Edited: 01/01/17

Oh, how I loved sleeping. There was nothing better than lying in bed or on the couch doing absolutely nothing, especially if I wanted to forget the awful day that I had yesterday.

"Onii-chan! Onii-chan, wake up!" My sister said energetically. So cute... If she was a clingy sister that called me Onii-sama, I probably wouldn't be able to control myself unlike a certain stoic protagonist. [1]

How I adored my cute human-alarm. My sister was the most adorable being that I knew and every day she gained points on my consideration for putting up with such a lazy brother. "Hurry, we have a visitor!" She shouted as she left my room in a hurry. A visitor? What a pain... Hopefully our visitor wasn't part of our family.

Noticing that I was late, I dressed up my uniform and went downstairs to eat my breakfast. I was surprised when I recognized a certain white lab coat hanging by the door.

"Y-Yo!" A certain grown woman growled due to the large amount of food that she was ingesting. I was perplexed, this was definitely not my sexy teacher. This was one of those chibi Hamtaro devouring all of my food. [2]

"What are you doing here, woman? And can you please leave some food for me?!" Panic On! [3] What happened to all the food made by my dear sister? That wasn't the main issue here, "Wh-what are yo-u doing here?" Damn, now I was acting like her, but I needed some nutrients.

"Don't mind me... Today I'll take you two to school." That still didn't make sense in my head, "And don't be rude calling me 'woman', Hikigaya! You make me feel old... You were so cute when you were little- I m-mean at least from what I could see from the p-pictures on the walls." I almost choked on my precious MAX coffee. She was acting strange. Why is she doing this? Hopefully this wasn't some type of charity, because I really didn't want her help for anything – I was living a happy life.

"Hmm, this all happened because you keep acting like a dimwit at school, dumb-nii. Apparently mother asked Shizuka to pay more attention to you." Well, that was some helpful information, my dear sister. Thank you for always being there.

"Oh, I also thought that this was a good way to keep track of your growth as a human." My teacher added, "Rebellious as you are, I thought that you would try to skip school and club activities, but this way I can keep an eye on you, y-yeah, something like that!"

My lie detector was beeping loudly, for some reason I couldn't believe her words, "You're not doing this just to keep an eye on me, right? Tch, I bet my mother is paying you to do this..."

Her face went pale and her eyes widened in surprise. Bingo! "He-he! You're such a distrustful person, Hikigaya. Yes, you're absolutely right! Do you think my teacher salary would pay my Aston Martin? Your family was kind enough to help me with my financial problems."

"I knew it…" I said with a defeated sigh. "Look, I really don't want to join that club. I feel like I can't get along with that girl and this won't help me fix my personality issues." I complained, trying my luck. I really didn't want to be forced to do something that would torture me for the rest of my high school days.

"I'm sorry, but I really need to do something with you. The other teachers and students are starting to get affected by your dumb act and I think that it's time for you to stop it. At this point you'll end up ruining your future and it's just too sad to see you destroy yourself like that when you're such a good student… At this point I'm afraid to admit that you're close to get punished for your acts."

"W-Well, it's true that I've been probably abusing the advantages of being considered a delinquent, but I still haven't done any real harm to others… And I'm sure that forcing me to coexist with that bitc-I mean, Yukinoshita won't make me change my mind, even if both of us have similar problems. If I get forced to do something that I don't want, I might end up worsening my situation, you know?" I vaguely tried to convince my teacher to stop meddling with this issue, but it was true that I was actually worried that I was about to risk being expelled for being an idiot.

This time, Hiratsuka was the one sighing deeply, "Okay, I understand your point, but for now just help the club as a temporary member of the club, helping with some requests just to show people that you are not a bad person. I'll try to come up with another solution to help you and hopefully fix your problems."

"…I don't really need your help, Hiratsuka. Whatever, I think we're already late." There was no point in arguing with Hiratsuka or my mother. They were both very stubborn and aggressive when angered.

"Oh-oh~ Have some trust in your personal chauffeur!" With that amazingly idiotic phrase, my sister and I followed this crazy teacher.

Today was probably the worst morning of all time. My good mood was ruined by my crazy counselor. Why would mom hire Shizuka Hamilton as our chauffeur? [4] She was seriously crazy and I could imagine myself ending up as a victim of a road accident.

To worsen my situation, the Home Economics teacher told Hiratsuka that I had been skipping those annoying cooking classes. Yes, I'll keep doing it! As a future house-husband I was already a good cook, so there was no reason for me to go to those classes and act friendly with my assigned group.

