A/N: This is a very Elsa-centric chapter. I apologize severely for the long wait and that this is shorter from the previous ones. That being said, I hope this chapter is worth the wait. A few things are stated out in the open and other things are better hinted at. I really don't have much to say other than, enjoy everyone!
And thank you all for your continued readership.
"What a day!"
Anna gave Eugene a haggard smile as he paused at a red light. Though the comment was said in exasperation, she knew from his tone that he didn't mean any ill will in it.
"What a day," she mumbled in commiseration, leaning back in her seat and closing her eyes.
What a long, exhausting day. Yeesh!
Still, the weight of the small parcel in her lap made her open her eyes to look down and smile dreamily.
"Ay, it was a tough day. But see, we found something in the end for your lass after all Anna!" Merida said, reaching over in the back seat to punch Anna straight on her arm.
The other redhead flinched and rubbed her arm. She glanced up from where she had been staring at the wrapped gift with a rising blush and grinned sheepishly.
"Yeah, you're right you guys. Thanks for putting up with all my indecisiveness." She leaned over and pecked Merida's cheek, giggling when her friend made a face and stuck out her tongue. "I couldn't have done it without you all," Anna continued, scooting in her seat to reach over and kiss Eugene's cheek. He screwed up his face for a second, before smirking at her and continuing to drive. Then, she turned and kissed Jasmine's cheek as well.
The brunette flashed her a brilliant smile, eyes twinkling. "What are friends for Anna?" She leaned over in the passenger seat and pressed a quick kiss to Anna's forehead. The redhead's blush grew darker and she bit her lip, glancing down at her present. "And besides," Jasmine said, settling back into her seat. "So long as you be yourself, I think we're all happy."
"Wise words from madam," Eugene drawled, turning down the street.
Their campus came into sight and Anna sighed in relief. She heard Merida groan next to her and slump in her chair.
"Damn, I honestly thought it would take us a lot longer to find a gift," she grumbled.
"Hey!" Anna exclaimed, shooting her companion a pout. "I'm not that bad at this am I?"
"No, I just hate going to class." Merida stuck out her lower lip as well and Anna laughed.
"Speaking of class," Jasmine said, glancing down at her watch. "I think we all need to get back to whatever we still have left."
Eugene groaned and slumped in his seat like Merida, glaring. "Ugh, I hope I can slip into speech class without getting noticed."
"And if you can't?" Merida asked as they turned onto the parking lot.
"If I can't, I'll be like your dad and sway everyone with my magnificent, large, and manly charm," he snickered, driving his jeep into an empty spot.
"Hey!" Merida spluttered.
Anna tuned out their small jab back and forth, already undoing her seat belt before Eugene had even stopped. Jasmine turned in her seat to raise an eyebrow at her, a knowing smirk on her lips. The redhead grinned sheepishly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll see you guys later," she said and jumped out of the jeep.
"Bye Anna!" Jasmine called. Anna waved to them and ran in the direction of her dorm room.
Three seconds later Anna heard Eugene and Merida echo her goodbye.
She neglected taking the elevator, knowing she could get to her dorm faster than it would take for the machine to come down. Skipping two steps at a time, the redhead slid to a stop in front of her door, unlocking it and shutting it behind her.
"Here we are," Anna giggled, dropping her bag on the floor and heading to her bed. She dropped to her knees, smiling at the wrapped picture frame for a second, before gently nudging it underneath the gap. She pushed it delicately into a safe, dark corner. A spot she knew where it wouldn't be harmed by falling objects or clumsy footsteps. "I'll come back for you later," she whispered, smiling and resting her cheek against the floor. "Just stay put and don't let anything happen to you, okay?"
She stood there for several seconds, staring at the small package as if it would answer her back before pushing herself off her hands and knees, a bright grin splitting her freckled cheeks. Then, with her heart feeling several times lighter than it had all day, she grabbed her backpack and headed out the door to the remainder of her classes.
"And that's it for today's lecture. I'll see you all next class!"
She couldn't scramble out of there fast enough.
Anna huffed, jogging out of her last class of the day and glanced at her wristwatch. Late. I think Elsa should be done by now, right?
There was only one way for her to find out. She fished out her cell phone from her pocket, fingers quickly dialing the number she had memorized by heart now. A grin curled on her face when she heard it begin to ring.
To her slight surprise—and great pleasure—it only took two rings for Elsa to answer.
"Anna!"
Her heart skipped at the obvious delight in her girlfriend's voice. Anna leaned her back against the wall, the grin on her face threatening to strain her cheeks. "Hi, I was wondering if you were free tomorrow—"
"I was just about to call you and ask if you were busy—!"
They stopped and Anna held her phone out, blinking at it in surprise. She was certain Elsa had the same blank look on her face as well, judging from the sudden silence. However, she bit her lip—a crooked smile returning to her face—when she heard a light giggle on the other line. Anna pressed her phone back to her ear, face scrunching up in laughter, and said, "I guess we had the same idea?"
Elsa giggled again and Anna was sure even lip-biting couldn't contain the silly grin on her face.
"Would you like to have dinner at my place tomorrow night?" The blonde's words were soft, hopeful.
"Oh." The tips of Anna's ears turned red and she fiddled with the zipper of her jacket. "D-do you mean for our a-anniversary?" Her heart was beating a mile a minute now and she hoped she didn't sound as airheaded as she felt. Her fingers couldn't stay still and she felt a light, tingling buzz along the soles of her feet and the back of her neck.
"I- er, yes," Elsa laughed again, but Anna could hear an undertone of nervousness in the delicate sound. Her tooth dug deeper into her lower lip as the blonde continued, steadily growing more and more nervous with each passing word. "I t-thought about, that is, if you had the time of course, a-asking you if you wanted to go to a restaurant. B-but then I remembered that—" Anna balled her free hand into a fist, shaking it in her growing excitement, "—you're not exactly comfortable- er, well you might not be comfortable with something so high-end." Then her excitement dropped several degrees and it felt as if a stone had fallen into the pit of her stomach. She tightened her grip on her phone, glancing at her shoes as Elsa whispered, "So I thought, perhaps something casual would be better..."
She trailed off and Anna wondered if Elsa was fidgeting on the other line. I don't think I'm ready to go visiting restaurants again. But..
"Are you cooking?" Anna asked, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the wall. She chuckled, "Or should we order something like pizza?"
Elsa snorted and the tension drained from the air.
"Maybe we can decide that later. Or—" and here, Anna could practically hear the grin curling on the blonde's full lips, "—I can surprise you with something."
Anna blinked open her eyes in surprise, the barest feel of heat rising in her cheeks. "Oh," she whispered, mouth puckering slightly. Her pulse began to race and she was sure her heart skipped several beats. Oh. Okay, okay. Calm down. It's completely innocent. You and Elsa are just going to have a good time at her place.
A good time.
The tips of her ears and the nape of her neck turned a dark red. She coughed into her hand and stuttered, "D-do you want me to bring anything? If you're cooking, I can- I should bring something as well." She heard a soft hum on the other line and tugged at her collar. "O-or if we're just going to eat pizza I can pay for half."
Elsa laughed again and Anna forced herself to relax to the sound of it.
"Sorry," she said, tucking a lock of red hair behind her ear, as if the blonde could see her, "I must sound really awkward right now."
"Yes, but I like it when you're awkward."
It was perhaps the most blunt thing Elsa had ever said to her, straight to the point and utterly honest. A jolt shot down her spine and she jumped a bit, blinking rapidly. However, before she could even comment on her girlfriend's choice of words, she heard another thoughtful hum.
"I'm sorry Anna, I have to go. I need to make an appointment."
Anna laughed, secretly grateful from the distraction. "Yeah, sure. No problem. I have work in a little bit anyway." Her fingers twitched against her phone and she smiled to herself, "Talk to you later?"
"Yes," Elsa said and the tenderness in her voice turned the stone in Anna's stomach into a feather.
"Okay, bye." She wiggled her fingers in a small wave before her brain caught up with the fact that the blonde couldn't see her.
