UmBurial Laboratories
Our now pissed Valentine was outside once more, she faced a fountain of sort but since she lacked the two items she simply shot the slots with the devastating Magnum. That blew to hell the hidden mechanisms which drained the water nonetheless still granting her passage. Descending rapidly on wet stairs was bound to make her slip but she was so angry that even the water didn't dare mess with her.
The elevator got her inside the laboratories where she vented her annoyance upon every unfortunate creature within the vicinity. She kicked a door open, mumbling, «Fucking Burry Button. Hurry ButtOn. Belly Button. Baril BurpOn and so forth… at least Faux-Rest only tried to hug me. Damn red-bearded lying son of a bastard. », she grabbed the head of a zombie and violently obliterated it on a stone wall. Searching the well-equipped rooms she discovered many useless objects such as an old VHS tape, dead rats in corners and an awful lot of toothbrushes, dental floss plus breath mints. «….somebody has a seriously fucked up mouth fixation. »
Some x-ray photos were snapped to a bright screen; Jill glanced over each but couldn't figure out what they represented. This was either from one of their mutated creatures, or someone got severely dismembered into a machine before being photographed. She walked to the rear of the small room, meeting one of the not-deceased staff who unsteadily stood there admiring the wall, she shot him in the leg and he fell. Then on a desk she found a peculiar fax, which she read twice giving its strange contents.
CONFIDENTIAL
Attn: Chief of Security
Date: July 22, 1998, 2:13:17 seconds and 7 micro-seconds, RaccoonAnus City UmBurial Headquarters on planet Earth in the Solar System.
X Day is drawing upon us. By that we do not mean Christmas. Execute the following procedures within one day; yes, prompt actions are demanded. Or else.
1- Lure the S.T.A.R.S. to the estate, usually a big juicy pay check tends to motivate individuals. If money or threat fails, use the promise of cake. (Secret method stolen from one of our competitors.) Then obtain Biodegradable Organic Waste's raw combat data against S.T.A.R.S.
2- Collect two embryos of each mutated specimens as samples, excluding the Tyrant; because we sincerely think you would not survive it. Dispose of the Tyrant. Yes you read correctly, despite the incommensurable amount of money, overtime and sleepless nights, blood sweat and tears invested into this grand project; we decided to just scrap it. The reasons are classified. (That is one courteous and concise way of saying we screwed up magnificently.)
3- Destroy the laboratory and its premises, terminate everything and everyone; evidently, apply these orders prior to blowing up with the complex. When the above procedures are executed, report to headquarters for further instruction; giving that you're still alive.
In the event that HQ has also been invaded by mutated test subjects or has blown up, or the distressing accumulated effect of both catastrophic scenarios; then you're already dead. If for some reason you are unable to execute the procedure by the very reasonable deadline we prearranged, report immediately. If you are unable to report immediately, then we have the regret to inform you that no other measures can be taken therefore to still report immediately.
In case of emergency situations, and no, 'toilet flooding' does not enter into that category; report directly to the extension number 6666, or 4444 if you are of Asian nativity.
Examples of emergency situations:
-Apocalypse
-Viral Outbreak
-Trump has been elected.
Good luck.
UmBurial Headquarters. UmBurial Inc.
We are THE best.
And by this we do not mean you, trivial staff members.
She tossed the fax away which inexplicably caught on fire. Well it couldn't get any clearer than that; this whole mission was one big hell of an unforgettable celebration. The zombie at her feet had been losing all its blood, now it was reaching her boots; Jill shot it four times for good measures. «I always found that pharmaceutical's name strange, plus their logo resembles and umbrella which is illogical seeing it doesn't even match with their name. I would have opted for a red and white coffin. Next thing you know one of their competitor's name will be 'Latex Gloves', or 'Syringe'. »
She located an elevator but the power was off, «Of course it is, everything so far has made sure to really piss me off. », but using her lock pick she was able to start it up again; lock picking tools are a must in survival situations, they can even become your closest friend. But you don't actually want that friendship to go too deep and descend into mania like a certain man with his firearm; because that's just not safe….. especially if you start taking showers and/or sleep with a gun. Can turn out ugly in many ways. But then I suppose it's your problem, blow your head or dick off if you want; if you sleep alone. Hell it can get pretty fucking messy if you befriend a Bazooka…or a flamethrower….. Just don't sleep with C4 either…but then again solely if you give a damn about your life otherwise go ahead and blow yourself up, as long as there's no collateral damage. Cats don't enter in that category.
