A/N: Backstory. Which is par for the course with my writing. Please enjoy and I'm sorry for the wait.
"It's love that leaves and breaks the seal…"
Her phone's speaker sang through the kitchen, filling the empty room with strings and drums.
"Of always thinking you'd be real happy and healthy, strong and calm," Anna crooned.
The evening light left an orange dusky glow over the apartment. It was almost homely and comfortable.
The pan she was standing over crackled and spit just as the music was cut by her ringtone.
"Ack!" Anna scrambled for the device while trying to shield her face. She grumbled and slammed a lid over the fish and tucked her cell between her ear and shoulder. "Yeah, what do you want?"
"Anna?"
Anna blanched. "Wha—Elsa! Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't check the number. H-how's work?"
There was a hum on the other line and a bead of sweat rolled down the back of Anna's neck.
"That's actually what I called to tell you about."
"Oh?" Anna frowned and a little worm of worry crawled around in her gut. She flipped her fish to distract herself, listening to the satisfying sear of sizzling oil. "Everything's okay right?"
"No Anna, I'm fine. I just called to tell you I'd be home earlier than usual."
Score!—was her first thought. Then it hit her and Anna froze. She glanced at her meal cooking on the stove and then to her cell phone. "I should have made enough for two," she whispered.
But the happy thought wiggled through her mind and she couldn't stop a grin from splitting her cheeks. Rather than come home unannounced, Elsa had called to tell her. That was the most eventful thing that had happened to her today! Which, granted ain't much since her entire day had been spent making sure she had everything ready for classes tomorrow, doing household chores, and running errands. And normally a simple call shouldn't have been prized for such a celebration in her head, but this was Elsa.
Who, for most of the week, had continued to stash herself in her room. Anna hoped she hadn't scared her sister off with the underwear talk during the laundry incident.
A thought nagged at the back of her mind, dark and unpleasant. Anna's hand stilled above her pan and a scowl wormed its way on her features.
"Anna?"
She jumped, reality rushing back to her. "Huh—what?! Did you say something Elsa?"
"You spaced out," Elsa murmured. "I asked you if you needed me to pick up anything for dinner."
"Oh!" Anna grinned and glanced down at her meal. She guessed they could both eat lightly for tonight. She didn't want to send her older sister off on errands when she was getting out earlier for once. "Don't worry about dinner. It's all—"
She reached to flip her fish when a car's horn shrieked from the street below, sudden and close.
The color drained from her face.
Anxiety hit her like a kick in the guts. Anna jerked back violently and in her haste, smacked her elbow against the handle of the pan. It tipped and clattered to the floor.
"Ow! Stupid—!"
"Anna?" Elsa's voice grew louder. "What's going on? Are you alright—"
"I'm fine!" Anna interrupted. She flicked the stove off and picked up what was left of her meal, setting it on the counter. "Really, everything's cool." Not "I just had a little accident." She glared at the redness forming on her elbow.
"Accident…?"
The nervous, almost inaudible, titter to Elsa's voice made the hairs on Anna's nape prickle and she hoped Elsa hadn't heard the horn blare.
"Yeah," Anna said, softer this time. She grabbed a paper towel, wet it, and began to clean the fishy oil stains on the floor. "So, uh, how does Chinese takeout sound tonight?"
"What?" Elsa's hesitance vanished, replaced by confusion. "Er, that's fine I guess. Don't get anything too heavy." Anna rolled her eyes at the sternness in her sister's voice. "Do you need any extra cash? I have some in a small—"
"No, no, no. It's fine, I can pay for it," Anna said. She grinned crookedly when she heard a disgruntled noise on the other line.
"Well okay...I'll be home by 7:30.
"Okay, later!" Anna quipped. She opted out of the "I love you."
"Bye," Elsa mumbled.
Anna ended the call so the silence wouldn't hang in the air. Not wasting a moment, she dumped her ruined dinner into the trash and and hurriedly began to wash the dishes. At the same time, she flipped through the Internet on her phone before dialing a number. It rung three times before someone answered.
"Hello, yes, do you guys do delivery?"
"Your total comes down to..."
Anna barely took in the man's words with how frazzled she felt. Her fingers fumbled as she rifled through the meager contents in her wallet. Sweat beaded at her temple and dripped down the curve of her spine. The stifling, dry heat of Los Angeles probed and hovered over the nooks and crannies of her person, irritating her knee most of all.
And on top of that, it looked like she was short on cash too.
This can't get any worse.
"Ma'am?" The delivery man tilted his head, staring at her with worried brown eyes. "Everything alright?"
"Fine," Anna squeaked her reply. She dug her fingers deep into her wallet, hoping to magically fish out the necessary cash. "I just—"
Footsteps thudded on the apartment floor and Anna looked up to see a few dollar bills placed in the man's waiting hand.
