Vibe

Barry was numb as he stood in line for his meds. Joe and Iris had spent a good portion of the day with him, and it had been a comfort to him for a while, but now that they had left again, Barry was left feeling empty and broken.

"Here you go, Barry," Caitlin said kindly, flashing him a warm smile as she handed him his meds.

"Thanks, Cait," he managed to choke out as he took the cup from her.

He didn't hesitate to throw back the pills, chasing them down with water. He just hoped they'd make him better. He wasn't extremely hopeful, though. He had probably been taking them for the last two years, and they clearly hadn't done anything to help.

Seeing Joe and Iris made Barry forget all about his wish to slip back into his fantasy. Sure, that life was easier. It wasn't real, though. He couldn't escape into it anymore. He wanted a happy, normal life that was real. He wanted to be with his loved ones in this life. In reality.

"Barry," an urgent voice suddenly said from behind him as he was walking back towards his room.

Barry turned around.

"Cisco?!" he said in shock.

Cisco rushed over to him and grabbed his arm, pulling him into the corner of the commons area.

"You're not crazy, Barry," he said urgently.

Barry sighed.

"Cisco, I know it's a hard thing to accept, but—"

"No, Barry," Cisco said, cutting him off, "You need to listen to me. You're not crazy. You're—"

Barry jumped when Cisco suddenly flinched and cut off midsentence, his eyes growing wide. That's when Barry saw the man wearing scrubs standing behind Cisco, holding the syringe that he had just injected him with.

A couple other attendants stepped forward and grabbed Cisco when he swayed.

"Please take Mr. Ramon back to his room," Dr. Wells told the men as he approached them.

Barry stared in shock as Cisco was dragged away from him, disappearing down the hallway.

"What the hell was that?!" Barry asked, rounding on Dr. Wells.

"I can't allow Mr. Ramon to inhibit the recovery of his fellow patients, Mr. Allen," Dr. Wells said calmly, "I'm already beginning to regret my decision to release him from solitary."

"He was just trying to talk to me," Barry said angrily, "Is that what you do, doctor? Whenever anyone steps out of line, you just drug them?!"

"It was for his own good," Dr. Wells replied calmly, "And for yours, Barry. You shouldn't listen to Cisco. He spews lies and inhibits the progress of every patient he comes in contact with, especially you. His friendship with you is particularly toxic."

"He's my friend," Barry said angrily, "What? We're not allowed to have friends in here now?!"

"Barry, I strongly urge you to stay away from Mr. Ramon," Dr. Wells said seriously, "I know he's your friend, but your delusions and his tend to feed off each other. When you first got here, I thought the companionship would be good for the two of you, but then I quickly noticed it was growing into an unhealthy and very dangerous friendship. Don't let your loyalty to that friendship ruin all the progress you've made."

"You don't have to worry about that," Barry told him firmly, "I…I know I'm…mentally ill now. I'm not going to let myself relapse again."

"That's not the first time you've said that, Mr. Allen," Wells said gently.

Barry's heart sank.

"You've been here long enough, Barry, that I've noticed the cycle," Dr. Wells said, "Every time you start to make progress, start to really step towards a life of reality again, your friendship with Ramon pulls you back. He wants you to think that this isn't reality and that the two of you need to get back to your 'real' lives. Cisco will say and do anything to get you to believe this is all fake, Barry, and every time—every time—you tell me that you're not going to let yourself relapse again, but then you start to listen to Cisco, and that's exactly what ends up happening."

Barry had tears in his eyes as he listened.

"Maybe things can be different this time," he said quietly, "Maybe, instead of listening to Cisco and letting him cause me to relapse, I can get through to him. I can help him come to terms with reality, so he can get better, too."

Dr. Wells gave Barry an uneasy look.

"Look, Barry," he said seriously, "I know you want to help your friend, but I think it would be better if you focused on your own recovery. Let me worry about treating Mr. Ramon. You should focus on yourself right now."