"Bye," Elsa giggled and it sent another jolt down her spine. Anna grinned and was about to hang up before she heard scrambling. "W-wait, Anna! What time do you get off work?"
Anna frowned, thumb paused in mid-motion over the "end call" button. She bit her lip and glanced up at the ceiling, "Uh, I'll be off around eight tonight." She blinked, tilting her head to the side, a slight smirk curling on her lips. "Why do you ask?"
Elsa giggled. "No real reason. Is it within walking distance?"
Anna blinked and nodded before saying, "Uh, yeah it kind of is. I walk there when I want to save on gas money."
"Are you walking there today?" She could hear the faint concern in the blonde's voice.
Anna rolled her eyes, but she could feel a smile curling on her lips. "Today? Yeah." Stupid gas money.
There was a hum on the other line and she frowned again. "Why do you ask?" she repeated, hoping to get a more definite answer out of her girlfriend.
Elsa chuckled. "It's nothing. I think I know the store." The redhead opened her mouth to protest, but Elsa quickly added, "I'll call you tonight and we can discuss dinner plans."
Anna pursed her lips at the unclear answer. "Okay, fine be all secretive and don't tell me." Her pout deepened and then she grumbled, "Actually, tell me. Please?"
Elsa laughed again and she imagined the blonde shaking her head, plait swinging side to side. "I'll call you later. Bye Anna."
Anna groaned, but said, "Bye."
The call ended and she huffed, tucking her phone into her jacket pocket. Ugh, now for work.
Anna's unamused, even childish, goodbye made her giggle. She covered her hand over her mouth and stroked her thumb across the screen, eyes twinkling in amusement. She stood there for long enough that her phone shut down. Oh, get ahold of yourself Elsa! The blonde coughed and a light blush coated her cheeks. She glanced around her and a few students passed her by. No one had noticed her dreamy, distracted staring. Still, the blush on her cheeks deepened and she straightened, shifting on the bench and gently flipping her braid off her shoulder. She still had one call to make before she left campus grounds.
Turning her phone on again from its sleep mode, she chuckled softly when her lock screen came up with Anna's picture. Her lips twitched into a grin and she quickly sifted through her contacts to calm herself. She dialed Meg's number and the call was picked up before the first ring had even ended.
"Blondie! It's about time! I was going to call you just now. What took you so long?" Despite her words, Elsa could hear a strange chipperness in the brunette's tone.
Elsa quirked an eyebrow and leaned her back against the wall, crossing her ankles over each other. "You sound oddly happy for a busy day at the gym." She glanced at her nails, feigning interest in the perfectly manicured ends. "Did Hercules propose or something?"
Meg snorted and Elsa knew she had waved her hand dismissively in the air. "Hardly. Nothing like that's come up and you know why. Anyway, don't try distracting me! What took you so long?"
Elsa narrowed her eyes slightly at the quick change in topic. Still, she shrugged her shoulders and decided to let the subject slide for now. Whatever Meg wanted to tell her, she would do so in time. She's done the same for me all these years after all. A smile curled on the blonde's lips and she rested her head against the wall, blue eyes flickering over the tiles on the ceiling. "I was just talking with Anna. I barely got out of class and was about to message her when she called me." She couldn't help the giggle from escaping.
"About your anniversary?"
Elsa's eyebrow rose once again at the underlying excitement in Meg's voice. She nodded slowly before she remembered the brunette couldn't see it. She cleared her throat and asked, "Meg, what are you hiding?" There was a scoff on the other end and she pursed her lips. "Come on Meg, you're not telling me something. What happened? Did something happen at work today?" She tilted her head, blinking. "Hercules really didn't propose to you did he?"
This time Meg outright laughed and the blonde puffed up her cheeks in mild annoyance, jutting out her lower lip. "No, no Blondie! Really, nothing like that. I'm just in a good mood." This time Elsa snorted. "Hey, it can happen! Happened before. Look, that's not important right now because there's more important stuff I need to ask you. Were you able to reschedule your therapist appointment today?"
Elsa stiffened, the annoyance on her face disappearing. She bit her lip and her shoulders slumped. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes. "No, I wasn't able to reschedule after all."
It had been the first thing she had attended to after she and Aurora had finished shopping. But to her dismay, she hadn't been able to book another time slot. She had talked it over with her therapist and he had—politely and gently, of course—insisted she come at the original time. After the call, she had wrung her hands together until Aurora had taken her aside and pointed out that perhaps it was best she get it over with now.
"That way you can spend the entire weekend just basking in the afterglow of your anniversary with Anna. As Tiana put it, get the hard work over with and then have fun later. Nothing to ruin your sweet time with your darling, Elsa."
Although she had eventually agreed to it, she was still put out that she had to attend her appointment. She had pushed back the anxiety buzzing under her skin and had waved goodbye to Aurora, heading to her class with a heavy heart. All throughout her lectures, she had mulled on it. It wasn't so much that she hated going. She had been going for years now.
But I don't want to go the day before our anniversary.
She clutched her phone tighter and shut her eyes, grinding her teeth together. Relax. Breathe. Count to ten. Elsa exhaled through her nose and said, "Aurora said it would be better if I went."
Meg, silent up until now, scoffed. "Right, of course." She clucked her tongue and added slowly, "I think it would be a better idea for you to go now too."
Elsa groaned and buried her face in her free hand. "I knew you'd say that."
"Well, I just want what's best for you," her friend said, softer now.
They did too. Something foul twisted in Elsa's stomach and crawled up her throat. She rubbed her forehead and muttered, "It isn't as if I can't go, but I—" can't! her mind screamed, "—I'm just hesitant is all. I wanted this weekend to be free for the most part."
"Well," Meg said, "you'd have to face your therapist sooner or later. You haven't been going to as many sessions this past month."
A part of her burned at the comment. Elsa blinked and wearily gazed through the gap in her fingers at the floor. "I know," she mumbled and she did know, had known what was best for her for years. She'd been taught and taught and taught to know that there were certain expectations of her and her knowing what was "best" for her mental health, as her father had pointed out once, was one of them.
"I want you to start seeing someone, Elsa. You're my daughter and I want what's best for you, you know that right? So, since you've been having trouble in school, I think it's best you spoke with someone. I've made an appointment with your school counselor. We'll all go together."
And she had done as he'd said, done as others had said, until it felt as if a rope was coiled tightly around her sternum.
"Elsa?"
Meg's concerned voice jolted her from her reverie. Elsa blinked, pulling her hand away from her face.
"Hey, Blondie you there? Look Elsa, if you really don't want to go then you know I'll have your back on that."
She smiled, though it was strained. "No, no it's fine Meg. I'm fine." Then, before the brunette could protest, she said, "Really, I am. And besides, I know you and Aurora are right. I should go."
Even if it makes me uncomfortable to go today.
Her free hand balled into a fist and dug into her thigh.
"Well, if you're sure..." Meg said slowly.
There was a long pause and because she could feel goosebumps beginning to crawl on her skin, Elsa blurted out, "So nothing happened at work?"
"Eh," Meg said and again, she heard something in her friend's voice that made her wonder if Meg was hiding something from her. "Nothing really."
Elsa pursed her lips, tapping her shoe against the floor. "Meg, really. What's going on?"
The brunette chuckled and she could hear the smirk in her voice. "Getting antsy are we, Your Majesty?"
Elsa groaned and slapped her forehead. She shook her head and muttered, "Nevermind."
"I'll tell you when you get home," Meg quipped. "Or more like ask you. I don't think the details are all set."
"Huh? Details, what are you talking about—"
"Anyway, later Elsa! Feel free to call me if you need me to pick you up or something. I gotta get back to work," Meg continued, playing oblivious to her stammering, "Goat man is beginning to scream his head off again."
"Ugh, Meg," Elsa whined, running a hand through her bangs. She heard the brunette laugh and blew at her fringe. "Fine, I'll talk to you later." In a quieter voice, she said, "I'll be heading to my appointment then."