"Here you go," Kristoff said. "Keep the change."
The man glanced between her and Kristoff, but Anna was too busy gaping at her burly neighbor. Taking in her disbelieving expression, he gave a noncommittal shrug. She blinked out of her stupor and stammered, "O-okay, yeah, sure. Thanks."
The delivery man shrugged. "Enjoy your meal and have a nice night," he said, walking away with a little wave.
Anna's shoulders sagged. She pinched the bridge of her nose and grumbled, "You didn't have to do that."
Kristoff laughed once and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. "You looked like you could use the help. Don't sweat it, just pay me back later."
In spite of her frustration, Anna found herself smiling. A silence stretched between them before he noticed her staring and his brow furrowed.
"What?"
Anna's grin widened, her eyes gleaming. "You're kind of a softie, you know that? That's the third time you've bailed me out."
He snorted. "Those times your sister asked me to help."
"Yeah, but this time she didn't."
He shot her a look, but she just kept smiling. Then her expression dropped and she frowned, contemplative.
"She really didn't ask you to check up on me, right?" The thought made her insides squirm.
Kristoff shook his head. "No. I was just on my way to the pet store. Ran out of puppy treats."
Anna beamed and she nudged his side with her elbow. "See, you are a softie!"
Kristoff sprung back and she laughed. A blush rose to his cheeks and he brushed imaginary dust off his black t-shirt. "Whatever, you're weird Anna."
Anna's smile vanished and her cheeks puffed up. "Hey, now that's just rude!" He laughed again and she fumed beside him, crossing her arms and tapping her foot. When Kristoff cleared his throat, Anna snorted and rolled her eyes. "Are you done?"
He flashed her a smirk and she noted the apologetic tilt to it. "Your classes start tomorrow right?"
Anna's shoulders drooped and she leaned against the wall. "Yeah, I guess I'm a bit nervous. I mean, I was in community college before moving to LA and now—" she bit her lip, rubbing the toe of her foot against her ankle, "—and now I'm going to a four-year university. It's a bit overwhelming." A stain on the wall looked very interesting to her right now.
"A lot of hopes and wishes riding on this?" Kristoff asked.
Anna's chest tightened. She glanced at him and caught him staring at her, and at first she wanted to bite her tongue, but the look on his face was genuinely curious. He wasn't smirking and he lacked the stiff tilt to his shoulders she'd grown accustomed to seeing since she had arrived. Anna scratched her cheek and nodded, a grin curling on her lips.
"Yeah, you could say that." She tried to ignore the painful pinch centered on her sternum, but she couldn't help her expression falling slightly. Anna worried at her bottom lip, a dozen thoughts bouncing in her head.
"Something eating you?"
"No." She mentally kicked herself for the abrupt response. Kristoff stared at her with one raised eyebrow. She squared her shoulders and glued her arms to her sides, hoping she looked more convincing than she felt. A half-second pause stretched between them before Kristoff spoke again.
"So, what's eating you?"
I'm a terrible liar.
Anna slumped back against the wall, her frown returning. She tugged on her braid and tried to sort through the dozen thoughts bouncing in her head. "Elsa's coming home early."
He blinked. "And that's...good? Right?"
Anna pulled her lips into a petulant pout. "No! It's not! I mean—" her face flamed, "—yes. Yes of course it's good!" She tugged on her braids more forcibly, biting down on her clumsy tongue. "I kind of want to ask her something—" actually there were a lot of things she wanted to ask Elsa, "—but she's probably exhausted. Again. And I'd hate to bother her when she's not up to it."
The last time she had pushed Elsa into something, it had led to disastrous consequences, ones she still felt today.
"But?"
Kristoff's gentle voice snapped her from her reverie. Anna blinked several times at him, willing herself back to the here and now. Concern was unmistakable in his brown eyes and her stomach twisted into knots at the sight. Anna sighed and stared down at her feet, rubbing the toe of her shoe against her ankle.
"Tomorrow's my first day at an actual university and I don't want her to forget about it," she mumbled. That sounded whiny even in her head, but...
"I can't wait to see you in that cap and gown. I'm going to take so many pictures that Elsa and your father will have to put one in each room."
A pang hit her chest and she swallowed thickly. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Kristoff shrug and rub the back of his neck.
"I'm sure she won't just forget, Elsa's got more sense than that." He eyed her and she could practically hear the gears turning in his head. "Why not just tell her you're feeling anxious about the whole thing and you'd like a little moral support?"
Anna kicked at the floor. "It feels more like I'm asking her to pay attention to me."
Which, it really was.
Kristoff opened his mouth, as if to say something. Then something flashed across his face and he promptly shut it. Anna blinked at him, her frustration momentarily vanishing. He avoided her gaze however, directing it at the stain she'd stared at a few minutes ago. She was about to ask what was wrong when the stiff tilt to his shoulders made her realize it.
