Johanna and Delly had joined me for lunch, and I was feeling much better than I had in previous days. But Jo of course ended up getting to me.

"I'm glad you girls still talk to me. Everyone else thinks I'll kill them on sight it seems." The waitress came and gave us our food, acting very nervous around me.

"The country's full of your followers, you could literally pick anyone. Even if they're taken." Johanna told me.
"No, you're wrong. I mean, look at me to begin with."
"You're just as handsome as ever." She said through her mouthful of spinach salad.
"I know. Hideous."
"That's not what I meant. You know that." She grumbled.
"Peeta, you've been through so much. These scars, your leg, those are witness to how strong you are. That you had that happen to you and you're still going. It's an inspiration to those that want to stop." Delly assured me, squeezing my hand. I roll my eyes in disgust.
"I'm not even really human. I have scientifically constructed skin on me, my veins are pumped full of drugs, both good and bad, and my leg is metal and plastic. I'm a mutt physically and mentally. Don't try to tell me I'm an inspiration."
"You are. You're stronger than you think, Peeta. You're the strongest person I know."
"I'm insane. Completely crazy. Out of my mind."
"You're coming back, though. You're slowly becoming yourself again. Look at how that girl was with you, she wanted so badly for you to ask her out or treat her special or something."
"She was afraid of me." I correct her.
"She was nervous because you're you. All of Panem loves you. I mean, you would hyperventilate if Katniss looked at you like that. You need to get over her, she isn't good enough for you."
"Johanna stop." I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to concentrate on anything besides her voice. Delly backed me up,
"Jo, you need to stop right now."
"I'm serious, if she really wanted to deserve you, she'd do something to make herself worthy but-"
"JOHANNA." Delly shouted, "Stop!"
My fists flexed and clenched, and I watched them like they weren't my own. I didn't notice my erratic breathing at first. I'm slipping fast, and I don't care to catch myself, as Delly keeps urging me to do.
"Peeta, come back, it's not real. Come back to me." I shook my head.

"Peeta, don't do this to us, don't leave us. Don't do this to yourself." I hear her pleading with me.

I ignored her voice, leaving the real world behind. I don't care anymore, nobody needs me, I'm free to let myself go. Even if Katniss was telling the truth in the arena when she said she needed me, that's gone. She doesn't need me anymore. My eyes stop registering what's in front of me, and I raise my arms up to welcome Katniss into them. I vaguely hear Delly telling Jo that now she'd done it. I'm gone. Katniss rubbed my shoulders and I sunk into the feeling. Who needs the real world? I have this.

I enjoyed Katniss's company for a long time, fighting to stay when they tried to wake me up. But Katniss floated out of my arms and I opened my eyes. Delly and another nurse were monitoring me. Seeing their faces made tears well up in my eyes. I don't want to be here. Here is too hard.
"Peeta, you've been out for 4 days. Are you okay, are you having nightmares?"
"No."
"Are you feeling like yourself?"
"No."
"Why aren't you talking to me?"
"I don't want to talk! I want to go back!"
"Back where?"
"To where She is, she's in my dreams and she loves me there. She lets me see her and touch her and she tells me that she loves me, and it's so much easier than here! Just let me go back to where she loves me! That's all I've ever wanted, why can't I just have that one thing?" My angry voice sounds foreign even to me.
"I'm... I'm sorry Peeta. I didn't reali-look. Listen to me. I know you like that world better. But this world, the one we've fought so hard for, this world is different from what it was. Now Katniss doesn't have to survive. Now she's free. What do you think she's doing? She's waiting for your help. She's waiting for you to go back to her. She needs you." Delly rose, her white nurse's uniform crinkling as she moved.

"Show her that we've won - that she's won."

I finally agree to have myself shipped back to District 12. See what's there for me. Maybe Haymitch will be glad to see me. That's the most I expect.
On the train ride home, I thought over what I would do.

I can love Katniss. I can love her with all my heart. That much doesn't hurt. The part that hurts is letting myself believe she loves me too. I can't get hurt if I don't expect anything. Rejections won't hurt if I expect her to give them.