One Word Prompt Obidei: Art

Fingers trailed down my spine as I worked the clay between my fingers, focused only on my art. Sometimes I liked to make sculptures that weren't fused with my chakra just to make sure my hands could still work the way they had before i got my kekkei genkai. This was different though.

I felt like I was suspended in time, my body curled against yours. I didn't know where the fuck we were or what this was, but you held my waist and I tried to ignore the fact you'd ruined everything. My art was destroyed, and there was no chance I could return to my life.

You were "protecting" me as you said. Heh. Protecting me from myself most likely. I was angry, my fingers squeezing too hard on the clay, ruining the figurine. I let out a harsh breath and you sighed.

I went to stand, watching you sit on the ground still, studying me. I stretched, my muscles still sore and I was still recovering from my injuries during the fight with sasuke.

I could feel you watching me, and I turned to glare at you. I let out a rough breath, "Why did you save me? I could have taken him out." I said between my teeth.

You sighed, "For the fifth time, Deidara. You wouldn't have taken him out. He was out of range."

I huffed, pissed, turning away, "Shut the fuck up, Tobi. You don't know that." I sighed angrily, thoughts on how if you hadn't had saved me, I could be dead and not be stuck here- alive. You always were saving my life, and I couldn't handle it, "Why couldn't you just let me die." I sighed.

You cocked your head, your mask hiding the entirety of your face. How was I ever supposed to become close to you when I didn't even know how you felt? "Because I love you more than anything, Deidara. And to lose you would kill me."

I turned away, refusing to answer.

I heard you sigh and when I turned around you were gone. I ran my hands over the quilt you'd brought me, gripping it tightly in my hands. I wanted to scream. I wanted to lash out, I wanted to drive you away with every inch of my body and make it so I could not hurt you more than I have already.

I laid down, wrapping myself tightly in the blanket, sighing and thinking about how this could have gone wrong. My Chakra was still incredibly low, and my muscles ached in a way I hadn't felt in a long long time. No matter how many times you told me this was for the best, I still felt as if I'd failed my greatest art work.

"Deidara." I heard your voice before I saw you, and you came down, kneeling and gently stroking my face. I sighed, frustrated beyond belief. I wanted you to hold me, but I never wanted you to touch me again. I wanted your lips to kiss me but I also wanted to fucking blow you up. This was incredibly difficult, my emotions a roller coaster over every split second.

"What." I said softly, too tired to really hold a true conversation.

"I'm going to kiss you." Your voice was so gentle and pure, and I closed my eyes, feeling your lips meet mine. My fingers trailed over your face and neck, shoulders and chest as we sat there. I hated my change of emotions- my instability.

Art. You were the definition, the meaning, the taste on my tongue, the gentle stroke of a paint brush and the thick creaminess of clay in my grasp. You were also the violence between my nails, the blood in my mouth, the knife needed to cut my clay. I wanted to scream, my hands roamed your body, and for a moment in desperation, I wondered if there was any way to make you do exactly what I asked. I didn't know how the fuck to fix our relationship, especially because we both knew you couldn't fucking trust me. I was a 'loose cannon'- in pein's words, not ours. I could never change myself to become someone you could trust and I hated it. I wanted your trust, your kisses, and your love. I had two of them, and honestly if I could trade either of those for your trust I might be okay with that. My fear of losing you was too intense, and without your trust, I felt as if you could walk away any day.

"Deidara I can feel you thinking." You murmured, your mask back on, and your hands in my hair as you held me.

I sighed, "I'm sorry." I said, watching your fingers run through my hair. "Just…. A lot on my mind."

"You should rest." Your hands gently reached down, taking mine.

I shook my head, "I'm not tired." I said, even though I was both emotionally and physically exhausted. "I don't know if I could sleep without you here with me." I said softly.

You sighed, "Deidara…" you didn't sound exasperated, which I took as a good sign. Your fingers gently wove between mine, "Alright. You need to sleep now…"

I nodded, too frustrated to fight with you. I didn't know how to fix us, and honestly I don't think you did either, so I decided that if you would let me hold you and let me believe that you weren't going to leave me.