Summary: It was an average day in the Smash Bros, for once, until Pit opened a bag of Doritos.
Pairings: Pit and Roy friendship. Mild Marth/Zelda romance. Blatant stupidity and much silliness abounds here.
It was a normal day in the Smash Bros mansion, and the residents of said mansion were relaxing in the lounge. It was one of their impromptu parties that they had sometimes. There were no fights for that day, and no one had challenged anyone else to the death, so it was an average party with no maiming or mauling what so ever. The only odd this was that someone had had the foresight to bring snacks, and the Smashers were enjoying some alcohol and junk food in their own Mansion. Life was sweet for our favorite Video Games.
Unfortunately, life is never that good for very long.
Pit had been having fun in the crowd, ample pranking opportunity. So far he had cut off a good inch of Samus's ponytail and slipped it into Fox's workout bag, placed a glob of ultra-sticky glue on the floor which Wario had promptly stepped in, slipped a liquid that would give Sonic terrible gas into said Hedgehog's beer, and placed a whoopee cushion on Ganondorf's chair which said Demon King had promptly sat on. So far he had not been caught, and now it was time for his piece de resistance. Spiking the punch.
Not with alcohol you see, that was quite available to all the Smashers except the kids. No, this was something he had picked up at the local drug store, something that had been contract made for this very event. And every drop was going into the boy's punch. Long story short, there were going to be a lot of VERY happy girlfriends tonight.
His nefarious mission complete, Pit decided to relax and have his very favorite snack, Ranch Doritos. He settled back against the wall to enjoy watching the chaos unfold. He opened the bag and pulled out a chip and prepared to take a bite when he noticed something strange.
Link was standing at the edge of the crowd, his back to Pit. But the way he stood has completely parallel to the angelic trickster. Pit looked at the Dorito, then at Link. At the Dorito, then Link. This repeated itself several times as a realization slowly dawned on Palutena's Champion. His face became reverent, and he looked up at Link very slowly.
"Hey Pit!" Roy greeted his friend as he approached his friend and prank accomplice. "I just got Zelda's panties from her room and put them in Luigi's room. Marth is gonna be so freaking pissed." Giggled the young chaos bringer. When he got no reaction from Pit he frowned. "Pit, what's going on? Are you okay buddy?" asked the red-haired hero in concern. Normally Pit would be cracking up, but his attention was glued on something else.
Pit slowly looked at Roy, a shocked look on his face. "Look." Was all he said, and then he slowly held up a Ranch Dorito. Confused, Roy looked as well as he could down Pit's line of sight.
What he saw shocked him to the core, and struck him like a freight train to the groin. The Dorito was a perfect line up to Link's waist, abdomen, and shoulders.
Link was a cool ranch Dorito!
"Oh my holy Gods above." Said Pit and Roy at the same time.
(Exactly five minutes and thirty nine seconds later…)
"No boys, we cannot buy the Frito-Lay Company just to make Link the new logo for Doritos." Said Shigeru Miyamoto in a resigned voice. "Not only can we not afford it, but its also the single stupidest thing I've ever heard of."
"BUT WE WANT IT!" screamed Roy and Pit at the same time.
"Link could finally fulfil his destiny to become a true Cool Ranch Dorito!" cried Pit in a petulant voice. "It's brilliant, BRILLIANT!"
"For the last time, NO!" exclaimed Miyamoto. "Now, get out or I will sick Uwe Boll on both of your franchises!" exclaimed the Godfather of Video Games.
"YOU WOULDN'T!" cried Pit and Roy.
"Watch me." He said in a deadly tone. With that, both Roy and Pit ran screaming from the room to avoid the horrors of the Boll. As they left, Miyamoto sat at his desk and pulled out his phone. "Sakurai? Yeah, it's me. Get in contact with Marvel and Frito-Lay. I'm the golden goose and I just laid a golden egg."
About a month later when Pit went to open another bag of Doritos, he was incensed to find that Link and Captain America were the new logos for Cool Ranch flavor.
He and Roy murdered many Miis in their rage.
AN: …Yeah I don't know where this came from either. I guess I kept mentally equating Link and Captain America and saw some meme's about Steve being a Cool Ranch Dorito. And then this happened. Tell me what you think I guess.