The lift led the soldier to one of the most equipped lab she had seen so far, plenty of monitors, machinery designed to perform important and complex tasks, huge test tubes in which floated unknown specimens and at the far end of the room a butt—
«Wesker…? », she frowned. The Captain kept typing on the keyboard; she approached, «Where were you? And what are you doing? »
«Well I've been busy, still am. »
«Now is hardly the time to update your You Tube profile. »
«I'm simply uploading the feed video of Whitefield crying in a cold cell; that ought to bring me some subscribers… Not that I'd care about any of them in the first place. Say, I'm not hearing any labored breathings so I assume Burton isn't with you; I sent him to fetch me some coffee, where is he? »
«Oh he's probably crying and agonizing in the darkest pit he's ever been stuck in, holding his broken limbs while bleeding to death. »
«He could have at least brought me what I asked him before deciding to commit suicide; he's always been so selfish. You see I told him that I'd torture his hamster Fluffy Butt Cheeks if he didn't do everything I told him to. »
«Do I dare dream to think what that implied…? »
«I don't see what you're talking about. In fact I wouldn't want to see it even if I could. », he shivered with disgust.
«Well knowing what ButtOn did to me, I now see why you didn't threaten to have his family killed instead…. no way you could have used them as leverage. »
Albert laughed softly, «Smart girl. Ton-of-muscle was such a disappointment though; it's too bad he wasn't much of a poker player. »
Because of that, a neon above his head committed suicide, Jill was not amused either, «…that was incredibly shitty. »
He turned and pointed his gun at her, «Well I wouldn't worry too much about that…. dear», he laughed stupidly again.
She looked exasperated, «'Dear'? Really? Plus I wouldn't laugh like that if I were you, it makes for a very unattractive image; you sound like a retard. » He swiftly hit her in the face with his handgun, she groaned then slowly turned her eyes back on him, «You're the one who concocted all this social gathering, I reckon. With your sunglasses and your perfect-», she glanced at his waist, then back at the shades, «Well, that. »
He grinned, «I assume you enjoyed none of it? »
«Are we still talking about the festivity or your magnificently sculpted behind? »
His face returned to its former coldness as he hit her again, «No one makes better come back than I. »
She spat some blood before fixing her eyes on him again, «I care. But on the contrary, I really relished in everything; too bad there weren't any chips though. » He didn't respond so she shrugged, «I like chips. I don't see what's wrong with that. »
«You are one odd woman, Valentine. »
«I call it being original, Whiskers. I could ask why you planned to destroy S. .S but that would be dumb since I just read some of the detailed secret files that explained it all. Turns out you're their little puppet as well; I thought you liked doing the slavery not the other way around-»
He promptly hit her in the stomach then in the face, this time she dropped to the floor. He stepped beside her, his aim steady, «You sure are showing suicidal tendencies. » The woman wiped her mouth and stared at him as he kept talking, «But I think you misunderstand me, those fools are nothing but my playthings, they've no idea what's coming to them; same goes for you. I'm going to burn everything along with this entire laboratory then make them undergo the same pleasant treatment. Burn all of their houses down while I'm at it, set their lawns on fire as well, BBQ their pets and so forth. That'll merely be the overture to my other plans, they will submit, and not just because I'm wearing sunglasses at night…. »
«Oh I see, planning more than just one gigantic party. »
«Moreover, I'm sure you're oblivious but I was the one who sabotaged Bravo's engine, and planned many other things meticulously; I am that magnificently remarkable. Also despite rumors, I don't wear sunglasses to cover being cross-eyed but to better hide my emotions in order to manipulate people more easily. And because frankly I'm way too damn handsome so individuals can't handle it, their hearts would burst out of their rib cage if they saw me without. Although, I'd like to see that. »
«...Well I wasn't expecting such declarations...»
«They say confession is good for the soul... Not that I have one. » Albert suddenly spoke softly, as if wanting to let her in on a little secret, «I want to show you something…. », then he backed towards the console and pressed a button. A video clip showing Kenneth from Bravo team appeared on the monitor, he was being mutilated by a very famished zombie.
