Chapter 6
Her arms wrap around me so tightly that I lose my breath. I try my best to hold back the tears welling up in my eyes, but it's no use. My face has already flooded.
Quickly I bury my face into her shoulder before she notices. Force of habit. Ever since my father died, I've always had to be the strong one. Someone had to. How she could sit by silently and do nothing. How she became so weak. I used to hate her for it. I used to blame her for everything. But none of that matters anymore. I'm just happy she's here.
I know by now it should be just a matter of routine. After all the times we said goodbye, knowing what little chance I had of returning home. After all the overwhelming homecomings when we finally did reunite. I should be used to it by now. But something is different this time around as I grip my mother tightly.
I think I'm just happy that she's real.
Ever since I awoke in the Capitol, I haven't been sure what's real and not real anymore. I don't know who's alive and who's dead. I'm not even certain what my last goodbyes sounded like. It varies from person to person. Sometimes my memories come flowing back immediately. And then there are times when all I can think of is the shiny nightmares that Capitol created for me. I still have difficulty looking at Finnick. Each time I do, all I can see is a lizard head looming over him ready to strike.
But it's more than that. It's almost as if everyone I knew before has ceased to exist. None of them are real until I can physically see them again. Until then, all that's real are the nightmares that have been strategically planted inside my head. However, in this moment holding onto my mother, the nightmares seem to fade away. And once again I know she's real.
As the water in my eyes dries up I can finally pry my eyelids open long enough to gaze around the room. Everything in the old District 13 compartment is exactly as I remember it. My parents wedding photo placed alongside the book of plants on top of the chest of drawers. My father's hunting jacket hung on the back of a chair. Even that little beast of a cat, Buttercup, is curled up over on Prim's bed. That's when it hits me.
"Where's Prim?"
Mom says nothing, but I can feel her body stiffen at the very mention of her name. Her eyes break away from mine and gaze over to the empty space in the room. I can tell that I'm losing her and I'm reminded instantly of how she was the day my father died.
This only puts me on edge, so I grab her arm and pull her focus back to me. "Mom, where's Prim!" I demand.
I wait for her answer, but all I get in return is more crying. Across the room Buttercup gives a rather loud meow, but remains firmly planted on Prim's bed. This only makes my mom weep more. Why hasn't she said anything? What's happened to Prim?
Terrified, I keep at it, screaming at my mother until my voice goes hoarse. Then finally she speaks.
"I don't know."
What? How could she not know? My mom sees that I expect more, so she tries her best to pull herself together before telling me about the bombing in the Capitol. She explains how the Capitol children were targeted. And then she explains how Prim volunteered to go even though she wasn't old enough. But I know all of this. This is exactly what the Capitol had put in my head. I don't understand. Why would they bother hijacking me at all if it was the truth?
Prim was at the site of the bombing. All I can think of now is her body aflame and my own soaring through the air from the blast. Only I wasn't there. That was just the memory that was implanted in me.
As my mother's voice trails off I grab hold of her arm even tighter, forcing her to look me in the eye. "Is she dead?" I ask.
"No," she says. A wave of relief comes over me. "It's worse than that."
I don't move. I don't speak. What could be worse than Prim dying? Terrified, I can't form the words to ask my mother for an explanation, but she gives me one anyway. The bombing didn't work. The Capitol knew the bombs were coming and they stepped in before the second wave of explosions could occur.
Everything the man who tried to kill me said was true. Cooper. The man who killed Pollux in an attempt at my own life was telling the truth. But why?
Then I realize what it was he was trying to tell me. He wanted me to know the bombing didn't succeed. He wanted me to know that Prim was alive because he wanted me to realize where she was.
"Snow has her."
My mother nods her head and goes silent again. Ignoring the tear streaks on her pale cheeks, I can see her eyes gaze off into another world, leaving me alone in this one. I call out to her. I shake her. But I know it's no use. She's left me again. Just like when dad died. When I finally leave the compartment, I slam the door as hard as I can in hopes that the sound will shatter her invisible world that she's abandoned me for.
I haven't spoken to my mother for the past three weeks. The moment after I slammed the door to our compartment, I made my way to my old room with Johanna and I've been staying with her ever since.
I didn't' expect a warm welcome from Johanna. But I supposed what she gave me was the closest thing she could to one. We picked up right where we left off. She acted as if I had never left at all. This came as a huge relief, since it's the only actual consistency I have left in my life.
