A/N: Sorry for the late update. Life has been confusing. Thanks to each and every one of you who's reviewed/favorite/followed/appreciated the story. This chapter is dedicated to you guys!

The anger subsided after a few days. But, the realization didn't. I had to move on. I couldn't let one dead man destroy my whole world. I wouldn't. I decided I'll mope around for a week every year. That week, I would lose all contact with the world, just stare dejectedly at the wall and get completely wasted. The other days, however, I decided I'll be the John I was when I was with Sherlock. Atleast, try to be that John.

Well, the date went terribly. Terribly didn't even cover it. We met for coffee before work. I wasn't used to talking these days and she didn't talk either. I guess she was too scared to talk to me, afraid she'll let the wrong thing spill out. We drank coffee in silence. Summoning the courage to talk, I ask:

"So, what are your hobbies?" My voice is croaky from lack of use.

"Um...I like to read fiction. And telly. A lot of telly."

How boring.

"What?"

I didn't realize I said that out loud. Not surprising really. Therapy has completely ruined me.

"I'm sorry. I really am." I apologize, not convincingly.

"I'm sorry I have a boring life. I can't be…." She starts irritated, but stops, and her eyes widen.

My face is completely devoid of emotion. I can't talk. I wonder if I should pretend that I didn't hear her.

"You still love him" She says, and dramatically exits.

Great. Two sentences and she already hated him. That was why I was glad when I finally met Mary.

Mary had joined as a replacement nurse for my existing nurse. She surprised me by asking me out. One great thing about Mary was that she understood. She understood that I loved Sherlock (Of course, she thought I loved him platonically). She understood that she will never be my entire world. She was okay with being only a part of my world. She had traumas of her own, she once said. She understood that she was never supposed to talk about Sherlock and I understood that I shouldn't ask about her past. She observed spectacularly. She knew what things would set me off. She understood my one week off a year rule. Meeting Mary has been one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. She taught me a new philosophy:

We all have a past, John. Ghosts. They are the shadows that define our every sunny day. It's up to us to decide to either let the ghosts or the Sun to take over.

Being with Mary has taught me to hope that I could be happy again. Maybe not as much as with Sherlock, but atleast a little happiness was enough for me right now. I guess I must have used up my lifetime happiness quota with Sherlock.

SHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHS

The second anniversary of the Fall was approaching. I was reminded of my promise that I would wait in many subtle ways. For example, there was one time I got someone else's newspaper. And the headline? "Not dead" (Well, the story turned out to be about some Egyptian tombs or something). Another time, one of my patients had a breakdown in my office saying how a guy promised that he would wait for her but never did. It felt like the Universe liked to watch me suffer with indecision. And the worst was when I went to buy Mary a ring. I decided I would propose to her on the day of the Fall so that I would fulfill my promise. I finally decided upon one (Looking at the rings made me very depressed so I went with the one which had diamonds and could be bought with my meager salary) I paid the bill, put the ring in my pocket and was walking towards the exit. There, (I could have sworn they weren't there before) in a flashing array of lights, were a set of rings. Upon closer inspection, all of them turned out to be the same ring. The ring I hallucinated. Needless to say, I blacked out.

SHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHS

The day of the Fall. My entire body is tingling with anticipation. This was it. Today would set the entire course of my life. I pace back and forth, not knowing what to do till the evening. I decide to meet .

SHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHS

Just get me back to London. I need to know the place again. Breathe it in. Feel every quiver of its beating heart.

I look at Sherlock. Who did he think he was kidding? Sherlock thought he could deceive me? Sherlock wasn't talking about London. He was talking about a very specific John Watson. I don't say a word. Sherlock himself suggested the removal of the ring, but he seemed confident that John would still love him.

What about John Watson?

He asks, casually, deceiving nobody. I could see emotion filling his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

John?

I bargain for more time

Hm, yes. Have you seen him?

Oh yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips

I had no intention of letting Sherlock know what was John was about to do. I will let him make his own deductions.

I've kept a weather eye on him, of course. We haven't been in touch at all to…prepare him.

I subtly warn Sherlock. He does not get it.

I think I'll surprise John. He'll be delighted.

You think so?

Mm. Pop into Baker Street, who knows, jump out of a cake

Baker Street? He isn't there anymore.

For the first time, Sherlock's face turns confused.

Why would he be? It's been two years. He's got on with his life

I see Sherlock, and he's scared.

What life? I've been away

Ah. Denial.

Where's he going to be tonight?

He wants data. He realizes he doesn't know what John was up to lately.

How would I know?

You always know.

He has a dinner reservation in the Marylebone road. Nice little spot. They have a few bottles of the 2000 Saint-Emilion, though I prefer the 2001

I add trivia, to not let him know that John was going to propose to Mary. Sherlock was good at deducing what people don't say.

I think maybe I'll just drop by.

You know, it is just possible you won't be welcome

My warning isn't subtle anymore.

No, it isn't

Still in denial. Today was going to be either a night of euphoric celebration or a danger night. And all the evidence points to the latter. Tonight was going to be a very sad night. A night of two broken, misunderstood hearts. Was reconciliation possible?

A/N: You know what's gonna happen next! I've come to the heart of the story, I hope you will soon understand what the title means. Value your opinions.

As is, will continue if anyone reviews/favorites/follows or does anything to let me know they want me to continue.