Pretty sure this ain't a good answer to a marriage proposal, thought Han ruefully. He'd brought Leia to a hillside overlooking the Endor celebrations, a perfect spot. They'd defeated the Empire, turned the corner on the war. Luke was her kriffin' brother, not his rival; Han knew that he was the one she loved.

But as soon as he'd gotten the question out, Leia had looked like she was about to burst into tears, and not in a happy-crying sort of way. Her face was stricken; to be honest, she looked just like she had last night in the Ewok village, when she'd been so upset and wouldn't tell him what was going on. Somehow, I've really kriffed this up, haven't I.

With some effort, Leia managed to compose herself enough to speak. "Han, I…need to tell you something." She could barely look at him. Oh, no, he thought. This is it. She's going to try to let me down easy.

And then she told him. That her father, and Luke's, was the man who had terrorized the galaxy for twenty-some years; tortured her mercilessly on the Death Star; made her watch while Tarkin blew up Alderaan and everyone she loved with it; tortured them all in Bespin; froze Han in carbonite and handed him off to the bounty hunter; and cut off Luke's hand. And she could understand if Han didn't want to have anything to do with her again–

He stopped her by putting his hand gently to her cheek. "Leia," he said, cupping her face with his hand. "Sweetheart."

She started to turn away, and he stopped her. "No – let me say this. First off – I don't give a bantha's ass who your father is. Was. I ain't in it for your family. I love you, Leia. And I'm sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. It's…it's a hell of a break." He took her into his arms, holding her the way he'd held her last night, comforting her.

He thought of something else. "Y'know, you have a father already. We toasted him on his birthday. Bail was your father, in every way that matters. Always will be." She sank further into his arms, and he stroked her hair gently.

She pulled away and took a deep breath. "It's not just that. It's…Vader had the Force. He was a Jedi, very powerful, and he went to the Dark Side. You know Luke has it, too. And I—" she looked at Han – "I have it, and I…I think I gave it to Lilya, and…" She stopped and started to put her head in her hands. "What if I become…that? The things he did to us, to his own children... And I've doomed Lilya with this, she's just a baby, she doesn't deserve this…" She was becoming increasingly agitated as she spoke.

Han touched her shoulder to stop her again, then gently brought them together so that their foreheads were touching. "I hear ya. I really do." He gently rubbed her shoulder as he tried to find the right words to reassure her.

"Listen, I don't know much about this Force business." Understatement of the year, there. "But I know Luke and I know you. You're not going dark. You didn't go dark after Tarkin blew up your kriffin' planet, or after I went into the deep freeze. Luke didn't go dark after Vader tortured us and cut off his hand." He kept searching his mind for more examples, to tell her, to show her…"You used the Force to find Luke and save him, you and Luke both are a hell of a lot better 'n me, and if Lilya has the Force thing too, she's not doomed, she's a kriffin' miracle, and—" Han stopped when Leia's worried expression suddenly changed to a slight smile. "What? I say somethin' right?"

She nodded and took his hand, smiling a little more now. "I never told you how Lilya got her name."

A year earlier…

Empty, Numb. It feels like Alderaan, Leia realized, already angry at herself for the betrayal that feeling represented. How could anything feel like losing Alderaan? How could losing one person compare to losing millions, including everyone you'd loved, everyone in your family, your entire home? And perhaps he wasn't even lost forever. He was alive, at least he was when they took him. Please be alive, Leia prayed. Please.

She discarded the data pad she was pretending to read and sat back in her chair. In some ways, it felt worse than Alderaan. (Another betraying thought.) At least with Alderaan, people understood. Or at least pretended they understood. With this– well, hardly anyone even knew she'd lost something, it seemed. They knew she was missing a friend, but they didn't know.

She'd tried to do what she'd done before: soldier on, throw herself into the Rebellion full force, dive into battle plans and intelligence and lists of potential allies and strategy sessions. Now she could barely make herself care. She still cared in her head. But she felt like her fire had been frozen along with Han.

