Summary: After the events of "Cyberwoman" and "Countrycide", Ianto is left emotionally broken. Will Jack be able to put him back together?
Rating: M
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Owen/Tosh
Warnings: Swearing, angst, suicide attempt, Gwen bashing
Spoilers: Cyberwoman, Countrycide
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just like to play with them.
TWTWTWTWTW
Jack tried to remain as quiet as possible as he browsed Ianto's refrigerator and cupboards.
Ianto had yet to awaken from his months long coma, and Tosh was sleeping soundly on the couch. Too wound up to sleep himself, Jack needed a quiet way to occupy his time. So he figured now would be as good a time as any to put together a little shopping list.
After Ianto had first fallen into his self inflicted coma, Jack decided to go through his kitchen, making a mental note of the foods Ianto liked to keep around. He would wake up someday- Jack was sure of it! And when he did, he would require time at home to recover, both from what the pills had done to him, and the turmoil that had made him feel there was no other way out.
Ianto's flat had a spacious kitchen, with beautiful, black marble counter tops. Arranged neatly on these counter tops were a rice cooker, food processor and blender, which looked like they had never been used. Jack was also impressed - though not at all surprised - to find a top of the line espresso machine, and a variety of gourmet coffee beans.
There wasn't much in Ianto's refrigerator, but Jack did see enough to get a taste of what he liked. Fresh fruits and vegetables, and a variety of cheeses and deli meats. In the cupboards were various pastas, and sauces and broths.
Opening the freezer, Jack was amused to find a variety of ice creams. Butter pecan, chocolate, mint chip and strawberry. Jack chuckled to himself, finding Ianto's sweet tooth to be a rather adorable discovery.
Now, Jack felt almost embarrassed that he would soon need to replace the ice cream. Between Tosh, Owen and himself, it was almost out, and Jack couldn't help but wonder how his slim team mates could eat like that and not weigh a ton.
A soft whimper, caught Jack's attention. "Ianto!" He set down his pen and paper on the counter and rushed toward Ianto's room, hoping - though not expecting - for him to be awake.
Entering the room, Jack was overjoyed to find Ianto blinking up owlishly at him.
Sitting down, Jack lovingly clasped Ianto's hands, watching the younger man's face. He was taking everything in, as if seeing the world for the first time.
"Hey," Jack cooed. "You really had us scared, Ianto. Please, please don't leave us like that again!"
As Ianto turned his face towards Jack, something snapped into place. Recognition slowly crept into his eyes, and with it, a look of fear, sadness, loss and regret. Ianto's whimpers escalated ever so slightly into weak sobs, his voice hoarse from lack of use.
"It's gonna be okay," Jack soothed, wiping a tear away from Ianto's eye with his thumb. "You're not alone anymore. I'll keep you safe."
"We all will," Tosh added as she entered, moving to stand behind Jack.
Jack looked to the Japanese woman with a grateful smile. "Tosh, since you're up, could you please call Owen? Let him know Ianto is awake?"
Tosh nodded agreeably. "Of course." Brushing a loving hand across Ianto's forehead, she kissed the man she thought of as a brother on the cheek.
"I'll be back soon," she promised, turning to make her departure.
Ianto's bottom lip quivered as his eyes, red and rimmed with tears, watched Tosh as she left.
"Sss...ahh..." he rasped sorrowfully.
Seeing Ianto's struggle, Jack placed a quieting finger upon his lips. "Don't force yourself, Ianto. You'll have plenty of time to tell us what you need to later.
Mournful blue eyes stared up at Jack, and even without words, the older man could understand there was a heavy burden weighing on Ianto's heart.
"Oh, Ianto. I'm s -"
"Owen is on his way," Tosh declared, interrupting Jack. "In the meantime, he said to give Ianto some crushed ice. If he can keep it down, we can move on to broth."
Jack nodded, making way for Tosh to take his place beside Ianto.
"Ianto, sweetie, you must be thirsty. Would you like some ice for your throat?"
Ianto gave a slight nod, opening his mouth and allowing Tosh to feed him a tiny spoonful. He closed his eyes, his features softening. It seemed that the ice felt good on his throat.
