Hi all. Just a friendly reminder to REVIEW! :)

xoxo

This was it. He would get his redemption. He would finally put that privileged, arrogant moron in his place. And Lily would finally understand that her precious fiance was nothing but the snot-nosed prick that he'd alway been.

Severus raised his wand, preparing to strike. Potter was on the ground, tangled in his Binding spell. He thrashed, spewing insults at Severus. The usual, really. He was smelly, slimy, a coward. As if those words could hurt him anymore. Severus smiled tightly. It felt so good to have Potter at his mercy. Without his minions around, Severus had bested him fair and square. A ferocious triumph filled him. The git had honest-to-Merlin fear in his hazel eyes while looking up at him. His Head Boy badge glinted in the light, reflecting shadows all over the darkened corridor. Severus realized with a jolt, there was someone standing right behind him. But Snape was beyond caring. It was seven years too late, this redemption, and no one would stop him.

"Sectum-"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" It was Lily, who'd just discarded a strange silver cloak. She was standing tall, truly breathtaking in her terrible fury. Fiery hair twisted around her in the slight draft of the corridor, and her knuckles were white around her wand. Thrills ran down Severus's spine at getting caught. Her presence reminded him of how much he missed her.

"You'd be happy to know that your precious Potter accosted me whilst I was walking back from the library." Severus said cooly. "I'd just bound him up to prevent any more attacks." He lifted his cloak to display his torn robes in evidence. Her eyes widened in surprise, but quickly narrowed.

"Oh, and I'm sure that you were completely innocent here." She scoffed, rolling her eyes. With a sharp flick of her wand, the ropes holding James vanished. He panted on the floor, flexing his arms and legs. She turned her intelligent gaze back to Severus.

"Unlike you, Sev, James has changed enough to not care about petty grudges." She spoke with such a venom, that Severus shrunk back. "Why can't you realize this and grow up? It's as if you still think we could be friends. You chose your path a long time ago, so get over this stupid quarrel." She snapped. That hurt a bit. It made righteous anger well in Severus's stomach.

"But he attacked me!" Severus protested, feeling a bit like a tattling little kid. "I'm not to blame here, Lily. When will you wake up and realize he's just as pig-headed and immature as he's always been?" Lily ignored him, helping Potter up. It sickened Severus to see his hands on her.

"Is this true?" She asked Potter quietly. He nodded, seemingly shame-faced. Severus scoffed.

"See? You have no grounds to defend him. He hasn't changed in the least." He said cruelly, glaring at Potter. Lily whipped her head up.

"Don't think I didn't hear that little spell you were going to use on him." She said. Severus flinched. "Yeah, I remember how you made up awful, terrible spells just for fun. What would that one have done to James? Probably nothing very innocent."

"I was just defending mysel-"

"Hardly." Lily snapped. "You've been waiting to get your revenge on James for years. How is that for change?"

"You have no idea how I've changed." Severus said through gritted teeth. Her eyes narrowed.

"I think I do. You've joined the Death Eaters, fallen deeper into Pureblood mania, and are ready to kill people like me as soon as you get your diploma." She said. He'd never heard her voice so cold. It hit him with the power of a hard slap.

"I'd never hurt you." He said forcefully. She laughed ruthlessly.

"I'm not going to bother to argue with you over this. Come on James." She said, putting her arm around him for support, turning to go. The bastard shot Severus one last unreadable look, and the two walked off in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. Severus kicked the stone wall in anger. How did Potter always win, even when Severus had done nothing wrong?

He heard Lily's soft voice directed at Potter. It was just one word. "Explain." A vindictive smile formed on Severus's lips. Maybe Potter didn't win this round after all.

XX X XX X XX X XX X X XX X XX X XX X XX X X XX X X XX X X XX X X

12 hours earlier

James grit his teeth in concentration.

"You just have to think of the happiest memory you can, and let it flow through your fingertips." Remus instructed next to him, nibbling on some chocolate.

They were practicing Patronuses with the other future Order Members, being carefully watched by Dumbledore and Alastor Moody. All those successful at the charm were practicing it on a real Dementor that had been captured by the Order. There were recent suspicions that these creatures were going over to Voldemort's side, and the discovery of this Dementor in Diagon Alley only increased their suspicions. The Dementor was being carefully monitored by Dumbledore, as to not lose control of it. But Lily, Alice, Frank, and Remus had already defeated the beast, pushing it back into the chained chest where it was kept. Peter, Sirius, and Marlene were currently attempting their charms on it, silvery animals bursting from their wand tips and corralling it back.