Up until this month, Kristoff hadn't even known she existed.
She laughed once and looked down the hallway. "Yeah," she said. "It's weird. But it's not like I—" she clenched and unclenched her hands, words stuck in her throat. Even within the shelter of the apartment complex, the heatwave was getting to her. Anna threw up her hands in the air and cried, "Well, it's not like I want Elsa to pack me a lunch, kiss me on the cheek, and say 'Have a great day at school sweetie!'"
Kristoff glanced back at her, quirking an eyebrow. "Do you want her to do that?"
Anna's face flamed. "No!" She bit her lip and scuffed her foot on the cement. "M-maybe. I don't know." Her shoulders dropped and the blush on her face darkened enough to obscure her freckles. "A little," she mumbled.
It wouldn't hurt to see Elsa's face just before she left.
Anna ground her teeth and twisted the bottom of her shirt.
Anna Arendelle everyone, world's biggest twenty-year-old baby.
A large hand rested on her shoulder and she jumped. Anna snapped her head up to see Kristoff looking torn. The tension was back in his shoulders and his other hand was raised halfway to her. Her eyes darted to the large fingers on her shoulder and back to his face.
"Uh..." Kristoff withdrew his hand and rubbed the back of his head. "You looked like you needed a little cheering up." Anna stared at him, uncomprehending, and he coughed, averting his gaze. "Frowning doesn't suit you."
A feeling bubbled up in the pit of her stomach. It traveled up her sternum, knocking twice on her heart, before reaching her face and warming her cheeks. She grinned until her eyes crinkled and a spark glimmered in their depths. Kristoff raised an eyebrow and she giggled.
"You are such a softie!"
Kristoff spluttered in surprise. The back of his neck flushed a deep crimson and he coughed into his fist while she covered her mouth with both hands in an attempt to stop her giggles. His eyes darted to hers and she beamed at him behind her hands, shoulders shaking just beneath her ears. Kristoff rolled his eyes, but Anna noticed a slight quirk at the corner of his mouth.
"That look definitely suits you better."
A blush that rivaled his flooded Anna's face. She dropped her hands and glanced down, drawing a circle into the wooden floor with the toe of her sneaker. A comfortable silence stretched between them, filled only by the distant sounds of traffic on the streets and a door or two opening and closing. Anna felt a rush of warmth in her veins as and she mentally moved Kristoff's position from 'tall stranger' to 'bear-rugged friend.'
An elbow nudged her side. Anna blinked and Kristoff pointed at the boxes at her feet.
"Hey Anna, maybe you should make sure those don't get cold."
"Oh, crap!" Anna shrieked. She snatched up the take out, the red on her cheeks switching from a happy blush to flushed panic. To add to her nerves, she heard the distant click-clack of heels.
Oh no.
Elsa's white-gold hair was the first thing she noticed, her braid loose with several strands sticking out. The second was the lines etched onto her forehead and the way she rifled through her bag as she walked, lips pursed and eyes distracted. Anna's heart dropped from her windpipe to the pit of her stomach.
I should have bought a pint of ice cream. Or two.
Elsa glanced up as she approached and Anna blinked as something flashed across her face. Their gazes locked and Elsa's stoic expression fell away, momentarily replaced with confusion. She glanced between Anna and Kristoff and frowned. Anna felt her cheeks burn brighter for some reason. But then the look was gone and she was left scrambling in the wake of Elsa's stoicism once again.
"Oh, good evening Kristoff," her sister said, giving their neighbor a half-smile.
Wait, what—
Kristoff stepped away from the wall and waved a bit at Elsa. "Hey Elsa. You're finally in time for—" he looked at the boxes of food and smirked, "—cold Chinese takeout."
Anna's shoulders sagged. "Throw me under the bus," she muttered to him. His smirk grew and so did her pout.
Elsa frowned and glanced at the boxes. Anna briefly wondered if she should have asked what kind of Chinese takeout Elsa would have liked. After a tense moment where the redhead swore she was going to break out into a sweat, Elsa just shrugged and said, "We can heat them up. It's not a big deal."
It really wasn't.
Anna felt gooey and warm, a warmth that had nothing to do with Los Angeles's abysmal heatwave suffocating her limbs. She managed a small smile as Kristoff looked between them, bewilderment creasing his features. Anna guessed that he was deciding weirdness ran in the family.
"Uh, okay." He walked a few steps away down the hallway. "Well, you two have a goodnight. I've got puppy stuff to buy."
Elsa gave him a small nod of acknowledgment and he returned it. Just as her sister turned her attention on her, Anna saw Kristoff mouth, "Good luck," back at her. She grinned and waved him goodbye.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Elsa tilt her head. "You two seem to be getting along well."
Anna turned to Elsa and blinked. Her sister's face was blank save for the lines of exhaustion around her eyes. "Uh, yeah, he stayed by to chat until you came."
