Chapter Six: The Loneliest Eyes
Despite her dull responses and avoided stares, Armin was glad Annie had let him walk with her. She even opened up a little to him while she silently ate the meal he prepared for her. Well, maybe "opened up" wasn't the best term to use…more like "tolerated".
He didn't let her rude comebacks get under his skin either; in fact, it only drew him in more, like a curious child inside a lively carnival.
He was attempting to get her to join a conversation as they came across the giant bridge that stretched over the frigid river several feet below, standing as the borderline for Rose City and Sina Ville.
"So, how long have you been in Rose City?" Armin asked the blonde girl.
She shrugged. "Not long. A few months."
"Where did you live before?"
Her head turned towards the tall, skinny buildings in the distance. "Sina."
Armin faced the city as well. Sina Ville had the reputation for being the homeland of the rich and snobbish. It also was a place where people with bad intentions often got away with their crimes. Did Annie want to leave that place because of those reasons? Was Annie a runaway?
"Do you like it here better than Sina Ville?" he asked her.
She pried her eyes away from the city and aimed them at Armin. "No. There's bad people everywhere."
He blinked. Well, he couldn't argue with that.
"T-That's true, I suppose…" The blond duo slowed to a stop and they both grasped the slick railing that held them back from falling into the rushing waves below them. A bit of an awkward silence overcame the pair as Annie's crystal orbs scanned the drowsy horizon while Armin's inspected Sina Ville's excited setting.
But then he wasn't seeing Sina anymore; he was seeing the ocean now.
It must've been the sound of the cold river splashing against the bridge's structure that caused his mind to drift to other places. It's almost like he's there: the buildings are replaced with the salty sea and the grey skies were exchanged with puffy white clouds. He often found himself in this daydream without really meaning to enter it. Something would trigger him (spilling salt on the kitchen counter or waking up to the sun shining in his eyes) and then his mind would spiral down to his deepest wish and desire.
And then somehow reality yanks him back to earth. This time it was the sound of Annie's voice, surprising but all the more pleasant.
"Who are your friends?" Her gaze remained fixed on the monochrome sky before them. Armin paused for a moment to check and make sure that she actually said something in the first place. He got his answer when she peered at him from the corner of her eye and clarified: "You know, the ones you always leave that coffee shop with?"
Armin blinked and then cleared his throat nervously. "Um, you mean Eren and Mikasa? Those are my childhood friends. They attend Maria University, though…"
She nodded in understanding.
"They'd love to meet you. You should join us next time."
"No thanks."
He tried to keep his shoulders from slumping. "W-Why not?"
"I'm not exactly a people person."
He smirked to himself. "That's okay. Eren is already excited to see you."
At that, Annie whipped her head towards the unsuspecting boy. "You told others about me?"
"Yes…is that okay?"
She frowned, facing the skyline again. That same awkward silence floated by for the second time but, thankfully, it didn't last long before Annie once again spoke up, startling Armin another time.
He needed to stop underestimating her before something happened to him.
"What are you studying in school?"
Armin bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling broadly. It pleased him to learn that she somewhat listened to him while she ate earlier (though he already told her his major).
"Education. I hope to become a teacher someday."
"You won't get paid much though."
Armin leaned forward on the metal railing and chuckled. "Like I haven't heard that one before."
He could feel Annie's stare shift to him as he continued speaking.
"A lot of people have told me that I won't make enough money going into this major. I understand that they're just looking out for me and want the best for me but I've decided this career path a long time ago. I want to help others understand the wonders and mysteries of this world. I want to be useful." His head lowered at the sudden flow of memories. "I don't want to be a burden."
The golden haired boy recalled all those times when his classmates poked fun at him and beat him up after class throughout the years. The beatings began as early as kindergarten and didn't really stop until Armin left for college. The only people who knew of Armin's school bullies were Eren, Mikasa, and his grandfather. On several occasions, Eren himself had gotten a black eye or a bloody nose while trying to protect Armin but it was always Mikasa that ended the fight. And his grandfather eventually figured out that Armin wasn't "tripping down the stairs at school" after he'd come home covered in bruises and cuts almost every other day.
Sometime in elementary school Armin asked his grandfather why other kids hurt him so badly. "They are jealous of your intelligence, Armin," the old wise man said as he bandaged his grandson's arm. "Intelligence is both the most useful and dangerous weapon one could have. Use it wisely."
And that's what he intended to do—to use his gift/curse to the best of his ability. To not be a burden on anyone.
Annie seemed to understand all this without him saying a word. "You are a weakling; that's for sure. But you must be pretty brave if you made it this far."
He turned to face her, eyes wide. "Huh?" he said dumbly.
The small girl tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear as a cold breeze swept through. "If you really are a burden, then you wouldn't be in college and you wouldn't have any friends and we wouldn't be talking right now. You would've let the cruelty of this world break you down and do nothing about it." She finally looked up at him. "Are you a burden, Armin?"
Something terrifying lingered in her eyes when she asked the question, daring him to give the wrong answer. He flinched (only slightly; he was starting to get used to her glares) and gave her the response that she made him believe to be true: "N-No…"
"Good." Her head curved back to the river but Armin's gaze never left her. He focused on her eyes, as much as he could anyway, for her blinding blonde hair slowly began to slip from behind her ear, curtaining her facial features. The boy had a sudden urge to brush back the free strand of hair but, of course, he didn't. He didn't want Annie to break his wrist. So instead, he tried to peek at the face she didn't want him to see.
