Chapter 6: Forever Changed
Wolfram remained speechless for a few minutes while Yuuri just stared at him. Finally something in the younger boy's mind clicked and he burst out.
"Ah! That's why you were upset all week! You thought I was going to break it off with you!"
"Were you not?" Wolfram asked quietly still doubting the other boy's sincerity.
"Of course not, what made you think that I was?" Yuuri said tilting his head to one side. Wolfram sputtered in exasperation.
"Are you daft? You are the one who asked me how to break it off with me during the ball!" Wolfram exclaimed. Yuuri reacted quickly this time.
"Only so I wouldn't do it! Knowing me, I would have handed you the first sea stone I was given just because I thought you would have liked it!" Yuuri countered. Wolfram almost shot back a response before he registered what it was the young king had just said. He stopped mid-outburst and blinked a few times.
"You…wanted to make sure you wouldn't break it off with me…?" Wolfram said astonished. Yuuri nodded bashfully. The blond just stared at him for what seemed like an hour to the young king. He was about to ask if Wolfram was alright when the blond took a step back, shook his head, and dashed out of the Great Hall.
He needed some time to think. Wolfram was not used to Yuuri talking to him so honestly about how he was feeling. He had been so angry all week, inner anguish terrorizing his every thought, loneliness filling his entire being, yet now it was as though he had once again jumped to a conclusion without actually taking into consideration the other alternatives. The blond flung open the door to his room and he ran out onto his balcony.
The relief flowing through him was immense, he fell to his knees and placed his hands on either side in front of them. He could not help but to let the tears of happiness fall as he stared at the floor and let his thoughts run wild. Yuuri had not only admitted that he did not want to end the engagement, but also that he had wanted to take every measure not to make a mistake that would lead to that outcome.
It was this that had moved Wolfram to tears. Finally he believed he was wanted. Finally, although it had not technically been stated outright, he felt that he might be loved.
Yuuri stood in the Great Hall for a while longer after the blond had fled wondering whether or not to follow. After giving the boy a bit longer to come to terms with what had been revealed, Yuuri began walking towards Wolfram's room. When he opened the door, he saw the blond sitting on the floor, leaning against the side of the balcony window on the outside. This was surprising to the younger man since it was rare to ever see Wolfram sitting on the floor in his uniform.
Instead of calling out, Yuuri walked out onto the balcony and sat silently beside him. They sat there in a comfortable silence for quite a while. Yuuri waited for Wolfram to sort out his thoughts and settled on picking at the undersides of his fingernails. He began to worry about the blond after a while since he was just staring out into the sky and rarely moving other than to blink and breathe. The king was about to speak when Wolfram's voice interrupted him.
"Water suits you." The blond said lightly. Yuuri blinked at the comment. It wasn't like Wolfram to say things so vague.
"Uhm…" was his reply. Wolfram let out a soft chuckle.
"You just go with the flow. You don't think about what you are doing, you just let life happen to you, and things always seem to turn out right for you. You push through all odds even if it means compromising your path and taking another way around. You are calm most of the time, but have a violent streak when you need to. As with water, you sustain the lives of this country and for some odd reason, have become the staple for this land. Sometimes I hate you for how easily you can glide by important subjects, or be so completely enraptured by your own thoughts that you are oblivious to what is screaming to be noticed." Wolfram mused. Yuuri just blinked a few more times and remained silent, not sure where this conversation was headed. Wolfram sighed and continued.
"I suppose also that fire then, suits me. My temper flares at the smallest things and can usually destroy everything that I care about. I am violent all of the time and tend to scare everyone away from me. Control is something I have always lacked and I hate myself for the way I overreact to everything…I know you have never meant me any harm, but here I am in anguish about something that you never even thought could be torturing me. I hate the flames within me sometimes if for no other reason than the anger that tends to come with them." Wolfram's thoughts drifted off then into silence. Yuuri chewed on the inside of his cheek for a while, thinking, then replied on a more positive note.
"…But you're warm." The double black said thoughtfully. Wolfram looked over to Yuuri in mild confusion. In turn, Yuuri smiled and took hold of Wolfram's hand, and flipped it over to view his palm. He continued his thoughts as the blond stared in fascination at Yuuri's actions.
"You are always warm. Even when everyone else was cold to me, or turned down my ideas, you always stood up and tried to see things from my point of view. I know you don't always agree with everything that I tend to think of, but you at least tried to work with it. I swear, the whole world could be against me, but you would be the only things stubborn enough to stand by me anyways. You are wild Wolfram, uncontrollable even. But I can quite honestly say that I wouldn't want you to be any other way." The double black stopped there, he was blushing madly as he caught Wolfram's gaze. The blond was scrutinizing him under his intense emerald eyes.
"What?" Yuuri said nervously. Wolfram scoffed in a joking manner and punched Yuuri in the arm.
"You really are a wimp aren't you? Getting all mushy when I'm trying to be mad at myself." Wolfram said. He said it almost sarcastically, but Yuuri heard the hint of truth underlying in his words.
