Summary: After the events of "Cyberwoman" and "Countrycide", Ianto is left emotionally broken. Will Jack be able to put him back together?

Rating: M

Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Owen/Tosh

Warnings: Swearing, angst, suicide attempt, Gwen bashing

Spoilers: Cyberwoman, Countrycide

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just like to play with them.

TWTWTWTWTW

(Author's note: Yeah, I know this chapter is brutal. Rest assured that it will get better in time, I promise!

On a lighter note, I'm excited to invite you to my newly created LiveJournal community, Coffee With Ianto (coffeewithianto)! I hope that you'll join us to celebrate and appreciate the lovable, charming, and witty Ianto Jones through discussion, fan fiction and fan art!)

Toshiko entered the Hub, boots clicking in a quick, steady rhythm as she breathlessly made her way to her desk and set her leather jacket down neatly across the back of her chair. She had forgotten to set an alarm, waking up two hours later than she'd wanted to. She knew that Jack would understand. It was more a matter of not wanting to let herself down than anyone else. But that knowledge didn't lessen her stress one bit.

"Tosh!"

She looked up at Jack's concerned features as he sprinted over to her, placing a concerned hand on her shoulder.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asked, studying Tosh's face with worry.

"I'm fine. Really," Tosh insisted with a half smile. "It's Ianto you should worry about." She looked around, eyes searching for the quiet Welshman. "Where is Ianto?"

Jack looked up at her, the smile vanished from his face, as his tone turned seriously. "I'm not sure. I've been trying to call him for the last hour. I assumed you'd talked to him, considering your friendship.

Tosh shook her head, worry present on her face.

At that, Jack turned around, sprinting towards his office. "I'll give him another call," he called over his shoulder.

Tosh's heart sank at the look Jack shot her. She knew they were thinking the same thing; something was wrong. Ianto was never late. One thing she could always count on when she walked into work was Ianto's sweet, polite smile and a fresh, hot cup of coffee prepared just the way she liked it.

She'd worried about him when they went to Brecon Beacons. Still so emotionally raw from losing Lisa. In the aftermath of that, there remained a tension between Ianto and the rest of the team. Tosh knew that the reason Jack had paired them up for the mission was because she was the only one who had been consistently kind and gentle with him after discovering he'd been hiding a cyberwoman in the Hub for months. And, during that time when his heart was still healing, gentle understanding was exactly what Ianto needed.

Additionally, Ianto wasn't accustomed to going out on such dangerous missions. He was terrified from the start - he had told Tosh as much. And yet, when the time came, he bravely tried to save her - even if he knew he might not make it out himself. Over the past few weeks, Tosh had proven herself to be Ianto's one true friend, and he had repaid her kindness by putting his life on the line for her sake.

Tosh had wanted to talk to Ianto after Jack rescued them from the cannibals. But, quite honestly, she was still in shock, shaken, and feeling more than a little sick to her stomach. The image of Ianto bound, gagged and squealing in fear with a meat cleaver pressed to his neck was still freshly etched into her mind, and she couldn't quite find the right words to say to him. A simple "I'm glad you're all right" was all she could manage. The statement was heartfelt and sincere, but Tosh knew that it wasn't enough.

Perhaps she should have offered to stay with Ianto that night, instead of asking Jack to drop her off at home, Tosh thought. Thinking back on it, he was in no state to be alone. What the hell were any of them thinking, just leaving him there like that?!

Trying to put the unpleasant thoughts out of her mind, Tosh attempted to turn her attention towards her work. But she kept casting worried glances towards Jack's office, watching him pace nervously. He was obviously worried, too.

TWTWTWTWTW

Jack paced his office anxiously, dialing Ianto yet again. It had been mere seconds since the last call. But anything could happen in that time. Perhaps Ianto was in the shower. Maybe he was on another call. Better yet, he might walk into the Hub at any moment.

"Hello. You have reached Ianto Jones," the message began once again, and Jack slumped hopelessly into his chair, slamming his phone onto the desk.