Elsa raised an eyebrow. "Really, you and him?"
Anna nodded, bemused by her sister's behavior.
"Oh." Elsa bit her lip and looked away. Anna stood there, waiting for her sister to continue with wide, expectant eyes, but the blonde's gaze remained on a faint stain on the wall. It really was a very interesting stain.
Finally, Anna pushed down the pinch of anxiety and held up the wrapped boxes of food. "So, hungry?"
Elsa blinked and a tired smile curled her rosy lips. The tips of Anna's ears turned bright red and she found herself smiling along.
She tried not to be too excited. Really she did. There had been too many moments where her excitement had gotten the best of her and led to hilariously disastrous conclusions. But Anna couldn't fight the giddiness pulling a grin to her face. There were butterflies in her stomach and she felt the familiar urge to bounce on the balls of her heels. This was the first time this week she and Elsa were sharing a meal together. It was great! Maybe it was childish of her, but the idea of having dinner one last time before her classes started for the semester made her cheeks glow. Dinner time together had been one of her expectations since moving to LA.
Even if it was just takeout from the local Chinese restaurant, the meals they had shared were like a piece from the past.
"Do you want the pick of the litter?"
Elsa glanced over from the fridge. She quirked an eyebrow and Anna gestured to one of the boxes, now heated and readied to be devoured.
"Didn't you have a thing for baby corn?"
Elsa scrunched up her nose, looking somewhere between offended and bewildered. Anna stared.
Cute...
"You make it sound as if I have a sweet tooth," Elsa grumbled.
Anna snorted and rolled her eyes. "Don'tyou?" Her sister stared at her and Anna felt sweat trickle down her spine. Whether it was the heat or her own nerves, she wasn't certain. But she started racking her brain trying to remember if what she said was right. "You used to pout if I got the last chocolate chip cookie from the cookie jar."
Elsa spluttered and her normally pale cheeks flushed cherry-pink. Anna couldn't help but giggle when she snapped her gaze away, stammering, "I-I let you have them in the end! And I didn't pout for long. I never did."
Anna's eyes twinkled and her grin widened by a fraction of an inch. She sauntered up to Elsa while her sister rummaged through the refrigerator and held out a fingertip. Just as Elsa turned around, water bottle in hand, Anna reached forward and poked her sister in the side. Her fingertip brushed a spot just above Elsa's hip bone.
In a split second the atmosphere between them changed. Elsa's eyes widened and she squealed, jumping back and nearly losing her grip on her water bottle. Anna clamped her hands over her mouth as her older sister fumbled to hold onto her drink.
Elsa shot her a glare, face flushed. "Anna! Don't surprise me like that!"
Anna shrugged. She did a poor job at hiding the smile at the corner of her lips.
Elsa's eyes narrowed into slits. "What are you smiling about?"
"I'm not smiling," Anna quipped, covering her mouth with her hands. Her older sister stared at her as if she'd spoken in an unintelligible language. Anna lowered her hands a bit and looked at Elsa through her eyelashes. "It's going to sound stupid."
Elsa blinked and something flickered in her eyes. Her hands loosened around her water bottle and she tilted her head. "I'm sure it won't..."
Anna's brow pulled together at the softness in her sister's voice. She stared at Elsa's face, but when the seconds ticked by and she still couldn't read her expression, Anna dropped her palms and mumbled under her breath.
"What?"
Anna pursed her lips before forcing a grin on her face. "You're still ticklish." Elsa blinked, once, twice. Her lips parted as if to say something, but no sound came out. Anna's smile dropped a little. She spread her hands and chuckled weakly, "I said it would sound stupid."
Elsa's eyebrows shot to her hairline. "It's not stupid."
Anna brightened.
"But I'm not ticklish."
The curt reply caused a snort to splutter from her lips.
"Yes you are," she gasped. "You used to bunch your arms around your sides when Mama would hold out her fingers." Her eyes sparkled when she smiled. "She said you had the cutest squeal."
Elsa's face reddened again "I remember that." She glanced down, lips curling into a small, half-smile. Before Anna could ask her what was on her mind or stare at her face too long, Elsa grabbed another water bottle from the refrigerator and brushed past her. "I think she preferred your face to my squeal though."
Anna rolled her eyes. "Mama loved you."
Elsa set down their drinks and flashed a smirk over her shoulder. "Yes, but I don't think even that Norwegian tea cup set Papa bought for her made her as happy as your smile did."
Anna was glad Elsa had turned away to serve their dinner. The breath caught in her throat, memories of Idunn blotting out the present. Her smile faltered for a moment before she forced it back up.
"Well, you have to admit, I was pretty cute as a kid," she joked. Elsa threw her a look of disbelief. Anna winked and said, "I had the whole package. Chubby cheeks and pearly whites. I was really cute."
