Thank you for the sweet comments! Oh dear, Clara is in trouble now, isn't she?

Chapter 17

Even though Mr Armitage had started engaging him in small talk, the Doctor kept glancing over to Clara, who was clutching her tea mug, obviously freezing out here despite standing so close to the grill. Whoever thought having a barbecue in November would be a good idea? Maybe he should walk over and offer to get her something to eat. Maybe they should talk.

The Doctor felt a little confused, even though he could tell by the look on Clara's face that her confusion was far worse. They had kissed again and they had been caught this time and despite everything, the Doctor was desperate to repeat it. But how would Clara think about that?

Well, it seemed as if there was only one way to find out.

"Yes, I'll think about your proposal. Now, excuse me for a moment," the Doctor told Mr Armitage and started making his way through the crowd to where Clara was standing, all the while thinking about what he was going to say to her.

The truth was, he didn't actually want to talk. He wanted to placed his arm around her, kiss her and and then never stop.

"What do you want?" Clara asked immediately once he had approached her, her voice dismissive with a hint of annoyance.

The Doctor took a deep breath when he came to a halt next to her. "To talk," he explained quietly, "About earlier. About the other day."

"There's nothing to talk about. I am engaged and talking won't change that," she hissed sharply, glancing around to see whether they were being watched.

"I meant everything I said," the Doctor said, "I've had feelings for you back when you were my student and when I saw you again, I realized that nothing had changed. And you kissed me first, so don't tell me that there is nothing there at all."

Clara turned to face him, her eyes looking at him pleadingly, asking him to stop when her mouth couldn't. "Why did you run away?" she asked plainly, "Why did you just disappear when you felt something for me?"

The Doctor frowned at her in reply. "Because you were my student and my feelings for you were getting in the way of my teaching. I couldn't stay."

"I would have waited," she said in an accusing manner, "I would have stopped coming to your classes and would have waited until graduation and then we could have tried. Things could have been so different if you had only said something."

For a moment he had no idea what to say, what to think. Was Clara really saying what the Doctor thought she was saying? "You had feelings for me then?"

"Yes," Clara replied as if it should have been obvious, "But you had to be a coward and run away instead of talking to me about it."

The Doctor scoffed. "Clara, I can't just hit on a student."

"You should have known!" she raised her voice, "I kept coming to your office, I kept attending your classes even though I hadn't needed to. You should have seen it and asked me out!"

"I'm asking you out now," the Doctor swallowed hard, waiting for her answer, but Clara remained silent for a long moment.

"Too late," she said quietly after a while, "I have Danny now. He's not perfect, but I am far from it. And I do love him."

Hearing those words from her hurt him deeply, so to hide just how painful it was for him, the Doctor crossed his arms in front of his chest and frowned. "What if I don't accept it?"

"Well, you're going to have to," Clara concluded and suddenly she was making her way past him without even saying goodbye and vanished into the crowd.

The Doctor caught one last glimpse of her when she disappeared through a door, but he knew now. He knew for sure. Clara had feelings for him and she had hidden them for as long as he had hidden his. Not all was lost just yet because if his feelings didn't just go away over night, neither would Clara's.

Clara inhaled sharply when she closed the door of her flat behind her, hoping to wake up from this mess that was her life. But it wasn't just a dream, it was very much real. The Doctor was in love with her and he had been for a long time. For as long as Clara could remember she had thought her crush had been one-sided and that the Doctor could never see more in her than a student or a colleague, but that had been a mistake and he had come out with that far, far too late.

She couldn't do that to Danny. She just couldn't, even though a part of her was very much willing to throw it all away just so she could have the thing she had always wanted. Clara needed to remind herself that she simply couldn't have everything in life, but what was she had was good and solid. Danny was the best thing that could have happened to her.

While Clara drew out her phone and dialled Danny's number, she made her way into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine, waiting for her boyfriend to answer her call. Then her eyes fell on the catalogue on the table and absent-mindedly she started to browse through it. Would it be so bad if she just picked one? It couldn't be so damn hard, could it? It was just a ring. Just one silly, little ring.

"Hey, you haven't died from mushroom poisoning," Danny's cheerful voice greeted her.

"No, I haven't," Clara replied, a smile spreading over her face, "What are you up to?"

"I've gone out with the boys like you told me to. How was the mushroom thing?"

Clara sighed and sank down on the kitchen chair. "I haven't actually seen a mushroom. There's a rumour that the biology department found some, but I'll believe that when I see it."

The memory of kissing the Doctor evaded her mind again and all of a sudden Clara did start to feel guilty about it. She should never have given in to him.

"Listen," she began while she turned the page of the catalogue, "I think I've found a ring that I like. So, if you want, we can go back to the jeweller's next week."

"That sounds like a plan," Danny agreed, "I love you."

Somehow the words tugged at her heart and Clara couldn't even say why.

"I love you, too," she replied and after everything that had happened today Clara thought the words sounded hollow and false to her ears. But she did love him. Damn, why did the Doctor have to confess his feelings and make everything unnecessarily complicated?

"See you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely," Clara agreed, her voice lacking its usual enthusiasm, but right now she was too tired and too confused to pretend.

After Danny had hung up, she made the decision to call it a day. Maybe tomorrow when she woke up, the world would feel less wrong.