Rubbing his hands over his face, Jack thought back to the past few weeks, starting with his own behavior at discovering that Ianto had been hiding his cyber girlfriend in the Hub for months.

At the time, he had been blinded by feelings of anger, hurt and betrayal, Wondering if Ianto's playful flirtations were real. Had the handsome young Welshman been using him all along? Had Ianto taken advantage of Jack's very real feelings for him - unspoken though they had been - so that he could eventually unleash a cyberwoman upon the world?

But as time passed and the anger subsided, Jack felt very ashamed of his actions. He no longer saw Ianto as a scheming young man who had conned his way into Jack's heart only to serve his own agenda. Instead, he saw a man grieving the loss of the woman he loved, refusing to accept the reality of the situation. He saw good intentions in those kind blue eyes; a man who still had faith in the good of humanity. One who had not yet been made too cynical.

Ianto was right; Jack was the worst monster of all. He'd held a gun to Ianto's head. "Oh God..." Jack felt sick to his stomach as he recalled the look of fear in Ianto's face as he said those terrible words he could never take back.

"Execute her! Or I'll execute you both!"

Jack's heart was cold with rage as he watched Ianto weep loudly and openly over the bodies of Lisa and the pizza girl she had killed. Ianto had just lost the woman he loved, realized what a monster she'd become, and been forced to stare into the unforgiving eyes of the team he had betrayed.

And how did Jack react? He left him no time to mourn. There was no kindness, no empathy.

Instead, Jack forced Ianto to clean up the bloody mess left behind without help. Worse yet, he had ordered Ianto to incinerate the bodies. Ianto had to stand there and watch as the woman he loved burned to ashes before him. And as his wails resonated throughout the Hub, Jack felt nothing.

It was Tosh who had snapped him back into humanity. Owen and Gwen had long since gone home, and Jack was stoically finishing up some paperwork in his office, ignoring Ianto's loud cries, when Tosh angrily burst in.

"You wretched beast!" she growled, her hand delivering a stinging slap across Jack's cheek in time with her words. "Ianto was right! You are a monster!"

"He endangered my team. He endangered humanity!" Jack coldly tried to rationalize "What would you have me do?!"

"Show a little compassion, that's what!" Tosh snapped. "Do you really think that Ianto intended to harm anyone? Do you really think he had any idea what Lisa had become? Ianto doesn't have a hateful bone in his body, Jack! What he did, he did out of love! And yes, it was foolish! Yes, it was dangerous! But I don't think he believed that!"

Tosh paused, taking a few calming deep breaths to steady herself.

"Have you never made bad choices for love?"

Tosh's uncharacteristic outburst forced realization to hit Jack, and Ianto's sobs suddenly tore at his heart with a fierce brutality.

"What have I done?" Jack thought, thoroughly disgusted with himself.

"I'll go down and help Ianto finish cleaning up," Jack decided. It was the least he could do after the way he had hurt Ianto.

"No," Tosh said in a clipped tone. "I'll help Ianto. Seeing you right now would only upset him more."

With that, she turned on her heels and walked out, leaving Jack to marinate in his own guilt.

The weeks that followed, the uncomfortable tension between the two men had nothing to do with what Ianto had done, and everything to do with the way Jack had reacted to it. He was just too ashamed to face Ianto. A simple apology would seem trite. Yes, he was sorry. More than words could ever properly express. But after the way Jack had treated Ianto, a simple apology would almost be insulting.

As Jack burst into that house filled with hungry cannibals, and saw Ianto at their mercy, a protective anger erupted within him. He might not be able to make up for what he'd done, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let those monsters make a roast of Ianto.

As he unloaded his gun, killing and injuring the gathering of cannibals, he did it all for Ianto's sake. Ianto needed to survive, so that Jack could one day make things right between them.

When it was done, Jack glanced over at Ianto, who lay shaking and crying in Tosh's arms, barely aware, it seemed, that the nightmare had ended. His eyes glazed over, unfocused, and Jack couldn't stand to look at what those animals had done to him.