"Is that nice?" Tosh asked, brushing a dark curl off of Ianto's forehead.
Grunting in the affirmative, Ianto nodded, tearful eyes dancing between Tosh and Jack. Just as Tosh was about to feed him some more ice, his face twisted into a heartbreaking grimace as he slowly started crying, speaking for the first time since since he woke up.
"S-sorry...sorry..sorry..."
The word repeated intermittently between sobs as Ianto held his arms to his chest, rocking from side to side.
Slow and gentle, Jack firmly grabbed hold of Ianto's face with both hands, forcing the crying man to look at him. Gazing up at Jack, the older man's reassuring gaze seemed to calm Ianto, if only a little. It only took moments for Ianto to quiet, though fear and sorrow were still present in his eyes. He looked up at Jack, receptive.
"I'm not mad anymore, Ianto. None of us are," Jack declared in a reassuring whisper. "We understand now."
Looking down at Ianto's boyish face, Jack was painfully was aware of the nightmares witnessed by those innocent looking eyes. Ianto was a gentle soul, and unlike Jack, his heart had not yet been hardened by the evils of the world. "Oh, how I wish I could take your burden away from you," Jack thought, wanting nothing more than to protect this young man from feeling any more pain.
Without thinking about it, Jack leaned over and threw his arms around Ianto. He was relieved to hear the Welshman's breathing steady, sighing contently as he inhaled the intoxicating aroma of Jack's 51st century pheromones.
"Will you let me take care of you?" Jack whispered as he held Ianto.
"Um...yes," Ianto replied with a hint of trepidation in his voice. And Jack understood. Ianto's trust would need to be earned. But after all of the ways Jack had hurt Ianto, the very fact that he was willing to give him another chance meant that maybe, just maybe, some real healing could begin.
TWTWTWTWTW
Owen let himself into Ianto's flat, thankful that he was used to working ungodly hours and didn't need much sleep. Actually, he had yet to go to bed. Just minutes after he'd left a petulant Gwen moping in front of his building, Tosh called with the news that Ianto was awake. Taking a swig from his coffee mug, Owen now suspected that caffeine would be the only thing keeping him upright for awhile
"Owen! Thanks for getting here so quickly," Jack called from where he sat on Ianto's bed, resting beside the younger man.
"Ah, I was up anyway," Owen said casually, setting his mug down on a dresser and turning his attention to the young man in the bed.
If it was actually possible to break a person's heart into a million pieces, what Owen then saw would have done just that.
Ianto looked pale, gaunt and fragile. No different from the way he had the looked past few months, really. But with his eyes open, it was that much more startling; the storms of emotions displayed clearly on his face.
Now, Ianto's eyes widened in fear as Owen approached him. He reached out and clung to Jack, looking to the older man for protection.
"No! Owen...he'll...Jack, don't let him touch me!" Ianto begged, weeping into Jack's arm.
"Shh...easy Ianto," Jack soothed, pressing Ianto's head to his chest. "Owen's not going to hurt you. He saved your life when you..."
Jack's voice trailed off as he looked down into Ianto's terrified blue eyes, reminded of the pain he was trying to escape. It was clear now; Ianto had only been keeping it together for Lisa. The horrors he'd witnessed at Canary Wharf would be enough to drive anyone mad. After losing Lisa, had Ianto's armour already started to crack? Was being captured by cannibals what finally broke him? Because there was no denying it; Ianto was completely broken.
"Owen has been helping us take care of you," Jack finally said, thinking it wise not to bring up Ianto's attempted suicide.
Ianto looked to Owen with bewilderment. "But before, you and Gwen -"
"I know, mate, and I'm sorry," Owen said, approaching Ianto's bed. "I was so angry about you hiding Lisa, I never stopped to consider what you were going through. I know what it's like to lose a loved one. I should have been more understanding."
Ianto blinked, confused. "Owen, you're being...nice."