All of my things were just as I had left them. She didn't move any of it. The only real changes to the room are a few fragrant bunches of pine needles, much like the one I had given Johanna for her drawer. The way she has them spread across the room at night creates the illusion of sleeping in a forest of pine trees.
Since moving in with Johanna again, I have placed the mockingjay pin Pollux retrieved for me in my drawer. In the same drawer are the silver parachute, the spile for tapping trees, and the locket which Peeta had given to me in the Quarter Quell. All that's missing is the pearl. The pearl that I had slipped into the pocket of my uniform before leaving. I suppose it was taken away by the Capitol. Just like the boy with the bread who gave it to me.
Today I'm finally going to see him. Peeta. Effie's even agreed to take me over to where he is being contained. I woke up early, so I could get dressed and meet with her before she reaches the compartment. Johanna doesn't respond very well to Effie's enthusiasm while awake. Let alone while asleep.
In my drawer I retrieve Peeta's locket and put it on. Maybe it will trigger a memory. According to Plutarch Heavensbee, Peeta's too far gone to remember anything at this point. But I figure it's worth a shot.
Right now I just need to finish getting dressed and hope that Effie won't come bursting through the-
"Good morning! Time to rise and shine! We have a big big day ahead of us!"
Too late. I assumed that I had woken up early enough to avoid this, but Effie's obviously too excited to wait another moment. Receiving the occasional request to escort me around District 13 is all Effie has left of her old life anymore. She jumps at every chance she can get. However, the early morning wake-up calls have Johanna less than amused.
"Katniss, you better put a muzzle on that woman or so help me I will strangle-"
Immediately I get Effie out of the compartment before Johanna can finish threatening her. It's obvious that Effie is appalled by Johanna's lack of tact, but she doesn't let it bother her too much. She's too energized by the chance to walk around and do her job again. Especially since that butterfly sting had her completely bedridden for her first week here.
As we walk down the hall together, Effie suddenly comes to a halt. A few rooms down I can see Haymitch waiting for us.
"Is he coming too?" I ask.
Effie doesn't answer, but she hastens her pace. I didn't notice at first, so now I'm finding myself trying to catch up with her. Before I do, Effie stops a second time in front of Haymitch to deliver a powerful smack across his face. Then she just continues walking without a word.
Haymitch doesn't seem too surprised by this. It's obvious Effie blames him for her captivity in the Capitol. After all, he was the only one left, who could have warned her about the plan to flee to District 13 during the Quarter Quell. I know Haymitch figured that the less Effie knew the safer she would be. However, I don't think Effie feels the same way about her abandonment.
Haymitch tries his best to ignore what just happen, shrugging it off before addressing me. "I actually came to ask you if you could stop by later today? There's something we need to discuss," Haymitch mutters.
"Is it about that?" I joke pointing at the redness forming on his cheek.
I immediately regret acknowledging this, when I see the guilt register on his face. "No. Just come by later. It's important," he says before walking away.
I sprint down the hall a good distance before I finally catch up with Effie. I don't think she even realized I had left her side. Thankfully she's too worked up to notice much of anything, including a number of cold stares from the District 13 residents.
I sometimes wonder what would happen to Effie if Haymitch and I weren't here to vouch for her. Sure the majority of 13 give her some judgmental glances from time to time. But it doesn't quite compare with how those from District 12 look at her. Seeing their faces in passing, some are disgusted. Some are outraged. Others are petrified. It's been years since any of these people had to sit through a Reaping, and yet most will never forget the woman who chose the names of their children. Even little Posy remembers. The one time I ran into her while I was with Effie, Posy let out a high-pitched squeak before taking off in the other direction.
Still tensions run high around here now. And the hostility between District and Capitol refugees is even more severe than when I last left this place. It's reached the point where my old prep team rarely comes out of their compartment. The only time I ever see Venia, Flavius or Octavia is at the occasional meal. Haymitch reminded me to find them when I first returned. While I was gone, he was really the only friend they had left in this place. Upon sight my prep team began blubbering uncontrollably and once they latched onto me, I didn't think I would ever get to leave. Now that Effie and I have arrived, reuniting our little District 12 team, I don't think they could be happier. Even with all of the resentment shown by the rest of District 13.
Then there's Plutarch Heavensbee and Fulvia Cardew, who have developed a different approach. Instead of running off and hiding in their quarters, they seem to always be on the move. They show up to every meeting and every meal, constantly amending their public relations tactics for Capitol refugees. Unfortunately it doesn't appear to be making much of an impact.