So Gwen's brash insistence that she needed to know "why?" was almost a welcome - though irritating - distraction. Something to keep him from facing the damaged man that he was, in part, responsible for breaking.

Now, Jack wished he hadn't so selfishly accepted that distraction. Ianto had needed him, and Jack had left him alone, yet again. He couldn't imagine what could have been going on in Ianto's mind when he'd dropped him off at home that night. And now, it was nearly lunch time, and Ianto was unreachable. Something was definitely wrong. Jack knew he had to find Ianto before it was too late.

TWTWTWTWTW

Ianto grunted, slowly waking on the cool tile. The past day had been a blur of headaches and vomiting. Despite the fact that he had been sleeping by the toilet - its bowl caked with vomit and stomach fluid - Ianto still found himself covered in the stuff, along with piss and caked on shit.

Disgusted, he slowly stood, gingerly peeling the clothes from his body. He hadn't bothered to undress since returning from the mission, and now that he was thinking clearly, he couldn't dispose of the hated garments soon enough. Stuffing them into the trash bin, Ianto decided the first thing he would need to do was take a shower.

Looking at his reflection, he noted his hair standing up on end, bits of vomit stuck to it throughout. His body, a cut up patchwork of deep reds, blues and purples, served as a reminder of his weakness and failure.

Ianto turned the shower faucet, adjusting the temperature to as hot as he could stand, praying to wash away his shame.

Stepping into the tub, Ianto felt the warm spray melt away the tension in his aching muscles. As it did so, he found himself wondering what day it was. "Am I due back at work today?" he wondered. "Well, no matter. They're not likely to notice until they need coffee, or someone to clean up after them. That's all I'm good for, really. And that hardly makes me a valued member of the team."

Once Ianto had washed away the filth - though not the shame, guilt or sorrow - he dried himself off and stepped out of the tub, eyeing his bruised reflection with disdain. He was still so sore. Every time he moved, he was reminded of what had happened to him. That was something he could not bear to live with.

Certain he had some kind of ointment that might ease his discomfort, Ianto opened his medicine cabinet. It was then that his eyes fell upon the bottle of painkillers he had stashed away for Lisa. She wouldn't be needing them anymore, and Ianto so desperately wanted to end his suffering.

It was almost too perfect.

TWTWTWTWTW

Jack felt his chest constrict with panic as he raced into Ianto's building, up the stairs to his flat.

"Ianto, " he called gently, knocking politely and hoping the younger man had simply forgotten to charge his phone, and would answer the door at any moment.

After a minute of doing that, with still no response, Jack became more desperate.

"Ianto!" he hollered, pounding more loudly this time, his desperation growing.

A muffled moan caused Jack to feel a wave of both panic and relief wash over him.

"Ianto! Ianto, it's Jack! Open up!"

Dead silence.

Looking around to make sure no one was watching, Jack pulled a small object out of his pocket, about the shape and size of a pen. It was a piece of alien tech he'd found years ago. Sort of a universal key, able to unlock anything.

Letting himself in, Jack couldn't hold back the gasp of horror that escaped his lips as his eyes fell upon Ianto's lifeless form.

Ianto lay on the couch wearing nothing but a pair of blue boxers and a white t-shirt. His face was unshaven, and his hair, though recently washed, remained messy. His legs hung over one of the couch's arms. His left arm rested on his stomach, while the right one dangled over the side of the couch. A glass lay shattered on the floor, water spilled upon the hardwood. A bottle of pills - which had been, for the most part, emptied - rolled under the glass coffee table.

Careful not to step on the broken glass, Jack sat on the couch, gently scooping Ianto into his arms.

"Ianto," He whispered, cradling the young Welshman. "What have you done?"

Hope momentarily surged in Jack's heart as Ianto blinked, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes.

"Jack...sorry," he murmured softly, before slipping out of consciousness.

"No," Jack whispered, pulling Ianto's limp body to his chest. "I'm sorry!"