First, I'd like to apologize for the non-fluffiness.
Second, I'd like to thank each and every one of my readers for taking part in this roller coaster ride of a fic. Thank you for commenting, leaving kudos, and constantly supporting me. DELMGA would not have come to completion without you.
Soo crossed her arms and regarded So with mixed emotions as he clasped his hands behind his back and gazed at her with raised eyebrows. "Why are we up here?" he asked, a smirk toying at his lips. He tilted his chin and stared at her lovingly as she sighed, her eyebrows knitting together in frustration.
If there ever was a time when So found Soo the cutest, it was when she was frustrated. She would run her hands through her hair, bite her tongue,purse her lips, and frown in a way that made him smile. He wondered why she was annoyed this time.
They stood on the second storey of Wook's apartment, hidden amongst the trees and plants that so carefully grew and spread out. Dense foliage shielded them from any eyes in the other buildings around them. Soo had brought him upstairs because it was the perfect place to have a conversation without being overheard or seen.
"Why did you perform a ceremonial bow to my cousin?" Without preamble, she dove head first and asked what was on her mind. "I told you to wait, but you went and asked if we could get married."
Surprised at Soo's outburst, So felt his grin fade and a more serious expression take its place. He examined Soo's expression and wondered why that had riled her up so much. "Are you angry that I didn't lie to your cousin?" Confused, he took a step forward but Soo stood her ground as he looked down at her, his height giving him an advantage. His arms moved to cross in front of his chest. "I didn't want to lie to your cousin. I told her the truth. We're going to get married, aren't we? I just got it over with." So raised an eyebrow as if to question the integrity of their agreement.
Protesting, Soo shook her head. "Yes, we're going to get married-"
"Then I don't see what the problem is," interrupted So. He did not want to fight with Soo. Not this soon. They had only found each other for a month now and he was unwilling to lose her. "She asked me what my relationship to you was and I told her we were seeing each other romantically."
"But you didn't have to tell her we were getting married," Soo protested, her hands on her hips. She stared up at So as he narrowed his eyes down at her.
"You talk as if you don't want to marry me," he muttered in a low voice. Disgruntled, he ran a hand through his hair and gripped at the roots. "Why are we arguing about this? I told your cousin the truth!"
"And what if she sent you away?" Soo demanded, her own anger flaring. She wanted nothing more for their argument to end, but from past actions, she knew that they tip-toed over frayed rope and the slightest imbalance would send them falling. She had no wish to let So go- not after losing him once. She had spent an entire pregnancy pining over the man that would not return her letters, let alone see her before she died. Never again. She had endured too much pain to allow it to be repeated in her next life. "She could have sent you away and then we'd never be able to marry!" shouted Soo.
Scoffing, So gave a shake of his head and he leaned closer to her, a smirk returning to his face. He felt his anger dissipate as he regarded an adorably furious Soo. "Do you think living in different houses would have kept me away from you?" He smiled and uncrossed his arms, willing to put the argument behind them. Reaching to cup Soo's cheek, he tried to console his lover.
"It did in Goryeo," Soo snapped, unable to contain her rage. Unshed tears glistened in her narrowed eyes as she pushed So's hand away from her face, unwilling to let him touch her as if everything was alright.
So froze and they stared at each other, dark eyes meeting and minds clashing in a thunderstorm of unsaid words. Soo watched her words sink into So's heart as if she had impaled him. She watched as his smirk faded into nothing and then into a tormented expression. Her own chest ached as she bit back the urge to retract her words.
"You…" So released a shuddering breath, taking a step back. "You…" he repeated, his own eyes glistening. His hands flew to his side where they curled into fists. His voice clenched as he fought to control his tone. "Do you have any idea how much pain you caused me when you just picked up everything and left?" So fought a losing battle as his voice rose. "When you left me for Jung?!" he spat. "Do you have any idea how much I wanted to take you back?!"
"But you didn't!" Soo shot back, her own voice escalating. "You left me in the same way I left you! I waited every single day for you to come, but you didn't!" Hot tears fell down her cheeks, leaving wet trails in their wake. They glistened like diamonds in the light of the setting sun. As So's voice grew, Soo's only fell. "Every day, I waited for you, but I could never hear your voice or see you before I..." She trailed off in a choked whisper, holding her arms around her body to prevent her sobs from rising.