The small view he managed to capture through the girl's hair was her right eye. The black, empty pupil stared longingly at the hastily setting sun, like a deep abyss yearning for some sunshine for once. He'd never seen a blue lighter than Annie's irises; it reminded him of winter, harsh yet peaceful. She had extremely long eyelashes and the skin underneath her eye was darkened a little like she wasn't getting enough sleep. And with his thick eyebrows slightly upturned, his gaze unbroken, and a tiny smile tilting his lips, he said what was on his mind:
"God, you're beautiful…"
Annie glanced up at him before quickly whirling her head the other way, her shoulders tensing up. Armin watched her hands ball up into fists and he swore he heard her mumble under her breath, "Don't call me that."
He bit his bottom lip and murmured "I'm sorry" even though he necessarily wasn't. He thought she was a little rude, quiet, and didn't get excited about much. But she listened to him and watched him and talked with him and asked him questions and agreed to sit and walk with him. He saw her chapped lips, triangular nose, and oily hair pulled back into a tight bun. But he marveled at how much care was hidden inside those lonely yet lovely eyes.
He knew that she was a good person, despite all the bad things she thought of herself.
"Are you homeless, Annie?" She'd probably growl at him like a Rottweiler after asking a somewhat personal question, but, to him, Annie was something he simply had to decode.
She was a great and wonderful mystery, waiting to be solved.
Instead of raising her hand to slap him across the face like he expected, her left eyebrow stretched to the sky like she thought he was an idiot. "I thought it was pretty obvious…"
"Well, there's a difference between being homeless and, let's say, being lost," Armin clarified. "Homeless people have absolutely no place to be, and they're roaming around the earth looking for a home, for something or someone that makes them comfortable and feel like they have nothing to hide. Lost people are just having a little trouble at locating their home. They already have one, they just don't know where to look for it." He shyly glanced at her. "I believe you're just a little lost, Annie."
She stared at him a bit longer before she let her eyes drift downward. "If that's the case, then I've been lost for a long time."
"I don't know who it is, but…" Armin lightly placed his skinny but warm fingers on Annie's hand which still gripped the railing firmly, her knuckles turning white. She jumped a bit at his touch, but somewhat relaxed when the blond boy smiled that famous smile of his. "I do know that someone out there cares about you very much—they're just waiting for you to come home."
The two souls gazed at each other for a moment, letting the rest of the world pass by in a blur. Annie looked as confused and taken aback as Armin felt. What are you doing? his rapidly-beating heart demanded of him. She's gonna kill you if you don't take your hands off her!
If she really didn't want you touching her, she would've already moved or told you to, his brain told him. Relax. She's probably just as nervous as you are. Can't you see her staring at your hand?
His eyes peeked up at the girl's face and saw it to be true—Annie was watching Armin's still fingers rest on her knuckles like a puppy watching a raging thunderstorm from under the bed. Her crystalline orbs were wide and her lips were pressed firmly together in a thin white line. He blinked. She really was nervous.
Maybe she's staring because she's finding out different ways to break your wrist, his chest spoke up.
Oh, stop that! his mind countered. She's plenty new at this like you are, so just stop worrying so much and take it slow.
Just as his brain finished the thought, Armin felt Annie's hand slip out from beneath his fingers, slowly and hesitant. "I have to go," she whispered. He could tell by the way her hand lingered on the railing and how she stayed in her spot that she really didn't have anywhere to go—or she didn't want to go.
He turned to face her. "Where are you going?"
Silence. "I don't know…"
They gazed at one another silently, Annie's lonely eyes staring at Armin's affectionate smile. "Well," Armin said, "you can always come to me if you end up lost again."
Annie said nothing, the bitter wind dancing with her platinum blonde hair. She shuddered and, without a second thought, Armin shrugged out of his winter jacket and went to wrap it around the frozen girl's shoulders.
She jolted back when she realized what he was doing, her gaze shifting into daggers. He came to a halt, frightened. "It's okay! I'm not gonna hurt you. Y-You look cold, so I thought you'd want this…"
Annie peered at Armin's coat—it was a soft grey color and had lots of buttons. She didn't move. Armin took another step. Still, she stood motionless. He took that as a sign and very slowly placed the heavy jacket upon her shoulders.
She stood like a statue, eyes glued to the ground, as Armin tugged on the collar, making sure her entire torso was draped in the warm fabric. He could already feel the harsh and freezing breeze nip at his bony body, pushing through the sleeves of his deep green hoodie. But facing the icy temperatures and chilly winds was all worth it if he got to see the shocked but thankful expression Annie wore.
"Are you okay?" he murmured lowly to her, hands still on the collar, looking down at her with a blush on his cheeks. She nodded her head slightly and then repeated to him "I have to go" before stepping back.
He gazed at her with a sad smile etching along his lips. "Can I see you again?"
One moment passed but it felt like an eternity to Armin. It was during this long minute that Armin realized that his thoughts about this girl were different now than they were when he first met her.
"Tomorrow morning," she finally answered. "Meet me in the alleyway across the café."
He nodded his head rapidly like a bobble-head, feeling his sorrowful smile brighten as he carefully took hold of one of Annie's hands and brought it up to chest-level. "I'll be there. Thank you for companing me today, Annie. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." And then he bent his head and gently pressed his soft lips against her cold knuckles.
The gesture wasn't meant to be affectionate—it was a sign of respect and gratitude, but both blondes blush at the action. They stare into each other's souls for another moment before Annie removes her hand from Armin's hold and sped away.