Jill frowned before saying of a flat tone, «Well, that's a start…»
«Damn it. », Wesker abruptly pressed another button, initiating the self-destruct system.
«Getting better and better…»
This time he turned entirely towards the console and hurriedly typed a series of code. She reached for her front pocket to pick a candy and started unwrapping it, «…Take your time. »
He brusquely hit enter and the alarm stopped, he turned back to her, «That thing.», pressing the right button as he leveled his sight on the big test tube at his right. It was containing a very tall man though he had intricate features; his entire left arm made of very long blades like claws, his private removed and a big heart pulsing out of his chest; not to forget that he was also smiling. Of course he was. Though nothing could ever beat the smile of the cool Nemesis, Valentine would discover later…..
«The ultimate life form; DieRent! » Wesker seemed to forget her presence and stared at the creature, moving in front of the tube before leveling his arms in profound admiration, «It's…beautiful…..!», said he secretly staring at his own reflection in the glass rather than the B.O.W.
Jill got up, «I wouldn't stand so close; you just interrupted his nutritive supply and now he's probably feeling cold air on his bare skin for the first time, he's bound to not appreciate the gesture. »
Albert turned his back to the tube, looking at her, «What would you know, you're not a scientist. »
«No but I'm in a perfect position to notice your imminent doom. »
DieRent pierced the glass and Wesker's stomach in one swift strike of his sharp claws. «Ugh! UuaAarRRrghhh! SHIT that's intense tickling! », blood spilled forth as he got lifted higher, his legs dangling mid-air while the giant creature stepped out of its prison. Not one of Albert's finest moment, but then again this was better than hearing his lame laughter or be put through one more cheesy reply CAPCOM had given him. Then the B.O.W. threw the injured man away with force, the Captain didn't even emit the slightest of noise as he violently hit the machine and dropped to the floor, apparently dead. Hell though, he didn't even lose his shades…
The monster turned her way next, fixing his white eyes on the next target. Jill watched him advance on her with amazement, he was intimidating alright. Well there was no reason to panic and run in circles screaming, as long as she held this beast of a weapon in her hands. The one woman army put some safe distance between the T-002 Type and her, not wanting to end up like Wesker and then fired. The kickback almost ripped her arm off again but that was better than having the DieRent really tearing it off.
Valentine moved away, the gigantic creature slowly following her movements and performing in one single step what she had to do in two. She fired once more then had to circle around him again else he'd chop her head off, or worse, not actually killing her but pinning her to his enormous claws. Jill faced his large back as he was turning around, now was not the time to stare at his nude behind though he seemed to expose it proudly. The Magnum jumped in her hands again, yet attaining the target but he just wouldn't drop, kept on lifting one athletic leg after the other. She aimed at his heart and fired, the B.O.W. faltered in his pace, dropped on his knees then flat on the floor. She sighed, best celebration with the most entertaining of guests.
Her eyes were stuck on the magnificent creature, marveling yet at how tall he was, how he'd been stitched together into that seemingly perfect weapon. Valentine walked to the unmoving corpse that Albert had become though his face showed the same amount of emotion he depicted when alive. She bent and looked him over, «…what a waste…», exploring in his jacket pocket she found a researcher's note. She didn't bother reading it all but it mentioned a 'T-virus' explained as being Total-Annihilation-virus, a 'G-virus' being Grand-Destroyer-virus; and a recipe to make Danish. The last word scribbled were 'I had to do it', which made Jill frown severely, «…What the fucking hell is up with them all….? »
She tossed the paper over his corpse and eyed his trousers, «That can't be you…. », digging her hand inside the pocket finding a master key. Valentine pondered whether to keep it or not and all things considered still threw it away; the woman already had her own.
Before she got up, she gently grabbed his chin turning his head her way, « I've mostly been eyeing your ass but it's always the whole of you that I marveled at; look at that handsome face….shame, really. That Albino Nightmare t isn't the only stunning creature in this room…» She removed his shades, «Charming eyes too, but I bet they look better while not injected with blood. Though you really need to work on your shitty lines and awful cliché laughter, that would really make you appear a lot cleverer, multiplying your attractiveness. I suppose it's going to be a very hard task now that you're dead. » She kept his sunglasses, «You won't need these anymore. », and put them on.