"What's keeping you Potter?" He growled. "Everyone else has produced a corporeal form ages ago."

"I know." James muttered.

Sweat was dripping down his forehead. What was wrong with him? All he'd managed to produce was a few white wisps from the end of his wand. Even when they practiced Patronuses in Defense Against the Dark Arts last year, he'd managed at least a large ball of silver. He looked around the room. All of his friends had managed an animal now. Peter's small glowing rat was scurrying along the floor playfully with Marlene's woodchuck, Sirius's shaggy dog was running with Remus's wolf. Lily's doe (a sight that made his chest hot and full of pride) was loping softly around her. Alice and Frank's sparrows were circling each other lovingly. Even Mary, who'd had more trouble than he did last year, managed to create a gigantic silver whale for a few minutes, before it was too powerful for her and she lost it. Yet he was still struggling.

To be fair, the entire group was pretty ragged by this point. They've spent all day and yesterday practicing, as Dumbledore extended their lessons to each weekend rather than once a month. They'd run obstacles and faced fearsome creatures on Moody's course that he developed for them yesterday. After, they practiced Occlumency, a skill James realized he was complete rubbish at. Each time Moody put the Imperious curse on him, he fought and fought, but always ended up doing exactly what Moody told him. The last time they tried, though, James managed to stop himself from slapping the wall by slapping himself instead. At least it sort of worked. By night, all of them were physically and mentally exhausted. James didn't even say goodnight to anyone, he just walked up the stares and fell into bed, asleep instantly. He barely noticed when Lily crawled in next to him. This morning they had to wake at an atrocious hour to study outside. It was chilly for late February, and he couldn't focus on the lessons because he was too busy shivering and trying not to fall asleep. Then it was off to more physical training. And now. Patronuses.

James groaned in frustration as his wand once again produced useless wisps of silver. Why couldn't he make it work? His memories were certainly happy. It was as if he had some mental block. Maybe it was the dementor's presence, but Moody insisted that it had little to no effect once it was locked away.

"Come on Prongs, you actively transform into a Stag once a month! You can do this." Sirius encouraged quietly. Lily touched his arm. It sent shivers up his spine.

"Try holding your wand a bit more steady." She instructed. He closed his eyes, feeling her next to him. He loved her so much. A newfound confidence gripped him.

"Expecto Patronum!" He called out. The silver wisps returned, swirling into a much denser ball of light. Streams of the white mist were pouring out of his wand, making the room around him dim in the glow of it. James squinted in concentration. The mist was bright white, and was that an antler? He felt Lily next to him, and determination ran through his veins. He had to get this right, so he could protect her if-

Suddenly the ball vanished with a pop. "Argh!" James cried in frustration.

"That's better!" Lily said with a smile. But James was at the end of his rope.

"I just need some air!" He snapped. "Everyone is suffocating me." And with that he stomped out the doors of the room off of Dumbledore's office that they'd been using.

"Come on, James!" Sirius called, but Lily shushed him. She knew when James needed his space, a thought that made guilt twinge in his stomach for snapping at them.

He wandered aimlessly, knowing he'd be in big trouble with Moody when he came back. But for the first time in ages, James didn't care. He felt like being reckless and irresponsible for a bit. Moody was in there training them like they were soldiers, but they were in all reality still kids. Peter still slept with his stuffed Plimpy, Sirius laughed at anything sexual, and Lily. Lily still danced like a fool when everyone was watching, Lily still gasped in amazement at the wonders of the Wizarding world. She made up stories about the stars, and ate dessert like treacle tart for breakfast. They were just kids. And now Moody, the Order, this stupid war, they would beat out all the innocence that was left. James couldn't take it anymore.

He wanted to go somewhere, anywhere. James came upon the first secret passageway in his path, and made to take it. They'd discovered it last fall. It took you to the outskirts of Hogsmede, and would only open if you asked it politely. They would've never found it if Lily hadn't been lecturing them on proper manners, to which they began to tease her ruthlessly.