Walking down the hall, the elevator finally comes into view as Effie and I pass Dalton's room. The last time I remember seeing Dalton, the cattle expert from 10, he was conducting the ceremony at Finnick and Annie's wedding. Now I don't think anyone really sees him. I was told that he rarely leaves his compartment ever since District 9 burned to the ground. District 9. Just one more thing Cooper was telling the truth about.
Effie and I board the elevator and take it all the way down to the same level I remember my prep team was first discovered on. Immediately I recognize the solid white hallway filled with red doors. The last time I was down here we could barely get passed the guards. However, now we can walk right passed them without any problems. I know they were expecting us today, but it's not just that. Coin's been trying to appease me ever since I arrived here. This was made perfectly clear when I got Commander Paylor and Thatch assigned to their own compartment. They were supposed to be imprisoned for treason. Like most of the other Districts, 8 broke away from District 13 to form its own rebellion. Paylor was even the one who took charge and formed this new rebellion. So far the only Districts that haven't joined her are 2, 10, 11 and 13. And even with her being an opposing rebel leader now, Coin has left her unharmed.
The first thing we see as we reach our destination is Plutarch Heavensbee. He's consoling a blubbering Delly Cartwright. They must have tried sending her in first. When Peeta was hijacked the first time, Delly was the one who had gotten the closest in talking any sense into him. Plutarch probably figured that it might work again. He was obviously wrong. I don't know what Peeta could have said to set Delly off, but I've never seen her like this before. What could Peeta have possibly done to poor sweet Delly? The girl who always thinks the best in everyone.
Clearly Effie and I have arrived just in time for Plutarch's damage control. The very second his eyes set on me he tries to persuade me to turn back. "Katniss maybe we should try this another day," Plutarch suggests while handing Delly a tissue.
"No, I'm going in there," I state firmly. "And I've also given it some thought, and I want to do this alone. Without all of the guards."
"Absolutely out of the question. We can't risk sending you in there alone," Plutarch hesitates before lowering his voice. "Not when he's in this condition."
This sends Delly into another sudden burst of tears. Plutarch hands Delly a few more tissues, ignoring District 13's protocol for what amount would be considered wasteful. I'm ready to protest further when another voice chimes in.
"I'll go with her," Jackson says.
Since we've return, and since Coin still won't meet with me face-to-face, Jackson has been acting as Coin's own personal liaison. In other words, whatever Jackson says goes. If I do have to bring someone in with me though, I'm glad that it's Jackson. I suppose I've gotten used to her. Whenever Effie isn't escorting me around, Jackson usually is. I know she's been assigned to me so Coin can monitor my activity, but so far she hasn't restricted me from going anywhere, aside from Coin's office. If anything it's been the opposite. I have more access around 13 with Jackson by my side than without her. Part of me wonders if she ever actually checks in with Coin, or if she simply doesn't care. Her allegiance was to Boggs, and I think she knows his allegiance was to me.
The room Peeta is in now is nothing like the one they used to contain him before. The walls are solid steel, which means there are no observers staring through a plate of glass next door. Once Jackson and I go in, it will just be the three of us.
As we enter my eyes are immediately struck by a blinding light which radiates above Peeta. Both his arms and legs are chained as he sits in a metal chair, which has been melded to the ground. The whole situation has me on edge. None of it makes any sense. First with Delly crying. And now this. The whole idea that Peeta is now so dangerous he needs to be contained with all of these extra security precautions is still too much for me to process. To make matters worse, the cold laughter that resonates from Peeta once his eyes finish taking me in is enough to send a chill up my spine.
"So is this District 13's attempt to break me?" Peeta laughs again. "Are they just sending in the most pathetic girls they can find? First the squeaky blond. Now the mad woman who thinks I'm her husband."
The tone in Peeta's voice is so cold that if I wasn't looking right at him, I would have assumed that it belonged to someone else.
"They probably just figured that you'd like to meet the person who knocked you out cold and brought you here," I shoot back.
A subtle grin slowly creeps its way across Peeta's face. "Well at least you seem tougher than that other one." Again I think of Delly crying in the hallway. "So tough girl, are you the one who killed Drusus too?"
I have to think for a moment before I realize that he must be referring to the peacekeeper Thatch killed. The same peacekeeper paired with Murellus when I spoke with Caesar Flickerman. "No unfortunately I didn't," I snap.
"Now is that anyway to talk to your husband," he mocks.