She could not lose this battle. She could only continue.
"When Myung Hee told me she thought about making you leave, I thought I was going to lose you again. I thought my selfishness would make you hate me again." She turned her gaze up toward So as he wiped his own eyes and glared away from her, his arms crossed.
"Again," he huffed, his broad shoulders rising and falling abruptly. "Again. Make me hate you again," he muttered her words and shook his head before facing her. "When have I ever hated you? When, in any of our lives, did I ever do anything but love you?"
Shaking her head, Soo looked away. Roughly, she swiped at her eyes to will the tears away and to remove any trace of their existence. Any words that formed in her mind refused to exit her mouth and her hands clamped over her mouth as more tears replaced the ones she had just wiped. She choked down her sobs and tried to speak, but no words would form against her lips.
So felt his heart hammering in his chest as he realized how Soo must have felt those during horribly long months when he had neglected to open Jung's envelopes. When he had indirectly hurt Soo with his own hands because of his blinding hatred toward a brother. When he had left her alone because his own anger had stilled his hand and turned him from the one that needed him the most.
She had been sick, dying, and pregnant while he was neglectful. How afraid had she been that she would lose the baby or succumb before their child was born?
As Soo wept in front of him, So realized that his rash actions had caused her to be afraid that his mistakes would separate them again. That after all they had gone through, she was afraid they would part the same way they had a thousand years ago. After promising to never let her cry again, So had been the one to cause her tears. He was the reason she stood before him, tears falling from her beautiful eyes. Because he had been too stupid to seek her out in a past life.
He swallowed thickly before opening his arms and pulling Soo against his chest, gripping the back of her shirt and hugging her close. He could feel her fighting his hold, pushing at his chest with clenched hands and forced shoves. "Let me go!" she protested, her voice growing shrill and her fury only rising. "Let me go!" So endured each blow that landed onto his body, never allowing his grip on her to loosen for fear of losing her.
Soo fought with what remaining strength she had and tried to pull from from So's embrace until her tired body felt drained. She hit and pushed him with all that she could muster until there was nothing left for her to do but set her arms down and let her tears fall onto the soft material of his shirt. "Let me go," she whimpered as her hands feebly dragged down So's chest.
"No." His desperate growl was low in her ear as he held her tighter, his arms constricting around her body. "I'll never let you go again. Anything that happens from now on, we'll do it together. Any decisions, any meetings, anything," he emphasized his words as Soo's forehead rested against his chest. "I promise."
They stood there, shaded by trees and surrounded by flowers in what felt like a scene from a drama. Gentle winds ruffled past them and after what felt like an eternity, Soo pressed closer to So's chest as his grip on her loosened. Ever so slowly, her arms crept up his sides until her hands draped over his hips in a loose hold over the small of his back.
"I'm sorry," So murmured into her hair. He inhaled the rosy perfume that emanated from her, memorizing the notes of her scent.
Soo closed her eyes against So's chest and breathed deeply, her fingers gently curling into the fabric of his shirt.
Too caught up in their own world of quiet agony, neither noticed when the door to the balcony opened and Myung Hee stepped out into the fresh air. Neither noticed when Myung Hee stepped towards them and paused as she took in the sight of her cousin and brother-in-law embracing each other as if it would be their last.
Crossing her arms, she watched as So pressed his cheek to the crown of Soo's head and nuzzled closer to her, his large hands flat against her back. They seemed too comfortable for a couple that claimed to have known each other for one month. The way he hugged her, the way she held onto his shirt… Myung Hee cleared her throat.
The two split as if they had been electrocuted and Myung Hee noticed the red around Soo's eyes that indicated that she had been crying as well as the same marks that indicated So had as well. "My husband is looking for you," she said to So, reaching into her pocket for the handkerchief she kept. Handing it to her brother-in-law, she gave him a pointed look. "Please wipe your eyes before going to his office."
So cleared his throat and declined the cloth with a small nod. He glanced at Soo before wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. He gave Myung Hee a small bow before walking past her and returning into the house.
Once the door closed behind him, Myung Hee regarded her cousin who sniffled and wiped her eyes. "May I ask what… happened?" she asked Soo. Worried, she stepped forward and used the handkerchief in her hand to dab at Soo's cheeks and remove the traces of crying from her skin. "Why are you crying? Did you fight?"