Barry shook his head.

"Cisco is my friend," he said firmly, "I'm not going to just abandon him here."

Dr. Wells sighed.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Barry," he said quietly, "Your mind is a vulnerable thing. Interacting with Ramon is a dangerous thing for you—especially in this fragile relapse period. I hope you're careful."

Barry nodded.

"I will be," he said firmly, "I know who I am now, doctor, and I'm not going to let Cisco make me lose sight of that again."

Barry laid in his bed, thinking about everything he had imagined had happened over the last two years. It was hard to wrap his head around the fact that none of it was true. All of the people he had met and encountered, all of the friendships and relationships he had formed, they were all an illusion. None of it had been real.

Dr. Wells had said he created the illusion to escape his real life when things became too much for him. Barry thought back to how things were two years ago, before he had gotten "struck by lightning." He tried to think if there had been anything particularly upsetting or stressful going on at that time that could have triggered his breakdown, but he couldn't. Barry hadn't felt stressed out at the time. He had been happy. He didn't understand why his mind would choose to retreat into a delusion when his real life was just fine. It wasn't perfect, but it was fine, and he had been happy.

Barry also didn't understand how his delusion of being the Flash was supposed to be a coping mechanism. Dr. Wells had said he had created a happy, imaginary world to escape his real life when things got too hard, but that imaginary world was far from happy a lot of the time. He had suffered a lot in his imaginary life. Things had gone wrong. He had made mistakes. People had died. His dad had died.

Barry bolted upright in bed as if he had been electrocuted.

His dad had died…in his delusion. But that meant…

"Oh, my God," Barry said, covering his mouth.

Tears formed in his eyes as his face first broke out in the first smile he had had in days.

"My dad's alive," he choked, tears of happiness brimming over.

Barry got up out of bed and hurried out the door to his room, which was unlocked this time of day. Well-behaved patients were allowed to freely meander between their rooms and the lounge at will. Those were the only places they were permitted to go, though.

Barry practically ran down the hallway.

"Barry!" a nurse shouted suddenly at him as he passed her, "No running! You're not supposed to run!"

He quickly slowed down to a fast walk instead. He supposed that made sense that they would try to discourage him from running. Barry hardly paid it any thought, though, as he rushed to the lounge, looking for the lead doctor.

"Where is Dr. Wells?" Barry asked anxiously to the first nurse he encountered.

"He's in his office," she replied simply, "Did you need something, Barry? Did you want me to page him?"

Barry nodded excitedly.

"Yes," he said quickly, "Please page him. I need to talk to him right away!"

The nurse nodded and walked back to the nurses' station to page the doctor. Barry paced back and forth in the lounge, waiting impatiently for Wells to appear. Despite his impatience, Barry couldn't wipe the smile from his face. His dad was alive! As soon as the doctor entered the lounge, Barry rushed over to him.

"You wanted to see me, Barry?" Wells asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"I want to see my dad," Barry said immediately, not beating around the bush.

Dr. Wells sighed and took off his glasses before rubbing his eyes.

"Barry…" he said slowly.

"He is alive, right?" Barry asked nervously.

Dr. Wells nodded, his expression somber.

"I want to see him as soon as possible!" Barry said excitedly, grinning again.

He couldn't believe this. His dad was alive! He could speak to his father again. Barry thought this might be the happiest day of his life, and that was saying something, considering he was in a mental institution.

"I'm sorry, Barry," Dr. Wells said, "I can't let you see your dad."

"Why not?" Barry asked angrily, anxiety settling in the pit of his stomach.

"It wouldn't be good for you," Wells said sadly, "I'm afraid it would be too triggering."

"Why?" Barry demanded, "Why on earth would seeing my dad be triggering?!"

Dr. Wells sighed and put his glasses back on.

"I knew we'd have to have this conversation eventually," he muttered sadly.