"Yeah, yeah. I've gone soft," Owen scowled in mock indignation. Though secretly, he delighted in the amused smiles he saw pass over Jack and Tosh's lips. And though Ianto clearly still didn't know what to make of his behavior, Owen hoped that he could one day look at him and not be afraid.
TWTWTWTWTW
"I shouldn't be here," Ianto thought, pulling the blankets up around his shoulders and glancing at the window. The sun was just starting to rise, its early light peeking through the cracks in the closed shades.
Why had they bothered to save him? Why did they suddenly pretend to care? Was this yet another cruel punishment?
Ianto was supposed to go unnoticed, as he always had. If he wanted to end his suffering, what concern was it of theirs? What right did they have to take that choice away from him?!
Ianto sighed, breathing in Jack's scent on the sheets, and feeling thoroughly disgusted with himself. After everything that had transpired, why did Ianto still seek comfort in Jack's presence? Why did his heart still flutter when the older man was near? Ianto turned his head away from the side of the bed Jack had been resting on, as if to hide from his own heart.
Owen had looked Ianto over and said he had suffered no lasting ill effects from the overdose. But shortly after, he overheard the medic talking to Jack and Tosh about "moderate brain damage". Ianto huffed, more than a little upset that such an important detail of his condition would be kept from him. First, he was robbed of his chance to leave all this pain behind. Now, he learns he must live out his remaining years with a broken mind. Despite everyone's good intentions - if they were indeed good - Ianto couldn't help feeling frustrated.
Tosh had fed Ianto some beef broth, and Owen said he could start on soft foods like yogurt and pudding in a day or two if he didn't have any problems keeping it down. Then, they'd talk about removing the feeding tube. But at the moment, he'd sooner starve to death.
At least for the moment, everyone was leaving Ianto alone, and he was thankful for that. Tosh and Owen had left, and Jack had been making some calls in the living room.
Ianto closed his eyes, hoping that no one expected him to talk any time soon. He just wasn't in the mood to confront his feelings, and he really wasn't in the mood to share them!
Trying to combat his confusion, upset and agitation with some deep breathing. Ianto was jolted back into reality by Gwen's shrill tones. And from the sound of Jack's voice, her presence was not welcome. Ianto was having trouble following the conversation. But from what he could make out, Gwen felt that Ianto needed to be punished further for hiding Lisa. And Jack was yelling something at her about a "high horse" and "accountability".
Gwen hated Ianto. That much was clear. She would never come out and say it. After all, she was supposedly the "carer" of Torchwood. But her forced "compassion" was fairly easy to see through. Even now, with the brain damage he wasn't supposed to know he had, Ianto knew that Gwen had less than honorable intentions.
But maybe her hatred could be used to his advantage. As an idea formed in his mind, Ianto rang the bell Jack had left on his nightstand for him. Moments later, Jack was at his bedside, Gwen scowling behind him.
"Ianto? Is everything all right?" Jack asked, lovingly cupping his cheek.
"I...I heard Gwen's voice," Ianto smiled up weakly at Jack, then looked past him to Gwen, who was already forcing a smile on her face.
"Yes, Ianto. I heard you were awake. I wanted to see you," Gwen drawled in a saccharine sweet voice. Ianto suspected she wasn't being entirely truthful.
"Thank you. I'm glad you're here," Ianto told her, before turning to Jack. "Jack, can we please have a moment alone?"
Jack looked hesitant, but nodded his consent. "All right. If you need me, just ring." As Jack left, Ianto didn't miss the warning glare he shot Gwen's way.
"Gwen, I'm sorry about Lisa," Ianto apologized once they were alone. "I thought -"
"It's all right, Ianto," Gwen cut him off. "But I hope you understand that actions have consequences. You're going to have to answer for what you've done." Her tone was arrogant and condescending. She seemed to be carrying herself as if she were the new leader of Torchwood. Ianto wondered if she would be so bold with Jack in the room.
"I know," Ianto agreed with a solemn nod. "That's why I need your help."
"Yes? What is it, Ianto? What do you need from me?" Gwen asked, as if she were doing Ianto a tremendous favor just by listening to him.
"I want you to Retcon me."