Chapter 9: In Memory of Who I Use To Be.
The gasp that escaped my lips was barely audible over the rush of wind that went through my ears. There's something ominous and out-of-the-body weird about falling to your death. I also imagined it would be very cold and lonely.
However, Ed's arms never left my waist and he held me up against his chest as if his life depended on it. I might've noticed how tight it was if I wasn't busy with the painful skip of my heartbeat as the ground came closer and closer. I shut my eyes, unprepared to see the end, and reached down to grab Edmund's hands in mine.
The halt of falling happened so quickly that my head snapped in a painful motion against Edmund's chest. I heard him grunt before my legs formed around a feathered figure. Sitting sideways on the hippogriff, I held tight to its feathers as it shot up into the sky. I tucked my face into the neck of the hippogriff until the creature leveled out above the castle.
It was silent as we floated steadily through the air. I sat up and leaned back against Edmund's chest once more, just to know that he was there. I could feel every inch of myself shaking from the fall. That had to be one of the most terrifying things I've ever done.
"You okay?"
I turned my head to face Edmund and nodded. "Yeah… Good thinking back there…" I noticed him hesitate slightly. "What?"
"Thanks for trusting me…" He mumbled, avoiding my eyes.
Who knew he was so shy? I couldn't help but smile as he continued not to look at me.
"You would've done the same thing," I pointed out. "If it was the other way around."
"Yeah, well… I remember you. I know you. Of course I would."
I sighed. "I just… trust you…"
He looked me dead in the eye then, as if to search to see if I was lying or not, I'm not sure. His brown orbs were soft as they stared back at mine. He brushed a strand of hair out of my face before looking away once more.
"I'm glad you do," his voice came out so quietly, I almost didn't catch it over the sound of the wind.
I could hear shouting before our feet were on the ground again. Edmund was careful to jump off first and then help me down. I couldn't help the small smile on my face as his hands caught my waist to help steady my feet once they touched the grass. We didn't get along all the time, but I couldn't deny his chivalry.
We reached the group in time to see Caspian storm off as Peter watched him go with a glare. Before I could ask what was wrong, I felt Edmund move behind me and I turned to see him take the body of Trumpkin from a centaur and lay him down on the stone ground. And they conversed amongst each other as Lucy took her healing cordial out to fix the fallen friend. However, my mind had already reached farther areas.
With a voice cold enough to send ice down my spine, I heard it clear as day as if she was right in my ear, "One drop of Adam's blood…" The voice alone caused the lump in my throat to swallow as if I was being choked. Instinctively, I reached up to touch my neck although I knew nothing was wrong with it. But there was something wrong, something awful. "That's all it takes to release me…"
Release her…? No… That's not what we want…
"Jessabelle." The name tried so hard to reach me but the world around me spun and for a split second, I was no longer standing outside next to the Pevensies', I was standing in front of the stone table. Aslan was no longer looking down at me, but another familiar face; far less friendly and one I would be grateful to never have to see again.
Next to me stood a tall, but very lost dark-haired man. I heard the slice of a knife against flesh and his hand shot out towards the witch.
"Jessabelle!" All at once, reality became reality again and I was outside once more, leaning against Edmund for support. He held me close as if afraid to drop me. I shot up as soon as I had feeling in my knees again. "What was that?"
In a quick motion, without even thinking, I reached over and pulled his sword out from its scabbard, but before I could turn away, his hands caught mine. He didn't even ask any more questions, but his expression said it all. Was I crazy to think that I really just witnessed something that was about to happen…? Absolutely. But the fear of it wouldn't leave the pit of my stomach.
"Edmund… I have a bad feeling…" And with that, I pulled out of his grasp and ran inside.
I ran with all that I could muster until I got to the stone table. On the other side, Caspian stood memorized by the woman cascaded in ice. His figure frozen like she should be, except her whole demeanor floated in the water trapped by the two ice walls.
