A/N: As with all my stories, this chapter introduces more backstory along with present-day interaction. And if things read as awkward it's because they are meant to be. For the most part. Enjoy everyone.
Also, as one of my reviewers put it, A&E step into more emotional land mines.
Note: Sunshine is currently taking place in late 2014. Specifically, late August.
We sing
Oh, love, it's easy if you don't try to please me
Pennsylvania, 2005
"I think you look lovely."
"No, I look stupid!" Anna slurred. "I look like an old doll!" The hands on her cheeks squeezed, manicured fingernails pinching one side. Anna batted at them, spluttering as her mother continued to coo. "Mama!"
Idunn Arendelle grinned slightly and finally let go. "I still think you look adorable sweetheart." She searched her handbag for her phone. "I don't understand why you were so against wearing your hair like that. It goes lovely with your blouse and skirt."
Anna rubbed her sore, bright red cheeks. She was about to reply when a burst of laughter made her jump. She dropped her hand and glanced around, small shoulders bunching up to her ears. "Ma—Mom, can you stop? Please?" Several students were rushing past them, eager to leave school and get out of their formal wear. Anna nibbled on her bottom lip and danced on her tip toes, whispering loudly, "Seriously, Mom, who still wears pigtails for Picture Day?"
There was a flash and Anna jumped again, whirling around, blue-green eyes on her mother. The brunette woman smiled and lowered her phone. "I don't see what all the big fuss is about Anna. You used to wear braids all the time."
"Used to," Anna stressed. She resisted the urge to tug on one of her braids and instead shuffled to the side, closer to her locker. "I was a little kid then."
"You had them up until you were ten," her mother pointed out.
"A kid," Anna hissed. Some of her classmates walked by and she busied herself with smoothing down her white blouse and black skirt. Her legs were itching.
Idunn frowned. "Anna, stop fidgeting. You'll ruin your outfit." She turned to her cell phone, flipping through her screen and muttering, "Honestly, I don't understand why you're being so self-conscious about this Anna."
Anna brushed a lock of hair back, flushing brightly when she saw Collette from her third period class pass by with her group of friends. The older girl waved at her once and Anna spluttered in shock, her frayed nerves spiking. She gave a small, frantic wave back with her fingers. Giddiness bounced in her chest when she noticed Collette smile. The older girl turned to her friends and pointed down at something. A stone dropped in Anna's stomach when she followed their line of direction and her eyes landed on her skirt. She lowered her hand slowly, the momentary delight ebbing away. Collette and her friends burst into giggles as they disappeared down the hallway. Anna glared at a spot on her locker, cheeks puffed up.
Ugh, I look so kiddish.
Another flash sounded and made her jump.
"Mama!"
Idunn sighed and stared at her phone, brow furrowing. "Anna, you're fine. No one is looking at you." She swiped through the photos. "But these photos aren't going to come out as well as I'd hoped if you keep acting so skittish." Her mother's frown deepened and she walked closer to her, brushing back her copper fringe. "Really, darling, what's gotten into you?"
Anna pushed away her hand, cheeks flushing darkly. "It's nothing," she mumbled. "I just—" hate Picture Day, Anna gestured to the pressed blouse and skirt "—don't like being so dolled up."
Idunn's expression softened. She brushed the backs of her fingers against Anna's heated cheeks. "The ribbons do bring out the green in your eyes though." She pressed a soft kiss to Anna's forehead and the young teenager suppressed a self-conscious shiver. "And I really don't get to see you like this often."
Anna was about to protest again before meeting her mother's doe, blue eyes. She felt a hot flash of guilt and embarrassment, then mumbled, "Fine…"
Idunn beamed and kissed her forehead again. "That's my girl." She straightened Anna's braid, sighing softly. "You really do look lovely."
The unusual sustained show of affection made Anna's stomach squirm. She grinned awkwardly, tugging on her skirt's hem.
"I can't wait to see the pictures when they come," Idunn said. Sadness glinted in her eyes.
Anna winced and wriggled out of her mother's grasp. "I don't think I look all that great in them Ma—Mom..." She picked up her backpack and slung it over her shoulder, casting one last glance around the hallway.
"Nonsense." Idunn turned and walked down the hallway. "I'm sure you look radiant."
Anna followed her mother closely, but not too close. She kept an eye out for anymore of her classmates, lest she hear comments about her appearance on Monday.
They exited the school and stepped out into a gray afternoon. Anna inhaled the crisp winter air and smiled. She felt her spirits lift as they arrived at her mother's car and clambered in.
"Buckle up," Idunn said the moment Anna was seated.
Anna blew a raspberry, but clicked the seat belt together. As her mother revved the engine and they slowly backed away from the school, Anna felt the tension leave her body. She grinned slightly and watched houses pass by, fingers twiddling in her lap.
"So," she drawled, flicking bright eyes to her mother.
"So?" Idunn didn't look away from the street.
Just ask you dolt.