"What do you mean?" Barry asked, "What conversation?"

"Why don't we go to my office, Barry?" Dr. Wells suggested, looking around the crowded lounge, "This isn't the best place for this discussion."

Barry curiously and impatiently followed Wells all the way to his office. Dr. Wells didn't speak until after he had closed the door and sat down at the other side of the desk from Barry.

"Mr. Allen, I have to tell you something," he started, "And it's not going to be easy for you to hear."

"What?" Barry asked anxiously.

Dr. Wells sighed before continuing.

"You've always been…imaginative, Barry," Wells began, "At the age of eleven, after your mom's death, you began tenaciously claiming that the man in yellow had killed her."

Barry's heart sank as he realized it then; If the man in yellow, the Reverse Flash, didn't exist, then that meant his mother's killer was still out there, and his dad was still in prison. He had only a moment to feel sick over this before Dr. Wells spoke again.

"Your guardian, Detective West, sent you to a number of shrinks over the years," he said.

Barry nodded impatiently. He knew all of this already.

"As you know," Dr. Wells continued, "The therapy didn't help, and your instability progressed, and well…you know how things went from there…What you don't remember, though, is the thing that pushed you over the edge two years ago."

"What do you mean?" Barry asked quickly, "What happened?"

Dr. Wells gave him an uneasy look before speaking in a soft voice.

"Your dad confessed."

Barry's eyes widened, thinking he must have not heard correctly. He couldn't have heard correctly.

"You mean…?" he began to ask, words catching in his throat.

"He confessed to killing your mother," Dr. Wells told him sadly.

Barry shook he head forcefully.

"No," he said in disbelief, still shaking his head, "No. That can't be true!"

"I know this is extremely difficult and traumatic for you to hear, Barry," Dr. Wells said in an understanding voice, "But it is true, and it's what pushed you over the edge two years ago. After spending half your life trying to convince everyone of your dad's innocence, your dad ended up confessing and turned out to be guilty. You were devastated."

"My dad wouldn't…My dad loved my mom!" Barry cried, tears filling his eyes, "He would never hurt her!"

Dr. Wells looked at him with eyes filled with sympathy.

"More details were released shortly after the confession," Wells said slowly, "Your mother…she was supposedly having an affair, Barry."

Barry shook his head.

"I don't believe this," he said brokenly, "I don't believe you!"

"Barry, I thought you trusted me now," Wells said earnestly, "I would never lie to you about something like this."

Barry shook his head again and wiped a few of the tears that were streaming down his face.

"What you're telling me is that my mom was a cheater, and my dad was a murderer. I…I can't…"

"I know it's a lot to grasp, Barry," Dr. Wells said sadly, "But please, you have to accept it as the truth. Denial is your worst enemy right now, Barry. Denial leads to delusions. I know this is hard, but you can't run from it anymore."

A sob escaped Barry's lips.

It couldn't be true.

It wasn't until Joe and Iris visited him again the next day and Joe showed him a video of his dad confessing that Barry finally believed it. Barry didn't leave his room for days after that. It was too much. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. His family and the medical staff were all extremely concerned about him, worrying that he was going to start retreating back into his mind again, back into his fantasy world.

But Barry didn't try to go back there. He didn't know what was worse: a world in which his dad was dead or one where he was a murderer. Probably the latter. Still, though, Barry wasn't going to let this ruin his life anymore. He had wasted enough of his life for his delusions.

Every now and then, Barry's sadness was replaced by anger. This was all his dad's fault. What his father had done had always been at the root of Barry's insanity, starting when he was eleven. Barry felt sick to his stomach when he realized that he probably had watched his father murder his mother that night. All the shrinks had been right. Barry had witnessed the murder, and his young mind had snapped, replacing the memory with the man in yellow.

And it was all downhill from there.

If it weren't for his dad, Barry wouldn't have been obsessed with the impossible in the first place, and if it weren't for his dad's belated confession, Barry wouldn't have snapped and wasted two years of his life here. The anger that consumed Barry now was almost maddening in itself.