"Caspian!" My voice squeaked, my eyes never leaving the pale, white skin of the woman.
And when her eyes met mine, my bones themselves practically jumped out of my skin in fear. "Ah, Jessabelle…"
My breath hitched in my throat as she spoke my name. My name.
The world spun once again and I was standing in another room made of ice and metal bars. My ankles were chained to a floor that I had slept on for weeks. And every single day, she made her way down to visit me, and every time she left, I had a new bruise or gash on my body. I was her torture toy until she got the truth. She wanted the prophecy about the children, the ones that I were to meet one day. And as much as I wanted to give her the information, as much as I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted Aslan to win so much more.
So, a couple of days after she captured Edmund, she released me from the chains, took me by my hair, and dragged me out of the cell. I heard him calling my name and begging for her to stop, but she turned the corner, yanking my hair along with her. It had been the first time I had stepped foot on the other side of the cage in months. And the last.
My first death wasn't a quick death, nor was it painless.
And my second death, the blurry remains of Edmund- so much younger, much sadder- crying above me. His tears falling to land on my cheeks and mix with my tears. There was no pain and I wasn't fading into dark, just light. Only light.
And then the flash of her face returned and a sword was lifted into sight. It was meant to come down on my head, ending the suffering,
Just end the suffering.
End the pain
"NO!" My voice broke through the new silence.
A pair of large hands came down on my shoulders and when my vision cleared, there was Caspian, looking at me with worry. He had knelt down to my height, seeing as I somehow ended up on my knees. When my vision cleared, I noticed it was because it was once blurry with tears that now fell down my cheeks. My breathing was rough and uneven, and my chest rose and fell rapidly with every breath.
"Lost Girl?"
"W-where's Edmund?" I stuttered, though I was still finding it hard to breathe.
"He just left the room, why?"
Without answering, I rose to my feet and ran once more.
Edmund's POV
"ED!" I turned to find her running towards me; hair flying high behind her, eyes looking wide and wild. Running right at me.
And without second guessing, I opened my arms for her to run right into them. She fit there perfectly, wrapped up in my arms and molding into my body. Her hands clutched the back of my shirt tightly and I worried as I felt her shake underneath me.
"Jessie? What is it?"
"You were right," she sobbed, losing composure as she slowly began to sink.
I caught her under the arms and held her close to me. Using the strength I had to replace hers which had disappeared for the time being. She leaned all her weight on me; however, I didn't stagger once. I could support her easily. I'll always support her, hold her up when she needs it, when she asks me to.
"Right about what?" I asked, removing one of my arms around her to move the hair which had attached itself to her tear-stained face.
She shook her head frantically as she choked back the tears. "I don't need to remember." I remained silent as she continued to talk, mostly because I wasn't sure where she was going with this. "I don't need to remember my past, I don't want to. I get now why it was taken from me: who wants to see themselves die? Twice?! I…" She took another deep breath. "I remembered her. T-the witch… And the cell… I remember being in the cell with you and her taking me away, and… and I…"
"You remember your death," I finished softly, my chest twisting at the thought. I always wanted her to remember: remember ME, not the torture she went through.
She nodded through sobs, "Both of them."
"I'm sorry," I told her, my voice no louder than a whisper. I took her head in one hand and pulled her to my chest, holding her close.
She continued crying until she cried no more. When she was done, she didn't let go of the tight grip she had on my upper arms, but she looked up at me with a small smile.
"I don't need to remember. I have you."
I know she didn't mean it the way I said it, so I prayed she couldn't see the blush creep up onto my cheeks. I pretended to be confused, raising my eyebrows just slightly.
"You can tell me all about it," she explained. "Tell me our stories. Tell me how we met. All of it. Don't leave any of the details out. And then tell me what happened after. What did you do with your life after the battle? You can tell me everything."
I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face and I didn't let go of my hold on her. "Is that what you want?"
"Yes." She returned to her spot in my arms, laying her cheek right above my heart. "I want to hear it all from you."