If this was a shitty hip-hop song then she would have moved onward in slow-motion like an overrated retard, but thankfully she was spared the cheesy dumbness. The soldier walked to the end of the room and pressed a button that unlocked the safety mechanism then boarded the elevator. Perhaps she needed to realize she had a problem with making friends, only getting close to dead people… purely a small problem however.
Valentine got back to the entrance of the lab and messed around with the latch, this was a very sturdy door but it still wasn't enough to stop the Alpha and her silver buddies. The next passage led her to another lift which got her on the roof, and it was an empty roof at that; no chopper, no magic exit door, no credits rolling. Suddenly the lift jerked back up, she had been too busy damning the sky yelling to notice it had been moving down.
Facing the gate as it slid up, she saw Chris who dropped to his knees and started kiss-licking the cement, tears streaming down his face. She stared at him while he did this for an entire minute then he got up shouting, «I'm out! I'm finally out! » shaking his hands towards the sky. «I knew if I lubricated the latch enough it would eventually slip! »
How did he manage that? Well I will principally underline that Wesker was extremely blessed not to have seen that.
He ran to her, shook her by the arm, «Jell-o! »
«Why are you half naked? »
«Someone started the self-destruct system; the sexy feminine voice said we have three minutes until detonation! »
«Okay…..but why are you naked? »
He blinked, «Didn't you hear the very important and alarming information I just selflessly provided? I mean we had three minutes by the time I got into that elevator, after that I wasted a full minute tasting the awful tarmac, that means there is only-»
«It never cease to improve does it?», she finally had time to notice the metal box that contained the distress signal flares, ran to it and pushed the red button. The flares got ejected thus giving their position…. at least she hoped so. Her attention got focused somewhere else though since the ground suddenly decided to just burst open, chunks of very solid cement were blown sky high like mere pebbles.
Chris shrieked, «What the fuck is that!? »
Valentine leveled the Magnum, «As I was saying, the fun never stops. »
The slim but athletic form of the Tyrant emerged through the hole, his white skin reflecting the brightness of the rising sun...so did his perfectly aligned set of teeth. Chris yelled, «Again, what the fuck is this!? »
«It's mine. », Jill said throatily and the B.O.W. locked his sight on her, walked towards the duo with his long refined movements. Well it was locked on her until he noticed the awful sight that is BareSkinField, the creature's stance changed then he charged at the man. Claws cut through him as if he only had been made of air, which was rather accurate… Valentine blinked as blood splashed her face, «Well so much for freedom…. », the survivor distanced the monster as he immediately tried to chop her in pieces as well.
Perfect Killer turned her way as she had already begun firing at his back, the powerful rounds only seemed to deepen into the thick skin and do very little damage. The bio machine prepared for another devastating blow and Jill moved out of the way again, smelling his chemical odor, feeling his shadow covering her. His more massive form sent him running farther than she had been before moving, which gave Valentine enough time to run, turn, aim and fire two more shots.
The white visage of Death faced her once more, marked by its distinctive dark-purple and red veins forming an X across it; particularly even, well-placed around the eyes and nose. It's as if he was telling her to aim there though she was compelled to focus on his big heart. The Alpha vaguely heard a helicopter approaching as she fired once more, her shot attaining the red organ. His weak point burst open, vomiting crimson fluids, tainting the white skin and cement. T-002 did not even scream, his teeth as motionless, him being as daunting; he only charged yet again. While Valentine dodged she heard the sound of the air being moved by the claws next to her ear, each evasion could be her last. How can he keep fighting with his main motor destroyed? Do I have to behead him entirely?
Then something dropped on her head nearly killing her, blurring her sight.
«Shit! Are, you okay…? », that was Brad's voice coming from above, he had dropped Barry's rocket launcher.
She shook her head as blood run from her nose, «Great…! Now why don't you just make sure not to chop me in half with the blades or crash the helicopter into the complex? That'd be a fucking start! »
His voice became high with panic, «Wait what is that!? »
«I thought that's why you dropped the launcher in the first place! »
«No my hands are sweaty, it literally just fell down! »
Jill clenched her jaw and ran away from the B.O.W., trying to have him standing far enough from the device so that she could pick it up without risking being obliterated. His right side was soaked red, blood covering his leg yet he did not seem to feel pain. He was a machine, precise plus brutally competent and either she killed him or they were all going to blow up with the entire estate. Such a shame though.