Elsa chuckled and shook her head. "What are you talking about Anna? You're still cute."
Anna's shoulders dropped and her grin slipped. Her cheeks darkened and she prayed that Elsa just suspected it was the summer heat. But her sister's eyes twinkled with mischief and Anna tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. Elsa covered a giggle with her hand.
"Oh hush," she grumbled, crossing her arms.
Elsa hummed, but merely said, "You act as if you've never been called cute before."
Not by you, not in a long time.
Anna ignored the nagging voice and stuck out her tongue. Elsa's eyebrows lifted slightly and her face contorted as if she held back another giggle. It made Anna tingle all over, the idea that she could make Elsa laugh again.
Look at us. Having a normal conversation, like normal people.
Elsa pulled out her chair and gestured. "Come eat Anna. Your stomach's not going to feed itself."
Anna bounced the few steps to her seat and slid in. As she grabbed her fork and stabbed into a cob of baby corn, the window to their balcony let the sunset glow in, lighting up the pale locks messily framing Elsa's face. Anna paused with her food halfway to her lips. Elsa looked through her phone while chewing absentmindedly, posture loose and elbows on the table. Blue-green eyes took in the relaxed expression—the slight smile and softness in Elsa's gaze.
And God, look at her.
The plate clinked as Anna set it aside, a smile on her face as she reached for the next one. There was a happy dance to her fingers as she picked it up and furiously began to scrub. Behind her, Elsa typed away at her laptop, the click-clack of keys firing off at a rapid pace. Anna could just imagine the look on her face.
She's probably doing that eyebrow thing Mama used to do when she was working at home.
Anna bit the inside of her cheek. Elation rose in her chest like the surface bubbles of a freshly popped soft drink. When they had finished eating, Anna had insisted on doing the dishes. Of course, Elsa hadn't been so easily persuaded, but Anna had wondered aloud if Elsa still had work to do, effectively distracting her sister.
When Elsa had risen from her seat, Anna had expected her to slip behind her door and not be heard from again the whole night. Instead, she had returned a minute later, laptop and documents in hand. Anna had to stop her jaw from hitting the floor by turning away, getting to work with a glowing smile.
Her toes bounced a bit as she went up and down the counter, depositing their cleaned plates into the dish rack and dumping the empty take out boxes into the trash. The traffic down in the streets created an off-beat melody in her head. Anna hummed to it as she shut off the faucet and towel-dried her hands. Elsa's blue eyes peered over her laptop.
"You know, I could have done the dishes."
Anna frowned. "Don't start." Her sister leaned forward as if to protest and Anna held up a finger. "I have to pull my weight around here somehow."
Elsa settled back, returning her gaze to her laptop. Her nails resumed their rhythmic work against the keyboard. "No luck job hunting?" she asked. "Are you having trouble finding jobs or finding ones to fit your schedule?"
Anna grimaced and slid into her seat. "Both," she grumbled. Neither attempt had been successful thus far."
Elsa's eyes lifted again and concern flashed in the blue depths. A ticklish feeling danced down Anna's back and she straightened.
"But, um," she tucked her hair behind her ear, the scent of dish soap clinging to her fingers, "I'll keep looking! Before you know it, I'll be helping with the bills and stuff."
Elsa frowned and closed her laptop. The gentle click of it made Anna's insides twist. She looked from it to her sister, tracking the line of her furrowed brow and the downward curve of her mouth.
"Anna," Elsa started, voice low and soft. She leaned forward and Anna leaned back. Elsa's shoulders tensed and she fidgeted a bit in her seat. "You… You do know I don't mind paying for our expenses, right?"
Oh, good going asshole, you made her feel bad.
Anna reached over and clasped her sister's hand. The fingers underneath her palm stiffened and the knuckles drew tight. Despite the tension, Anna felt something stir inside her at the softness of Elsa's skin. She rubbed a small circle close to her sister's thumb and smiled.
"Of course I know Elsa," she stressed. Elsa bit her bottom lip and for a moment, Anna's thoughts were stolen away by the action. The gesture was something they both did, but she had never realized how happy it made her to find something she had in common with her older sister.
A vague memory bloomed in her mind, fuzzy at the edges and dull in colors. Short fingers reached into her hair and began to pull the strands into plaits, a small voice telling her to stay still or else she would get knots and tangles. The smile on her face grew as cool fingertips stopped for a moment to tickle her ear.
"Just so you know—"
Elsa's voice, sharper and older, pulled her back to the present. Anna blinked as her sister stood up, striding over to the refrigerator and rummaging through it.
"—there's no rush for you to find a job," Elsa said.
Anna watched her shoulder blades move underneath the fabric of her white blouse and wished she could see her face.
Elsa huffed softly and moved to the freezer. "I'd like it if you focused on your studies," she continued and her voice sounded slightly distracted.
