair over my shoulder and biting my lip, finally darting my eyes to look at him. He still looked confused and then, apologetic.

"Oh…I uh, I thought you were– Um, actually I ended up asking Gemma."

The flutter of nervousness, the wind in my sails, the hopeful, bright light in my eyes faded and I felt my shoulders slump. I was too late.

"Just as friends…but uh," he lifted one hand up to run it over the back of his head and the other dug deep into his pockets. "Yeah, I just sort of figured, why not?"

I nodded and let out another hard breath. It took too much effort to cover up my disappointment. It took too much effort to turn the sigh into a carefree laugh. All I managed was a little shrug as I forced the corners of my lips to turn up. I wasn't sure it had shown.

"But, hey – actually, maybe, did you want to come along? I didn't realize you were going alone. The three of us could pretend we're above it all…" he said, his eyebrows twisting optimistically.

I managed a laugh this time and squinted my eyes to keep from crying. It might have been construed as playful as I shook my head mechanically.

"No! Ew Remus, how lame a date would that be?" I said. "'Oh hey Gemma, I just brought along my pathetic mate – I hope that's okay.' Absurd!"

He chuckled and shrugged. "We could ask some of the others and make it a group thing."

Again with that choking laughter – I sounded ill. I cleared my throat and smiled.

"Oh don't do that ridiculous group date thing Sirius does – girls see right through that. Don't worry about me. I was just going to drag you to that music shop. Try and sell my Ghouls shirts – now they're famous, I might actually make a few galleons. Actually, I could try selling photographs of myself too – you know, This Charming Muse…"

He laughed properly and the way it moved his whole body in that way made my own shake with longing.

"Yeah, you let me know how that goes then," he chuckled.

I scoffed, though I knew my face was red. I had to get out of there – away from there. "Like I'd boast about my earnings! Hey…is that the time?"

He frowned, still paying too much attention to my expression. I made sure not to meet his eyes – I was sure if he looked long enough he'd start seeing the cracks.

"Eleven, yeah."

"Shit!" I said, standing up suddenly, feeling a head rush to go with my face flush. "I just realized I have detention with McGonagall. I'll be lucky if she even lets me go now!"

"Kate, it's eleven," he said, glancing at the clock again.

"I know! I better go!" I said, bouncing on my heels a little and avoiding looking at him. He got to his feet too, still watching me carefully.

"Yeah, sure. Hey Kate?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm sorry…if I'd known I–"

I cut him off and shook my head manically. "Forget it, really. I can be bitter all on my own."

He looked like he wanted to squeeze my arm or hug me. He started to move and I stepped back with another strained smile. "See ya Remus!"

I heard his goodbye over my shoulder, but I was concentrating too hard on not shaking to acknowledge it. I walked briskly through the portrait hole until I was safely away from prying eyes. I didn't get very far.

While I'd managed to get far enough from Remus, I broke down as soon as I got to the next floor. There was a couple of people standing near the staircases as I tripped on the bottom step and fell against the wall with blurry eyes. It hurt. It hurt so much. Why wouldn't it stop hurting?

I didn't like to cry in front of people, but I couldn't stop and then I saw that one of them was Mafalda. Shit, I was out after hours and she was patrolling – she was going to kill me. But I still couldn't stop and the tears started to roll as I pushed against the wall and cried silently. Why wouldn't it stop? It felt like knives – twisting knives with serrated blades dipped in poison that was slowly ebbing its way through my blood. I felt hot with it – the hurt. It didn't even make sense that I felt this hurt. It wasn't like he'd rejected my advances – only had other plans. But I was embarrassed too. And I had been bottling things up for too long.

"Kate?" Mafalda said, walking over with a frown. Her fellow Prefect whispered and seemed to edge away as her hand gripped my elbow. I shook my head and coughed as I pushed the non-stop moisture off my face and leaned hard against the wall. I stumbled and as my body slumped and slipped down to the floor, Mafalda slid with me, her eyes looking wild and focused as she squeezed my arms, trying to support me. I couldn't stop, because it wouldn't stop.