"It'll be over before you know it Elsa," Meg said, voice soft and removed of snark. "Then you've got the whole weekend to spend with your little button."
She chuckled weakly and smiled slightly. "Yeah. Bye Meg."
"Later."
Elsa shut off her phone and sighed. She placed it back in her purse and pinched the bridge of her nose. She could feel the beginnings of a migraine. Around her, students passed her by or milled around in the hallways. Their chatter and footsteps caused the pounding in her temples to feel like the beating of a drum. The fluttering in her stomach that she had felt after speaking with Anna was completely gone now and she only felt the sinking, cold touch of dread filling her veins. It wasn't as if she didn't want to go to her therapist appointment. On the contrary, she had been going diligently to each appointment for several years, save for a few times she had called to change the date. Though, those few times had been in rather close session and most of them had been within the past month.
I'm just..tired.
Heaving another sigh, she stood up and hefted her bag higher on her shoulder. Elsa brushed back her bangs and walked down the hallway, heels clacking. As she did, she rummaged through it and brought out a few pins. She avoided running into anyone as she made her way to the double doors, holding two pins between her teeth. Her hands deftly did up her braid, clasping the long strands into an intricate bun and keeping it in place with the bobby pins. She paused before a water fountain by the doors and felt the weight of her hair and placement of it with her fingertips, brow knitting together in thought.
It'll hold.
She had neglected to bring her ribbon today; the one she often used to place her braid into a bun. A shiver ran down her spine when she looked up and saw her reflection in the glass pane. Her hand paused right over her purse and her mouth went dry.
"You look so much like me sometimes, it's startling."
She could hear, faintly, the tinkling of laughter in her ears as slender fingers brushed through her hair.
"But you have your father's hair color. I guess that's another thing you inherited from him."
Elsa frowned and looked away from her reflection, pressing her bag closer to her side. She pushed open the double doors and tried to squander the creeping feeling crawling up her back. To her relief, the gray clouds in the sky didn't stop the sun from shining brightly down on campus grounds. She breathed in the brisk air and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose again. Her temples throbbed and her shoulders dropped as if a heavy weight was settled upon them.
Come on. Just breathe. She inhaled, counting softly under her breath. Control it. A few people passed her by and she closed her eyes to avoid seeing if anyone was staring. Conceal. Don't feel.
Her fingers trembled and she breathed in once again. The cold air filled her lungs and she smelled the faint hint of rain from the atmosphere.
Conceal.
Elsa gritted her teeth and forced her eyes open. She blinked up at the pale sky and squared her shoulders. It's not raining today. Though she tried to force down the idea that it could rain anytime soon, given the chill in the air. Quick as her feet could take her, she headed to the parking lot. She had time before her appointment started. A quick glance at her watch told her so. Still, she didn't feel like taking chances. The campus blurred around her as she made her way to the parking lot, for once grateful she had driven herself today.
I'd just worry Meg if she saw me like this right now.
Her stomach twisted at the thought and she pursed her lips. She didn't want to be seen by anyone at all now. The delightful, delicate atmosphere that had washed over her during her talk with Anna had evaporated like snow on warming asphalt. A strange mixture of relief and apprehension settled in her stomach as her car came into view. Elsa's hands shook as she extracted her keys and unlocked her door. The scent of pine needles and wintermint immediately hit her nostrils. She inhaled sharply, sliding into the leather seat and placing her bag into the passenger's chair. A click of the lock and she stared out her front window, blue eyes set.
You've done this before. You drove here this morning. You can make it to your appointment.
"It's all memorization Elsa."
She set her jaw and checked her mirrors, glancing over her shoulders and making sure her seat belt was buckled. Then, Elsa revved the ignition and drove out of the parking lot.
The cars that sped past her tested her patience. She kept her eyes focused on the road, blue eyes darting back and forth rhythmically at every intersection. Her hands gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles went whiter than a paper sheet. The hair on the back of her neck rose as she turned onto the lane that led to her therapist's office.
The white building made her swallow and her brow furrowed together. Elsa could feel her palms begin to sweat and a wave of exhaustion washed over her as she drove into the small parking lot. Her stomach continued to twist and her chest clenched tightly. The blonde's hands trembled as she gathered up her bag and things, slipping out of the car door. It slammed shut and the sound made her want to curl in on herself.
Why couldn't I have stayed the way I was with Anna?
Why had it been that as soon as she hung up on her girlfriend, did her mood and everything run south? Things had been going consistently well for her the past couple of weeks.
It isn't fair.
She sounded childish in her own head, but as she walked inside the building, she couldn't keep the calm facade from slipping off her face. Elsa's shoulders drooped when she saw the waiting room was fuller than she'd thought it would be. The blonde paused, taking in the cluster of occupants before her. The hair on her neck rose and she fiddled with the end of her coat. Even standing at the doorway, away from the people seated, she felt clustered in. She recognized a few people from her previous visits and dipped her head in acknowledgment when a young man looked up and saw her. He gave a single wave before looking back down to his magazine of vehicles and auto parts. Elsa steeled herself and made her way to the counter.
The receptionist looked up when she approached and she smiled kindly at the blonde.
"Good day Miss Arendelle, checking in for your appointment?" she asked, fingers already typing away at the computer.
Elsa nodded and smiled stiffly. "I am." She clutched the strap of her bag tighter and glanced in the direction of her therapist's office. "I don't suppose it would be too much to ask if—"
"He can see you now actually." Her eyes widened in surprise and the receptionist glanced up from the computer. The older woman smiled at her and gestured to the hallway. "His previous client just left and besides, you're earlier for yours so you might as well go in right now. He told me that if you came in before the allotted time to let you know he's free."
Her stomach flipped and she wasn't sure if she should feel relieved to get her appointment over with or dread at having to face her therapist sooner than she thought. Elsa cleared her throat and mumbled her thanks to the receptionist, checking herself in before turning down the small hallway that led to the doctor's office.
Doctor...
Her insides twisted and she gripped her bag tighter. The sound of her heels clacking suddenly seemed thunderous and she grimaced as she stopped before the door. She had never liked doctors. They always felt intrusive to her, gloved hands poking and prodding; speaking with her parents in cold, long hallways about what was "wrong" with her or why she was so withdrawn in school. And she had met many, many kinds of doctors over the years of her education, constantly traveling from school to school and looking up at a new face peering down at her. It hadn't been until sometime in her pre-teens that she had finally started to get used to having an extensive medical record on hand. At least until—
"We're sorry Miss Arendelle. There was nothing we could do."
Elsa grit her teeth and shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her temples suddenly throbbed and her migraine returned in full force. Stop it. Come on. You've been through this countless times before. And you should know by now that there wasn't anything anyone could have done—anything you could have done.
They were words she had heard over the years; from friends, family associates, professionals like her therapists, everyone, even herself. Yet still she found it hard to hear them in her own head and believe.
"Miss Arendelle?"
She jumped, eyes widening and head snapping up. Without her knowledge, she had found herself staring at the gap in the door. But the door had creaked open and now she was looking into the concerned brown eyes of her therapist. Heat crept up her neck and into her cheeks. Her jaw hardened and her tongue felt thick and dry. A twinge of embarrassment and shame coiled inside her. "I-I'm sorry, Dr. Dahler. I was thinking of...something…" She trailed off and her shoulders tensed. Her eyes stared somewhere between his face and his shoulder, fighting back the urge to bite her lip or wring her hands together.
Her therapist blinked at her before glancing over her shoulder into the hallway. He clicked his tongue before widening his door and gesturing inside. "Well, come right in Miss Arendelle," he said. "No use standing out here for so long." She inwardly cringed and her nails dug into the strap of her bag. "Let's get right to it."
Elsa nodded and followed him in. The door shut softly, but it sounded like a whip crack in her ears. Dr. Dahler brushed past her and grabbed his pen and clipboard from his desk. He turned to her and smiled, pointing at the lush couch next to him. "Well, sit down Elsa and make yourself comfortable."
