CHAPTER TWO: OPERATION F.A.S.H.I.O.N
It was the weekend now, just two short days since Francine's showdown with Sue Ellen. Sure enough, when Francine talked with Arthur the next day, he told her exactly what he'd told Sue Ellen: He just wasn't interested in girls right now and he wished they'd all leave him alone.
Like Sue Ellen, Francine didn't see his rejection as an end point. But instead of embracing the crush and enjoying every moment of heart palpitations brought on by the smallest of tasks Arthur completed, she was planning on how to woo Arthur, thus keeping him out of Sue Ellen's icy grip.
As Francine entered Muffy's room that Friday, she began with the question Mary Alice Crosswire was praying to hear: "Muffy, you said something about a makeover to make me look good to Arthur?"
Muffy eagerly began looking through fashion blogs for ways to dress up Francine. She'd saved up almost a hundred dollars in chore money for a shopping trip, and now that Saturday was here, the two girls stepped into Elwood City Mall wearing sunglasses and comfortable shoes. It was shopping day.
"Oh. My. God. You would look so amazing in that shirt! And it's a low-cut v-neck, so he'll be able to see the goods," Muffy winked, shimmying as she held the red top against her chest. Red was not Muffy's color, but it was definitely Francine's. Despite the uncomfortable feeling she got when Muffy referenced her "goods," Francine threw the garment over her forearm and continued browsing through a rack of marked down shirts.
"What about this one?" Francine asked, pulling a blue top off the rack. Muffy scoffed, "That is some vomitrocious material. Ugh, made in India! Yuck!" she grimaced, slinging the hanger back on the rack before Francine could think straight. Shopping was not her thing, but Muffy was in her element-
Which allowed her to spot Sue Ellen well before Francine did. Being the drama lover that Muffy was, she remained silent as they moved to the dressing rooms to try on the few garments they'd selected. As she waited outside, Jenna sat beside her and Sue Ellen moved silently into an adjacent fitting room. Muffy smirked and began to wait.
"So, who are you here with?" Jenna asked. Muffy shrugged softly. Jenna scoffed, "Oh come on, Muffy, I know you're not resting your feet. You were practically born in this mall. My cousin sees you here multiple times a week," she said, eying the fitting room doors as one opened. It wasn't Sue Ellen appearing, however: It was Francine. Jenna nodded, a soft smirk on her face. Things were about to get juicy.
"Wow, that looks better on you than I expected," Muffy said. Francine was trying on some standard black slacks and the low-cut red shirt from before. The slacks didn't fit her at all, but the shirt fit her a little too well. Her cleavage showed, and as Francine eyed the outfit in the mirror, she could practically hear the steam whistling out of her parents' ears.
"I can't wear this. Mom would have an aneurism and Dad would have a heart attack. And I bet Bubby is already rolling over in her grave," Francine said fearfully.
Muffy scoffed, "Relax! We can have you wear it after a sleepover or something. We'll work it out," she said. The other fitting room door opened and Sue Ellen appeared. Muffy grinned, keeping her eyes on her worried friend.
"Oh my god, that shirt looks great on you!" Jenna gasped. Sue Ellen, wearing the blue shirt Muffy flung back onto the rack, stood in front of a mirror. As Jenna said, she looked stunning, and the shirt's soft lines made her endowments stand out, but not enough to make a parent dash towards an insane asylum. Sue Ellen smiled. She thought she looked good, and she did.
Both girls turned away from their mirrors at the same time. Their eyes met. Sue Ellen smiled. Francine glared. It was a standoff in the middle of the changing area, and as the rivals stood there, they heard familiar laughter in the distance.
"I know, right? That was the greatest knock-knock joke I'd ever heard, and it was on a late night comedy special! And people keep telling me they're cheesy," Buster snorted. Arthur was laughing heartily as they moved towards a nearby bench, large salted pretzels in hand. They were oblivious of the four girls, who stood transfixed as they looked to each other and them.