Hiratsuka once again offended my dream job and called me a gigolo. I could only laugh at that insult of hers. At least I would be the very best gigolo, like no one ever was. [5]

Soon after, I was being dragged to that ridiculous club, by my insistent teacher. Hiratsuka would never let go of me until I showed her some type of progress and unfortunately she didn't come up with a better idea.

Anyways, at this rate I would be forced to another troublesome situation. Even if I wanted to somehow fake an improvement in my personality during my stay in this club, the Demon Superwoman would immediately ruin my plan, just for pleasure.

This Yukinoshita bitch was unbearable. Sometimes I felt like the two of us could understand each other if we tried, but her superiority complex angered me to a whole new level. The two of us would spend most of our time reading our own books, but as soon as we closed them we would start bickering about the most stupid things. It was vicious cycle that was already part of our coexistence.

During one of our insult sessions, I asked her if she had any friends. Her answer was pitiful, "Can you please define what a friend is in your dictionary?" She was exactly like me in this aspect, she had no friends.

Yukinoshita was constantly bullied for her excellence. Girls hated the fact that she was perfect and boys only looked at her with second intentions. I almost offered her my helping hand, but her rudeness kept me from making a stupid mistake.

Before we could continue the awkward conversation, someone knocked on the door, "E-Excuse me!" came a voice filled with excitement and nervousness.

The girl entered the room shyly, avoiding eye contact with the two of us. Hair dyed light brown, short skirt and a blouse that let no room for imagination. This girl's existence defied the school code.

"The counselor told me to come here..." When her eyes finally met our direction, she let out a small shriek, "Ehh!? Hi-kigaya and Yukinoshita-sama? Why are you both here?" She totally just freaked out when she looked in our direction. Do I look like a monster? No, I bet that her reaction was due to the dark aura that Yukinoshita was showing.

As expected, this girl was somewhat scared when she faced me and I was thankful for that. However, I couldn't understand why she was treating Yukinoshita with so much respect… With a look of annoyance, the club president decided to speak, "We're members of this club, Yui Yuigahama. Well, I'm the president and this thing, is probably just a temporary member."

"Y-You remembered my name?" Her face lit up when her name was mentioned.

"Unfortunately, yes. Haven't I told you that I don't need any type of compensation for what happened in that accident? You don't need to act so formal and please forget that you know me."

"B-But like, your sister insisted that I should take responsibility for my mistake... She said that I should become your friend, b-because you really needed it... Your father said that I would be more suited as an assistant in the future, so-"

"Shut up! We won't have this conversation! Not now and especially not in front of this worm. Mother would never allow you or anyone else to come near me." After Yukinoshita outburst the room went quiet, I swear I could hear the sound of crickets happily singing on the sun. Ah, what an awkward moment.

I had to stop this somehow, "Hmm~ The Yukinoshita family is pretty powerful... Do you own everyone at this school too? We got the queen and her bitch assistant, how interesting." This reminded me a lot of two girls from a cooking manga that I had started reading recently. [6]

"Not at all, but if we wanted maybe it would be possible. I've always wanted to have a slave and name it Hachiman Hikigaya." She mused out loud with that typical smile of hers. There she was, the cold girl that I met. Now the mood was back to its normal state.

"What? Who are you calling a bitch?!" Yuigahama screamed in response. "I'm still a virg-… Forget what I just said! You're seriously gross, can't you just go fucking die!?"

I laughed a bit, their reactions were priceless and this was definitely the start of a new friendship. The two heroines would unite their strength to defeat the villain. This problem was easy to fix, now they just needed some alone time.

"Still, this club is kinda fun..." Yuigahama said as she looked us with twinkling eyes. "...Hiratsuka said that this club fulfils students' desires, right?"

Instead of getting to the point, Yukinoshita had to explain the club's real purpose in a way that would impress the dumb brunette. I was expecting her to clap in the end of her queen's speech, but that didn't happen.

"I was kinda thinking about making some cookies…" I was sure that at this point, she wanted to cook for Yukinoshita's sake. I could sense in her eyes that she was full of guilt and I had already confirmed that something really big happened between these two.

Yuigahama's statement marked the start of our stupid contest to help others and we were now in the home economics room, in order to help the ditsy girl that wanted to learn how to bake some cookies. After some minutes, we found out that teaching Yuigahama how to cook was an impossible mission. She was a failure as a woman, everything she touched would become Poison Cooking. [7]

"Tch, this is pointless. She is the worst cook I've ever met." I said to Yukinoshita in a bored tone. "She'll ending up dying of food poisoning if she keeps munching on charcoal."