Elsa nodded and delicately placed her bag on the couch, sliding onto the soft surface. Dr. Dahler pushed back his glasses and turned to her. "Would you like something to drink? Water?" he asked, pointing at the water cooler near his desk.
"No thank you Doctor," Elsa said, trying to return his smile. "I'd like to just get right down to business." Even though she already felt her nerves beginning to tighten and her breathing shorten.
Dr. Dahler nodded and sat opposite of her in his chair. "Very well, let's start with the obvious then. How have you been lately Elsa?"
Elsa clasped her hands together in her lap, glancing sideways for a moment. She couldn't find it in herself to immediately meet the older man's eyes. "I've been fine, for the most part." She bit her lip, staring out the window at the pale sky. "I'm sorry I haven't been coming to sessions lately."
Her therapist hummed and slowly rolled his pen between his fingertips. "There's nothing to apologize for Elsa. Remember these sessions are paid by you and for you. They're to help you." Her shoulders twitched. "And if you're having trouble meeting our appointed times you know we can always work around it. You can speak to me about a new schedule if you'd like."
She glanced back at him and frowned lightly. "Thank you Doctor, but I don't think I'll need a complete schedule change." She brushed her thumb over the back of her hand, staring down at her lap. "I'll make the other appointments just fine." She sighed, shoulders dropping. "I've been a bit busy is all."
Dr. Dahler frowned, placing down his pen atop his clipboard. "Elsa, is something the matter? Is there anything in particular you wish to speak with me about?"
Elsa shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. She exhaled heavily and rubbed her forehead. The migraine from earlier was returning. "No, no. It's nothing like that." She waved her hand dismissively. "Things haven't even been that bad." In fact, they've been wonderful so far. "I just—" it felt like the walls were closing in on her and she was back in her room, "—felt anxious about coming."
The brunette hummed and although he didn't look surprised or fixate her with an accusatory stare, she still cringed.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, staring back down at her hands. She traced the grooves of her knuckles with her fingertips. "That must sound strange, especially considering I haven't wanted to come to an appointment in some time."
"No, it's perfectly fine Elsa," Dr. Dahler said. He tapped his chin with his pen before saying, "Is there any particular reason why you wished to reschedule?"
Elsa sighed and nodded. I guess I should just get things out in the open. Her stomach flipped at the thought however. "Well," she began, running her palms over her pants, "tomorrow's our first anniversary. My girlfriend and I, that is."
The doctor blinked before grinning brightly at her and his smile reached his eyes. Some of the tension left her shoulders at that.
"Ah, I see. Well then, my congratulations to you both." He scribbled something down before glancing back up at her. "If I recall correctly, it'll be a month for you two now?" She nodded and he continued, "Now, and perhaps I'm being presumptuous here, but is that part of the reason you were anxious about coming?"
Elsa sagged and leaned against the couch, biting her lip. "I- er, yes, that is part of the reason." He gestured for her to go on. Her fingers trembled slightly as she brushed back a lock of platinum-blonde hair. "I'm sorry. This is all so new to me that sometimes I don't know what to do or how to react."
Dr. Dahler nodded, humming and jotting something down. "That's natural. I can understand why you might feel discouraged about something you're uncertain about, especially given what's happened to you and at such a young age—" her chest tightened "—but how has this relationship impacted your wellbeing?"
She couldn't fight the tiny smile curling on her lips despite the array of nerves racing under her skin. "I think it's done wonders." She blinked, rubbing the pads of her fingers together. "Er, well, what I mean is. It's nice." The smile on her lips curved higher and her eyes glazed over. Warmth bloomed in her cheeks and she mumbled, "When I'm with Anna I find myself forgetting things." She bit her lip and her blush darkened. "Not forgetting things as if they've slipped my mind, but as if I can relax around her."
I don't think I'm as afraid around her.
Dr. Dahler hummed and placed aside his clipboard before turning to her with an encouraging smile on his face. He folded his hands and said, "It sounds like you're becoming rather comfortable in your relationship." He leaned over in his chair and his smile was replaced by a thin line; albeit not an unkind one. "I'm glad to hear that. I think right now what you need is very much some sort of stability in your life."
Especially after the death of your parents.
The unspoken words cut through the air. Elsa wrung her hands together and nodded slightly. She gnawed on her lower lip, averting his gaze. The room felt stuffy and the air weighed heavily down on her shoulders. "It isn't so much as if I want this to be a need," she ran a hand through her hair and almost dislodged the bobby pins keeping her bun in place, "but I want to make it clear that I want this. What I have with Anna. That I—" she inhaled sharply and met his gaze with wide, blue eyes.
"I chose this."
Dr. Dahler nodded and leaned back, rubbing his chin slowly. "I can see why this is all so appealing to you. You grew up rather conservatively, even if your family wasn't exactly conservative specifically about sexuality, they still didn't really allow you to date who you wanted to, did they?"
The weight on her shoulders seemed to grow heavier. She heard voices, distantly.
"Elsa, this is Mr. Collins and his son, Theodore. Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter—"
She recalled so many people in her life. So many people coming and going, even her own family coming and going. So many times she had had to introduce herself to someone new, even as her knees had trembled imperceptibly. So many people that, when she tried to focus on certain things—days, places, faces—it was all a blur. She pushed down the twisting in her stomach and tried to push away the heaviness on her shoulders.
Elsa shifted and said, "They were conservative at times. Mostly with the way I should act rather than anything else, but still," she bit her lip again and glanced sideways, "sometimes I still wondered if I could approach them on certain things."
Would they approve of me now?
"And you feel as if you can approach Anna about such things?"
She blinked at him, tilting her head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"Well from what you told me about growing up, you were never truly interested in relationships." He slipped off his glasses and took out a small handkerchief from his coat pocket, rubbing the frames delicately. "And yet here you are, in a growing relationship with a woman around your age, that you've stated you feel comfortable around." Dr. Dahler pushed his glasses back on and stared at her. "That's why I think this entire thing must feel appealing to you. Your relationship with her lets you cast aside your worries for a while. Perhaps you enjoy the idea of forgetting yourself for a while and, for lack of a better phrase, you allow someone else to take the reins of your life for a little while. Give someone else the control in your relationship and thus allow you to just enjoy the ride. Enjoy some carefree fun, so to speak, away from obligations."
A shiver crawled up her spine and she felt the hair on the nape of her neck rise. Something foul and sour sprouted on her tongue and she swallowed, forcing down a lump in her throat. Elsa glared down at the ground and clenched her fists. "You make it sound terrible like that." She scoffed and chuckled bitterly. "Like some sort of teenage rebellion."
"Well Elsa, you didn't exactly have time for a teenage rebellion. So perhaps in a way, this is a sort of rebellion."
She blanched, whipping her head to stare wide-eyed at him. "W-what? How could you say that?"
He held up a placating hand. "Perhaps that wasn't the right choice of words—"
She scoffed and dug her fingernails into her palms. "Obviously. Forgive my tongue Doctor, but you made it sound like a phase. A passing thing." She glared at the floor and her blood began to boil. "I'd like to think what I have with Anna isn't one."
He nodded, though she suspected he wanted to quirk his eyebrow at her. Her nails dug even harder into her skin.
"How do you know this isn't a phase though?"
Her blood sparked and she gritted her teeth, staring at her lap. Her temples throbbed again and she fought back the urge to bury her face in her hands. Instead, she sighed and breathed through her nose, counting in her head. "I'm twenty-four Doctor. I hardly think this would count as a phase if I'm not a teenager anymore."
"Alright," he said. "But let me ask you this one thing."
She sensed he knew how uncomfortable she was getting and she bit the inside of her cheek to refrain from remarking on it.
"Your parents continuously introduced you to young men with the intent of you marrying them, right?"
Elsa nodded slowly, blue eyes narrowing. Where is this going? "Honestly, I don't think marriage was always at the core of some of their introductions." Something flickered in her eye and she felt a pull in her stomach. "Sometimes I think they just wanted someone to be there for me—" when they couldn't "—so I guess you could say they wanted something stable for me too." She couldn't help but add, "Something traditionally stable."