"You should say hello, Sue Ellen," Jenna suggested. Francine immediately rushed forward, "Not before I do."
The girls pushed and shoved each other as they moved towards the store's exit. On the bench, Buster's smile faded as he noticed the scuffle. He sighed and gestured with a throw of his head what was going on. Arthur sighed heavily and followed Buster away from the area. By the time the girls reached the store's exit, they'd gotten the attention of a sales associate, and the boys were nowhere to be found.
To make matters worse, Francine had gotten a small tear in her blouse. She had to buy it now, despite how sexy it made her look—an adjective that even made her own stomach turn. Jenna left smugly without the blue shirt, deciding she was better off with her current fashions than with anything new.
In the limo back to the Crosswire mansion, Muffy eyed the shopping bag, "Well, I think she won that round," she murmured. Francine shot her a dark look. "What? Why are you glaring at me? I couldn't help you when you had your hands all over her."
"You could've told me she was in the store sooner. I know you knew, and you were talking to Jenna when I came out. I saw you so don't even try to deny it," Francine spat angrily, looking towards the window, "He looked disgusted with us. I saw him and Buster leave and he looked absolutely sick. I know he isn't into girls right now, but I really like him. I can't let Sue Ellen get him instead of me."
"He rejected her first, remember?" Muffy asked. Francine nodded softly. "So, wait. The shirt was a little big for you, so you'll grow into it. Sue Ellen didn't buy her top even though it looked amazing on her. You're both still even. You both still have exactly what you brought into this."
Francine thought about it as they arrived at the mansion. Her mother was already waiting outside to take her to a family function, which ended up giving her plenty of time to think about the situation. She and Sue Ellen were still evenly matched, and Arthur seemed equally disgusted by both of them. Sue Ellen hadn't necessarily won the battle, though Francine hadn't either. It was a stalemate, even in every way.
Across town, Arthur and Buster were playing video games in the Read house's den. Arthur was irritated at the day's events. Yes, they'd bought one of the newest Bionic Bunny video games available on the market. But they had to practically run across the mall to get away from his suitors, and Buster wasn't necessarily being sympathetic as he began making jokes about his recent pull among the ladies.
Arthur felt sick in his stomach. All he wanted to do was stay a boy—play video games, eat junk food, stay up late watching sci-fi or action flicks, and ride bikes all weekend. He didn't want to have a girlfriend, which would cause him to go on boring shopping missions, go to boring romantic movies, go to cheesy dinner dates at her house—he just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment.
And though Buster enjoyed his jokes, he noticed Arthur's irritation growing. He paused the game and looked to him. Before he could say anything, the Read family's phone rang in the foyer. Arthur was closest so he moved to answer it.
"Hello?" Arthur asked.
"Hi, is this Arthur?" a girl asked. Arthur sighed and said it was him. He felt really sick as his memory finally registered who was calling: It was Francine.
"Arthur, are you okay?" Buster asked, stepping into the front room.
As Francine spoke, Arthur threw down the phone and ran to the nearby powder room. Buster didn't follow. He knew his friend was getting sick, so he picked up the phone.
"Hello?" Buster called.
"Buster? What are you doing? I thought Arthur was on the phone!" Francine hissed.
"He was but now he's getting sick. You girls need to leave him alone before he has to miss school or something. Finals are coming up and I don't want him to have to repeat eighth grade because of a bunch of silly girls swarming after him," Buster said firmly.
"Look, I was calling to apologize. Tell him I hope he feels better, and...I won't call again," Francine whispered. Buster was glad for that as he put down the phone. Arthur returned and they continued to game as if nothing had happened.
Across town, Francine stepped back into her family function. She hated that she and Sue Ellen were making Arthur sick, but her competitive mindset had taken control. She blamed Sue Ellen for this recent turn of events, and because of this, she wanted to make Sue Ellen pay.