"Unfortunately, it's our job to guide her. Well then, let's think of a way to improve these results." In my opinion, she should never make food again, but I knew that my idea would be rejected.

"The only solution is hard work. If you don't try you can't blame it on your lack of talent, you need to change your way of thinking. You need to stop trying to conform to those around you, don't you feel ashamed to blame others for your stupidity or clumsiness?" Wow! What a powerful speech, she was definitely not human.

Poor Yuigahama was overwhelmed with emotions and stood in silence for some time, "I-Incredible! Your attitude, you're so cool! Those words were harsh, but they were said from the bottom of your heart. So, please, teach me one more time Yukinoshita-sama!" Oh god! She became a worshiper of the devil right in front of my eyes.

This girl was dumb, usually people would be mad after what Yukinoshita said, even if it was the truth. The Ice Queen was dumbfounded, especially after Yuigahama's sincere apology. Somehow, these two girls made a perfect pair. Yukinoshita tried to show her how to bake cookies properly, but her 'assistant' was a lost cause. I had to intervene.

I told Yuigahama to taste the cookies that I had made, but in reality they were the ones that she had baked earlier. She ended up admitting that the cookies were edible, "You're a slut, yet you don't understand how to use people's feelings to your advantage! Every human is somewhat simple when it comes to stuff like gifts. People get the wrong idea if you just talk to them and almost anyone would be happy to receive some homemade cookies. This was a loss of time, I'm out!"

Just before stepping out, I noticed that Yuigahama's expression was full of hope and I was sure that she understood what I meant with my harsh advice. I left the classroom, because I felt like there wasn't much that I could do to help her and Yukinoshita would be more suited for this type of girly request. That was my solution and with that my job was done. You're such a badass Hachiman, I'm proud of you!

I finally understood the purpose of this club and somehow Yukinoshita managed to gain an additional member thanks to our efforts. Yuigahama now saw 'Yukinon-sama' as her friend, even if she still treated with a huge amount of respect and the cold girl seemed to enjoy her company too. They even started eating lunch together. Those two created a bond that I would never be able to understand and now I felt even more like an outsider.

Being in the club was boring and spending time in my classroom was infuriating. I didn't know when it happened, but Yuigahama stopped acting intimidated around me and she started to talk with me casually – this was probably her way of showing that she was grateful for what I did for her, but this still didn't feel right for me.

My classmates were all annoying and seeing Hayato's clique act like they owned the school was disgusting. If they call my delinquent act stupid, what would a normal person think of his little group of friends?

They always transmitted that feeling of being from an upper-class, but they were different from Yukinoshita. They had no grace, they simply forced people to accept them and the weak Yuigahama was, somehow, part of this group too.

Today, the 'close' group of friends were a little bit agitated. Apparently, the Queen Bee also known as Yumiko-Something, was really mad at Yuigahama, "So, you're having lunch with 'Yukinon'? It feels like you started to dislike being with us now. Can you bring me a drink, Yui?"

This blonde was the pure definition of a bully and she was now testing the brunette's loyalty towards her. This blonde girl clearly didn't know how to play nice with others, seeing that she put her reputation and pride in front of everything, even her 'friends'. She surely was scary though and I could even picture her as a Mafia boss or something like that.

"B-But I… have to go and I won't be until the next period begins..." Yuigahama said hesitantly. The brunette was definitely intimidated… Is this what they call true friendship? Being a delinquent was the best.

"Huh? I don't get what you are trying to say, you're making no sense!" The blonde was about to explode and Yuigahama just kept apologizing. Is Yuigahama looking at me? I was pretty sure that her eyes were begging for my help.

"That's not what I want to hear. I don't understand what's going on with you. You haven't been spending much time with me lately, Yui… There's something that you want to say, right?" Her expression was filled with rage, she was demanding an answer. The classroom was silent, Yuigahama was trembling in fear and I was expecting her to start crying soon.

Well, if no one was saying anything, there was no other choice, "Can you shut up for a second? You're being annoying and you totally ruined my lunch, Miaru!" I said in a loud voice, which clearly demanded respect – I was also glaring at her with an annoyed expression. I could see people's shocked reactions. Some walked out of the room, expecting some type of trouble.

Wait, what did I just called her? No clue, I always managed to mess up people's names.

"W-What the hell is wrong with you, huh? Just shut up Hikio, you freaking idiot! You remember after all..." Is she crying? No, she was the great Fire Queen, those were probably tears of anger. I couldn't understand what just happened and what she said didn't make any sense… Well, this was the time for me to make a 'Great Escape'. [8]

As people started to blame me for what was happening, Yukinoshita came to help her 'assistant' and Hayato immediately tried to calm down the epic fight of Ice against Fire. It was just a normal day in this high school.