Anna groaned and leaned back in her chair. "You sound like our parents," she said.
Her mother had been adamant that she focus on her academics. The grief from before returned and Anna's stomach twisted. She hardened her jaw. She suddenly felt grateful for the summer heat. It kept her mind off so much.
"About that..."
And all at once, the hot air in LA dropped and Anna felt a chill run down her spine. A spark buzzed over the hairs on her nape, leaving goosebumps and a feeling of dread in its wake.
She sat up slowly in her chair, the upholstery creaking. Her eyes honed in on Elsa's back again. Her sister had stopped searching and stood there with her hand gripping the edge of the freezer, knuckles tight under her skin. Anna's mouth went dry and a lump rose in her throat. The kitchen clock ticked and she could hear the roar of traffic down in the streets. Suddenly, Anna was glad she couldn't see Elsa's face.
"Elsa?"
Elsa's shoulders jerked. Anna licked her lips to wet them, her tongue brushing the cracks made by dry heat. A thousand thoughts buzzed in her mind, but the one that stayed in the forefront was—
Is she thinking about…?
The blaring horn of a truck made her jump. Her chair clattered to the floor as she shot out of her seat and her gaze snapped to the balcony, staring into the dark, barely starlit sky.
"Anna."
Elsa's soft, shaking voice was as loud as the horn.
Anna blinked and glanced back at her sister. Elsa stared at the window with a wide-eyed, troubled look. She wrung her hands together, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip and bunching her shoulders up to ears. Anna stepped towards her, but another car honk from down below made her wince.
Elsa wrapped her arms around her torso.
Anna forced her smile back on her face. Gently, she probed, "You were saying?"
Those blue eyes met hers and Anna's stomach rolled into several knots. She tapped her fingertips against her jean shorts, trying to pick what to say out of the many thoughts running through her mind. Elsa stared at her as if she'd grown a second head. The silence stretched between them and Anna felt frustration beginning to boil in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak when Elsa shook her head and turned back to their kitchen table.
"Nevermind, it was nothing. Just forget about it Anna."
Oh, no, no, no.
But before Anna could react, Elsa tucked her laptop under her arm and brushed past her. She could only stare as her sister headed towards her room, shoulders stiff.
"If you don't mind, I'm going to finish up these documents," Elsa said. Anna couldn't see her face, but the impassive tone in her voice told her all she needed to know. Elsa didn't want to continue their conversation.
"Okay," Anna said. Absentmindedly, she followed her sister until her feet stopped just before the entrance to their cramped hallway. "I guess I'll just head to bed then?"
If Elsa noticed the pitch in her response, she didn't show it. But when she paused in front of her door, Anna couldn't help the spark of hope in her chest. Elsa glanced at her and the tight smile on her lips deepened Anna's confusion.
"Sweet dreams Anna," she whispered.
Anna forced a grin on her face and shoved her hands into her jean shorts. "Don't let the bedbugs bite," she said. Elsa's smile twitched. Anna felt her palms start to sweat and curled them together in her pockets. Her sister pushed open her door and was halfway through before Anna could stop herself from blurting out, "I'm just down the hall if you need me to squash one of those roaches though!"
Elsa stopped and glanced back at her, blinking slowly. The reserved look dropped from her face and Anna saw her eyes darken with...worry? Concern?
Longing.
Elsa looked as if she wanted to tell her something. Anna hoped she wanted to. Her grin softened into something more genuine. She shrugged, shoulders gracing her ears briefly, and said, "Feel free to pop in whenever you want to, too."
Elsa's lips relaxed into a small smile. The glimmer of longing was buried by cool reservation. "Don't forget to take your painkillers with you tomorrow."
Then she disappeared into the dark interior of her room with a soft click.
Anna frowned, conflicted, unsure whether she felt hurt or confused.
"What's up with her?" she whispered.
Elsa's door remained silent.
The sound of screeching tires woke her with a start.
A gasp tore from her lips and she grasped at her bedsheets. The anxiety rushing through her veins slowed when she felt thin fabric under her fingertips, soft, unlike leather. Shaking her head to and fro, blinking away furious tears, she surveyed her surroundings. She was still in her room—still in LA. There was a ceiling above her, keeping out the indigo sky and city lights. Anna exhaled shakily and kicked the twisted covers around her legs off. She shifted and rose to sit on the edge of the bed, gulping in deep breaths of air. Her heart battered against her rib cage, blood rushing in her ears. Running a trembling hand through her mussed and sweaty hair, Anna searched for her phone.
It was on the floor.
Anna rubbed her eyes tiredly, then tugged at the skin around her eyes. Sighing, she reached for it, "I should get a nightstand or something to put you on," Her last phone had taken one too many beatings from nightly tossing and turning. Anna flipped it open and checked the time.
1:33.