Even if that was something I never wanted.
Dr. Dahler hummed and picked up his pen again. "So if you don't think this is a phase, then do you think it's merely coincidence that the person you're dating happens to be the complete opposite of the person your parents wanted you to be with?"
Elsa's shoulders rose to her ears and she felt the rest of her body subtly curl in on itself. "What do you mean?"
He tilted his head and flashed her a small smile. She wondered if it was his idea of seeming sympathetic in the moment. "Think about it. You told me before she isn't high-end class." She nodded, straightening her spine. "And then there's of course the fact that you're dating a woman."
"Well yes," Elsa said, shifting in her seat. "I'm not attracted to men. I even managed to tell my parents that before—" she winced and trailed off. A pang of pain hit her squarely in the chest.
He continued and she wasn't sure if she was grateful or not. "So low-class, a young woman, likely not as educated as the young men your parents introduced you to—" she ground her teeth together "—and thus very much the opposite of the image your parents pictured you with." Dr. Dahler fixed her with a steady look. "With her, you don't have to be a perfect girl, or rather, the perfect image your parents set you up to be. It's a moment of fleeting freedom you feel."
The oppressive air in her lungs felt like a heavy rain. "I didn't say yes to her on a whim you know. And certainly not as some act to- to spite my parents." Right? She frowned. "And I don't appreciate the way you're speaking about her." He opened his mouth to say something before she swiftly cut in. "Besides, I don't see how this has anything to do it with my anxiety today."
The brunette shut his mouth and nodded, picking up his clipboard again. "Very well," he said, adjusting his glasses, "let's move on then. I apologize for discussing the matter in such a way Elsa. I simply wanted to—"
"I am serious about this," she said, narrowing her eyes. Her blue eyes flashed and her body shook slightly. "I hope I've made that clear Doctor."
He blinked and stared at her for a moment before nodding. Though a part of her—the part that coiled tightly around her torso and suffocated her throat—doubted he believed her.
"You mentioned you were anxious about today, correct?"
She nodded. And apparently I had good reason to be anxious. This is turning out to be one of the worst sessions I've ever had. She bit back the retort and tried to ignore the downturn of her mood. It's already terrible though. I just don't want it to get worse.
"Then, do you think it's because you have something big planned for tomorrow? Namely your anniversary?"
Elsa blinked and tilted her head, brow furrowing. "Well, yes, but who wouldn't feel anxious about something like that?" She grimaced and added, "And I'm still new to all of this. I don't want things to go wrong." And end up pushing her away.
"Is Anna new to this too?" He looked up from where he'd been scribbling.
Her frown deepened. "What do you mean new to this?" She shifted, fingers twitching restlessly. "Do you mean new to being in a relationship with someone that has anxiety and depression?" Her stomach twisted and the coil around her tightened. She felt a slight wave of nausea come wash over her. "Er, I haven't told her anything about it."
Dr. Dahler shook his head. "Don't worry, that's not what I was asking. And for the record I don't expect you to tell her so soon. What I meant was, is she experienced in relationships?"
Elsa bit her lip and shrugged, something flickering in her blue eyes. "More experienced than me. I've never dated anyone as you know. Nothing past those dinners with the sons of my father's associates that he would set up. She's the one who asked me out on a date, so that already puts her leagues ahead of me." She rubbed her fingertips together, shifting in her seat again. "She might have had previous relationships. I never asked her about it and the topic never came up."
He hummed and jotted something down. Her shoulders twitched and drew closer to her ears. She still didn't see where her therapist was going with the current topic.
"You mentioned to me before that you had an attack on your second date with her correct?"
Elsa nodded, rubbing her palms over her knees. She was surprised her hands weren't sweating. She could easily remember heading out of the theater and locking herself in a bathroom stall that day. The amount of people and the dark room had made her feel claustrophobic. It had all been disorienting.
Like when I attended their funeral.
She swallowed thickly, but Dr. Dahler continued on.
"Then you said you felt better after having her be so close?" He raised an eyebrow, pen tip hovering over his clipboard.
Elsa shook her head. "Not exactly. I was able to calm down in the bathroom by myself." She lowered her gaze, blue eyes flickering. "It's just that afterwards it felt nice to be held. Reassuring."
I didn't feel so lonely.
"And this is why I wonder if you simply find your relationship with her appealing." Elsa jerked her head up and frowned at him, but he held up his hand in a placating gesture. "I think she brings you stability with her experience. She's likely had past relationships so—"
"I don't want to talk about Anna like that." He blinked, brown eyes widening at her interruption. She pursed her lips and said, "I don't feel as if it's appropriate."
Why does it feel as if I have to prove her to everyone? What does it matter if she isn't new to this? If she had anything with anyone before, it's over by now.
Still, a thought—not exactly unrelated to the subject at hand—kept prying at her mind. Would her parents have approved of her? If things had been different? The idea only soured her mood further.
I wonder what would have happened if I had told them earlier. How different would things had been?
"Do you think it's possible that your upcoming anniversary is causing you to re-experience the anxiety you felt on the day of your parents' death?"
The question was delivered softly, yet the bluntness shot through her and made her head snap up. Elsa's eyes slowly widened and her mouth dropped open.
"I- what? How could our anniversary make me think about that again?" she stammered, face paling. "That doesn't make any sense and why would you- why would I—"
It stung to be reminded of her last meeting with her parents, before they had driven off on that rainy day and their car had been totaled. She could feel a burning sensation behind her eyelids and she blinked rapidly to push it back. She could hear the faint screaming in the distance, could hear the door slam and could feel the anger in her veins dissipate into a sinking, empty feeling.
"Stay in your room if that's what you want!"
Elsa shut her eyes and rubbed her temples. Her migraine was overwhelming and her temples throbbed beneath her fingertips. Everything felt too bright all of a sudden and she bit back a groan.
Her therapist paused before gently saying, "Elsa, what I mean to say is, that the stress and worry about your celebration tomorrow could possibly be reminding you of your parents' death. You and your family were planning to head to a celebration that day too correct?"
Her shoulders twitched.
She remembered the silver bracelet her mother had tied around her wrist that morning. Slim fingers brushing against her hand, the touch evident even above the white opera gloves she had worn. A tender smile and warm blue eyes, so alike and unlike her own, watching her. Light reflecting off a sapphire brooch.
Her mother's disappointed and hurt expression as her father urged them out the front door.
Elsa shot up from her seat, wrenching her hand from her face. Surprise flashed across Dr. Dahler's face and he watched her with a quizzical, blank expression as she grabbed her bag and slipped the strap over her shoulder, nails digging reflexively into the strap.
"I think that will be all for today Doctor," Elsa said, biting back the icy tone in her voice. She doubted she succeeded when she saw him frown slightly. "Forgive me, but I think I'll be going now. There are still things I need to finish today."
Homework, errands, chores, anything that gave her the excuse to get away.
Dr. Dahler glanced at his watch and pursed his lips. "We still have time on your session Elsa. Are you sure—"
"I'm positive," Elsa cut in, shoulders tensing. Her coat felt tight against her torso. She nodded curtly, neck muscles stiff, and turned towards the door. "I'm sorry, but I'll stay for the full session next time. Now please excuse me, but I must be going."
He didn't say anything, merely nodded as she opened the door and slipped out. The short walk out of her therapist's office felt like an eternity. She bypassed the receptionist and other occupants in the waiting room without a second glance. When she exited the waiting room and turned in the direction of the main lobby of the building, she felt a bit of the heaviness weighing on her shoulders lessen. But the brisk air still felt uncomfortable and her head still ached.
I need to get out of here.
The double glass doors couldn't come into sight fast enough. She blinked rapidly and narrowed her eyes at the evening sun. Walking steadily to her car, she reached up and yanked at the bobby pins keeping her hair in place. Her braid fell against her shoulder and the pounding in her head lessened slightly. Elsa ran her hand through her hair, long blonde bangs falling down messily.