Carlist understood, she realized. He'd come to see her after her debriefing from Bespin, when she felt she'd been answering questions forever and had no answers left. All she'd wanted that afternoon was to be left alone, and when she finally was, she had found herself hating it. That's when he'd knocked on her door. "Lelila," he'd said, using her childhood nickname. There was nothing else to say. He had held her like her father used to, just stood there holding her silently, without asking anything of her or telling her anything.

And Luke. Luke got it. Probably because he seemed like he'd had a hole blown through him too. Part of it was Han – clearly Luke blamed himself for making them the bait in Vader's trap – and part of it was the trauma of having a hand amputated, but it was more than that. Something else had happened. He had the same distant look she recognized in herself, in which you're present and participating, but you're not really there the way you were before. Like you were watching yourself be alive.

She was worried about him, and she knew he was worried about her. So it was a relief when he'd shown up at her door one night when she should have been sleeping but wasn't. He'd brought tea, and they'd talked.

It had became a daily thing – as long as Luke or Leia wasn't gone on a mission, he would come by, and they would drink tea, or blue milk, and talk. There was something comforting about Luke, something that made her feel like she could tell him anything, even things she worried would hurt him.

"I'm sorry," she'd said, after telling him she had fallen in love with Han.

"Don't be," he'd smiled. "I know. What you and I have…it's different than that. It's still love, it's just not that kind."

He'd gotten back from a mission earlier today, and Leia was anxiously waiting for him to come by. She'd started thinking – what if Han is dead? – and it was plaguing her brain, making her feel even more useless than usual. She needed to ask Luke–

A knock at the door, and she opened it to find him. How do you always know? She hugged him and let him in. She already had mugs set out in their usual places. (She'd considered offering wine or whiskey instead, but figured the night would probably end in suicide or alcohol poisoning if she did that.)

They were sipping their tea when she asked him.

"I have a question. About the Force."

"What is it?"

"You were able to call to me. And you were able to find us on Bespin. Are you…can you feel…"

"Can I feel Han?"

"Yes."

He set his mug down. "I've been working on that. I think it's different, because he's in hibernation. And because it's one person and not three of you. I think…" he paused and grimaced, "I think Vader found a way to amplify your pain, so I would find you."

Both of them took another sip of tea.

Luke sat up straighter. "It's actually a pretty simple meditation. We could do it together. It might even help you sleep."

Leia considered that. She was reluctant, but if she could get some glimmer of hope, something to chase Han is dead out of her head, just for a little bit…

"Okay. What do we need to do?"

A few minutes later, they were sitting on the floor cross-legged, facing each other but with eyes closed, as Luke led them through the meditation.

"Okay, just be aware of your breathing for a few minutes." They both stopped and listened.

"Now, I'm going to start talking to you through the Force, like I did when you found me. That's to open our connection, so we can meditate together. If you hear me, you don't have to say anything, I'll just know. Is that okay?"

"Yes."

Leia, do you hear me?
Good. Now, we're just going to feel the Force flow through each of us. Like blood pumping through our veins. It's like a stream, we just let ourselves go with it and follow it.
Can you feel it?
Good.
Just follow the stream, let it flow.
Good.
Okay, now we're reaching out for Han. We don't have to try, we're just going to feel our feelings for him.
Yes, all of them. Even the driving you crazy parts. It's all part of him. Just let it flow.

Leia's eyes were closed, but she saw…or felt…a spark. A tiny spark. Like a star, shining from far away. Han? And then she felt something else. Like someone was…there. That light was brighter, but smaller. Different. She remembered Han kissing her in the circuitry bay, after she'd called him a scoundrel. The faraway star felt a little stronger. She let other thoughts flow through her. I'm glad I told you I loved you, she thought. I still do, I do.

Luke gently ended their connection and opened his eyes. "You felt him."

Leia opened her eyes as well, with a look of wonder. "I did. I think I did."