Anna cleared her throat and pulled on the collar of her blouse. "D-did the, uh, I mean. Did anything come—"
"Anna, slowly," Idunn said, chuckling. "Speak slowly if you stutter."
Anna spluttered on her clumsy tongue, ears turning red. She looked down at her knees. "Sorry, um—" she wanted to kick herself, "—the mail?" She watched her mother out of the corner of her eye.
A mischievous smile curled on Idunn's lips. Anna perked up at the sight of it, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth.
"Mm, you'll have to wait until we get home."
She promptly deflated.
"Mama!"
Idunn chuckled and tickled her ear. "I can't spoil the surprise, now can I?"
Anna squirmed and crossed her arms, pouting. "I can still act surprised."
"That defeats the whole purpose of a surprise," her mother gently teased.
Anna leaned back into her seat. "Do I need a reason to be surprised?" she grumbled. "They didn't come for Christmas, so they're not coming for my birthday right?"
Idunn faltered, slowly stepping on the break to stop at a red light. There was a pause between them as Anna watched people walk across the intersection. She sensed the words on her mother's tongue before she even spoke.
"Well, no."
Her stomach twisted at the quiet admittance. The light changed to green. Idunn's brow furrowed as she pressed on the gas. The car drove past the light and Anna sharply heard the tires run upon freezing asphalt.
"But that doesn't mean you're not in for a surprise."
Anna turned big, blue-green eyes on her mother. Idunn looked straight ahead, lips quirked up at the edge.
"I am?"
Idunn's smile grew. "Wait," she softly.
Anna blinked and wished her mother would look at her. She turned to watch the houses pass by until Idunn turned the car into the driveway. Anna felt her knees begin to shake and itch again. Soon as her mother turned off the engine, she grabbed her backpack and jumped out.
"Careful!" Idunn called.
"I am!" Anna said, even as she nearly slipped on a damp patch on the cement. Her mother chuckled behind her and the redhead bounced in place on the front step until Idunn had opened their door. She ran inside, excitement buzzing under her skin.
The house was quiet as usual.
Anna's eyes immediately caught sight of the two presents on the coffee table. A shiver ran down her spine. "Oh."
A hand pushed her forward.
"Go on," Idunn whispered. "They're yours."
A large grin split Anna's face in two and she dropped her bag next to the door, rushing towards her presents. It was obvious what one of them was even with the wrapping on it. The name scribbled elegantly on it was her mother's.
"You got me a new board?!" Anna squealed as she grabbed it. It was heavy and tangible in her hands.
"A while ago actually," Idunn said, obviously pleased with her response. "I just made sure you never found it in the house."
Anna blinked at up at her. "How'd you manage that?"
Her mother shrugged, head held high. "I have my ways." She placed her handbag and Anna's backpack on the loveseat. "Now don't just stand there, open it."
Anna beamed again. She tore off the red ribbon and green wrapping eagerly, eyes feasting on the scratch free grip tape. It looked as if it was fresh out of the shop. The wood was smooth under her fingertips and wasn't chipped away at the edges. Her old skateboard didn't compare. Anna flipped it over, beaming at shined trucks. The grin on her face faltered however, as she observed the imagery on the deck. A meadow of sunflowers was splayed on the wood, bright and cheerful.
Anna blushed and fingered a wheel.
"Do you like it?" Idunn sidled up to her side and tucked a lock of strawberry-blonde hair behind Anna's ear. Her fingers lingered on Anna's temple before pulling away. "I saw it and thought of you."
Anna nodded shyly while her stomach did somersaults. She pressed the board to her chest, a small smile curling on her lips. "Can I try it out soon?"
Idunn sighed through her nose and glanced out the window. "I'd prefer if you waited for a warmer day. It's cold out and I don't want you falling off of it because there's ice on the streets."
Anna rocked on the balls of her feet. "Does tomorrow count as a warmer day?" she asked, flashing her mother a half-grin.
Idunn scrunched up her face playfully and planted a kiss on Anna's forehead. "Open your other present. It's from your aunt and uncle. An apology for not being able to make it to your upcoming birthday."
Anna placed the skateboard down carefully and ripped open the square package. She squealed when her fingers brushed a familiar pattern. Her hands pulled apart the cardboard.
"Oh, oh, oh! They got me a new ball!" Anna ran her hands over the black-and-white shapes, excitement bubbling in her chest. "And it looks like good quality too!" She bounced on her feet, grin returning. "I love it. Really love it." She held the soccer ball close to her chest, turning pleading eyes to her mother. "I can try this out without waiting for a warmer day right?!"
Idunn laughed once, covering her mouth with her hand. She gathered up the pieces of cardboard and wrapping paper, crinkling them together. "After you finish your supper and homework," she said.
Anna deflated, lower lip jutting out. "Really?"
"Really," her mother hummed, heading into the kitchen.
Anna placed down her new ball next to her skateboard. She marveled at the gifts for a few seconds before a thought wormed its way into her mind.
Just two?
