Summary: After the events of "Cyberwoman" and "Countrycide", Ianto is left emotionally broken. Will Jack be able to put him back together?

Rating: M

Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Owen/Tosh

Warnings: Swearing, angst, suicide attempt, Gwen bashing

Spoilers: Cyberwoman, Countrycide

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just like to play with them.

TWTWTWTWTW

Ianto slowly opened his eyes, vaguely aware that he was being watched. Turning his head, his saw blue eyes, and a gleaming, dimpled smile.

"Hey, Ianto," Jack whispered, leaning forward and ruffling Ianto's hair affectionately.

"Stop," Ianto grumbled sleepily, attempting to fix his hair. "I'm not a child."

"No, I guess you aren't," Jack chuckled. "But you do look adorable when you sleep."

"Hasn't the novelty worn off by now?" Ianto questioned, smiling in spite of himself.

"Never!" Jack couldn't help but to grin even bigger.

Ianto rolled his eyes, laughing softly

"I just wanted to make sure I was around when you woke up in case you needed anything."

Ianto felt his heart swell with gratitude. It really was very sweet for Jack to stay and look out for him like this.

Owen had removed the feeding tube from Ianto a few days prior, and the IV and catheter earlier that morning, and everyone was surprised that Ianto was in no hurry to get out of bed and leap back into life - figuratively speaking, anyway. No one was more surprised by this than Ianto. He hated relying on others to take care of him. Since he was stuck with this life, he wanted to be as self sufficient as he could be with his broken mind. And yet, when he was finally "unplugged", as it were, all he wanted to do was go back to sleep.

But Ianto had slept enough, he decided. It was time to be part of the world again.

"I'd really love a shower right now," Ianto finally said, sitting up with Jack's help. "A real shower."

"What? You didn't enjoy the sponge baths?" Jack teased playfully.

Ianto blushed once again. "It was a bit embarrassing being manhandled like that. I'd like to take care of myself."

"Okay," Jack nodded, becoming more serious. "I can understand that. Owen and I have put a shower chair in your tub, so you can go clean up if you want to. But be patient with yourself. You said it yourself; your recovery will take time. And as much as you might hate it, you're going to need some help for awhile."

Ianto nodded in resignation, slowly turning and letting his feet drop over the side of the bed. "It's been m-months since I've been on...on my feet, Jack," he whispered, looking down. "Will you...?" Ianto let his voice trail off, not daring to finish the thought.

"I won't leave your side," Jack promised, putting his arms around Ianto and helping the younger man stand.

A wave of dizziness washed over Ianto as he got to his feet. He felt as though he were falling, with nothing to catch him. Nothing beneath his feet; nothing anchoring him to place or time. Overwhelmed and lost. Collapsing into Jack's arms, he sobbed into the older man's chest.

"Shh...easy, Ianto." Jack eased Ianto back down onto the bed. Sitting beside Ianto, Jack pulled him close, rubbing soothing circles on his back. "What happened just now?"

Ianto shook his head, words failing him. "Lost...lost..." he repeated. It was the only thing he could think to say. The only word his spinning, sputtering mind could get his mouth to form.

"It's okay, Ianto," Jack breathed patiently into his neck. "You don't have to do this now. We can try again later."

"No," Ianto protested softly. "I want to...to try."

"Okay, Ianto." Jack placed a warm kiss on top of Ianto's head. "But you need to let me help you. I won't clean any part of you unless you really need the help. But I want to be around to keep you safe while you shower."

"Fair enough," Ianto sighed. "Let's get this over with."

Jack nodded. "Okay. Do you want to try walking again, or do you need me to carry you?"

Ianto blushed. He didn't love the idea of being carried around like a child. If Jack had to end up carrying him, so be it. But he wasn't ready to give up on himself just yet.

"I'd like to try walking again."

Jack smiled and nodded, placing his arm around Ianto's waist and helping him to stand.

"Let me be your anchor," Jack told him. "Focus on the feel of me and know that I've got you. I won't let you fall."

Ianto managed a weak smile and hummed, taking his first unsteady step forward; grateful for Jack's patience, understanding and kindness.

TWTWTWTWTW

Ianto was now at the kitchen table, feeling refreshed, and slightly more calm and focused after his shower. He had been able to walk with some difficulty for most of the way to the bathroom before it got to be too much for him. At that point, Jack carried him the rest of the way without comment.

Ianto was pleased that he had been able to clean the top half himself. But bending forward made him dizzy and light headed, so Jack ended up washing his lower extremities and genitals. Ianto felt a flutter of embarrassment at being cleaned and looked over by the older man. He supposed he should be used to it by now. Jack had been giving him sponge baths every day for the past few months, all the way back to when he was comatose. And Jack had surprised everyone by keeping any comments or innuendo that might make Ianto uncomfortable to himself. He really had been thoughtful and considerate the entire time, seeming to understand what a difficult adjustment this all was for Ianto.

But what was Ianto supposed to do after Jack's confession from a few days earlier? Knowing how Jack felt about him now, Ianto couldn't pretend he didn't know that the immortal was aroused by every touch. And now that Jack's feelings were out in the open, Ianto was having a harder time denying his own attraction to the American.

