Armin walked down the narrow school hallway with heavy footsteps and half-lidded eyes. He went against the flow of other students and teachers; while they hurried to go home, he dragged himself deeper into the university, not really sure what he was doing. Maybe he wanted to see Professor Hanji? Professor Smith? Marco, Connie, Sasha, or even Jean?
Annie?
He stopped in the middle of the hallway and closed his eyes for a moment, feeling that all-too-familiar rip in his chest. Ever since Annie left him, he had these frequent moments of utter despair. It was always in his chest like he was catching fire from the inside. And then his mind would conjure up a small but wonderful memory of her. Like that time when she fell asleep while watching TV and when he went to wake her, she jolted up and accidently kneed him in the gut. Or the time when they were strolling through the park and Annie spotted an orange tabby cat sitting on a low tree branch and began stroking its fur, getting lost in its large golden eyes. But the worst part of it was realizing that there wouldn't be anymore memories of her.
Armin swallowed hard and then opened his eyes. Toward the end of the hallway on the left stood Professor Hanji talking to a short, black-haired man in a security guard uniform. She was throwing her hands about in an excited manner while the man simply looked up at her with the most uninterested expression Armin had ever seen (including Annie and Mikasa). Hanji caught sight of Armin and waved him over. "Hey, Armin! Come here for a moment! I want to introduce you to someone."
He obeyed. Hanji smiled widely and motioned to the security guard next to her. "Armin, this is a good friend of mine who's willingly put up with me for many years. This is Levi; he's head of security here."
Armin plastered on his best smile and struck out his hand. "Hello. I'm Armin; nice to meet you."
The man, Levi, took his hand and gave it a good shake (and by "good" he meant Levi's grip alone could break every bone in Armin's hand). He grunted in response.
Hanji snorted. "Oh, don't worry, Armin. He may seem like a jackass, but he's actually just a big ol' teddy bear."
"I'm just upset that I'm not allowed to punch students in the face while on campus," Levi muttered under his breath.
Instead of scolding him for giving out such an inappropriate comment, Professor Hanji laughed out loud. "Ah, aren't we all?"
As if the four-eyed professor could sense Armin's uncomfortable position with this conversation, she decided to change the subject. "So! How are you doing, Armin? Anything new?"
Based on the way she slightly leaned forward and locked her gaze on him, Armin knew that Hanji was referring to Annie. Although he never voiced it out loud, he presumed that his ex-professor would figure out the disconnection between the two blonds. Armin did his best to keep from showing any signs of distress or worry. "Everything's fine. Nothing…new."
Hanji nodded, understanding what he really meant. The doctor went on to explain other topics of sciences, her excitement never dying down. Both Levi and Armin added to the conversation (Armin's inputs were thoughtful because he was actually interested in what she had to say while Levi's comments were short and rude because he could care less about global warming). He did, however, stare Armin down like he somehow knew the boy's secret. Now whether or not he cared was a different story.
Soon enough, Armin departed from Hanji and Levi's presence, claiming that he had mountains of homework to do (which was a lie). Hanji smiled sadly, her way of showing sympathy. Levi raised one skinny eyebrow and his features looked like a mix of suspicion and thoughtfulness. Armin left the university without giving it a second thought.
The dreamer kept his head down as his feet led him across snowy sidewalks and icy roads. He wasn't sure where they were taking him; he must've been really out of it today. They didn't stop at Springer's Café or in Annie's alleyway. He didn't even stop at his own house. Instead, when he did come to a full stop, he found himself looking up at his grandfather's home.
Without questioning it, he went inside.
Armin had been provided with his own key to the old man's house several years ago. After all he did live here for most of his childhood when his parents died in an airplane crash. He was seven and was staying with his grandfather while his parents went on their lifelong dream of exploring the world. The first stop was Germany, where his father's family grew up. Just as the plane crossed over the borderline from Spain to Germany, something malfunctioned in the airplane. It crashed a few minutes later, killing everyone on board. At such a young age, Armin still didn't fully understand the meaning of death—no one ever taught him about it before. He knew what an airplane was and some basic parts to it. He knew where Germany was and all the surrounding countries that made up Europe. He knew that his parents loved learning and teaching him about the wonders of the world. But he didn't know that death meant he couldn't see that person again.
So after the memorial service, his grandfather led him by his tiny seven-year-old hand and told him in a sorrowful but strong voice that he was to stay with him for now. Armin's underdeveloped mind brightened at the idea, but he eventually understood that his parents were never coming back from their trip after asking where they were for the fifth day in a row.
Armin opened the front door and closed it gently behind him, biting his bottom lip. Why was he thinking about that now? He was already so stressed and miserable—why was his mind conjuring up his worst memory as a kid?
His grandfather shuffled around the corner and peered at his grandson, who stared at the floor intensely, his golden bangs shielding his eyes. He rested on his cane, smiling. "Armin, my boy. What a nice surprise. What're you doing here?"
Armin didn't answer. The old man furrowed his white eyebrows, stepping towards his silent grandson. "Is something wrong?"
Very slowly Armin looked up at his grandfather with watery eyes. "I miss them."
The old man closed his eyes. He didn't need Armin to explain; he knew who he was talking about. "I miss them too."
Armin dropped his things on the ground and clutched his head in his hands, tears slipping down his cheeks. "I miss her."