The yarn ball of anxiety that had been steadily untangling around her insides returned and tightened its hold. She shuffled to the kitchen, nibbling on her lower lip.
"Mama?"
Idunn didn't notice her at first, flicking on the stove and rummaging through the refrigerator. She was halfway through cutting up some squash before Anna spoke again, stomach tossing and turning.
"Um, Mama?"
Idunn turned, surprise flashing in her blue eyes. "What is it Anna?"
Anna scuffed her foot against the floor, gripping the edge of her skirt.
Just ask. Just ask. Just ask.
"Are Papa and Elsa—" her mother stiffened and Anna hurried to amend her words. "Do you think I'll see Elsa soon? Like..." She swallowed, eyes wide. "For my birthday?"
A hundred emotions flashed through Idunn's eyes faster than Anna could decipher. But one in particular stopped and stayed there.
"We'll see sweetheart," her mother said. She turned back to the cutting boards, shoulders up. "Your father's been busier at the bank and Elsa is busy with preparation for SATs." She didn't look over her shoulder, movements stiff. "You understand right?"
It wasn't a flat out no. Anna bit her lip and stepped back. "Yeah, I know. I'm going to do a bit of homework before supper."
When her mother remained silent, Anna dashed to her room. She skidded to a stop inside and gently shut the door. When it clicked shut, Anna rushed to her mirror. She stared at her reflection, in the middle of puberty and with baby fat still clinging to her cheeks. Her eyelashes were too short. Her freckles seemed more prominent each day. She couldn't remember Elsa having nearly as much.
I bet Elsa looks way prettier in her pictures than I do.
Anna leaned over her vanity, eyes flicking over the scar that peeked out from her hairline. The green ribbons holding her braids swung gently.
She tore them off.
I hate Picture Day.
A sweet smell wafted up her nostrils and tickled her senses.
Anna scrunched up her face and tried to chase the edges of a particular thrill-rushing dream. It proved futile however when the aroma came again and teased her.
"No," Anna groaned, burying her face into her pillow. "Five more minutes Mama—"
The blare of her cell phone's alarm snapped her from any lingering sleep.
Anna shrieked and jumped in shock. Her head smacked against the headboard and she saw stars. She grabbed her skull, crying loudly, "Ow! Ow, ow, ouch!" Anna cracked one eye open and glared at her cell, teeth gritted. "I am so not using you as an alarm clock ever again."
What time is it?
Anna rubbed the aching spot on her head and peered blearily at her phone.
9:30.
"Back to being the lazy piece of shit you are," Anna said. She stuck her tongue out at the faint reflection of herself on her lock screen. In spite of the pain throbbing underneath her palm and the large yawn she let loose, Anna felt remotely...happy. The tight ball of anxiety, stress, and out-of-placeness she felt had eased a bit at the sight of the time. She wasn't a morning person by any means. She liked late nights and evenings. Bright afternoons. Lunchtime. She could be up during the late hours of the night, but soon as she fell asleep, she could barely be dragged out of her bed. She could do every time except mornings.
Anna laid her head back against her pillow and sighed. "Looks like I'm finally settling in." A ball of happiness bounced alongside her heart.
Her phone blared again.
9:35.
Anna groaned and threw off the covers, rubbing her eyes. "Alright, alright I heard you, shut up already!"
I guess I have to get up now.
She yawned, stretching her arms above her head, and inhaled LA's air. Something currently sweet and syrupy.
Wait, what?
Anna dropped her arms and sniffed again, eyes opening wide.
Pancakes?
Anna stumbled down the hallway in her shorts and pink camisole. Her stomach rumbled loudly with each step and she nearly tripped over her own feet trying to walk, tie her hair into a messy bun, and follow the smell of breakfast with her eyes closed.
"Morning."
Anna stubbed her toe on the back of the couch. "Fuck!"
"Language."
The redhead snapped her gaze to the kitchen.
Elsa had a spatula in one hand, standing over the stove with a baby-blue apron on. She was gazing at Anna over her shoulder with a faint glimmer of amusement in her eyes and her lips quirked. Gone were the business suits, pressed shirts and blouse. Elsa was dressed in a lilac pajama top and white shorts. The fuzzy slippers from last night adorned her feet. A pan was the source of the aroma Anna had smelled, hissing pleasantly. Her eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when she noticed a speck of flour on her sister's pale cheek.
In the Los Angeles morning light spilling from the tiny window above the stove, Elsa looked relaxed and well-rested.
A tingle ran down Anna's spine and made her toes curl.
"Breakfast?"
Anna snapped out of her stupor, snapping her jaw shut so fast that her teeth clacked. "Oh, sure!" She rushed to the kitchen table, one leg already on a chair before something occurred to her. "Wait, what? Elsa, don't you have—"
"Even my boss lets us have Sundays off," Elsa interrupted. She placed a stack of pancakes in front of Anna, slices of strawberry and banana laden on top. Anna's stomach roared. Elsa's tiny smile widened slightly. "Hungry?"