"My I please enter?" James asked, voice taught. The stone was unyielding. He sighed, temper flaring once again.

"Come on you stupid wall. PLEASE can you just open for me?" He shouted. Again, nothing.

"I'm begging you!" He cried. After a second, it opened, almost reluctantly. "Thank you." James sighed in relief. He climbed through the small opening, ready to take off, when he heard an all-too-familiar voice.

"What do we have here, pet?" Flich asked Mrs. Norris. "A secret passageway?" He began to squint at the wall, tracing the opening with his fingers. James crept backwards. Hopefully he was concealed enough by shadows that he could slip away undetected. Why didn't he check the Map? His heart stopped when Mrs. Norris's lamp-like eyes landed directly on him.

"Someone in there?" Filch asked softly, a snaggle-toothed grin forming. James did the first thing he could think of.

"Bombarda!" He called out. His wand produced a sound akin to a gunshot, and the entrance way was blown outwards. Dust and rubble cascaded around Filch, and he stepped back with an infuriated cry. But the rocks were coming down too fast now. James ducked as one the size of his head fell next to him.

"Shit!"

He began to scramble back, away form the cascading rockfall. The tunnel was narrow and dark, and suddenly the wall behind his back gave way. James fell back into black space.

"Argh." He smacked his head on the stone floor. Igniting the tip of his wand, James surveyed his surroundings. The entrance back to Hogwarts was completely caved in. There was the smallest sliver of light left where he could see the castle. James peered through it longingly, rubbing his throbbing head. Although he'd been quite ready for an escape to Hogsmede, now all he wanted was to lie down. Flich's swears were muffled from the hall, but James saw him through the tiny crack, as he began to work at the stones that separated the two. It would take at least the whole night to do so without magic, but the man seemed determined. Rolling his eyes, James turned back. There was only one way out now.

James started down the tunnel, trying to think of what he would say to Lily when he got back.

"Sorry for blowing up on you, I just can't form a Patronus, so I had a temper tantrum and fled to Hogsmede to lick my wounds. Forgive me?" He muttered sarcastically. She'd be so peeved. Not to mention what Moody would think.

What was wrong with him? Lily would never freak out like this. She always kept her head, no matter how scary Moody's lectures on constant vigilance got. They'd end the day battered and exhausted, but that confident and determined smile of hers never cracked, never showed any hint of doubt. It made him feel doubly guilty for his cowardice. Wrapped up in thought, James was surprised at how suddenly the exit of the tunnel. He unlatched the trap door carefully, peeking out, disheartened to find it pouring. Mud slopped all over his robes as he clamored out. Just the perfect ending to a shitty day.

Groping in his soggy robes, James pulled out his mirror.

"Padfoot!" He hissed. A couple moments went by, and Sirius's harried face appeared.

"James, where the hell have you been?" He asked. "You just bolted on us and-"

"I know, I know, I was being a complete dick." James finished for him. "Look, I need a favor."

Fifteen minutes later James was soaked outside of the Hogwarts Gates. The storm was getting worse, water making James's shoes squishy and fogging up his glasses. He'd tried to duck in to the Three Broomsticks for some warmth (and maybe a hard drink), but it seemed that McGonagall and Slughorn decided it was a good night for a drink as well, so he had to hurry away. It was tough to see in this weather, as the cold February day had turned into an icy night, but there was a shape moving through the trees. A large black dog bounded up to him, morphing into Sirius as soon as he spotted James. For a moment, he eyed his rain-soaked friend quizzically.

"You look like shit." He commented mildly.

"Feel like it too." James shot back. Sirius chuckled, swinging open the gate for his friend.

"Are you going to tell me what this is all about? I know it's not just because of trouble with Patronuses." James kept silent. If he was honest with himself, admitting his fears to Sirius would only make it feel more shameful. Sirius shrugged, "Suit yourself then."

"Too bad you don't have time to change." He commented as they picked their way up to the castle.

"What? Why wouldn't I..." James trailed off, then it clicked. "Shit." He smacked his palm onto his forehead.

"You actually forgot it was the full moon?" Sirius asked him curiously.

"No, no. Just had a lot on my mind I guess." James muttered.

"Well, at least you can dry off in the Shack for a bit." James nodded glumly, beginning to mentally prepare himself for the tough night ahead of him.