"I know." His grandfather gingerly placed his wrinkled hand on his trembling shoulder. "Give her some time. She'll come back."
"I can't wait anymore!" His voice rose unexpectedly, but his grandfather didn't flinch in the slightest. "It's the harshest winter we've had in fifty years and she's all alone out there! She could die…I-I have to do something."
At this, the old man narrowed his eyes. "Stop being so selfish, Armin Arlert."
The grandson widened his eyes in confusion. "What?"
"Stop trying to break Annie out of her crystal. If she wants to stay isolated, then let her. Love is patient, love is respect. You can't keep her all to yourself—you have to let her go. If she comes back to you, then it was meant to be." He stared long and hard at the wide-eyed boy, like he was disappointed in him. "Even if her decisions seem dangerous, the best thing you can do is let her know how much you care."
No more tears fell from Armin's cheeks as he gazed at the floor, his brain absorbing the new knowledge his grandfather passed on to him. The old man sighed. "I can see that you're still distressed. Do you need some time to think things through?"
The boy slowly nodded his head. His feet glided pass his grandfather, his slow and stiff movements reminding him of an undead creature. The grandfather turned his head to watch his grandson head for the backdoor, towards the whipping winds and dropping temperatures. "Armin, it's freezing outside. Why don't you go upstairs to your bedroom?"
Armin stopped momentarily to peek behind his shoulder and give a wobblily smile, eyes wide and damp. "I'll be fine, Granddad. I just need a moment to myself."
He left the house before his grandfather said anything else.
The cold slammed against his body like a hurricane. Armin's eyes squeezed shut temporarily at the impact; when he opened them again he examined the area about him. His grandfather's house stood in the suburbs surrounded by large oak trees; he observed the naked trees, snowy ground, and grey skies. Everything looked so…empty.
Armin stumbled into the woods, traveling deeper and deeper until he couldn't feel the warmth in his legs anymore. He looked back from where he came from—he no longer could see his grandfather's house.
Good, he thought to himself. With this great of a distance and the rapid winds, Granddad shouldn't be able to hear me.
And with that, he inhaled all the air his lungs would allow and then released it in a loud and powerful scream.
It rang throughout the woods, the breeze carrying it to places unknown. He felt his throat vibrate and tighten the longer and harder he screamed. The shriek itself was filled with agony and suffering, all negative emotions pouring from his mouth. He grabbed the sides of his head and unleashed another horrible cry. It traveled up the snow-dipped trees and into the heavens, trying to reach out for some sort of comfort from his long-dead parents. Although no one really answered his screams of guilt and yearning, he felt somewhat calm afterwards.
And so the wise soul screamed and cried until his eyes stung and his throat burned.
After this, Armin returned to his grandfather's home, shaking from the deathly cold outside. He hobbled pass the old man and sat himself down on the teal couch in the living room, staring aimlessly at his snow-covered shoes while half-attempting to curl himself into a ball. A few moments later, the shivering boy felt his grandfather slowly place a thick, fleece blanket around his small shoulders. He then handed him a mug of hot tea and lowered himself onto the couch beside him.
The two didn't speak during this exchange, nor did they say anything for the longest time. The silence they surrounded themselves with wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but rather very fitting. So much was said in this quietness without either of them having to open their mouth.
His grandfather insisted that Armin stay for the night, which he did.
Throughout the next week, Armin hung out with Eren and Mikasa nonstop. They stayed longer at Springer's Café, sipping steamy beverages while chatting endlessly with Sasha and Connie. They went over to Armin's grandfather's house on several occasions, but they also visited Eren and Mikasa's home, catching up with Grisha and Carla Yeager's lives. The trio even met up with Jean, Marco, Mina, Thomas, Hannah, and Franz. (Although Jean and Eren mostly argued about pointless debates, Armin enjoyed learning about Hannah and Franz's engagement, Thomas's raise at his new job, Mina's scholarship to a beauty school, and Marco's adventures of being an on-duty police officer.)
One chilly afternoon, as Armin briskly started towards his apartment after school, his wide eyes caught sight of something sparkling inside a shop window. He backtracked his steps a bit and peered through the glass to get a better look at whatever he just saw.
His eyes flicked over to the top right corner when something small flashed across his vision. It was a piece of jewelry hanging on a leather strap. The jewelry itself was in the shape of a diamond and possessed a clear blue color. Nothing fancy at all—but it shined brighter than all the millions of stars in the night sky. Armin was enchanted by the necklace, and he wasn't completely sure why.
Despite having no idea why he was drawn to the shining object, Armin purchased the crystal.
He carried it in the palms of his hands on the way home, staring at it and holding it like it was a baby bunny. His eyes never departed the brilliant piece of jewelry, even as he unlocked his front door, set his things down, and lied down on the couch. He held the necklace by the leather strap, dangling inches from his face, the ceiling light making the crystal dazzle wonderfully.
Who are you? Armin asked the crystal silently. Why are you here?
As expected, the simple crystal gave no response; it only swung helplessly back and forth, unable to control its movements.
Time dragged on like a slippery slug—Armin made no intention to move or get up; he let his mind ponder about the crystal for the rest of the night. He finally exhaled slowly and looked out the window and watched the snow fall for a while. He gripped the necklace tightly in his fist and bit on his lower lip. She's in my head again.
"Please come back," he whispered to the window, wondering when exactly the lost girl would break out of her precious crystal.