She sighed and held her head in her hands. The sound of her wild pulse in her ears grew fainter, her heart beat slower. Anna closed her eyes and let out another sigh, softer this time. She'd barely fallen asleep less than an hour ago. The heat hadn't decreased as the night wore on. Her shirt felt damp from sweat and her throat was dry.
"I need a drink," she said.
Anna pushed off the edge of the bed and stumbled to her door, slipping out of her room. What greeted her was a dark hallway, filled only with the distant sound of traffic, and a low light emanating from the living room.
Immediately, her mind kicked back into overdrive. Anna's eyes darted from the light to the door on her left. An inch of darkness separated the frame from the threshold. She stared at it for a moment longer before making her way down the hall, muscles tense and footsteps hesitant.
Her socks creaked against the floorboards as she crept to the living room.
Anna would have shrieked upon seeing the figure sitting on the couch if it wasn't for the familiar plait of white-gold hair. She blinked several times and stepped closer to the back of the couch.
"What are you doing out here?"
Elsa jumped, fingers slipping along her keyboard, and hair whipping to the side as she turned to face her. Anna was surprised her sister didn't scream.
"What are you doing up?"
Anna's brow furrowed. "I just asked you that."
Elsa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I was working." She gestured to her laptop and Anna realized its LCD screen was the only light in the room. Anna wanted to ask why she had moved to the living room after leaving earlier, but the tight exhaustion in her sister's voice deterred her.
Instead, she peered closer at Elsa, eyes running over the shadows on her face and the stiffness of her shoulders. Her frown deepened when she noticed a wet shine to Elsa's eyes.
Oh.
Anna felt the breath, and her anxiety, drain out of her.
Elsa's gaze dropped and she played with the hemline of the large, lilac shirt she wore. "So what did you need Anna?" she asked softly.
Anna tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, looking away. "Um. I just got up to get a drink of water." Elsa frowned up at her. Anna felt acutely aware of her unkempt hair and rumpled tank top. She ran her hands over her boyshorts, a blush spreading on her cheeks. Suddenly, she wished she'd worn something longer to bed.
Elsa stared unblinking at her. The light from her laptop illuminated the shine in her eyes. It made them look bluer than Anna could ever recall.
She pointed to the side, hoping her sister couldn't see the redness of her cheeks in the darkness. "I'll just, uh, go grab some water."
Anna ducked into the adjoined kitchen and opened the refrigerator. The chill was a welcome contrast to the stuffy heat hanging over the apartment. It eased the flush on her face. She sifted through the fridge, ignoring how loud her movements seemed to be. Her fingertips grazed the cap of a water bottle when a sniffle reached her ears. Anna froze, eyes widening. Another sniffle came and her heartbeat picked up. Slowly, she shut the door, empty-handed, and walked back into the living room, arms stiff at her side.
Elsa sat hunched over on the couch and at first Anna thought she was still looking at her laptop, but the hand clamped over her mouth and her lowered gaze made her think otherwise.
"Elsa?"
Her voice sounded as if she was nine all over again.
Elsa gasped and stiffened. Anna's chest tightened.
"Are you—"
Blue eyes, rimmed red at the corners, rose to look at her. Elsa stared at her with an open look of shock and guilt.
Anna sucked in a breath.
Please don't cry, she wanted to say. But the words got stuck in her throat, so she glanced at her sister's laptop instead.
July 2nd stood out like a neon sign to her, bright and vivid and overwhelming.
Anna closed her eyes to it.
A pang struck her chest, deep and reaching into the tucked corners of her heart. Despair and longing rolled over her, making her gut clench. It hit her then, again. It was late summer, several weeks past the date. She clenched her fists and opened her eyes again.
"Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?" Anna whispered.
Elsa broke from her daze and slammed the laptop shut. The room plunged into darkness. Anna picked up the sound of the refrigerator humming, distant engines, and soft, raspy breaths.
"I didn't want you to see that."
Anna snorted in disbelief before she could stop herself. "Why not?"
She couldn't see Elsa's expression in the dark, but she did hear the shuddery inhale.
"I didn't want to upset you."
Anna dug her nails deep into her palms. Maybe it was the heat, the lack of sleep, or maybe it was just hurt, but something rose swiftly in her throat.
"So it's okay if you're upset out here, all by yourself?"
Elsa's head shot up. "Anna—!"
The hurt in her voice made Anna regret. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then moved her hand down to clutch a braid. Elsa exhaled and it was quiet, but so loud. Anna cleared her throat and swung her arms to distract herself.
"Do you want to do something about the anniversary?"
A pregnant pause, then Anna heard Elsa slump forward and sigh heavily. It echoed in her ears and through the room. She felt pressure behind her eyes. She wished she could see Elsa's face.
"But it already passed… "
Elsa's words were faint, measured even now, but Anna heard the slightest inflection of grief.