"Starving," Anna groaned, grabbing the plate and pulling it towards her. Before she picked up her knife and fork however, she stared up at her sister with wide, blue-green eyes. "You didn't have to."
"We've been through this already," Elsa said. Her voice was gentle, but Anna couldn't shrug off the slight awkwardness. "You've made dinner for me a couple of times already," the blonde weaved between the kitchen table and stove, "so I thought I could at least make you breakfast." She turned to sit in her own seat. "And you like sweets. So I'd figured we could indulge a bit."
"That's nothing in comparison to you taking me in," Anna blurted out.
Elsa tensed, the smile vanishing from her lips. She stopped with her body bent over the table, one hand on her plate and the other resting on the smooth surface. Anna clenched her fist tightly around her knife and gulped audibly. She watched her sister's expression carefully, trying to read the emotions that played behind those blue eyes.
But all she could pick up was the sudden, sheer discomfort in Elsa's face. The lines from the first time they reunited returned and Anna saw Elsa's eyes flick from her to a spot on the table.
"You don't have to thank me for that," her sister said slowly.
God, the first thing I do in the morning is make her awkward and uncomfortable. Not this time.
Anna thrust her hand forward and clamped it over the one Elsa had on the table. She didn't know if it was the LA heat or her own nerves, but her palm was sweaty over Elsa's pale skin. Elsa snapped her gaze back to her. The hairs on the back of Anna's neck rose.
Does she still have that thing about getting dirty?
"I-I mean, I really appreciate it, you know?" Anna stammered. Her sister stared. "I mean, I was e-expecting—" don't say you expected her to say no you jerk "—well, not really expecting, but I thought it was going to take a bit more...convincing?" Something flashed in Elsa's eyes. Anna shifted in her seat.
"I—" Elsa began, brow furrowed.
"I was ecstatic," Anna spluttered. Her sister clamped her mouth shut, blue eyes widening a single centimeter. Anna felt her heart jump around in her rib cage. Against her better judgment, she rubbed a short circle on the skin of Elsa's hand. It felt cold under her palm. "I was so happy I ended up knocking my head against the wall when you said yes." Elsa kept staring, blue eyes blank. A bright blush bloomed on Anna's cheeks. "Auntie told me I got a mean bump from it..."
Her sister jerked her head slightly, suddenly focusing on something past Anna. She tore her hand from underneath Anna and the redhead ignored the way her stomach dropped. "Wait, you hurt yourself—did you bump the headboard this morning too? I heard you yelling..."
Oh yeah, I'm a genius. Wonderful at conversation. I just admitted I don't pay attention. Elsa hates—
"My phone spooked me," Anna mumbled, dropping her gaze. "I was having a nice dream and then the alarm went off."
"O-oh. Is that...is that all?" Elsa asked and Anna looked up to see the blonde's shoulders drawing up to her ears. "Do you want an ice pack?"
Seeing her chance, Anna nodded rapidly for a few seconds before stopping when she saw Elsa rise. "Wait, wait, no!" Her sister paused, lips parted. Anna shook her head and her bun came slightly undone. "I don't need an ice pack. It's just sore and a little bit achy," she clarified.
Elsa frowned. "Are you sure?"
Anna curled her toes against the wooden floor at the underlying worry in her sister's voice. "Yeah! Yeah, I'm good. Great! It was a good dream actually."
"Oh?" There was a drop of hope in Elsa's voice.
The redhead latched onto it. "Yeah, I was airborne. I think."
Slowly, Elsa lowered herself into her seat. "Airborne?" she asked and the blank look in her eyes was replaced by mere confusion. Anna glanced at their hands. They were a few inches apart. She tried not to fidget.
"Roller coaster," she said, a grin curling on her lips.
Elsa snorted in surprise and picked up her fork. "Really? We never even went to that many amusement parks."
Anna shrugged, a pleasant feeling bubbling in her stomach. "Disneyland is in LA."
The piece of pancake and strawberry halfway to her sister's lips stopped. Elsa quirked an eyebrow at her.
Anna blushed and ducked her head, stuffing her face. "Just a thought," she mumbled.
The blonde hummed. "Maybe around Christmas."
Anna stared at her. "Maybe?" Her sister nodded. "Really?"
Stop second guessing everything and just eat you dolt. Her pancakes are probably cold because of your mouth by now.
"If you get good grades," Elsa teased. She scrunched up her face playfully in a way Anna's mother had and Anna was suddenly hit with nostalgia.
Okay, okay, don't concentrate on that right now. Elsa just teased me. Joked. That's better. That's great actually. Come on Anna, steer away from Awkward Boulevard, Stiffville.
She saluted, beaming. "Can do! Just you wait." Anna cut up a few more pieces of pancakes. "My grades are going to be off the wall," she said around a mouthful.
Elsa blinked, brow furrowing. "What?"
Anna coughed and blushed.
I hate metaphors. Or was that a simile? Stupid English language.
"Good," she squeaked. "They're going to be good."
"Okay," Elsa chuckled.