"Barry," he heard someone whisper urgently, "Pst! Barry!"

"Cisco?" Barry asked, rising from his bed and walking over to the door to see Cisco peering inside through the window.

"Barry, you need to listen to me quick," Cisco said urgently, "You're not—"

"Dr. Wells told me not to listen to you," Barry said painfully.

"You shouldn't trust Dr. Wells," Cisco said seriously, "You can't let him win. You're not insane, Barry."

"You're just as insane as I am," Barry sighed, "I'm sorry, Cisco, but I can't deny it any longer, and neither should you. It was all just a delusion."

"Barry, this is the delusion!" Cisco insisted, "None of this is real! A metahuman got to you. He's inside your head and trying to make you think you're insane."

Barry's eyes widened for a moment as he considered Cisco's words, but then he shook his head.

"Dr. Wells told me you would say anything and everything to get me to believe I'm not crazy," he said painfully, "But I can't let it work, Cisco. I need to get better. I can't stay in a Flash fantasy world anymore. I need to get back to my real life."

"Barry, that is your real life!" Cisco said desperately, "Your life as the Flash, with Caitlin and me, working as a team at STAR Labs, that's your life, Barry. Not this!"

Barry faltered slightly as he looked at Cisco. He was so torn between what he wanted to believe and what he should believe.

"I want so badly to believe you, Cisco," Barry choked, "But I can't. Not anymore."

"You're going to believe this fake Dr. Wells over me?" Cisco asked in a hurt voice.

"Cisco," Barry said, his voice cracking painfully, "I have been and always shall be your friend, but I can't allow this friendship to inhibit my recovery anymore. It's time for me to finally get better. I can't let you pull me into the delusion again. I can't relapse again. I don't want to waste any more of my life here. I've wasted enough already."

"Barry, this is all fake!" Cisco said desperately, "You're not really in an asylum right now. You're lying unconscious in a bed in STAR Labs. We've been trying to wake you up for days, trying to get through to you. I managed to finally vibe my way into your dream, but the metahuman keeps trying to prevent me from talking to you."

As if right on cue, somebody suddenly grabbed Cisco from behind, and Cisco was soon wrestling with two attendants as he tried desperately to escape their grasp.

"Please escort Mr. Ramon back to his room," Dr. Wells instructed them.

Cisco fought the men holding him furiously, but they controlled him easily.

"It's not real!" Cisco shouted as they dragged him down the hall, away from Barry, "Barry, don't listen to anything he says! It's not real! You know who you are, Barry!"

Barry watched as Cisco was dragged the rest of the way down the hall and out of sight.

"Don't let your conviction waiver now, Barry," Dr. Wells said cautiously once Cisco was gone, "You can't let doubt creep into your mind. I told you Mr. Ramon would say anything to get you to doubt yourself again. He's convinced that this isn't reality, so he made up a story in his head to explain why he's here. Don't let it work on you."

Barry sighed and nodded.

"I won't," he said quietly, even if it pained him to say it.

It was so hard not to believe Cisco. Barry wanted so badly to believe it, but he couldn't. As Dr. Wells had put it on his first day here; what was more likely? That he was a crime fighting superhero with superspeed? Or that he was insane?

The more Barry thought about his life as the Flash, the more ridiculous the whole thing seemed. Shark men? Time travel and other earths? Telepathic Gorillas? The whole thing had felt so real at the time, but the longer Barry remained in reality, the more the whole thing seemed like one long, ridiculous dream. He felt stupid for even believing it for so long.

"Have you given my suggestion any thought, Barry?" Dr. Wells asked him, breaking his train of thought, "About my new electrotherapy treatment?"

Barry looked at him, his expression serious, and nodded.

"I'll do it," he said firmly, "I'll do the treatment. Cure me, doctor."