She wrenched open her car door and slipped into the driver's seat. Her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly until her knuckles turned white and she all but jabbed her key into place.
"I have to get out of here," she hissed.
"And that will be all for you right?" Anna quipped as she rang up the last two items. She took the man's membership card with a bright smile and typed up his receipt. Swiftly bagging up the items, she handed them over to the customer and waved as he smiled and left.
"Last customer for now. Time for my break," Anna said as she reached for her handkerchief in her back pocket and wiped her forehead. She ran her sweaty palms down her jeans and huffed, glancing down her lane to make sure there were no incoming customers. The grocery store still had several lingering people, but to her relief, most of them headed towards the express lane.
When she was certain no one needed her services, she stepped away from the counter and turned around, calling out, "Hey John, I'm going to take my break now!"
The tall, portly young man glanced over his shoulder and grinned at her. "Alright Anna! I'll cover for you if anything happens."
She returned his grin with her infamous thousand-watt smile and waved to him, beginning to untie her apron. "Thanks, I appreciate it!"
"Get some substance on those bones girl!" he called out as she headed towards the exit.
Anna waved half-heartedly before stepping outside. The double doors whooshed open and she breathed in the cool night air. The chill swept over her comfortably and she paused by the side to just lean against the wall, closing her eyes. Her feet were aching and it wasn't just because she had been standing for hours by now. She'd been running around in a hurry all day, trying to finish up her homework on her off time so she could be free of her worries for tomorrow and also trying to decide on possible plans for her and Elsa's anniversary.
More and more she found herself leaning towards a casual dinner for two.
Her heart skipped at the idea and she swallowed, opening her eyes to stare up the dark sky. "That would be wonderful," Anna whispered to herself. "Maybe I can bring—"
The blare of her cell phone made her jump and squeak in surprise. She fumbled with her back pocket, digging out the offending object.
Incoming call from Punzie.
Anna stared with wide eyes at the screen before hurriedly accepting the call.
"Anna!" Rapunzel cried out in delight. "I'm so glad I caught you on break! Hey guess—"
"Where have you been?!" Anna interrupted with a whine. She slumped against the stone wall of the grocery store, sliding down to her rear end. "I could have really used your help picking things out Rapunzel! But you were gone before I even woke up and Eugene and the others dragged me out early today!"
There was a short giggle on the other line before Rapunzel answered. "Sorry Anna. I really had something important to do today and I wanted to make sure it was a surprise. I was going to check up on you when Eugene said you guys came back to campus, but you were already gone by the time I got to our dorm."
Anna pursed her lips, lower lip jutting out in a pout. "Was it really that big of a thing that you had to keep it from me?"
"I know you don't like secrets, but you'll like this one for sure," Rapunzel said gently. The redhead could hear the underlying tone of understanding in her voice.
Anna blinked before frowning. She stared at the space between her shoes. Yeah, I hate secrets. She bristled, biting her lip. "Is it a good surprise?" she mumbled, leaning her head on her shoulder. The last time I got a "surprise" it really sucked.
"Well, okay I'll give you a hint!" Rapunzel squealed and Anna felt a smile twitch on her lips. "I'm willing to bet Elsa's going to love it!"
"Huh?" Anna blinked several times before staring at her phone, quirking an eyebrow. "Wait, is it a surprise for me or for Elsa?"
"You could say it's both," her cousin said, giggling and humming in contentment.
Anna narrowed her eyes, a smirk playing on her lips. "Punz, what are you playing at?" A blush suddenly colored her cheeks and she squawked. "Don't tell me it's something like—!"
"No!" Rapunzel shrieked. Her cousin coughed before quickly clarifying. "I mean, no, no! God, Anna it's nothing like that." Without seeing her Anna knew her cousin was fidgeting and pulling at her short hair. "You'll see it when you get home. To be honest, it's not anything all that special."
Anna hummed and leaned her head on her shoulder again. Her eyelids drooped and she murmured, "If it's coming from family like you of course it's going to be special."
There was silence on the other end save for a soft hitch of breath.
Anna closed her eyes and exhaled quietly. The fatigue in her body seemed to drain away for a moment as she listened to Rapunzel's light sniffles. She grinned slightly and brought her knees up, humming to herself.
After so many years of living at the orphanage, she clung to the fact that her biological cousin had somehow managed to find her, especially given what she knew had happened to the older brunette as a child.
"Okay, okay!" Rapunzel inhaled deeply and Anna could hear her clear her throat. "Back to business! I got your present right here and I can't wait until you try it. Did you want me to pick you up today or are you walking home? I saw your truck parked in the lot."
Anna gnawed on the inside of her cheek, tilting her head back up to gaze at the dark sky. She could barely see the twinkling stars, thanks in part to the brightly lit street lamps.
She fiddled with the end of one braid and said, "If you could pick me up, that'd be great." The redhead huffed through her nose and her shoulders slumped. "But I still have the rest of my shift to work through and I haven't even eaten anything!" She trailed off with a giggle and brushed aside her bangs. Her stomach growled and she groaned. "Ugh, sorry Punzie, I'm distracted. Anyway, yeah come pick me up when I'm done okay?"
"Do you want me to buy something for you? Large jalapeño pizza? We could share it on the drive back."
Anna shook her head before saying, "Nah, I think I'll grab a quick bite to eat here. There's a convenience store nearby and besides I think Eugene was anxious to spend time with you today. So just come pick me up when my shift's over okay?" She wiggled her feet and mumbled, chin dropping on her chest, "The quicker I get into bed the better."
"Okay, I'll see you later. Make sure you stop for a second and eat a lot!" There was a pause and she added, "For me okay? I think you're thinner than I am."
Anna giggled and rolled her eyes, pushing herself to her feet. She dusted off her pants and nodded. "Right, I'm heading over to the convenience store now. Later Punzie!"
"Bye Anna."
She shoved her phone in her back pocket after ending the call. Anna stretched her arms and grunted when she heard a pop in her back. She rubbed the back of her neck and was about to head down the sidewalk when her phone rang again.
Anna jumped and fished it out, glaring at it. "Oh, what now? I'm hungry!"
"Reindeers are better than people."
"Oh!" Anna hurriedly accepted the call and pressed the object to her ear, her earlier annoyance and fatigue washing away. She began to bounce on the tips of her toes, an excited grin on her face. "Kristoff! Are you at the hotel now? Did you get plenty of sleep? Have you eaten yet? How's the rest of the team?"
Kristoff laughed, not the least bit surprised at her outburst. "Yes, somewhat, not yet, everyone's fine," he answered in short succession. "Slow down feistypants."
Anna pouted and sat back on her heels. "Har har, very funny. Can you blame me though? I haven't heard from you since the last time you called and I was getting worried." Slowly, she began to walk down the street, staring down at her sneakers. "I don't like it when I don't hear from you in so long."
I hate being alone.
Her stomach flipped and she chewed on her lower lip. The familiar sensation of standing in an empty room and waiting for hours washed over her. It sent a shiver down her spine and she pressed her cell phone closer to her ear, as if Kristoff's physical and large, warm presence could travel through it. The cold air brushed over her and her fingers twitched.
She could practically feel the glass of the orphanage's highest story window underneath her fingers, staring down at the people walking by, wondering, waiting, wishing—
"Why doesn't anyone wa—"
She pushed the thought as far away from her mind as she could, distantly aware Kristoff was still speaking to her.
"—Anna! Hey Anna, you there?"
"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry Kris, I spaced out." She turned onto the corner of the street and pressed on the button for the walk signal. She leaned against the pole and sighed. "I'm just beat. I've been running around all day."
"You? Beat from running around? Not standing in one place is your signature trait." She heard him grunt on the other line and knew he had crossed his arms over his chest. "Did you eat yet? What's going on?"
Anna shrugged and walked across the intersection when she saw the walk signal flash. She made sure to quicken her footsteps so she wasn't standing in front of the waiting cars for long.