Nodding, Soo gasped and looked away, taking a deep breath to calm her heart. "We fought, I shouted at him, I said... something I shouldn't have, and we... forgave each other."
They sat down together and Myung Hee took her cousin's hands in her own. "Soo, do you want to leave?" she asked softly. "Do you want to live with So?" She looked at her cousin with questioning eyes as Soo's mouth opened and closed in surprise.
"Not yet," her cousin replied. "I told him to wait until you gave birth because I want to stay here to help you. I think Mun Seong is helping him look at real estate in Seoul."
Nodding, Myung Hee gave Soo a smile. Slowly, ever so slowly, she could feel herself relenting to her cousin's relationship. "How are you?" she asked. "I feel like I haven't taken much time to know how you've been since you came. With the baby and Wook's business, I've had my hands so full that I haven't asked if you're happy." Patting Soo's hand, Myung Hee listened as her cousin gave a little laugh.
"I'm... fine. I've been fine," Soo gave her shoulders a small shake. "You must hate having to keep our secrets from your husband."
Myung Hee shook her head and hummed softly. "Wook and I were arranged to marry when I was fifteen," she sighed wistfully. "And as much as I love my husband, even teenaged me noticed just how often we ran into each other. Technically we dated for ten years before we got married and… I guess I wish I had as much a whirlwind romance as you two have." They met eyes and Myung Hee gave her cousin a reassuring smile.
Soo reciprocated the expression and Myung Hee reached to tuck a stray hair behind Soo's ear, wiping a tear that fell from her eye. "When did you realize you were in love with Wook?" the younger woman asked.
Folding her hands in her lap, Myung Hee exhaled through her nose and gave a slow tip of her head. Frowning, she took a moment to think. "Do you remember when you were eight- I may have been nineteen or twenty then- and I was in the hospital because my lungs were acting up? You mother brought you to see me then."
She watched Soo's eyebrows wrinkle in thought. The younger woman gave a little nod as if to pretend to remember. Myung Hee only smiled as the old memory resurfaced. "Before I went to the hospital, I was with Wook and when I couldn't walk any further because my chest hurt, he carried me to the hospital and then refused to leave my side while I was getting examined."
Myung Hee was relieved to see Soo smile through her tears. "Did he hold your hand and say everything would be alright?" Soo asked.
Shaking her head, Myung Hee pressed a hand to her lips as she sighed. "As strong as Wook looks and as skilled as he is maintaining a straight face, he was no matched for the emergency room." She shook her head. "I had to hold his hand and ask him if he was alright because he looked two seconds from fainting when they drew my blood."
The cousins sat and spoke together as Myung Hee's anecdote unfolded. The little story was enough to make Soo's gloomy mood fade in the slightest. "I knew I loved Wook when he sat beside me for two days, looking pale and nauseated while holding my hand and refusing to go until I was discharged. But what about you?" Peering at her cousin, Myung Hee hoped to help Soo by bringing up happier memories. "When did you realize you loved So? It must have been soon since you've only been seeing each other a month."
Soo nodded slowly as an answer rose in her mind. When he gave up everything to stand by me in the pouring rain as I performed a kneeling protest... When he took an arrow for me.
"I don't know if there was a certain day when I fell in love with him," Soo pursed her lips and frowned. "It was so gradual…" she snapped her fingers. "On the day I broke up with my old boyfriend, So came to my room at night with mini cakes. He said that he'd found them in the fridge, but I saw the receipt for them in the trash." She skimmed a few details and added the part about the receipts so her story would seem more believable. Soo looked up at the sky and exhaled through her nose. "We spent the entire night up, eating cake and talking about our lives and… and I just fell in love."
She hated lying to her cousin, but there was no other way to affirm her relationship to So without sounding deranged. She couldn't outright say that they had met in a past life and somehow found their fates aligning a thousand years later.
That night, So sat in his bedroom and stared at the ruffled gray sheets on his bed, tapping his feet and wondering if he should go to Soo. Dressed in his usual nightclothes of a pair of blue pants, he rested his elbows against his knees and nervously wondered if she would still be angry at him. If he went to her, would she make him leave?