"Kate, oh Godric, Kate. What happened? Are you hurt?"

I shook my head and sobbed again, pulling my knees to me and hugging them. Her fingers ran through my hair and I squeaked as my head hit my knees and I racked with pain. I had never felt like this. I had no understanding of pain before this. For all the dramatic moments I'd felt, this was the worst and I didn't even feel like I was overreacting. No one would understand – no one could.

"Kate…shush, shush. Oh Merlin, what's wrong?" Mafalda whispered, wrapping his arms around me and rocking me as I clutched at her sleeve and shook. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hold it together. I wanted to throw up – open up, split myself down the middle so I could get it all out. I was sick of trying to be mature or selfless or grown up. I wanted to be a child – I needed to be cradled and soothed and someone had to tell me it was going to be all right, because I didn't know how it would be.

"Kate…"

"You! Did you do this to her?" Mafalda snapped, her voice breaking. I could feel wetness on my shoulder too, as I looked up and saw Sirius – paused almost mid step staring at me in shock.

I tried to speak up and pull it together. It didn't work.

"No," Sirius muttered, still watching in frozen astonishment. He shut his mouth and inched closer before I let another cry slip from my lips and hid my face in my knees.

"No, I've never done that to her."

"Then go the hell away!" Mafalda said angrily.

"Kate…"

I swallowed and nodded, looking up again at him.

"Should I…"

I shook my head and Sirius bowed his head, his lip twisting before he left us.

"Oh Kate, what happened?" Mafalda asked, tugging at my sleeve.

I sniffed loudly and cleared my throat, fighting against my face crumpling.

"He doesn't like me."

"I thought you didn't care anymore."

"Remus doesn't."

Mafalda's mouth dropped open for a fraction before she nodded and stroked my hair again. "I know it's hard, but it's going to be okay. I promise."

"How?" I said in a dull voice.

"It just will be."

"I waited too long. I've lost him. I let him slip by and now we'll never…" I said, shaking and closing my eyes.

She shushed me and I pushed my head into her shoulder.

"Boyfriends are difficult. That's why I'm always telling you to focus on your schoolwork – you fall into love so hard and you forget everything else," she whispered.

"I have been focusing on schoolwork," I said, drying my eyes and sighing. "I understand priorities, but this is different, Maffie. This feels just as important."

"How come?"

"Because, it's him. Remus. All he does is make me want to be a better person and maybe it's out of order, but... I know you're supposed to focus on school and a career and then find the One. But what if he's been there as your best friend for so long and when you finally realize that he's the One…it's too late. Ugh, what is wrong with me? I didn't used to believe in 'the One'. You're right, I'm an idiot."

"Hey! I never said that," she said frowning at me. "And I think it's sweet what you feel for him. Maybe it'll just take time. Maybe it's just a case of misunderstandings. He's always liked you – it doesn't just go away that easily."

I groaned. "Did you pick that up from Mum?"

"What? That Remus always liked you? Yeah – and you know, using my eyes."

I sighed loudly and stared at the ceiling. "You know that's what Sirius said too…but how come I never hear it from Remus then?"

"Have you just asked him outright?" Mafalda suggested blankly.

"What?"

"Ask him," she repeated.

"It's not that simple!" I replied, pulling away from her a bit. "It's…it's…"

"It's drama! And you love it," she said pointedly.

Someone avada me. My sister was right for once.

A/N: I'm not sure when the next update will be. I hope it'll be within the week, but this is like Hell month for me, so I'm not sure. Hope you guys enjoyed this one! I leave you with the following questions - is Kate going to get it together and just be honest with Remus? Is Remus conflicted between Gemma and Kate or are he and Gemma really just friends? Did you miss the rest of the gang in these last two chapters? Do you think I'm going to kill Kate? ;) Thanks for reading!