"I'm about to eat. I'm on my work break and there's a store nearby. I was just going to have a quick bite." She ran a hand through her hair and jumped onto the curb. "I don't know why I'm more tired. It's not anything out of the ordinary. Er, well I did wake up early today."
In truth, she had been dragged out of bed, but at the bottom of her heart she knew that wasn't the real reason.
Why do I feel so anxious nowadays?
She never recalled being so jumpy before. She had been able to just take things as they had come after being adopted, but the past couple of weeks her short composure had been even more short.
Maybe it's because now I know Hans moved out. And I don't know where he is.
Another shiver crawled down her spine as she approached the convenience store. Avoiding her ex-boyfriend had been easy when she knew what dorm he lived in and what classes he had attended last semester. But now—
"It's not trouble in paradise is it?"
Kristoff's abrupt voice nearly caused her to walk right into the store's entrance. She stumbled back a bit before clasping the door handle, yanking it open and shooting a glance at her phone as if the blonde were right beside her.
"Huh? What? No, what do you mean trouble in paradise?"
The bell chimed and she gave a brief wave to the clerk out of instinct. Anna walked directly to where she knew the packaged sandwiches were.
"Eh, you know me. I just wanted to ask and make sure. I doubt it's trouble in paradise, but—"
"Elsa has been nothing but an angel," Anna cut in with a growl. Her patience with the subject was wearing thin. "I'm serious Kristoff. There hasn't been any trouble in paradise. Everything's been fine." I didn't make a mistake this time dating her. She's been perfect to me.
Her hand paused just over the selection of food.
But then again Hans acted perfect too.
She shook her head and snatched an apple and sandwich.
Hans acted perfect. He certainly wasn't perfect. And besides, I knew Elsa longer than I knew Hans before I started dating either of them.
But did she really know anything about Elsa?
The thought sent a chill colder than death down her spine and she stiffened. A sick, twisted feeling filled her stomach and she gulped. Even against the freezers and with the air conditioning on, and the night air, she still felt an unbearable heat shoot down her back, leaving her burning with a mix of shame and dread.
Stop it. You're just tired.
"Anna?"
Anna jumped. She just realized she hadn't said a word for a few minutes and the concern in Kristoff's voice was evident. She quickly pushed her cell closer to her, mumbling, "Sorry Kristoff, I spaced out again. Did you say something?"
He sighed and said, "Ugh, look Anna. I'm sorry my comment was out of line, especially after I told you what I thought about Elsa. It's just—" and she imagined him running his hand through his thick, blonde locks, "—I don't know, I guess I'm on edge too."
Anna snorted and rolled her eyes, a smile twitching at the corner of her lips. "You miss me. And you're worried about me."
She heard him scoff and her smile widened. "Miss you? Why would I miss you? You're a brat. I still remember the time you convinced me to help you make sugar cookies for Christmas at three in the morning. Me and Sven ended up covered in flour and the kids thought I was a young Santa."
She laughed and checked down the lane, considering getting another snack with her apple and sandwich. "But the cookies came out so well!"
"Ha!" Kristoff exclaimed dryly. Then he let out a long suffering sigh and she paused in front of the chips stand. "I can't wait until I get home though. I just want to check up on you."
Anna blinked and stared down at the floor. "I'm fine," she whispered. Right? I'm fine now right? Louder, she said, "And we'll see each other when Sunday comes! Don't worry about me Kristoff."
"You've been very convincing," he remarked and she rolled her eyes at the sarcasm in his voice.
"Well, I have been anxious about one thing," she admitted, feeling heat creeping into her cheeks. She grabbed a bag of chips randomly and made her way to the counter. "Tomorrow's my anniversary with Elsa."
"Huh? Wait, what? Anna—!"
Anna pushed her phone flat against her shoulder, grinning up at the clerk and placing her items on the counter. She ignored Kristoff's words and said, "This is it."
The clerk quirked an amused eyebrow at her brother's bombardment on the other line. He rang up her items and she was out the door in seconds, fumbling with her phone and sandwich. She ripped open the plastic wrapping and shifted her phone back to her ear just in time to hear Kristoff say:
"So what are you two going to do?"
She giggled. Well looks like he's calmer than I thought. "I was thinking about a casual dinner date at her place. Elsa brought it up earlier but we hadn't decided on anything concrete yet. Do you think I should bring a wine bottle or something?"
He grunted and she knew he was frowning. "Well, if you want. Whatever, you're 21, almost 22."
Anna stopped at the intersection, blinking in surprise. She chewed on her sandwich slowly, watching a few cars pass by. Woah, that's a first. Kristoff not telling me to be super ultra cautious about something. A tingle ran down her spine and the light changed color. She sprinted across the street, hopping onto the sidewalk. Maybe he's really, finally relaxing about me being in another relationship.
However, she felt a strange sharp sting of annoyance somewhere between the top of her spine and her neck. I wish everyone would stop walking on eggshells around me though. It just feels like they're constantly worried I'll make another mistake. But I'm with Elsa. Why does it feel like people judge her on sight?
Was it because Elsa was like Hans?
Her stomach twisted and she tightened her grip on her phone.
Was it because they were both rich? Both beautiful people? Both perfect people? People who seemed perfect at least?
They couldn't be more different though.
Softly, and because she knew she had spent another few minutes being uncharacteristically quiet with him, she said to Kristoff, "We're going to be at her place. She said she might cook dinner." He let out a relieved sigh and she wasn't sure if it was because she was talking again or because their anniversary plans sounded plain and simple. "It's just going to be the two of us."
Her lips pursed suddenly and she skipped absentmindedly over a crack in the sidewalk. Unless Meg's going to be there. Meg's not going to be there right? Wow, that would be awkward.
Her ears burned bright red. I'd never hear the end of it from her either.
"Do you think everything's going to be fine?" she blurted out.
"Huh?"
"I mean," Anna's heart leapt in her throat and stopped walking. "I-I mean, do you think everything will go alright tomorrow?" It sounded silly and stupid to even her ears.
Kristoff snorted on the other line. "You're just having dinner together. Everything will be fine." There was a pause and he asked, "Seriously, what's wrong with you? You're not still thinking about—"
"No," Anna cut in. She shoved her free hand into her pocket and rocketed on her heels. "I think I'm just tired Kristoff." She laughed, brushing a red lock behind her ear. "All work and no play makes Anna a dull girl."
Kristoff chuckled and she brightened. "Then get some sleep slothball. I'm going to go grab a bite to eat myself and you should head back to work."
Anna hummed and continued walking. "Okay, but call me soon alright? I hate it when you don't."
"Don't worry about me Anna. You know I do just fine on my own."
She pursed her lips and her fingers twitched. "Yeah, I know, but I…" Need to know you'll okay. "I don't want to go too long without hearing your snores grumpy bear.'
She needed confirmation of things like a man in the desert needed the water from a pure oasis.
"Hey, I don't snore," Kristoff grumbled. "That's you, not me."
She snorted and rolled her eyes, jogging lightly when she saw the grocery store again. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm a perfectly fine and elegant sleeper." Minus the bed hair every morning. He laughed outright and she grinned. Softly, she added, "I'll see you Sunday Kristoff."
"Yeah, can't wait to see you Anna." He paused and she heard him mumble, "And meet Elsa. Happy anniversary to you two."
A warm glow spread to her chest and she blinked back the slightest hint of tears. Anna coughed and cleared her throat, giggling and saying, "Thanks big guy."
She felt less anxious when they parted and, pocketing her cell phone, she scurried back to her station. She had to scarf down her apple and the rest of her sandwich as she slid behind the register again, but she didn't care. The happy feeling in her chest more than made up for it.
"Here John!" Anna called, throwing the chips his way.
He turned and caught them, a grin on his face. The rest of her shift was filled with small chatter between the two of them and excited bubbles floating in her stomach.
And when I get home, Rapunzel will have that present or whatever she bought for me waiting for me!
Her feet were tingling by the time she hung up her apron. She waved goodbye to her coworkers and flipped through her contacts to let Rapunzel know she was done with work. The double doors whooshed open and she breathed in the night air again. A chill ran down her spine, all the way to the soles of her feet.