After all that confusion, everything went back to normal and Yukinoshita and Yuigahama thanked me for what I had done. Apparently, due to my outburst, Yuigahama finally had the courage to Yumiko about her true feelings.

Hayato's clique went back to its normal state and I was pretty sure that Yumiko was still avoiding me whenever I was inside the classroom – maybe I was a little too harsh with her.

Soon after this all mess, I received a message. Damn, I was becoming famous without even trying. My stupid hopes were crushed as soon as I saw that the sender was my mom.

"Next week you have a meeting with the eldest daughter of a really important family. I know that you still haven't accept the fact that you are your grandpa's heir, but this is something really serious for the organization and you need to start building up a good image for yourself. You can't avoid this, I'm very sorry son. Grandpa received a call from this young woman, because she wanted to know if everything was alright and when he mentioned that you were to become the next boss, she insisted in meeting you in person. You're a lucky man, Hachi :) Your grandfather said that she was gorgeous woman and that maybe we could arrange a marriage or something ;) I think her name was Haruka or maybe Haruno Yukino, I'm bad with names, sorry! We'll talk tonight."

I had totally forgot the conversation that I had with my grandfather a couple of days ago, but being honest, I simply tried to forget it. I still couldn't accept that once again I was being forced to another situation that didn't make me feel comfortable and I was starting to think that at this rate I would end up being a marionette, being pushed around by others. I have my pride, you know!?

If I wasn't mistaken, I was pretty sure that my mother had said that the last name was something to do with 'Yukino'. Well, coincidence or not, I was pretty sure that Chiba could only have an important family with that type of name and I was betting that this eldest daughter was Yukino's sister.

A few days had passed since I discovered that I was once again being forced to do something against my will. I was starting to think that I was really an idiot and a weakling that was living a sad life.

I was disappointed at everything, but mainly at myself... At this moment I was a total loser. I wasted my fresh start at high school because of my stupid pride. My reputation was awful and as Hiratsuka said, at this point I was about to get expelled for my stupid behavior. The constant rumors weren't helping, but thankfully my grades helped me to balance this situation.

Just by hearing the rumors that I was a transfer student, people assumed that I was a delinquent that had caused trouble in the first week, getting expelled from my previous high school. In conclusion, I was feared by everyone. At this point, I didn't need to intimidate people anymore… They automatically thought I was a thug. Good job, Hachiman!

Anyways, the rumors about me never made any sense. No one would be expelled during their first week of classes and most of the time real delinquents weren't even smart enough to reach high school. Not to mention that Sõbu High School only accepted people with high scores. Why the hell would they accept me, if I was truly a bad student?

I had been skipping club lately, because there wasn't anything to do there and I didn't feel like I should interrupt the close relationship that those two girls were forging. Hiratsuka was still checking on my 'development' regularly, but nothing had changed to be honest.

Unfortunately for me, Hiratsuka decided to inform that I was finally needed for something at this stupid club. Yes, I was still trying to help with these requests, in order to try to calm down the angry teachers that are starting to get irritated by my bad conduct. I also still wanted to win against Yukinoshita in this stupid competition that Hiratsuka proposed. I'm too prideful for my own good.

This time, I actually knew the person who was asking for the club's help. This was the guy who wouldn't stop calling me 'partner', Yoshiteru Zaimokuza the famous delusional weirdo that was my pair in gym classes for the past year or so. Apparently, he was a huge otaku, with a dream of becoming a writer.

For me, his problem was evident from the start. Zaimokuza simply wanted someone to read his work, but he ended up requesting for a review of what he had wrote.

Yuigahama didn't even try to read his work, she simply said that the words were too difficult for her to understand and I seriously believed that she was right – this wasn't for her. Yukinoshita insulted his work harshly, but she actually had made valid points.

Since I was very moody for spending a whole night reading his work, I asked him, "So, just who did you rip-off to write that?" Very cynical and harsh, right?

I didn't lie to him, his idea for the story wasn't very original and it was definitely nothing special. Despite all of this, he seemed to accept our feedback and he seemed happy just because he had someone reading his work. As a Light Novel fan, I promised that I would keep reading his works and help him in what I could.

Right now, I was in my favorite 'lunch spot'. It was somewhere located behind the school store and it was a position from which I could see right out into the tennis courts.