At least as a stag, James could push all of his worries and troubles to the back of his mind for a bit. Unfortunately, Remus was proving to be particularly rambunctious tonight. Peter was almost crushed by his thrashing paws, and Sirius and James had to distract the wolf by basically head butting him so Pete could escape. James earned a long slice down the side of his chest for that. The pain was dulled in his animal form, but he knew he'd be sore once he changed back. By the time Remus wore himself out, it was close to four in the morning. James lagged behind his Peter and Sirius. Sirius looked like he wanted to talk more about earlier, but a glorious quality that Peter possessed was knowing when someone needed their space. Plus all three boys were too beat to be up for chatting.

James trudged along, suddenly realizing he was all alone, coming to a stop when Pete and Sirius turned a corner. He let out a tired breath, happy to be alone. Except he wasn't. Shadows moved across the corridor, and Snivellus came into view, an armful of books in his hands. And, for some reason, this made James smirk expectantly.

"Out of bed this late Snivelly? I'd check a broom closet, but there's no way you were with a girl, so." Snape merely rolled his eyes.

"Where's the usual insults?" James taunted. "The usual, 'oh, you'll rue the day Potter'?."

"I'm tired." Snape said shortly. "Stop being a git. Oh, right, that's physically impossible for you to manage."

"Right. Just like it's physically impossible for water to touch you with that coat of grease." James moved in front of him, blocking his way. He felt an old rivalry stirring in his gut, and couldn't help but succumb to his immaturity.

"Move it Potter." He grumbled, seemingly not in the mood. James slammed his hand down quickly, causing Snape's books to tumble from his hands all over the floor.

"You're going to wish you hadn't done that." Snape growled threatening.

"I'm positively shaking in my boots." James mocked. With a flick of his wand, Snape was doubled over, a flock of canaries pecking around him.

"I didn't know these birds were so fond of vermin." James chuckled as Snape shouted in anger, swatting at the birds. He was obviously groping for his wand, so James hit him with a Jelly Leg Jinx to keep him preoccupied. He had a hard satisfaction, watching his old nemesis brought down so easily. But in the back of his head a voice was screaming no, no you idiot, this is wrong! He was distracted though, as he heard a noise that sounded like ruffling of parchment from down the hall. No one appeared to be there though...

"Incarcerous!" Snape shouted. Before James could react, ropes were tangled around him so tightly he could barely move, barely breath. And Snape himself was standing over James with an ugly grin on his pasty face. And, somehow, Lily showed up to save the day in the knick of time.

XX X XX X XX X XX X XX X X XX XX X X XX X

Now she was telling him to explain. How could he possibly explain this cowardice to Lily without her losing all respect for him? He barely had any left for himself.

"James, cut the silent act." Lily said hotly. She wasn't one to let arguments brew, and liked to everything out in the open at once.

"Lily, just promise me-".

"Promise you what? I won't get mad? It's much too late for that Potter." She snapped. Her eyes were hard and narrowed. He hadn't known it was possible, but James's heart sunk even lower. Lily only called him 'Potter' when she was really mad. Or when she was teasing him, but he highly doubted this was the case at the present. They'd reached the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Cauldron Cake." Lily said stiffly, and the Fat Lady swung open.

"How did you even know I was there?" James asked, in an attempt to break the tension. Lily merely handed him the Marauder's Map, refusing to meet his eye. So that's where it was.

Luckily the Common Room was empty, save Frank Longbottom.

"James? What happened to you?" He asked, looking ready to tease him. But he must've noticed the chilly atmosphere between the two, and was silenced.

"What's going on you guys? I'm assuming you're not coming back from a late-night snog session."

"No Frank. We're going to fight." Lily said cooly. With that cue, his friend bade the two goodnight and hurried up to the boys' room.

Lily walked over to the fire, staring down at the dying embers, expression unreadable. James sensed she was preparing what to say, and waited. Finally she spoke. Her voice was deadly quiet.