Anna looked up, unsure why, but something demanded it of her. She blinked and her thumb was still against the screen of her phone. Another breeze washed over her neck and goosebumps rose on her skin.
Elsa stood several feet away from her.
She was wearing her pea coat, pants tucked into her boots and hands shoved into her front pockets. She didn't look any different than usual, except for…
Anna's teal eyes flicked up to the blonde's hair. It was in her single plait style, but instead of her bangs being slicked to the sides with hair spray, they hung in front of her face. Her lips were set in a tight line and her blue eyes were narrowed. Anna frowned slightly when she noticed that Elsa's eyeshadow and mascara seemed to be smudged. It was only the slightest bit, but it made the redhead all the more aware of the light bags underneath her girlfriend's eyes. Her skin was paler than usual too. Elsa wasn't staring directly at her either. She was looking at the space somewhere between Anna's shoes and the asphalt.
The redhead slowly lowered her phone and tilted her head to the side.
"Elsa?" she called softly.
Blue eyes snapped up to look at hers. Anna's frown deepened at the surprise that flashed in them. It almost seemed as if Elsa herself was shocked at her own arrival.
"Hey beautiful," Anna said slowly, a smile curling on her lips. She hopped a few steps forward until she was in front of the slightly taller woman. Anna reached up and brushed the back of her knuckles against Elsa's cheek. Something flickered in the blonde's blue eyes and the corner of her mouth twitched. Anna frowned again, but kept the smile on her face. She brushed her thumb against the apple of Elsa's cheek, running it along the light splatter of freckles. "What's wrong? You've seen better days," she joked.
Elsa's eyes darted side to side and, again, Anna had the feeling the blonde wasn't looking directly at her. The redhead stilled her movements and merely cupped Elsa's cheek.
"Hey? Elsa? C'mon on, what's wrong?" Anna pocketed her phone and her hand rested on Elsa's forearm. "I was joking about you not looking good, you know? You look great." She aimed a bright grin at the blonde, but only received a blank expression in return.
Another chill ran down her spine.
Then, Elsa straightened, glancing over her shoulder. "Did you need a ride?"
Her voice was distant, lacking any of the polite and gentle composure Anna associated with her. The redhead dropped her hands to her side, shrugging.
"Er, Rapunzel was actually going to pick me up." She fingered her phone in her pocket. "But I can text her and say you came instead," she added with an energetic grin.
Even if Elsa seemed off, Anna's heart still skipped at the sight of her.
Elsa hummed and her eyes glazed over. Then she turned around, finally facing the redhead. "Do you mind?"
Anna's grin practically became a lightbulb. "No, of course not!" she exclaimed, already digging out her phone again and quickly messaging her cousin. "We can talk about dinner plans for tomorrow face to face!"
Elsa smiled slightly for a moment before turning around. "Right. My car's this way." Then her footsteps were echoing in the nearly empty parking lot.
Anna blinked, staring at the blonde's retreating back. She pressed send on her phone and shoved it into her pants. Her teal eyes flickered with worry as, slowly, she began following Elsa's lead. A sinking feeling pooled in her stomach and she shivered. The walk to Elsa's car was utterly filled with silence. She unlocked the doors and gestured for Anna to slip inside before moving onto the driver's side.
Anna blinked and leaned back in the lush seat. She inhaled and caught the scent of mint and pine needles. Elsa slammed the door and she only felt colder inside the car. Anna frowned and twiddled her fingers together, glancing sideways at Elsa. The blonde revved the ignition and began to back out, checking her mirrors and looking over her shoulder.
She avoided Anna's eye even as they turned onto the street.
What's going on here? I've never seen her so upset before.
Elsa's hands gripped the steering wheel so tight her knuckles turned white. Anna chewed on the inside of her cheek, wondering how to defuse the tense atmosphere.
"I was thinking," she began slowly, shooting the blonde a half-smile, "maybe you could cook dinner? Since you offered?" Elsa's eyes flashed to her and Anna straightened at the empty glance. She lifted her hands and started gesturing. "Er, but it's completely fine if you're tired and you just want to order out! What do you like? Pizza? Chinese? You look like you had a rough day so—"
"I can cook."
The blunt comment stopped her in her tracks. Anna dropped her hands to her lap and bit her lip. Elsa had turned back to staring at the road, blue eyes hardened into chips of ice.
Come to think of it, this is the first time I've ever been in her car. Heck, I didn't even know she had a car. Maybe she doesn't drive often and that's why she's on edge.
"I like your car," Anna blurted out.
Elsa tensed beside her and the redhead noticed her jaw harden.
She laughed once and brushed back a strand of hair. "I don't think I've ever seen you drive before."
"I don't drive often," Elsa said curtly. The hair on the back of Anna's neck rose at the stiff tone. Elsa squeezed the wheel. 'Sorry," she mumbled without looking at the redhead. "I have reasons…"
"Oh, no, no!" Anna lifted her hands and waved them rapidly. "It's fine, I was just pondering out loud, you know?" She laughed and looked around, taking in the sleek leather seats and extensive dashboard. Her pick-up truck was a relic in comparison to Elsa's lavished automobile.
Come to think of it, it reminds me a bit of Hans' car.
A shudder ran down her spine and her fingers twitched in her lap. She glanced sideways at Elsa again. The older woman's spine was straight and Anna noticed she seemed to refrain from touching anything save for the steering wheel and her seat. Her knees were as close as they could be while she drove and her hands never moved from their position on the steering wheel except when she needed to turn it. Her eyes remained locked on the road. Her calm demeanor was nowhere to be seen.
Huh. She reminds me of him when he was—
She slammed the idea down before her brain could fully process it. She wasn't going to go down that route, no matter how much doubt her mind could conjure. Elsa was nothing like Hans.
But then how can you be certain of that? You thought you knew exactly what Hans was like before things started getting worse. But you just ended up finding out the hard way because you were too young and stupid to even think that dating a man you just met was a bad idea.
Anna grit her teeth and dug her nails into the fabric of her jeans. She mentally shook the thought away.
I've known Elsa longer and she probably just had a bad day. She's allowed to have bad days and sulk about them isn't she? Yes of course she is. Everyone has bad days.
Her mind flashed to the day she had lent Elsa her umbrella. She could still easily recall the exhaustion and pain on the blonde's face as she sat alone on the bench. She could still hear the rain falling outside. And then the day after, when Elsa had returned the umbrella. She could still remember the tentative smile on the blonde's face.
Anna steeled her resolve.
I'm not going to let all these stupid thoughts get the better of me.
"So," Anna began slowly, "about dinner. You're cooking huh?"
At last, Elsa spoke up. She nodded and murmured, "Casual date for two? At my place?"
"I'll bring something!" Anna piped up, sidling to the left in her seat. She reached over and patted Elsa's knee. The blonde glanced at her again and the distant look in her blue eyes softened somewhat. It sent a thrill through Anna's body and made the coil of tension in her stomach ease. "Since you're cooking and I don't want you to do, you know, everything I'll bring the drinks." She already had an idea in mind for what she could get.
Nothing fancy, but it's just the two of us so who cares?
Elsa nodded again, slowly, pausing at the red light. "Are you fine with pasta?" she whispered.
Anna beamed and gently squeezed the blonde's knee. "Are you saying we're going to have spaghetti?" she teased. "We could watch Lady and the Tramp! I'll bring it over along with the drinks."
A fitting movie given their situation, she thought.
However, instead of the amusement she expected at her antics, Elsa only twitched. The blonde gave a noncommittal noise, blue eyes focused on the road once again. She stepped forward on the gas and the car crossed the intersection. Anna blinked at the lack of response. She slowly removed her hand from Elsa's knee and clasped her fingers together tightly.
Despite her earlier decision, a single doubt, burned in the back of her mind from before, resurfaced.
Did I do something wrong?
The rest of the drive was spent in silence. It rang hollow in her ears.