At the same time, Soo sat on the yellow sheets of her bed and gnawed at the tip of her thumb as she wondered if So would come to her. Her bare feet peeked out from beneath her nightgown and she wiggled her toes, her teeth grinding against the pad of her thumb.
Should I go to him?
She slipped off of her bed and padded around it toward the door, holding her arms as goosebumps dotted her skin. Quietly, she opened her door and stepped out of her bedroom and into the dark hallway.
When she looked up, she saw So stepping out of his bedroom and silently shutting the door. Their eyes met and Soo paused as her hand lingered on the doorknob.
Frozen in the hallway, they waited for the other to make a move and suddenly, it was as if they were meeting for the first time... again.
She took a tentative step forward and So did as well until they met in the middle, two people caught in a desolate hallway.
"Will you let me sleep with you tonight?" So asked as Soo rested her head against his arm. Her warm breath flitted against his bared skin and and So placed a hand to the small of her back as he awaited her response.
"I thought…" she murmured, "you promised you'd never let me sleep alone again." Soo peered up at So, her eyes glinting in the dark, delicate lashes fluttering as she blinked.
Nodding his head, So pressed his lips to her forehead, accepting her invitation. "You're right, I did."
They walked to Soo's room together, not another word spoken until they were safely locked inside and beneath the covers of Soo's bed.
Holding Soo in his arms, So tangled his legs with hers and pulled her so close that he could feel the tip of her nose against his throat. He caressed the back of her head as he embraced her, kissing her temple. "I was so worried you'd refuse to let me sleep beside you," he murmured.
Soo's hands met So's bare chest as she breathed in the lingering scent of men's body wash that clung to his skin as well as the faint traces of aftershave that had yet to wear off. "I've gotten so used to having you beside me, I don't think I would have slept without you here." Soo's muffled reply sent a warm flutter to So's heart.
Nudging his forehead against hers, So closed his eyes and kissed Soo, tasting the cherry flavored lip balm that coated her lips and the mint of toothpaste on her tongue. Carding his fingers through her hair, he kissed both of her cheeks, her eyelids, and then the tip of her nose before returning to her mouth. "I love you," he whispered hoarsely.
"I love you," Soo mirrored his words.
"No," So shook his head as his lips parted from hers. "Don't say it. Not tonight." His hands found Soo's thighs, tracing the joints and line of her hips through her nightgown. His touch found the sides of her legs, remembering where each scar from her previous life had been placed through torture. Through the cotton of her dress, he glided his fingertips over the inside of her thigh, the line of her knees, and the joint of her hip. He pulled her leg up so that it rested against his hip.
"Tonight," he breathed against her lips, "let me love you."
"No," Soo stopped him, her hand grasping his wrist. She stopped his movement up her thigh and locked eyes with him. So raised an eyebrow at her, but remained still. "I'm not going to lay back and let you guilt yourself through this- we both hurt each other in the past. We're both at fault and this isn't just your burden to bear."
So lifted the hand that Soo grasped, touching her face with it. "I know," he replied. "But I-"
"Wang So," Soo cut in. "You're not a king anymore, you're a man. You have me in this life and I'm never leaving." Her hand released his wrist and she placed it against his cheek, her thumb tracing the line of his cheekbones. "We're in this together now. Whether we get married or not doesn't matter to me anymore. I just want to be with you."
So remained silent as Soo touched the blank skin of his face where his scar once was, tracing the lines she had memorized, covered, and loved in the past. She watched as So closed his eyes at her touch.
"You want me to lay back and let you forgive yourself, but I'm not going to do that," Soo continued in a soft voice. "I'm going to love you back, Wang So, because we're not on either sides of a balance anymore. We're on the same side, and I'm never leaving you again."
Chuckling, So nodded. His eyes opened as Soo's fingertips traced up the bridge of his nose and along his left eye, remembering a past life. "Good," he murmured, pulling Soo flush against his chest. "Because I'm never letting you go again."
Holy fuck, it's the last chapter. Wow. Who knew I'd actually finish this lol. Hiatus here I come. I'm having duck bulgogi for lunch, guys. I'm hyped.
This is not the end of DELMGA; I've turned it into a series. "Don't Ever Let Me Go Again" will be continued on May 28th, 2017 (KST) in Season/Book 2: "Hold My Hand and Jump". See you guys then!
Thanks for reading! :)