Finally, Ianto decided it was best to simply confess his feelings to Jack. He and Jack could figure out where to take things from there. Knowing that Ianto's feelings were reciprocated made the idea of clearing the air that much easier. With that out of the way, Ianto would be able to focus on his recovery. Maybe he'd even feel more comfortable accepting help.

"Here you go." Jack's voice pulled Ianto out of his trance. "Iced tea, and a tuna salad sandwich." Jack placed a plate and cup in front of Ianto, before returning to the counter to fetch his own.

"Sorry it's nothing fancy," Jack apologized, sitting down beside Ianto. "I wasn't sure what your stomach could take right now."

"That's okay." Ianto managed a small grin. "I'm not sure either." Taking a tiny bite, he let out a soft moan as he chewed, reminded of how good real food could taste. It had been so long since anything substantial had passed his lips.

"If I had known a sandwich was all it took to get that kind of reaction out of you..." Jack began, waggling his eyebrows at Ianto.

Ianto blushed, clearing his throat. "Jack, what you...what you said a-about being in love with me...did you mean it?"

Placing his hand on the table, Jack entwined his fingers with Ianto's. "Every word," he said, the sincerity in his voice leaving nothing to question.

Fighting his embarrassment, Ianto forced himself to look Jack in the eyes. Jack had put his feelings all out there. It was only fair that Ianto did the same.

"I'm in love with you too, Jack," Ianto confessed. "I've been in love wi - with you ever since...the warehouse, when we caught Myfanwy together."

"Really?" Jack asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "What about Lisa?"

Ianto took another bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly, as if to allow himself more time to think of the right words to answer the question.

"I loved her too. All along. I...I felt conflicted. I made Lisa a promise, and I didn't want to lose her. She w-was the only person who saw me. The only one who un-under...understood me. She was all I had. As far as I could tell, you never took notice of me."

Jack's face fell. "Oh, Ianto. I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I knew what happened at Canary Wharf, and on our second meeting, you practically begged me to help you deal with those painful memories. I should have been more sensitive. If I had, maybe you would have felt you could come to me for help."

"You would have helped me try to save my cyber girlfriend?" Ianto asked incredulously, the memory of Jack's anger at her discovery still fresh in his mind.

"I would have tried to help you accept that she couldn't be saved," Jack clarified.

Ianto turned slightly to face Jack, eyes teary and apologetic. "I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt, Jack," he said, voice thick with emotion. "I really thought she...could be cured!"

"I know, Ianto, and I understand," Jack said, taking a sip of iced tea. "I forgave you months ago. I just hope you can forgive me for the way I treated you."

"Of course I forgive you, Jack. You had every right to be angry."

"No," Jack said emphatically. "The way I expressed my anger was uncalled for. What you did to yourself is proof of that."

Ianto sighed, looking away, embarrassed. "Can we just move forward from all of this?" he asked hopefully.

"Sure," Jack grinned. "Consider this a fresh start."

They ate in comfortable silence after their talk, both feeling a bit lighter. It wasn't until Jack began clearing away the dishes that Ianto finally spoke up again.

"Thank you, Jack. For keeping...things clean here and...taking care of me." Ianto's voice dropped off into an embarrassed whisper at the end of the sentence. He hated feeling so vulnerable.

"My pleasure," Jack said, rinsing the plates and loading them up into the dishwasher. "And hey , you don't need to be so formal with me. There are no secrets between us anymore."

"Well...there are less secrets between us," Ianto corrected. " There is still much we don't know about one another."

Jack dried his hands off on a towel and walked back over to Ianto. And when Jack reached out a hand to lovingly carress Ianto's cheek, the younger man surprised himself by leaning into the touch.

"Come on, Ianto." Jack helped Ianto up. Putting an arm around Ianto, he allowed the Welshman to lean into him for support as they slowly made their way to the couch.

"You're doing great!" Jack encouraged.

Ianto smiled proudly. He did feel a little stronger since he had eaten. He was doing a slightly better job of supporting his own weight, though he still leaned heavily on Jack.

Jack guided Ianto to take a seat beside him, and Ianto couldn't fight the urge to rest his head on the older man's shoulder.

"So, now that our feelings are out in the open, h-how do you want to proceed?" Ianto asked, breathing in Jack's intoxicating aroma.

"I think we should get away for awhile," Jack said, kissing the top of Ianto's head. "No work; no distractions, alien or otherwise. Just a chance for us to really get acquainted."

"That does sound nice, but what about Torchwood?" Ianto asked, sitting up and meeting Jack's gaze. "As far as I know, you...still need to find a r-replacement for me and...I'm guessing Gwen is no longer part of the team either?"

Jack chuckled. "No. No, she's not, Ianto."

There was a part of Ianto that wanted Jack to elaborate on Gwen's fate, but he thought better of it. He had a pretty good idea what had happened to her. Besides, there was another part of him that was glad she was gone. He couldn't explain why just yet. His mind was still too muddled. All Ianto understood at the moment was that he was enjoying having Jack all too himself; something that rarely happened before, and even less since Gwen had joined Torchwood.

"So? What about Torchwood?" Ianto asked again, preferring to move on from the subject of Gwen Cooper. "Tosh and Owen can't be expected to run things on their own."

"No, and they won't have to," Jack assured Ianto, pulling him close once again. "Not to worry. I have some people in mind."