They turned back to their breakfast and Anna felt the tight strings of tension in the air loosen. She bounced ideas back and forth to keep the conversation going. To keep Elsa's good mood going.
"These are fantastic by the way," Anna said, sipping her orange juice to down the fluffy pancakes in her throat.
Elsa's eyebrows touched her hairline. "They are?"
Anna blinked. "Uh, yeah? I mean, they're fluffy. And sweet. The fruit is nice too."
"Oh." Her sister's lips formed an 'o'-shape and her cheeks pinked. Before Anna had time to puzzle over the sight, Elsa said, "I'm glad. I was worried you wouldn't like them anymore."
"Anymore?" Anna blinked again. She found it hard to move her jaw around her thick tongue.
As if suddenly realizing what she had said, Elsa stiffened in her seat and fiddled with her fork. "I mean. I'm still sort of figuring out what you like to eat."
I'll eat anything if you're the one who makes it.
Which was a lie. Anna hated certain foods.
"I—" Elsa's eyes flicked to hers uncertainly and she licked her dry lips, gulping. "We're kind of—" Anna clamped her mouth shut when her sister's brow furrowed, the insecurity in her expression deepening. The redhead's fingers twitched. She wiggled her right hand, laughing nervously as a tight smile worked its way on Elsa's lips. "I'll give you a list of what I like."
"That's cheating," Elsa mumbled and Anna detected the careful teasing in her voice again.
"It's not a test," she giggled. If it were, I'd be failing already.
Elsa chuckled. "Okay."
Anna poked her sister's pinky. "Seriously, it's okay. We're still settling in. Well, I am anyway."
Elsa's smile softened. "Okay," she mumbled again, blue eyes soft in the morning light.
Anna grinned and went back to eating. "Oh, by the way. Elsa?"
"Hm?" Her sister was chewing contentedly, eyes closed.
"You've got flour on your cheek."
"What—ugh!"
Yeah, she still has that thing about getting dirty.
Elsa rushed to grab a towel and Anna snickered in her seat.
We're still figuring things out. About each other. That's fine. Right?
Sundays in LA seemed to be accompanied by perpetual warmth and laziness. Even if autumn was right around the corner and the air conditioning was on, Anna could still feel the heat wave California was suffering as if she were right outside.
"Shirt, shirt. Where are—" Anna dissolved into a series of coughs and scrunched up her face. Her throat was dry and sore. "I better not be getting sick," she grumbled. "God, LA air is horrible. It feels like I've been slowly stuffing my mouth with ash. Not cigarettes, just ash. Ugh." Anna closed her drawer and opened another, perking up. "Finally! I've been looking for you everywhere." She snatched the thin, light green shirt and slipped it on.
Even freshly showered, she still felt stuffy in the apartment. Anna poked her head out of her bedroom door and frowned at the white frame just a few steps away. After their breakfast, Elsa had mumbled something about needing to finish up some documents.
So much for having the day off. Does Elsa ever take a break?
Anna's frown deepened. She had originally wanted to ask Elsa if it was possible for her to drive Anna to her campus so Anna could memorize the routes more easily. After getting lost on the bus, she was somewhat hesitant to go so soon again. And she had hoped that it could have been a bit more like a bonding experience.
But Elsa had been in a good mood today. An actual good mood. Seeing her sister prepare breakfast for her and sharing in light—albeit awkward—jokes had made Anna's heart and stomach flutter. They'd been talking. They'd been talking more each day, bit by bit. Their recent meals together had been the longest times Anna had spent with Elsa in years.
And me asking her to get in a confined space with me, in a car no less, would ruin her day.
Anna bit her lip.
She'd probably say no anyway. Elsa would sooner chew through ice than spend a car ride with me.
Even if Anna's memories were fuzzy around the accident, she knew her sister would have hesitations simply on the fact that they weren't on the best terms. It wouldn't just be awkward, it'd be tense. She ducked back into her room and grabbed her phone. "Might as well go alone today again." Anna paused at her door before hurrying back to her drawer and grabbing her painkillers. "Wait, I can't forget these," she said.
She was quickly finding out that the heat was making her knee hurt more than usual. Anna grabbed her camera bag, stuffed her painkillers and phone inside, and was down the hallway in seconds.
I can take some pictures this time around. That'll be fun. I won't be bored out of—
Anna had her hand on the living room door when she heard a click.
"Anna?"
She jerked and glanced back to see Elsa standing at the edge of the hall, arms crossed over her torso.
Anna grinned slightly. "Oh hey."
Elsa's brow furrowed. "Are you going out?"
She nodded, leaning on her better leg. "I didn't get a chance to check out the campus last time so I thought about going again today." She avoided mentioning that she'd considered asking Elsa to drive her.
Elsa frowned and her eyes flicked down. Anna blinked and wondered what was going through her sister's mind.
"Is your phone charged?"
"Huh? Oh!" Anna fished her phone and held it up. "Yeah, I—"
It beeped and both she and Elsa glanced at it. The battery charge was nearly depleted.
