Sweet
I was never very good with coping without you there. When I met you, I'd attached myself to Hidan after Sasori's abuse. My mental illness was worsening, and every day I spent was begging for the bitter release of my life. I wanted nothing more than for someone to fight me to the point where I could be finally freed. I was bitter and angry and felt nothing but hurt. Hurt by breathing, hurt by the akatsuki, hurt by the 'family' I had. No one mattered to me like you did.
"Deidara!" You had screamed. I'd turned to see your eye staring at me, and I felt the fear from you for my life. I felt my body processing the clay, and in that very second, you knew I wavered in my decision for the first time in my entire life.
Seconds later, I was losing my lunch all over my shoes, in a place I didn't recognize while you desperately scooped clay from my chest, the feeling of your gloved hands in my chest almost painful. It didn't feel right. It was sizzling on the ground, and I was exhausted. I don't remember how long it took for you to get me stable because I passed out shortly afterwards.
I woke to the smell of sweet rolls, and you gently holding me, and I felt you sob when I said your name. I laid there for what felt like days, crying because I realized you'd ruined the only thing I'd ever looked forward to in my entire life. The only thing that had kept me from ending it sooner.
I screamed, I cried. I called you terrible names. And you held me with the deepest care and love. I felt nothing but anger for a long time. Nothing. It was a bitter time for me.
I was scared and sad in the land of your mind. I knew nothing but the space that went on forever. I stopped crying, and your sweetness never stopped.
I got more bitter.
My eyes were dry, but every second was like running away. Every second like a mile, a minute like 60, and an hour like traveling the world. I knew nothing but your touch. It was the only thing that slightly filled the hole in my chest.
"Deidara." You called my name like a prayer, and it was like the sweetest kiss to my burning soul. I felt such anger and you soothed it like milk on my tongue.
I knew only your hands on my spine as I laid there, staring into your eyes emotionlessly. I felt nothing for you but a mixed angry hatred love titled, "pleaseloveme pleasehateme pleasekillme pleasepleaseplease let me free…" that you never answered in the way I wanted you to.
Fingers were like daggers to your flesh, and you never voiced a complaint when I held you like you were the anchor at the bottom of the sea. I wanted you to give me what I wanted, and you titled my soul "Mine" and I decided that was better than I'd expected.
"Deidara…" You had said when you led me from the place to finally be freed. My first steps were like a toddler's-awkward and terrified. When you kissed me like you were going to lose me, I realized how truly bittersweet our situation was.
Surrounded by Ninjas from Konoha, and your grip on my fingers like you were scared If you let go I'd disappear, I knew you weren't going to be able to get away now.
Kakashi Hatake stood before us, and slowly he held out a hand, offering it slowly, eyes watching us with a gaze that struck fear into my heart just as equally hope.
"Deidara. Obito. It's time." He spoke.