"I felt him too. It's still weak, probably because of the hibernation. I probably won't be able to find where he is from this. But he's there. He's alive."

He's alive. What a beautiful thing to hear. To know.

"Luke, did you—"

"Did I feel something else?"

"Yes." Leia was trying to place it. It was almost like she could still feel it.

"I did. I don't quite know what it was. Maybe it has something to do with doing the meditation together," he mused. "I definitely got a stronger sense of Han this time. I can feel him more when I'm with you."

Later that night, after Luke had left, Leia had the first of the dreams.

They were on the platform at Bespin. Gases swirled around them, the platform lit in orange and red. Han had just quieted Chewie, told him to take care of Leia. He paused, and suddenly, for a minute, his hands were out of the shackles. He pressed something into her hand, something tender and soft.
"Take care of this for me, until I can get back."
Then he was in the shackles again, and they were kissing before the stormtroopers pulled him away.
"I love you!"
"I know."

She woke up to the same feeling she'd had after the meditation, the same sense that she wasn't alone. Hold on, Han, she thought. I love you.

Soon, Luke and Leia were ending each of their talks with a meditation, using the Force to reach out to Han. They still weren't able to find where he was, but they felt his light. Sometimes they felt the other thing, the presence. And periodically, Leia would have the same dream about Bespin.

Their talks and meditations started to make life a little easier for them both, a little less isolated. Leia still felt like there were things Luke wasn't telling her, but she didn't press him. He'll tell me when he's ready and not a minute before, she thought, remembering how long it had taken her to confide in Han about her time on the Death Star.

About a month after their return to the Alliance, Luke went on a mission and was gone for several days. After enduring two nights of fitful sleep (the Han is dead mantra had returned to her brain), Leia decided to try doing the meditation by herself.

Breathe in, breathe out.
Feel the Force. Flowing like the blood in my veins. Like a stream. Gentle, part of me.
Let it go, let it flow.
I love you, Han…. She let the memories flow through her. Arguing with him on Hoth. His laugh, his ridiculous jokes. The wink in his eye after she gave him his medal on Yavin. That smirk, that knowing look. Snuggling with him in his cabin on the Falcon. The way he comforted her when she woke up from a nightmare.

She felt love, peace. He's alive. We'll find you, Han, I swear. I love you.

She opened her eyes. She'd done it, alone. She'd felt Han. And he was alive. Wait, did I just do a Jedi thing? Can I use the Force? She was pretty sure that was just a Luke thing, so she shrugged it off. It's probably just because Luke has done this meditation with me so many times.

That night, she had the dream again.

Platform at Bespin. Red-gold light, full of shadows. Han telling Chewie to save his strength, to take care of the Princess. Then turning to Leia, pressing something into her hand. The bud of a flower. Closing her hand around the bud.
"Take care of her, until I can get back to you."
Their kiss, broken by stormtroopers.
"I love you!"
"I know."

Leia awoke. I'm not alone, she thought, feeling the presence again.

And then she realized what it was. What she was.

I'm pregnant.

The sudden rush of joy almost took her breath away.

Labor had been difficult, but thankfully Luke had been there to help her through it. He'd taught her some relaxation techniques that had made moving through the pain more bearable. And he'd held her hand, as her daughter – Han's daughter – came into the galaxy. No matter what, I will always have a part of Han with me, she thought, looking at her daughter's tiny face, already in love with her.

Still, she was exhausted. And she hadn't figured out a name yet. None of the ones she had been considering seemed quite right. She'd definitely settled on Breha as a middle name, Organa-Solo as a last name. Luke assured her she could sleep on it, that she needed her rest.

She woke up later to find Luke still hanging out in her room, holding the baby, and a vase of flowers sitting on the table by her bed.

The flower. That's the flower.

Luke saw her staring at them. "Oh, yeah, Wedge brought those by while you were sleeping. They're from the Rogues. He said they were Corellian lilies."

Han gave me a Corellian lily.

"Lilya," Leia said. "Her name is Lilya."