She avoided another one of his calculated attack, instantly ran around back to the heavy weapon and leveled it above her shoulder. His large back had already been replaced by his bloody front when she hit the switch. Her legs bent and her feet slid backward under the kickback, the rocket directly flying towards its target but victory wouldn't be that easy. DieRent swiftly struck the missile away with his clawed hand, deflecting the rocket to the side which blew a portion of the heliport instead; now he walked unscathed from the smokes like some undying creature of the apocalypse.
Valentine did swallow with difficulty at that ominous sight but she started running again as the tensing of his muscles indicated the incoming assault. She was getting tired; he was one hell of a foe, she'd been on the battlefield for hours but he only just got out of some nutritious sleep. At least Brad didn't accidentally blow a missile at them, so far, and he was still up there; so far.
She circled around back, trying to get a good angle where T-002 wouldn't see the rocket coming, all while she wondered why they didn't blow up yet. Deadfield; figures, he never was accurate and you could rarely base reality on his own delusional view of it.
An incredibly maddening voice came from above, «Just kill it! How hard can it be!? »
She glared at her tall enemy by lack of having Brad in front of her and yelled, «Remain in your secure position up there and shut the fuck up! Let the pro deal with this marvel of genetics while you suck on your damn thumb! », Jill's face was rock-hard and she aggressively tossed her beret aside, meaning serious fucking business. Now poor PS4 revealed, she took it and shoved it inside her back pocket to shelter it.
Next the trigger was pulled again and this time it was a direct hit, bioscience exploded all over the landing zone plus in her face, there was nothing left of the giant but fuming body parts and gallons of blood. She glared upward, «Get down here, NOW! » and Brad did. You must give him credits for that, because Jill really looked extremely fucking pissed standing there being all bloody and still holding unto the massive weapon. She was merely inside when she ordered, «Leave quickly bomb. »
Chicken Vickers didn't need any other incentive.
The helicopter got higher; the badass survivor sat in silence awaiting the explosion. It never came. She sighed in frustration; after all she endured it could have at least ended with a colossal explosion and pleasant fireworks. After almost an hour of flight, partly because Brad had lost his navigational points again, he turned her way and asked, «Hey Jill, I just recalled….where are the others? »
Her frosty eyes darted on him, «Take a very fucking wild guess, Vicky. »
He turned around in silence and did in his pants again. Valentine was too tensed to relax, after all it still was Brad piloting…. her nails dug into the material of the bench. She'd have all the time to take it easy later when she'd finally part with Vickers; this was not a party, it was hell. Cake was waiting for her at her apartment and she couldn't wait to get there; once the inept pilot would finally stop getting confused with where to go. Damn she deserved that cake. She would have liked to eat it off Albert, the delectable man only wearing a cop hat, but would have to settle for her imagination.
A familiar sexy voice suddenly came from the speakers, «Jill, you did a fine job. », Brad screamed and they almost crashed again. Valentine simply grinned and pushed the shades up her nose, thinking 'Ohhh yeahh…'….
Then a picture inexplicably flew in the cockpit; there she was with Chris, she had shoved her beret in his face and was strangling him. The word 'Congratulations!' was written above their heads in red. Then subtitles specifies she's receiving a couple of trophies one after another, and a letter from a certain producer that mentions how glad he is she played the game over 777 times beating all the special modes plus unlocking many cool weapons.
«….That, is very, truly exceedingly disturbing…», she held the Colt Python during the rest of the flight.
+++++++++++++R.E.+++++++++++++++
In some UmBurial laboratory, a certain someone is brought back to life by the means of a very special Danish he ate prior to his premature demise. The man gets up but to his utmost horror realizes his most-cherished sunglasses are gone. Angry, he vows to the world that he'll have his prevailing revenge…..as soon as he gets cleared from the deadly deflagration and has taken a shower. After combing his hair thus wasting precious seconds, now imbued with the power of the Danish, he makes his way out of the complex by annihilating everything in his path then later stands supreme atop a hill as he watches the mansion explode.
Seconds afterwards the blast reaches him so he receives dirt in the eyes and has to spit filth out of his mouth.
Becoming a God is not easy.
If feasible.
Though you will still give him an egg when prompted.
…Might help with his God-complex and world domination.
Somehow.