"I apparently forgot to charge it," Anna mumbled, dropping her hand to her side. Anna hung her head as a hot flash of embarrassment shot through her. Way to go Anna. Responsible. Very responsible. I should have "Responsible" tattooed on my butt.
"Maybe it's best you put it off today."
Anna snapped her head up, eyes wide. "Wait, what?"
Elsa tightened her arms around her torso and shrugged. "It's really hot out today."
Anna blinked and frowned. "I can just bring some water with me you know." She felt a slight prickle of indignation and shifted her weight. "I'll be fine on my own."
Elsa shifted and the indignation Anna felt died away almost instantly. The redhead watched her sister out of the corner of her eye, curiosity digging into her like a cat's claws.
Wait.
When Elsa bit her lip, Anna's pulse picked up its pace.
Okay, okay. She either doesn't know what to say or doesn't want to say what she wants to say.
Elsa brushed one of her bangs back and the brief change in hairstyle made Anna stare. With the light hitting her older sister from behind and with her hair swept back, Elsa looked less tired and strained.
I wonder if I can convince her to—
"I'm just uncertain."
Anna stiffened. Elsa stared at the floor, biting her bottom lip.
"I know it must be—" Her sister heaved a large breath of air, blue eyes downcast, "—really, really odd to have me...suddenly commenting about what you can and can't do."
Anna felt slightly lightheaded.
We're back to Awkward Boulevard, Stiffville. Come on Anna, keep your head in the game.
Elsa shrugged, blue eyes flicking up to look at her briefly before dropping back down. "But I thought you could use my advice since I've lived in LA longer than you. Obviously." She winced and Anna felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. "Since you're still settling in," Elsa mumbled.
It felt too soon. Anna's heart hammered in her chest.
That's probably the most roundabout thing I've ever heard.
Anna swallowed thickly, rapidly thinking of a response. Elsa shuffled her feet in front of her. The redhead's eyes darted down to the fuzzy slippers her sister was wearing. Her throat was dry. She heard someone walk past their door and enter their own apartment. Elsa watched her, teeth pressed into her bottom lip. It suddenly occurred to Anna that her sister's face was devoid of make-up. When the silence continued to stretch between them, Elsa's shoulders dropped and she sighed.
"Call me when you get to the campus," she said softly, and turned back towards the hallway. The brief flash of pain across Elsa's slender face spurred Anna into action.
"Did you have a moment in your room?" she blurted out.
Elsa jerked to a stop and blinked at her in wide-eyed surprise. Anna lost track of what she'd been trying to say. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish. Her palms felt sweaty. Was she sweating? It would be just like her.
Elsa stared at her. "I don't get it."
Anna brushed one hand down her jean shorts and shifted her weight again. Elsa's eyes flicked down once more. "I mean, I'm almost twenty-one, Elsa. I'll be okay, don't worry." Was her sister worried? Anna couldn't tell. Elsa turned fully to face her and that sent her words crumbling. She gestured half-heartedly, giggling weakly. "I thought we cleared this up the other, uh, night or something."
The light in Elsa's eyes dimmed. "Right, you're not a kid anymore."
Anna laughed, the sound tripping in her throat. "Obviously." She gestured to herself, a grin quirking on her lips. "You're acting as if I'm going to—"
Elsa's blue eyes hardened. She jerked around, arms tightening around her torso. "Come home before it's dark," she said, voice clipped. She turned on her heel and disappeared down the hallway.
Anna started forward, hand reaching out, "Wait, Elsa, I didn't mean it like that!" She heard those footsteps stop. Anna's throat itched. "I'm just saying it's—" she coughed lightly. Anna frowned and rubbed her throat. "It's not like I'm—" Another cough interrupted her. Anna covered her mouth and wheezed into it. Her throat was so dry it stung.
"Anna?" Elsa reappeared in a flash.
Anna blinked rapidly, eyes watering. She held up a hand to soothe her sister as she spat between coughs. "Okay, ugh, I think I should stay inside today. LA's air sucks."
Elsa stared at her, expression unreadable and hand lingering on the corner. Anna coughed into her palm, pounding her chest with a fist. Something flickered in her sister's eyes and she turned abruptly to the kitchen.
"I'll get you a water bottle."
Anna blinked, staring at her back. She leaned against the wall. She was disoriented and frustrated. A part of her wondered if that was because of Los Angeles's air pollution or Elsa's fluctuating moods. "Does it ever get better?" she mumbled to the floor.
When she heard footsteps returning, she looked up to see her sister holding a bottle of water.
"You'll get used to it," Elsa said and instead of handing the bottle to Anna, she placed it on the living room stand near the door. Then, Elsa tucked her hands into the crook of her elbows and disappeared down the hallway.
Anna stared at the clear liquid.
It wasn't a yes, but it wasn't a no either.