"I know you aren't my husband. And I'm not mad," I say jumping to the defense. "However, I am the mockingjay. Perhaps you've heard of me," I add casually, in an attempt to provoke.
Peeta just stares at me completely perplexed. That's when I realize he has no idea what I'm talking about. He has no memory of anything. And now I know where to start.
"I'm also a Victor of the 74th Hunger Games. And the 75th. Do you not remember? Everyone else seems to. It was only a few short years ago."
Peeta's blue eyes stay fixed on me as if he's trying to piece together what I've just told him.
But I don't wait for him. I keep going. "Don't you find it odd that you can't remember anything? I bet you don't have a single memory that's older than two years. You ever wonder why that is?"
Peeta's confused expression fades and all that remains underneath is rage. I can see I've pushed him too his limit. I suppose Jackson sees it too. She takes a few steps closer to me as if she thinks Peeta's anger could melt the very chains that bind him. Before I would have never thought it was possible for Peeta to look this way. But it's the real Peeta that I'm thinking about. I don't know this person. So I don't let up. I keep pushing.
"I suppose they're all right. You are just a mutt after all."
This sends Peeta right over the edge to the point where he's screaming at me. "Then why don't you just kill me already! Why waste my time with all of this!"
I don't even stop to think before it flies out of my mouth. "Because I refuse to be just another piece in their games."
Peeta stares at me blankly. But I avoid his gaze. Then I turn around and leave with Jackson, allowing the doors to seal off the silence behind us.
"Well that went pretty well," Jackson smirks before turning to Plutarch. "I can't believe you were even worried about her."
Before Plutarch can ask what happened, Gale appears from behind Effie and Delly.
Without hesitation Gale slips past the others, so he can speak with me. "Katniss, Coin has requested to meet with you."
Plutarch simply waves me on, so he can go back to consoling Delly. Effie decides to assist him. I look to Jackson and with a somewhat concerned expression she gives a nod, so I head off with Gale.
Surprisingly, Gale is already back in his old uniform with a communicuff strapped to his arm. "Is this some sort of punishment?" I say pointing to his wrist.
"I think so," Gale smirks. "It was the last thing I expected really. Then again Coin probably figured that her mockingjay would rather have me promoted than imprisoned."
"Why would Coin care about what I think?"
"C'mon Katniss, she's obviously trying to keep you happy and stay on your good side. You're the only weapon she has left."
"So now I'm a weapon," I snap.
"To her you are," Gale responds. "Look, Coin has already lost the support of most of the other Districts. In her mind the mockingjay is all she has left to use against the Capitol."
"Well then she'll just have to go and find another mockingjay because I'm done with her."
I can tell Gale thinks I'm being stubborn, but this only infuriates me more. I don't bother saying another word to him the rest of the way to Coin's office.
As soon as we do arrive, two District 13 soldiers open the doors to Coin's office and allow me to step inside. I manage to take a few paces forward before the entrance is abruptly sealed off behind me, leaving me alone with Coin.
No one speaks. It's as if both of us are waiting for the other to break the silence first. But I refuse. Why should I say anything to this woman? I owe her nothing.
Silently I wait expecting her to tell me why she's asked for me. Why has she finally decided to face me?
Or not face me. Since I've arrived she hasn't so much as turned her chair or acknowledged my presence. All that's visible of Coin is the sheen of her silver hair.
I don't want to be here. Part of me thought I could do this, but I can't. I have yet to see her face or hear her voice and already I want to drive an arrow through her heart.
I'm overtaken by a rush of memories. First of Prim ignited by the explosions. Then of the execution, shifting my bow from Snow to Coin, and watching her body plummet to the ground. I know it isn't real. It's just an illusion. A trigger. A way for the Capitol to hijack me. But it's not like they had to try very hard.
Amidst the painful lies are the terrible truths. Prim went to the Capitol. She may not be dead, but she is Snow's prisoner. And it's because of Coin. She sent Prim into a trap, knowing she would most likely die. Only she didn't. And just as Prim survives, so does the war. Because of Coin the Rebellion has fractured and the Districts have lost momentum. Like 12, District 9 is gone. District 2 has realigned itself with the Capitol. And the remaining Districts stand divided based on what few still trust Coin after her attempt to bomb hundreds of innocent Capitol children.
And after all of this we sit in silence. She has nothing to offer me and she knows it. There's nothing she can say to make any of this right again.
"These are difficult times," Coin says, finally breaking the silence. "We've all sacrificed so much to get to where we are now."
With every word she speaks all I can think of is burying an arrow into her heart. I can't seem to focus on anything else.