Speaking of tennis, I had been playing it a lot lately in the gym class. In fact, I had mastered my form just from practicing against the wall. I wouldn't be surprised if people would start calling me Hachiman Djokovic of the solo-tennis. [9]

I was trying to eat peacefully, while feeling the sea breeze against my skin, but a certain brunette decided to annoy me, "Ah, there you are! You never come to the clubroom Hikki, I went around asking everyone where you were, but everyone was afraid to speak... It was like soooo weird!"

I know that I was in a neutral status with this girl, but why was she acting so close to me? Hikki? This girl was acting like we were besties or something, what a ridiculous nickname, truly disgusting. I apologized for the awkward moment she had to go through and she said, "Y-You see... C-Can you t-tell me your cell phone number? I wanted a way to warn you when someone asks our club for help and to be honest, I don't think that you are a bad person Hikki...You have helped me sometimes. "

She was really starting to get annoying and why was she whispering and fidgeting with that shy expression – she was starting to look really cute. I decided to put an end to this awkward moment, allowing her to add me in her contact list.

Suddenly, Yuigahama turned her attention to a female tennis player that had finished her practice, "Hey! Sai-chaan~~! Had practice?" Why would she ask the most obvious questions?

Apparently, the tennis team was weak and they had been practicing during the lunch break, "What are Yuigahama and Hikigaya doing here? You sure look like good friends." Despite looking cute and innocent, the last part of her phrase hold some type of emotion that I couldn't understand… Is she jealous?

"Anyways, as expected of Hikigaya! You're very good at tennis." I just got complimented by a girl... Who is she anyways? I felt like she had some really high expectations for me.

"Ahh, thank you, I guess? By the way, who are you?" I was serious. I had no clue who she was and why she was acting so casually towards me.

"Wwhhhat?! You're in the same class! Why don't you know?! I can't believe you!" Yuigahama shouted annoyingly, making me sigh.

"A-Ahaha. So I guess you really don't remember me. I'm Totsuka Saika. We've been in the same class since the first year. I know that I don't have much of a presence and I look very frail… Some even say that I'm a male."

Despite her soft whispering, I heard exactly what Totsuka said and reacted instantly, "What? You're a male? No way… I don't believe it." Ups! I said it out loud and Yuigahama instantly punched my shoulder.

Unfortunately, Totsuka saw that I wasn't convinced and turned bright red. Her head lowered, and she stared at me shyly. I was the best human evaluator and there was no way this cute being was a male. My 'trap' sensors were also calm so I was pretty that I was right.

Totsuka's hand up to her shirt, captivating me with that small movement, "…I can show you proof, if you want. Maybe you'll remember me..."

"Do it!" [10] Damn it! Thanks to some stupid viral videos on the internet, I ended up saying something way out of line. Okay, maybe I shouldn't blame others for being so skeptical and perverted. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that... You just look too cute to be a male."

"Hikki, you're so gross! Like, seriously gross and I take back what I said about you. Even if he's male, you're being way too disrespectful!"

"Tch, go back to the club, I'm having a conversation here!" Throwing a bunch of insults at me and showing her tongue playfully, Yuigahama went back to her Yukinon.

Crap, I totally forgot about 'Sai-chan' because Yuigahama was being annoying. When I turned my attention to Saika, I saw her green jacket on the floor, "Wait! Don't look yet... Close your eyes, Hikigaya." She shrieked in a girly way. Oh my god! How did we reach this point?

"A-Ah, stop it! You don't need to prove anything." This was just like in the ecchi series.

"If it's you, I don't mind... You can look now." She said, hesitantly. She was so cute, but I needed to stop this.

However, the fact that her gender was so ambiguous was killing me. I wanted to look, I wanted to learn the truth about this androgynous character. Wanting to satisfy my curiosity about Totsuka's gender, I decided to be a jerk... God, I can't believe it!

[1] – Reference to Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei and the incestuous romance between the Shiba siblings.

[2] – Reference to the Hamtaro series. Just imagine Shizuka looking like that, god how cute!

[3] – Fate/stay night reference to the famous "Trace On!" phrase of Shirou.

[4] – Lewis Hamilton, he is a F1 driver and this year's champion (Alonso 4life!).

[5] – Reference to the 1st OP of Pokémon (ENG version).

[6] – Reference to the Shokugeki no Souma series. Somehow Erina and Hisako look a lot like a higher class version of Yukino and Yui.

[7] – Katekyo Hitman Reborn! reference, Bianchi and her gross skill.

[8] – Reference to one of the ED of Attack on Titan.

[9] – Novak Djokovic, a famous tennis player and in my opinion, one of the best.

[10] – Reference to the viral video of Shia Labeouf. Never seen it? JUST DO IT!