Anna flipped through the television while jotting down her class schedule on her notepad. She was calculating the hours in her mind. Every now and then she'd flick through her phone's browser, looking through job offers while simultaneously watching television and writing. She was currently in the dilemma of wondering what kind of job she could squeeze into her time while attending classes. Besides a couple of general education courses, she was taking photography and past experience told her those were long and arduous. She'd have to find a way to manage her schedule while attending university and holding down a job.
If I can even find a part-time job.
Anna took a sip of her water bottle, absentmindedly rubbing her knee.
"How's your knee?"
Anna jumped, looking over her shoulder to see her sister behind the couch. She blinked, water bottle between her lips. "It's fine?" Anna said around the plastic.
Elsa smiled slightly. She had a stack of papers in hand. After their conversation, she had been holed up in her room all day. With the hour stretching into the early evening, Anna honestly doubted her sister ever stopped working.
"It's not bothering you?" Elsa asked softly.
The tips of Anna's ears went red. She glanced at her knee, pressing her finger into the bone lightly. "Oh, um. A little bit?" she said offhandedly, shooting Elsa a quick smile. Her sister frowned and Anna waved her hand. "Just a bit though. Not much. I mean, it's been worse before, but, uh—"
"But the heat's irritating it, isn't it?" Elsa cut in quietly.
Anna faltered. "Y-yeah, I guess so." Her sister was acting worried again. Or being worried. Anna wasn't sure anymore. One minute Elsa's hot and then cold. Or cold and then hot and then cold again!
"Did you take your painkillers?" Elsa asked, leaning over the back of the couch to peer at Anna's knee.
Anna blinked and shook the bottle as proof. "Uh, yeah. You know, I take them when I need to." She shrugged and offered her sister a smile.
Elsa frowned. "Are you going to need to refill your prescription anytime soon?"
Anna's smile softened. "No, I made sure to get a refill the day before I boarded my flight."
"Oh." Elsa shifted the papers in her arms, pursing her lips thinly. She didn't look at her while asking, "Is there...well, do you need anything else?"
We're back to warm now.
Anna blinked in confusion. "No, I'm good Elsa. It's nothing new. The doc told me a long while back extreme temperatures or sudden temperature changes would irritate my knee." And moving from New York's colder seasons to Los Angeles's heat certainly counted as a sudden shift. Anna hoped she'd get used to it soon.
Elsa lingered behind the couch, half-turned towards the hallway.
Maybe she really did have a moment in her room. What I'd give to be a mindreader.
Anna took a chance and guessed. "Is that what you were worried about earlier?"
Elsa's shoulders twitched and, for a second, she worried she had overstepped her boundaries again. Her sister pressed the documents to her chest, staring at a spot on the floor. Anna waited, crinkling the water bottle in her grip. She noticed Elsa's throat bob up and down in a tense swallow.
Do something.
Before any more second-guessing thoughts could invade her mind, Anna reached over the back of the couch and clasped Elsa's elbow. The cold skin under her palm twitched. Elsa snapped her gaze to her, blue eyes widening.
Anna scrambled for words, eyes darting back and forth. "Um, hey, remember what I said this morning? About both of us settling now?"
Elsa nodded slowly and although she pressed her hands against her chest, she didn't pull away from Anna's hold. Anna pushed away the tiny voice in her that said this was the first time Elsa didn't immediately pull away after noticing the contact. Her skin was cold and unfamiliar.
"Well, it's just as true for me as it is for you," Anna said. Those big, blue eyes blinked and Anna caught her mistake a second later. She flushed, stammering, "I mean for you! It's just as true for you as it is for me. I mean, you've been living alone for a while." Elsa twitched and Anna mentally kicked herself. She rubbed short circles into the pale skin underneath her fingers. "It's going to take some getting used to," Anna mumbled. She dropped her gaze to a spot between Elsa's feet and the couch. "It's fine if it takes a while..."
God knows it would take sometime before anything really changed between them. A week was too short.
"Yeah."
The breathy whisper made Anna's heart flutter. She looked up at Elsa and saw the faintest of smiles on her sister's pale lips.
Elsa shrugged, biting her bottom lip. "I'm sorry if I seem...off to you." She shifted her weight, glancing sideways. "I'm just getting used to things. Like you said."
I'll take that.
Anna grinned and rubbed Elsa's arm without thought. "Before you know it, you won't even realize I'm here!"
Elsa twitched.
Anna's brain rammed to a halt and rewound over what she said.
I can't go one minute without making things awkward can I? This is getting annoying.
A snort made her pause.
Anna's eyes refocused and she felt her heart join her mind.
Elsa had clamped her hand over her mouth, stopping any other noise from leaving her lips. But her eyes crinkled when she met Anna's eyes gaze and a light pink tinted her cheeks. A tingle ran up Anna's arm from where her fingers touched Elsa's skin.
"I don't think I'll ever forget you're here Anna," Elsa whispered.
Anna felt warmth swell in her chest as something prickled behind her eyelids. She nodded silently, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth and letting go of Elsa's elbow. She saw Elsa's gaze waver before she faced the television, coughing to clear her throat.