"I'm not a wimp." Yuuri replied as he leaned back against the stone wall and closed his eyes. A comfortable silence began again for a while as the boys gathered their thoughts on the balcony. Wolfram stared at his hands, trying to figure out what this conversation would mean for their relationship. He wondered if Yuuri, though he said he didn't want to break off the engagement, knew that this meant that they would eventually need to get married. He was not sure that Yuuri would truly be up for such a thing, or if he ever would be. The thought ate at him until he couldn't stand it.
Yuuri, be honest. Do you...want to marry me?" Wolfram wondered aloud, he closed his eyes as to avoid the undoubted disappointment on the other boy's face. Yuuri sighed. He knew the question would be following his revelation that he was avoiding annulment, but since he was asked to be honest, he figured he should probably do so.
"I don't know. Maybe. I haven't really wanted to consider it so early in my life. I know that you have been waiting for me patiently, but I am not really ready for that step yet in my life." Yuuri was looking at Wolfram's face as he said this, waiting for some sort of anger or emotion, but saw nothing. It was what Wolfram had been expecting for an answer. He thought his response out carefully before opening his eyes and looking at the double black.
"It is something you should be considering, if not now, then soon. The country wants a sense of stability in their leader. If they do not know they will be in good hands in the event of your death, then there is a constant fear of a big political battle over the kingdom. Especially now since The Great One is no longer around to pick the kings and queens to rule. I would wait for you Yuuri, as long as it takes, but your people will not." Wolfram finished his thoughts seriously and left it in the air for Yuuri to consider.
The young king knew that the blond was right. This world, as well as his own, was based heavily on political advancements and there was a great sense of strength in a leader who had a well functioning family and someone to take over if for any reason the leader was unable to do so.
Yuuri did not want his life to be dictated by the politics of Shin Makoku, but the more he pondered what life would be like for his people if he was gone and a leader was not there, the more Wolfram's words became prominent.
"You're right, but I don't want to marry you just because the politics of the land say that I should." Yuuri stated, Wolfram made a slightly exasperated sound.
"I just do not understand your problem with this. I love you, you have chosen not to break our relationship so I assume that you like me to some degree. What else do we need in order to get married?"
"Are you ready to rule if I can't?" Yuuri asked curiously. Wolfram stopped short. He had not considered that too deeply. He took some time to analyze what his becoming Prince Consort would entail. The silence lasted a few minutes before the blond spoke.
"I would do what needs to be done. I know now how you want this country to be, and I think you have done a good job changing ideas in the minds of our people. I know that you will not be around for as long as I will be and I believe that I can take responsibility when the need arises, though I dread that day even now." Wolfram said with sadness. Yuuri blinked.
He had forgotten yet again the true difference between himself and the blond next to him. Yuuri would age five years for every year that Wolfram did. Yuuri would die long before Wolfram was even approaching his elderly years. Out of this arose hundreds of questions in Yuuri's mind. One, however, he voiced.
"Won't it be weird for you when I look old enough to be your father?" Wolfram shrugged as his first response.
"I don't know. Right now all I want is to spend as much time with you as possible since it is limited. You may only be alive as long as I have already been. Time is fleeting much faster than I want to admit, and I want to make the most of it. Life without you…" Wolfram's voice almost cracked when he said the last few words. The blond turned his head away for a moment to hide his devastation. The thought of a life without Yuuri was unfathomable for him. He shook his head to clear the sadness from his face and turned back to the young king.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore Yuuri. Change the subject." Wolfram demanded softly. Yuuri nodded. The double black had seen the utter fear and desolation in the emerald eyes and knew it was a painful subject for him. Even though the boys went on to discuss other matters of an unimportant nature that night, Yuuri now knew why the blond had always been so clingy and desperate for his attention. The king wondered how often Wolfram contemplated his future, he figured that it must be often for the boy to react so strongly to everything in his life. Yuuri smiled and patted the blonde's' shoulder before standing up and facing him.
"We should probably fit in a dance lesson or two before the ball. What do you say?" Yuuri offered his hand and Wolfram nodded. He took hold of the double black's hand and hoisted himself up. It was true that both boys needed a break after all of the information that had been revealed.
Going to bed that night was nearly impossible for both of the young men since they had so much to think about. They did not approach the subject further that night for fear of ruining all of the progress they had made. Both would sleep soundly that night beside each other eventually.
They had finally reached a new level of respect and feeling for the other. The ball was rapidly approaching, and Yuuri knew he had a choice to make, one that would change his life the for better, and doom him to a life of endless frustrations. For some reason unknown to himself, it sounded perfect to Yuuri. He looked over to the sleeping form of Wolfram and smiled.
"At the ball then, I will announce our formal engagement and pledge myself to you. I can't wait to see the look on your face." Yuuri laughed quietly to himself and laid back on his pillow. His choice had been made, and he only had two more days to wait until his life would be forever changed.
This chapter was never my favorite, but I hope I did it justice. Let me know with a review!