"I am truly sorry for what has happened to you and your family, but we are at war. And in war there will always be casualties."
I wish I had an arrow.
"Katniss, I take full responsibility for what happened to you and your squad. Peeta should have never been released in his condition. If only we could have known about Aurelius sooner," Coin says regretfully. "However, we must keep looking forward or everything we have lost thus far will be for nothing."
Finally Coin turns to face me, her eyes piercing into my own. The very sight of her only adds to my rage, and it takes every ounce of my restraint to keep me from reaching across her desk and strangling her.
"Since your imprisonment the Districts have lost sight of what they are fighting for," Coin articulates. "It's time that we remind them. It's time that we bring back the mockingjay."
Coin waits for me to respond, but there's nothing. I'm finished with her just like I'm finished with being her pet mockingjay.
"I understand if you need to take some time to think over everything, especially with all you've been through," Coins suggests. "We can talk about this again once you've had an opportunity to really consider my proposal."
Without a word I depart from Coin's office as quickly as possible, before I do something stupid, like try to kill her.
On my way back to my compartment, I remember to stop by and talk to Haymitch first. I knock but no one answers. He's probably off to dinner already. I try knocking once more. Only this time the door opens slightly. Cautiously I see Haymitch's face peer from behind the door.
"Something wrong," I ask.
No, not at all," Haymitch says checking to see that no one else is with me in the hall. "C'mon in."
I'm hesitant based on Haymitch's peculiar behavior, but once I get inside I understand why. Five others are already crammed together in Haymitch's compartment for one. We are joined by Paylor, Thatch, Jackson, Plutarch and his assistant Fulvia Cardew.
Haymitch pulls up a chair for me. Aside from his other guests there's something different about his room. The aroma of white liquor that used to linger in the air around Haymitch is missing. I suppose I never quite got used to the idea of a sober Haymitch. But being in District 13 as long as he has, I doubt he had much of a choice.
Once I take my seat across from the other five Haymitch calmly begins to speak. "Now Katniss, I know you haven't been back for very long, but there are some serious matters we need to discuss with you. After today you may have noticed that Coin isn't quite-"
Plutarch stops Haymitch and turns to me. "Katniss, since you've been here, how many new faces have you come across? Specifically the refugees from the Capitol"
"None," I answer. To tell the truth I didn't really expect any either. Especially with the welcoming my prep team received.
"Of the millions that reside in the Capitol do you know how many of them fled from the Capitol to come to District 13?"
"I don't know. Twenty." I guess.
Plutarch laughs. "Katniss, I don't think you realize how many District supporters the Capitol actually has. You didn't just assume the only good ones were the handful that you've come in contact with?" I pause for moment thinking over Plutarch's words before he continues. "Hundreds."
"What?" I ask.
"There were hundreds who came here from the Capitol," Plutarch states grimly.
"Hundreds? More like thousands," Haymitch chimes in.
Plutarch tries to ignore Haymitch, but judging from his pained expression I know it isn't working.
"So what happened to them? Did Coin turn them away?" I ask.
"That's just it," Plutarch begins. "Coin let them all in. Every last one of them. There are very few places to hide that number of people in District 13. Since Jackson's return we've had her use her access to check them all. There's been nothing. This is why I asked you Katniss. How many new Capitol refugees have you come across?"
I don't even think to stop myself before the words leave my lips. "She killed them."
"This is why we are all here Katniss," Haymitch interjects. "Since the bombing Coin's become desperate. She's become hostile. She's even become delusional. This is why she has been so compliant with you Katniss. You are all she has left, and we've relied on this fact too much already."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Coin's done everything she can to keep you happy. She's kept your deal to protect the other Victors. She's given you full access to District 13 with Jackson by your side. She even released Thatch and Paylor at your request. Coin expects you to be on her side."
"What does she just expect me to forget what she's done to Prim?" I say dismissively.
"That's exactly what she expects. And what do you think she's going to do when she realizes that you'll never be on her side? Do you think she'll be forgiving? What about your friends? How many of them do you think will be safe when Coin is done trying to keep you happy?" Haymitch grabs both of my shoulders, his eyes piercing into mine. "We've asked you to come here so you would realize how serious this situation is. She will kill you Katniss!"
Suddenly I can feel my stomach tie itself into knots. "Then what do we need to do?" I ask.
Without hesitation Paylor finally speaks. "We need to leave District 13."
End of Chapter 6
M. Cooper Jinks