"Uh, I'll let you get back to...whatever it was you were doing," Anna said. She felt Elsa's stare bore into her back and fisted her hands on her skirt.
"Alright," Elsa said slowly. She stepped away from the couch before stopping. "What do you want for dinner tonight?"
Anna grabbed her phone and notepad. "Anything is fine," she squeaked.
"How does stir fry sound?"
"Great," Anna said hoarsely. She jotted down a job offer from a retail store.
Elsa was quiet for a moment. The air in the apartment grew thick with something else besides heat. Then Anna heard the floorboards creak again.
"I'll see you at dinner then," Elsa mumbled.
Anna nodded, staring at something on her cell's screen without taking it in. A moment later, she heard a door shut softly. She looked back at the television, quickly turning up the volume. The hot, dry air that seemed to pervade Los Angeles day and night stung her eyes a bit.
"I don't think I'll ever forget you're here Anna."
Anna swallowed and rubbed her kneecap.
Pennsylvania, 2005
The house phone's numbers glowed 9:30. Her mother was in her room, typing away at her laptop. The neighborhood was deadly silent and her bare feet were growing numb from the chill that still persisted in January. If she looked out the living room window right now, she wouldn't be surprised to see a fresh shower of falling snow.
Anna rolled the phone over in her hands, brow creased.
Just call. Just type in the number and ask. Don't be a big baby over it.
Inhaling hugely, Anna righted the phone and quickly punched in the combination. She held it up to her ear, shoulders high and chest tight. It rang and the noise seemed so loud she cringed.
Okay, what do I say? Hi? Hello? Goodnight? Wait, no, that's for when you're done talking to someone. I should have practiced some more in the mirror. Okay, okay, calm down Anna. You got this! You so totally got this! Why is it still ring—
"Hello?"
Anna let out a breathless gasp, shoulders jerking. She suddenly lost her voice.
"Hello?"
Her fingers were numb now too. The soft pajama shirt tickled her skin. Anna stared at the photo next to the phone stand. Her mother stood on the lawn, garbed in a dark petticoat with a red scarf wrapped around her delicate neck. She was looking at something in the distance, grinning in amusement. With the sunlight bouncing off the snow and glinting in her blue eyes, Anna had thought her mother looked happy. She'd snapped the photo with her mother's phone.
"Idunn, what's going on?"
Anna snapped out of her daze. Everything came back into focus.
"Idunn, are you alright? You're being quieter than—"
"No Papa," Anna squeaked, high as a mouse with eyes twice as wide. "It's me."
The line went silent.
"I'm sorry for calling so late," Anna said. She clenched and unclenched her free hand. "But I wanted to make sure you were home."
"Anna." Her father's voice sounded unfamiliar and tired. "What are you doing up so late?"
Anna blinked.
Just ask.
She glanced down the hallway, suddenly wondering if her mother could hear her.
"Did you finish all your homework?"
"Y-yeah I did," Anna muttered. She scuffed her toe against the hardwood floor.
"Took a shower?" her father continued.
"Mhm."
"Brushed your teeth?"
"Twice." Anna's throat bobbed up and down.
Her father sighed. "Then you should head to bed now." She heard him shuffling. "You might think it's fine if you stay up another hour or so, but you can easily develop a bad habit of staying up—"
"Elsa didn't forget my birthday right?"
Her question cut through her father's words and her own chest. She felt breathless.
Her father was quiet again.
She gulped.
"Is that what this is about Anna?"
Anna blinked and sagged. She nodded before remembering he couldn't see.
"I just want to see her when it comes Papa," she murmured.
"Well, it's still a little ways until then," her father said softly. He'd always been faster in his response than her mother. Anna wasn't sure which method she preferred.
"How is Elsa?" she asked quietly.
"Her therapist and counselor said she's working along with them diligently."
That doesn't tell me anything.
"Do you think we can all do something for my birthday?"
"We'll see," her father said gently. "By the way, Elsa hasn't forgotten your birthday. Just you wait."
In spite of a definite answer, Anna smiled slightly. The mere mention of her sister sent a bittersweet ache throbbing through her.
"Okay, now I think it's time you went to bed. Goodnight young lady."
"Goodnight Papa," Anna whispered.
The line ended. She put the phone back in its stand and stood there, chewing on her lip in thought.
I wonder if he remembered that it was Picture Day. If he did, why didn't he ask how it went? If he didn't though..
"He's busy," she murmured to herself. Anna glanced down the hallway. Her mother's bedroom light was still on. If she listened closely, she could hear her typing. She glanced back at the phone.
9:45.
If she'd stayed up any later, her mother would notice.
Anna's breath hitched. Quietly, she tip-toed through the living room and plucked her new skateboard off the coffee table. She grabbed her shoes from the corner and slipped them on.
The door creaked open, then closed.
Anna breathed in the winter night air, her breath wisping. She looked down at her skateboard and tapped her fingers on the deck.
"I'll just try you out on the sidewalk right here."
If you don't want to see me anymore