Don't cry.
She didn't know if she wanted to tell Elsa that or if she was just trying to convince herself. Anna stuffed her hands into her pockets and hunched her shoulders under her ears. Elsa shifted, silent. Anna bit her lip and stared at the floor. She really wished she could see Elsa's face.
The atmosphere, heavy and oppressive, hung over them both.
Swallowing thickly, Anna moved around the couch and sat down. She could only make out the edge of her sister's form, but she knew Elsa tensed up. Her sister shrunk in on herself and fidgeted, inching away from her. Anna chewed on her lip in thought.
Elsa hesitated, then in a small voice, asked, "What should we do?"
Anna locked away the urge to ask Elsa what she wanted to do. If she had any plans, any thoughts in mind. Anna certainly didn't. With a pang, she realized she couldn't even suggest that they visit their graves.
Come on brain, think of something.
Anna lifted her head to the ceiling and bounced her knee. Elsa sat beside her, unmoving except for the way she wrung her hands together. Anna's fingers flexed. She lifted one hand out of her pocket. Her palm was sweaty and gross, but she told herself it was the LA heat,the summer air dragging them down.
Slowly, she reached out.
Her fingertips hadn't even grazed a pale elbow when Elsa turned to face her. Anna jumped back, eyes wide. Somehow, despite the darkness, the cold blue of her sister's eyes shone like a lighthouse.
"Do you miss them?"
Anna blinked and opened her mouth, but her lips moved without sound. A thousand things came to mind, a thousand repetitions.
Of course, of course!
She felt like crying.
But instead, surprisingly steady, she said, "All the time."
Elsa did not respond and Anna listened to their shared, stifled breathing. Finally, Elsa looked down at her lap. Anna saw her shoulders shake and her heart clenched at the sound of a shuddering inhale. "I… I miss them too."
Putting more care into anything she had done today, Anna inched her hand over and gently lifted the top of Elsa's laptop. Her sister stiffened, but made no motion to stop her. Anna tapped a few words into the search bar, acutely aware of the minute distance between them.
A list of searches came up, videos, pages, and images.
"Mama told me Papa really loved krumkake," Anna said.
With the light from the computer now filling the room, Anna saw the muscles of Elsa's throat and jaw move. Her sister stared at the screen as if she was expecting something to leap out of it. Anna chewed on the inside of her cheek, watching emotions flit and flicker in Elsa's eyes.
Elsa nodded slowly and said, "I remember Mama used to make them all the time for him, on Saturdays, when we were little. Chocolate filling was his favorite." Then she smiled and glanced at Anna. "That was your favorite too, right?"
"Yeah," Anna said, then added, "It still is." She poked at a picture on the screen and tentatively said, "It'd be fun doing it together."
Elsa muttered something under her breath.
Anna twiddled her thumbs in her lap. "So…" She resisted the urge to lean into her sister's personal bubble. "Yes?"
Elsa ran a hand through her hair. "That would be nice, I think. That would be very nice." Then she tipped her head back and sighed.
Anna frowned. It sounded as if her sister still wanted to say something. "Elsa?"
Elsa's eyes crinkled with fatigue, but her lips curled into a faint smile. "I think it's about time we call it a night. You have classes tomorrow. You shouldn't make it a habit of staying up late now."
Anna's expression fell and she nodded dumbly, disappointed. She stared at the way pale blonde bangs fell against a high cheekbone.
"Right," she said.
"Right," Elsa echoed. Her whole body sagged against the couch, eyes falling shut. Anna chanced a glance at the clock sitting on the kitchen counter. It was nearing two and even though she knew Elsa was used to staying up far later, she guessed the long work hours had finally gotten to her sister.
She just hoped it was just the hours.
Anna flashed her sister a grin and Elsa's smile grew. It made her heart clutch in the bittersweetest of ways.
"Make sure you get a goodnight's rest," Elsa said and rose to brush past her.
"Yeah, I will."
Elsa started to make her way back to her room when Anna spoke up again.
"Uh, Elsa?"
Elsa paused at the beginning of the hallway, glancing over her shoulder.
Anna gripped the hem of her shorts.
"Yes?"
She inhaled sharply. "You too. Make sure you get some sleep too, please."
Elsa's eyes, Anna swore, shone when she smiled.
"I will. Goodnight Anna."
"G'night."
It was several seconds before Anna heard Elsa's bedroom door close. She sat on the couch and counted her breaths, deep and even. She stared at the vertical blinds of their balcony, the dim glow of streetlights peaking through. Anna could hear the hustle and bustle of traffic. Outside, the city seemed to never sleep.
She thought of Elsa, her dreams of Elsa, and felt very small.
"Sweet dreams Elsa," Anna whispered.
Turn these lights down low
Walk these halls alone
We can feel so far from so close
Like ships in the night
You keep passing me by