Deviations

"Everything you do will be seen and judged, every workout drill, every course skill. You show what your worth, and it may pay off in the end. Any questions, good!" Amar never gives them time to answer. He was raised in Dauntless, his need for order and procedure show he leaves very little room for the free thinkers. He breaks a few outsiders and builds them as he wants. "You are now Dauntless, start thinking and acting like it. This is Eric, he will train the Dauntless born. I am Amar, I get the rest of you. You will be ranked together, so even if you don't see your competition, you will be competing against them for a spot."

"What spot?" a thicker girl blurts out. They are all dressed in Dauntless, but I bet her Candor ways will label her for a while.

"Most of you will spend your time training to work on the wall. Don't event think beyond that for now." His hard stare set her straight, she looked away from him,

"All that time mastering engineering, and I get to shoot..." Amar's eyes look my way with a slight sneer to his mouth I slip behind this initiate cut him off from behind, a choked hold will get the angst out of ass.

"I don't care what you were before, if all you will do is catch bullets, you might as well start now", I felt him squirm and struggle, gasp for air. "Shut your damm mouth" I whisper, I feel him giving up. I push him back to standing, then back to place with Amar.

"Dauntless born follow Eric, the rest follow me."

Max is suddenly at my side, as my new shadows keep pace behind me. "Fear simulations first, mix it with their physical training. It should be faster than unborns."

"But last time it didn't go so well." I stare to him without explanation, he was there too.

"They will start stronger, I don't expect a repeat."

"Fine, head first then. I'll get them on the mats tonight, I don't want them too soft."

He turns down a dark hallway, his ability to find me at anytime a bit unnerving, him disappearing, more so. The footsteps behind me echo in the hall, the tempo occupying my mind. The deviation from heading towards the mats has a few perplexed, chatter begins as most know where else this hall leads to. I reach the double doors and push both hard, not caring who they hit on the back swing. Being ready for anything happens anywhere.

"Sit, we are doing fear simulations first, Reed you are up first." My back is to them, I head to the chair room, seeing Jen had all the tools laid out already. The thought that this was planned from the beginning crosses my mind. I hear Reed shut the door, his was the only name I could remember. I watched his Dad fight a few times, his Mom took the leap after a bad fall from the fence. He knew what he was in for with staying Dauntless.

"This serum works in your head, pulling out your fears. I can see what'sin your head with this node. I can tell how many fears you have. While you are under the serum, you are judged on how you handle your fear, how fast you work them, fight them, or shut them down." He remained stoic until he saw the injector, his eyes widening, tensing his face. The length of the needle should bring out some response, they aren't human if it doesn't. I keep it quick, still feeling his neck tense while I hit the injector. "Remember, I will see everything, don't try to fight it" Reed's eye lids drift, his head rolls to his side, his shoulders twitch. My screen lights up with his first fear.

I see more than anyone should be allowed, more than I ever want. Reed starts to sweat as his first fear makes it to my monitor. It a pretty common one, fearing not meeting up to the standards of their parents. His is a tad altered with the fear of his father, bits of arguments and slammed doors. Referencing an empty chair. He chooses o leave instead of conquering his father, something that shows great cowardice. He will have to obliterate this is he plans on making it. His second is a fear of death, but his more layered than most. He want s a quick one, painless, but his body is burning. On lookers are indifferent, as he keeps screaming. I knife in near by to end it himself, but he doesn't use it. He allows himself to burn, until he steps in front of a train, oddly enough, out in an Amity field. His fears keep piling, all pointing to three main fears cowardice, shame and self doubt. I begin to wonder if he chose to be Dauntless, if he should have gone elsewhere. What's he trying to prove, why is he still here? As his instructor, how am I supposed to make him Dauntless if nothing inside himself should be?

I think back to my class, how we were also trained. Fear simulation were the first to be administered. Amar thought it was a great idea, not just Dauntless born. The first week was physically tough and mentally draining. My free time was against the bag, my knuckles so bloody, skin so jagged. It felt better than facing everything all at once. But I, at least, could deflect it. Not all could. Anders, a transfer from Candor, lost it one night in the dorm. Took a belt and choked another initiate almost to death. Cut another from wrist to elbow. I got the one out of the belt, Max and other leaders had to let the other die on the cold cement, trying to get to Anders, he could have taken out many more.

A heart rate warning goes off, Reed must be sweating to dehydration, I give him an anecdote to bring him out before he's done. Forty five minutes, and maybe only 8 identified fears. He is going to be work, and I'm not sure he's worth it. He's groggy and disoriented, clothes drenched in sweat. He finds my eyes, looking for approval, but he will only find disdain. Jen reenters, resets my serum, hauls Reed out of the chair.

"Go eat and get ready for tonight, we start working in the gym." Reeds still not focused, his posture deflated. He heads out the room, leaving the door open. "Who's want it next?" My echo bounces back to me, a tall girl fills the frame of the door. She is not hesitant at all, sitting directly in the chair, her neck exposed.

"Marin Caffey," like she knew the process, as I was ready to type her name. I hear Jen chuckle ever so slightly at her readiness, too eager to please. It's not going to win her any points. I start my process, same words, same effect. Her fears are more represented by objects, she swallows them without thinking. It my first red flag for this batch. Her mental agility will be her ending, nothing will save her. I make my notes, I know Jeanine's eyes will read them. Her simulation continues, I shut my mind off to her possibilities. Marin ends it quickly, opening her eyes with a look of accomplishment. I say little as she exits, disgusted at her arrogance.

The rest continue, like school children, doing as their told. A couple look to be solid, brave. The day feels wasted as we enter the Pit. Cheers and speeches as rituals play out. I air of hope and joy. And for the moment it is fine. My group will feel the truth later on, and for what I am made best.