"Do you know how worried I was? You stormed out of Order training and went MIA for the entire rest of the night. I figured you were fine, you just needed some space. I trusted you to get your shit together and come back to apologize. Then Sirius said he was getting you from Hogsmede. I thought, he couldn't possibly be that daft to wander off school grounds without telling anyone. But I guess you were." Her cool glare met his eyes. "I worried all night over you. Finally, I saw your dot appear on the map, walking back from the Shack. Then you ran into Sev. When I saw both your names I sprinted out of bed to save you. I thought he was attacking you!" Her voice had risen to a shout. Angry tears were pooling at the corners of her eyes. I broke James's heart.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" She asked quietly. James tensed. What did he? Basically nothing. She was right, he had been acting daft, he'd let her down, for no reason other than his own selfish needs.

"Lily-" James choked. He had a painful lump in this throat. This was it. James Potter could feel himself about to break. Hot, fat tears fell down his cheeks. James staggered, and Lily steadied him with a soft grip. She looked at him, ice melting ever so slightly from her vibrant green eyes. Raw, acidic shame filled James, and the tears came faster. It was as if a dam, holding all his emotions and fears, had broke.

"I'm just so scared Lily. What if, when we get out there, we're fighting the war for the rest of our lives? What if one of us gets hurt, or killed? What if I can't be there to protect yous" He threw his glasses on the couch and rubbed his damp eyes on his sleeves, trying to gain composure.

"I know I've been keeping up a brave front for you. But inside, I'm terrified all the time. Every second we're training for the Order, I'm scared. I just don't know what I would do if something would happen to you." He stuttered and fell silent. James had never felt like such a wreck. Here he was breaking down in front of his fiance who'd been nothing but strong. It was so very unfair of him.

"So that's why I went for Snape." He said gruffly.

"You went after Severus because you were scared?" Lily asked neutrally.

"Well when you put it that way..." James muttered. He fumbled for words. "I guess I hated all this responsibility for a bit. With being Head Boy, training for the Order, I don't know, it all felt so scary and big. I ran off to Hogsmede, then got into it with Snape, because I just wanted to feel like a kid for a bit. One who breaks the rules without a lot of consequences, one who is just worried about some petty school rivalry, not if him and his wife are going to survive long after graduation." He looked up at Lily. Her expression was noticeably softer than before.

"I was a git." He said.

"You most certainly were." She replied.

"Do you remember last year when we became friends? You said, sometimes, you'd let it slide when my gittish tendencies slipped out?" James asked, looking at her hopefully. A reluctant smile played across her face.

"I suppose I can let it slide this once." She said playfully. "But one more thing before I let you off the hook. If you were so afraid, why didn't you tell me?"

James gulped. "I guess I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. You're nothing but brave and confid-"

"James." She silenced him with a very intense look. "I'm scared all the time."

"Really?" He asked. She smiled.

"Really. But we fight through our fears for what's right. That's why we're in Gryffindor, and that's why I love you." James's chest lightened and filled with warmth.

"Lily Evans, you are truly remarkable." James said.

"I know, quite the catch, eh Potter?" She asked coyly, sauntering around the fireplace. James grinned because now she called him by his last name, and it wasn't from anger anymore. Suddenly, a thought hit him. It may not work, but it was worth a try. He wasn't necessarily more happy now, but James felt this glowing in his chest that told him he could do it. Why not?

Raising his wand, James called out "Expecto Patronum!" In a low voice. This time, there was no struggling for concentration, no straining for a happy memory. It was as easy as waving his hand. The silver streams poured from his wand, casting light around the once-dim common room. Wisps of silver floated around them, giving Lily's body an unearthly glow. She looked around in awe and delight as more light filled the room. Suddenly, a glistening white stag burst from the end of James's wand tip. It reared its handsome head in joy, prancing around the room. Lily laughed in awe.

"You did it James!" She cried, grabbing his waist and kissing his cheek.

"I have you to thank for that, love." James said softly, looking at her with adoration. As if on cue, his stag trotted over, nuzzling its head on Lily's shoulder. She laughed softly, running her fingers through the opaque mist that made up James's Patronus. It took one last jaunt around the room, before fading and disappearing. The mist slowly disappeared with it.

"Moody will be thrilled." Lily teased. James grinned.

"After he kills me for ducking out." He said. Lily smiled, pulling him up from the sofa.

"Come on. Something tells me you've had a long day and are ready for bed." She said. Leading him up to his room, James thought back on his day. He couldn't have asked for a better ending. It wasn't as if his fears vanished, but for now they'd been quashed by love and hope, the source of which came from once certain redheaded Head Girl.